
Got a great tip? Share it with us. You know, stuff like "Prevent sneezing by pressing you index finger firmly between your nose and your upper lip."
( , Wed 29 Nov 2006, 16:33)
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...by repeatedly shouting "Speak!" whenever you let it out into the garden.
( , Tue 10 Jun 2014, 23:26, Reply)

by reusing old discarded Capri Sun pouches.
( , Tue 10 Jun 2014, 15:49, Reply)

by rubbing an ebony rod on a cat and keeping the residual charge in a bell jar.
( , Tue 10 Jun 2014, 0:17, Reply)

Have a tattoo done, and join the 75% of people who refuse to conform.
( , Mon 9 Jun 2014, 15:12, 3 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

and see what you could've won.
Not mine, stolen from elsewhere.
( , Fri 6 Jun 2014, 14:00, Reply)

Avoid spending time with people that seem nice, quiet and keep themselves to themselves. As they invariably end up committing horrific crimes and killing people on rampages.
( , Fri 6 Jun 2014, 13:55, Reply)

If your child is 'good at school', 'well liked' and 'wouldn't be in a gang'
Then he more than likely will die of a knife wound in a gang related fight.
( , Fri 6 Jun 2014, 13:53, 1 reply, 11 years ago)

confuse people on council estates, by wearing 3/4 length trousers without a tattoo on your calf.
( , Fri 6 Jun 2014, 13:50, Reply)

By sending them off full of misinformation about the world, such as:
"Acorns are lizard eggs."
"Dogs & cats used to be friends until they fell out over a heist gone bad."
"God is a potato."
"Sharing is boring."
"Punching is an acceptable substitute to talking."
Then claim innocence when they point their little snotty fingers in your direction.
And no, I don't have any kids. Not since they escaped.
( , Tue 3 Jun 2014, 13:51, 6 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

( , Mon 2 Jun 2014, 23:45, Reply)

( , Mon 2 Jun 2014, 12:15, 8 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

It never seems to be nice people doing these things. My advice is to only spend time with nice people and avoid scumbags. You'd think people would learn.
( , Sun 1 Jun 2014, 14:09, Reply)

By making "horns" on the top of your head with your pointed fingers, lowering your head, and charging at them.
( , Thu 29 May 2014, 9:49, Reply)

by cultivating scalp ringworm and going into stressful situations.
( , Sun 25 May 2014, 1:58, Reply)

As soon as you turn off the lights, start masturbating. No monster wants to see that shit!! Whilst doing it, stare at the corner of the room, or your wardrobe and whisper tenderly,
'This is for you'
( , Fri 23 May 2014, 15:16, 2 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

try putting it in dry rice.....At night the rice will attract Asians who will fix your electronics for you.
( , Fri 23 May 2014, 9:32, Reply)

that devolution means they'll slowly turn back into dinosaurs.
( , Fri 23 May 2014, 0:30, Reply)

( , Wed 21 May 2014, 16:24, 1 reply, 11 years ago)

Look on the bright side. It's only 3 sleeps til Christmas
( , Sat 17 May 2014, 11:17, Reply)

To make up for the shit you usually get.
( , Wed 14 May 2014, 13:55, 3 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

try throwing yourself out of one of the top floor windows.
( , Wed 14 May 2014, 10:51, Reply)

a door marked 'exit' is often the most direct route.
( , Tue 13 May 2014, 16:55, Reply)

by listening to it.
( , Tue 13 May 2014, 10:43, 2 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

by throwing a wet copy of the daily express into a fan.
(plagiarised from frankie boyle...)
( , Sun 11 May 2014, 12:03, Reply)
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