It's about time we had a standardised way of rating people on /talk.
I reckon there should be about thirty questions related to their hundred most recent posts and their performance to date carrying scores and shit like that and stuff.
What questions what scores etc...
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sat 9 May 2009, 21:51, archived)

That sounds like far too much work.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 9 May 2009, 21:52, archived)

This

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Sat 9 May 2009, 21:53, archived)

Christ, what a lazy pair yous are.

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 9 May 2009, 21:54, archived)

It's Saturday night and I'm on the internet
Go figure.
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Sat 9 May 2009, 21:55, archived)

BOOZE

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Sat 9 May 2009, 21:55, archived)

Fuck off
Why do you want me drunken? :(
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Sat 9 May 2009, 21:56, archived)

Because i want you to FAIL
*cackles*
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Sat 9 May 2009, 21:56, archived)

I can't believe nobody did this...
to FAIL
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:33, archived)

I considered it, but I couldn't stomach that mental image.

( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Sat 9 May 2009, 22:39, archived)

It's a good job Aberdeen was built on granite...

( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:41, archived)

It's saturday night.
I've had a bottle of wine and now a moscow mule.
( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 9 May 2009, 21:56, archived)

Yes, but I am not drinking
I have given up until at least 2 weeks time.
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Sat 9 May 2009, 21:58, archived)

I am drinking
and eating cashew nuts
( jenpots, Sat 9 May 2009, 21:59, archived)

Awesome
I had banana chips but I ate them all.
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Sat 9 May 2009, 21:59, archived)

I am also drinking and eating Neal's Yard Japanese rice cracker things.
Note: Product of China
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:06, archived)

pfft

( jenpots, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:11, archived)

Nah.
Cr3'd write script to do it and put your rating next to your name.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sat 9 May 2009, 21:55, archived)

Have you raised this with him?
I'd still like a list of who's ignoring you, like who you're ignoring.
( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 9 May 2009, 21:56, archived)

i'm kind of glad i don't have that
if i found out who was ignoring me, i know that next time i got crazy drunk i'd start gazzing them demanding an explanation in passive-aggressive tones
( spacefish bong!, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:23, archived)

I wouldn't do that, though I guess there might be those that do.
Anyway, who would ignore you, you're ace, on the internet and in real life.
( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:30, archived)

aww cheers :)
still ignorance is bliss and all that, and i'm pretty ignorant
( spacefish bong!, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:40, archived)

Really, if that's the case.
I'm very dumb.
( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:48, archived)

glad to hear it!

( spacefish bong!, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:59, archived)

seems like Cr3 does a lot around here
does anyone ever say thank you to him?
( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Sat 9 May 2009, 21:56, archived)

Spangolin does

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Sat 9 May 2009, 21:56, archived)

In a sexy way?

( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Sat 9 May 2009, 21:58, archived)

I would expect so

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:00, archived)

She does it for all of us.
By proxy if you like. I think he prefers it that way.
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Sat 9 May 2009, 22:01, archived)

I didn't know they had a thing going on
how exciting!
( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:02, archived)

Didn't you know?
b3ta's just one big dating agency.
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Sat 9 May 2009, 22:04, archived)

I knew that but I didn't know specifically about Spangles and Cr3
it makes me feel VERY happy. Two of my favourite internet peoples are making happy-happy.
( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:06, archived)

Everyone's at it these days.

( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Sat 9 May 2009, 22:06, archived)

As Fluzzy said...
www.b3ta.com/talk/6134914
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:08, archived)

cr3 toyed with this for a while...
www2.b3ta.com/host/creative/32417/1208862917/dev.jpg
( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Sat 9 May 2009, 22:10, archived)

I would imagine that could get complicated quickly!

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:12, archived)

now he's just toying with Spangolin instead

( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:12, archived)

Tee hee! That cheeky cr3 scamp!!

( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:13, archived)

I wouldn't feature on that.
I'm a b3ta nobody :(
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 9 May 2009, 22:20, archived)

stop fishing for compliments

( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:21, archived)

oh!
I've never seen you being mean.

I like it.
( jenpots, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:22, archived)

does it make you feel warm and fuzzy?

( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:24, archived)

I feel warm, but I've never felt Fluzzy

EDIT - oh sorry, you said fuzzy. Carry on...
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:24, archived)

I hugged Fluzzy
she's slim and sexy!
( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:27, archived)

I've not met Fluzzy

( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:32, archived)

You should

( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:36, archived)

I want to.

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:53, archived)

It does
*claps excitedly*
( jenpots, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:25, archived)

You spaz


how's that?
( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:26, archived)

:oD

( jenpots, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:31, archived)

I gave him a bear like hug the oter week.
I was mister hugs last week.
( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 9 May 2009, 21:57, archived)

Where was mine then?

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Sat 9 May 2009, 21:58, archived)

Were you there?

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:03, archived)

No, but that's not the point

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:03, archived)

Well how a I supposed to be two places at once.

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:12, archived)

By being awesome

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:15, archived)

Well I am awesome.
That's true.
( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:29, archived)

I have.

( WHARRGARBL, Sat 9 May 2009, 21:57, archived)

oh right, FINE then, I won't do it
you cretin

GOD I hate you
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:03, archived)

no wait, I just might do it
I reckon it should be a double blind test, you get shown a series of randomly-chosen posts from the last month and rate it for sexiness, interestingness and not-about-foodness then the database pixies tell us how shit everyone is

that'd work, I could do that DEAD EASY
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:05, archived)

If you did, I would thank you

( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:10, archived)

if I did, it would be several days' work and people would get bored of it very quickly

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:11, archived)

Aw, please?
*bats eyelids*
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:12, archived)

I'll think about it
I'm currently developing New Webshite which will be shitter than the last one by FAR
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:19, archived)

YAY.
Has KineticNorth gone tits up for good, yeah?
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:20, archived)

I'm currently in intense negotiations for its safe return
although I may use another domain name, the last one attracted a bit too much attention
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:28, archived)

She might thank you properly next time she's over...

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:13, archived)

He's a bit too crazy for me

( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:15, archived)

but I'm hung like an aubergine and I fuck like an arab stallion

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:21, archived)

You scare me

( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:22, archived)

I bet you like a bit of crazy really
I bet you put the washing machine on fast spin and pretend you're the filling in a Gilgy/balders sandwich
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:31, archived)

Neither of you have proper manly facial hair

( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:35, archived)

You balance on top of the washing machine, straddling a Vileda Supermop between your legs
rubbing its bristles into your face and orgasming off the stench of bleach and old dust.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:47, archived)

I like this idea.
Who would be the judges and when ar eyou going to visit me.
( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 9 May 2009, 21:52, archived)

-10 points for football based autism

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sat 9 May 2009, 21:53, archived)

+10 points for online autistic spectrum diagnosis
-5 because you're not talking about yourself
( spacefish bong!, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:21, archived)

Me, Woodside and Ding.
Dunno.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sat 9 May 2009, 21:54, archived)

Sounds good to me.
You never answered the second.
( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 9 May 2009, 21:55, archived)

Mentions of food, mentions of sex, mentions of b4shes, use of capital letters and correct punctuation, use of memes.
That sort of thing.
( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Sat 9 May 2009, 21:52, archived)

I prefer to just keep a list in my head.

( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 9 May 2009, 21:53, archived)

How many of your posts have started with "I"
the higher the number, the shitter you are.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 9 May 2009, 21:53, archived)

I agree, ironically

( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:05, archived)

YAY! I like this idea
but I would get a shit score.

People should be rated on content of topic; thought-provoking nature of question; hilarity of reply and sexiness of personage

1 being shite 10 being top
( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Sat 9 May 2009, 21:53, archived)

I think I would also come quite low

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Sat 9 May 2009, 21:54, archived)

Why stop at 10

( Three Dog Man, Sat 9 May 2009, 21:56, archived)

Each aspect would be scored 1-10
then the scores totalled and made into a nice graph
( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Sat 9 May 2009, 21:57, archived)

Awww fuck its like a glimpse of heaven.
It'll never catch on. Pondlife 'n that, innit.
( Three Dog Man, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:01, archived)

Get back to us on that.
"I'm sorry but we cannot comment on any of the b3ta /talk users as there is now an ongoing inquiry and until such time as that has completed it's investigations blah blah blah blah..."
/prim3 minist3r blog
( Three Dog Man, Sat 9 May 2009, 21:54, archived)

There could be a few automatic queries run based on activity online
e.g. response to "what are you having for lunch?" threads, have they ever started a new thread with one word in it, flogging a dead meme, needless offensiveness, incorrect use of apostrophe. That sort of stuff.
( magnum, Sat 9 May 2009, 21:57, archived)

There's no such thing as needless offensiveness

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:03, archived)

Ok apart from needless offensiveness
what's /talk ever done for us?
( Three Dog Man, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:04, archived)

Apart from better sanitation and medicine and education and irrigation and public health and roads and a freshwater system and baths and public order?
Oh, wait...that was www.b3ta.com/romans
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:09, archived)

FUCK OFF CUNT

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:07, archived)

I want to go to IKEA with you and plan our deam living room together

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:09, archived)

Those are words I can only dream of a man saying to me.

( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Sat 9 May 2009, 22:13, archived)

Haha
I'd go with you.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:14, archived)

Aww, you two missed the Ikea conversation last weekend!
I'd take both of you up the Ikea...
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:15, archived)

Pffft
What Ikea conversation?
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:16, archived)

Me and SexyFace were extolling the virtues of Ikea
But apparently, it is cool to hate Ikea.
Just like it is hilarious for standup comedians to bang on about how difficult it is to put Ikea stuff together. All they are actually saying is, "I'M A BIG STUPID CUNT THAT CAN'T FOLLOW SIMPLE INSTRUCTIONS IN PICTURE FORM WITHOUT EVEN ANY FUCKING WORDS BECAUSE I AM A BIG STUPID CUNT" The stupid cunts.
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:19, archived)

Haha
I LOVE Ikea. I love putting shit together. I put together our wardrobe, bed and bedside tables myself. And my desk. There was a little bit of swearing.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:24, archived)

Being reet girly, as I am, I already have my dream living room planned out.
I just need to find a man to let me put it in his house.
( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Sat 9 May 2009, 22:16, archived)

HUr hur
I couldn't really give a fuck, as long as it's not the hideous shite our landlady vastly overpaid for. Wallpaper in general can fuck off.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:19, archived)

I have simple wallpaper tastes. Simple plain blown vinyl pattern to hide the blemishes in the plaster
Then wallop it with matt emulsion (NEVER USE SILK HERE KIDS) all over. Two coats, minimum. TWO!
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:24, archived)

This shite is black with massive white and silver flowers. And the rest of the walls are brown. And she put up green curtains to 'match'.
This is mostly my hair, but LOOK AT THE FUCKING WALLPAPER.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:26, archived)

Good Lord!
That was the kind of stuff I used to 'back' my schoolbooks back in the day.
What is now Mini T's bedroom was similar to that when we moved in here. It lasted 3 days before me and K ripped it off and chucked the bits on the bonfire in the back garden!
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:31, archived)

Haha, I forgot about doing that.
There used to be some beauties in the second hand shop in school. You could tell who was posh by their book coverings.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:35, archived)

My cousin had wallpaper like that
I asked her if she was going to take the horrible shit down and she said she'd just put it up herself.
( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:32, archived)

Haha Oops.
I nearly said that to her landlady when we first moved in.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:33, archived)

I try and make a sardonic quip
and look at the banal drivel it inspires. You lot should be ashamed.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:44, archived)

You could put it in my loft

( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:20, archived)

I was at a breaker's yard last week, watching cars getting crushed
I think it would be more fun if they filled the cars with kittens first

or babies, that'd work too
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:17, archived)

You forgot the Jews

( Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:20, archived)

they're already filled with loan shark victims
you just need to see their faces.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:24, archived)

No one here likes me anyway

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 9 May 2009, 22:18, archived)

Maybe that's because you are a giant meanie

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:18, archived)

No I'm not.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 9 May 2009, 22:20, archived)

I like you
cunt
( jenpots, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:20, archived)

Only because you pity me and you're glad someone shitter than you exists.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 9 May 2009, 22:22, archived)

if you're not going to call me a cunt
well, I just won't play anymore.

cunt.
( jenpots, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:27, archived)

Look I
can't call you a cunt anymore, well,
unless I can think of a good reason I'm
not.
Toodles then.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 9 May 2009, 22:30, archived)

snob

( jenpots, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:33, archived)

I was trying to be subtle :(,
cunt
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 9 May 2009, 22:34, archived)

I've just clicked "Add friend" on you.
Happy now?
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:26, archived)

Popular page ratings, maybe.

( Major Turd for tonight only, Sat 9 May 2009, 22:43, archived)