Enough of that.
It's Saturday night and we are on the internet. There's no shame in it whatsoever, and I wont look down upon us like that JMG fellow.

I just want to know.....what's your tipple tonight?


Alternative question - What's the biggest animal you can successfully wrestle to the ground?

EDIT - Elaborate people, one word answers are wasted space.
( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:44, archived)

Orange Juice.
Mouse.
( WHARRGARBL, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:45, archived)

Cmon Karl, I reckon you can at least take on a Deer.

( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:49, archived)

Nah.
Fuck that.
( WHARRGARBL, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:51, archived)

I'll help you if you want?
I'm not particularly big, but I'll clothesline the fucker.
( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:52, archived)

Nah.
Deers can hurt me.
( WHARRGARBL, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:04, archived)

So can mice.
Vicious things when they really want to get away.
( evilstevie misses the Orange Place of late, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:28, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/6223289
( well, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:45, archived)

tea
id say a donkey
(TheFallGuy doesn't it?!, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:45, archived)

White wine
your mum
( broadsword, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:45, archived)

oh that's a very fine ym there

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:48, archived)

If you pushed her the wrong way, she'd fucking crush you.

( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:05, archived)

homebrew ale

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:46, archived)

I fancy making homebrew, I just can't be bothered getting started.
How does it taste?
( Major Turd for tonight only, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:09, archived)

it's pretty good,
once you get the hang of it.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:10, archived)

homebre
+h
+pp
( broadsword, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:13, archived)

FAIL

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:16, archived)

*whistles*

( broadsword, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:19, archived)

Kiss strawberry flavoured cider.
It's not very nice.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:46, archived)

I'll kiss YOUR strawberry flavoured cider in a minute

( broadsword, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:47, archived)

The Brothers strawberry cider is good.
I have Brothers festival strenght pear cider.
( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:48, archived)

Yeah, that stuff is lovely.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:52, archived)

Beer
and a giraffe. The fuckers are all spindly legs and high centre of gravity.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:46, archived)

take the legs out and they'd fall

(TheFallGuy doesn't it?!, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:47, archived)

My answer to both questions
Is a medium to large pig.
(The Marsh man of 1004 holds, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:46, archived)

What does it taste like?

( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:57, archived)

Half Salty
HALF UMAMI
(The Marsh man of 1004 holds, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:00, archived)

That was a boaring answer.
Can we have another number for it?
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:02, archived)

UMAMI

( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:02, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/2806834
www.b3ta.com/talk/2806828
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:05, archived)

UVAVU

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:13, archived)

Haha

( broadsword, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:15, archived)

I've got a sweet here that looks like a green spunking cock.

( MrA, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:46, archived)

Guinea pig
I'm a cripple
( Fluzzy namby-pamby pudding and pie, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:46, archived)

Stella.
And I'd like to think that I could take out a tiger, if I kicked it in the head hard enough.
( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:47, archived)

Bengal or Siberian?

( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:53, archived)

Bengal.
They probably would be steel toe capped boots, though.
( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:55, archived)

red wine
no ice
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:47, archived)

Nasty trick :(

( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:20, archived)

haha
:D
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:22, archived)

That's it, reveal your big grin.
Joke is on you though. Right on your face.
( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:28, archived)

diet coke
human
( Lisette von Falcon, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:48, archived)

Tea. There may be gin or vodka later. Or port.

( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:48, archived)

I'd take on a hippo. Equal match and that.

( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:49, archived)

I'm not drinking tonight.
Or tomorrow, or monday, or tuesday, or wednesday, or thursday
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:49, archived)

i've had a few guinness and now i'm on the red wine with a cocaine chaser
no offence i'm posting a number, a duck with a gun abusing his loving wife, 72
( mongychops, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:50, archived)

:(

( Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:51, archived)

:(`
at least we're still cool
( Mrs Sp@m, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:56, archived)

True,
but I am the only one who is naked....
( Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:06, archived)

You know what they say
pictures or it didn't happen.
( Flowerpot No longer has the vapours thanks to DTH, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:26, archived)

I'm still in the cool club, then.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:51, archived)

*high fives*

( Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:52, archived)

I have some coke here, dont think its a good idea tho given the state of my guts
also
:(
( broadsword, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:52, archived)

see? SEE? you HURT people when you give their threads bingo numbers
this is why the mods tell you to play nice, you awful, awful man
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:54, archived)

i'm learning this bingo hurts me alot more than others, :(((((

( mongychops, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:00, archived)

I'd be tempted to delete the thread

( CowJam, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:04, archived)

I've played bingo a few times
and it usually takes around 10-15 calls before someone screeches LINE and 55-65 calls before someone screeches BINGO.

We've been at it for almost 3 hours and some of us don't have chemical assistance.

The question is, do you plan to sleep tonight?
Well, do ya?
( Flowerpot No longer has the vapours thanks to DTH, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:55, archived)

i'm kidding on the chems, no minerals for me, and you are right, this is why the prize is only one line really
takes too long, this bingo works better when eurovision is on or something, loads of dull threads, no offence
( mongychops, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:58, archived)

'no offence'
Are you literally an estate agent?
(The Marsh man of 1004 holds, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:02, archived)

No, just metaphorically.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:03, archived)

Oohh
I thought it was one line first and then going on to bingo (full house).
( Flowerpot No longer has the vapours thanks to DTH, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:06, archived)

pehaps we can all keep our tickets, it really does take all night to get a line, although we have more players now

( mongychops, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:11, archived)

Woo hoo
three numbers now.
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:56, archived)

THREE?
I call shenanigans
( broadsword, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:57, archived)

In answer to your post down there
I am good. We need to find a date to see that Rah woman.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:58, archived)

Yes we do.
Enforced party time.
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:10, archived)

WHAT

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:59, archived)

Oh mongy:(

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:00, archived)

drinking some nearly nice homebrew
and i would think the biggest animal i could wrestle would be a yet undiscovered type of giant sea sponge 40 feet wide and 90 foot long
( chuff monkey I AM him, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:50, archived)

technically that's a colony,
not a single organism
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:51, archived)

still in the kingdom animalia
so still an animal
( chuff monkey I AM him, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:56, archived)

also wiki seems to think that they are generally a colony of special cells
rather than little beasties that all live together in a big sploofy blob
so nyah
( chuff monkey I AM him, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:59, archived)

Water
because I fear I am getting poorly.

I've never wrestled an animal but I once scared the bejeebus out of an elephant and she shied away from me.
( Flowerpot No longer has the vapours thanks to DTH, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:50, archived)

I find scaring an elephant to be highly impressive, so two thumbs up here.

( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:29, archived)

Nothing.
I reckon I could take out a giant anteater.
( Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:51, archived)

Well, I shall be having a cocacola
boring i know, but on the way back from the kebab shop, I was asked by a bunch of kids if I would buy a stella for them. In stead of doing this I informed the police that kids were hastling adults to buy alcohol, and they sent a 'unit' along to intervene. Did i do the right thing ?

I think I could take on a croc, having just watched Lake placid.
( turb0t, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:52, archived)

you tool

( well, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:52, archived)

explain why
In my experience, stella tastes like shit.
( turb0t, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:55, archived)

offer to buy them the beer in return for a fiver or something
everyone wins
( well, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:59, archived)

haha, I had considerd this
but they asked me in view of the shopkeeper looking out the shop window.
Anyway, I asked him to give me his money, and one of his mates said that I would run off with it.
( turb0t, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:01, archived)

aww man, you rang the police on some kids
just because they scared you a little? they were only trying to get a few drinks
( well, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:02, archived)

a little ?
man, I had to change my underpants and trousers when I got home.
( turb0t, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:05, archived)

No.
What you do is take their money, buy them booze, and keep at least half of it for yourself.

The other half, pour all over the floor, that will teach them a lesson :D
( Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:53, archived)

i buy it for them, sod it, i got pissed young

( mongychops, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:53, archived)

At 12 ?

( turb0t, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:57, archived)

how'd you know they were 12?

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:58, archived)

He asked to see their drivers license.

( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:00, archived)

man knows his 12 year olds

( well, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:01, archived)

i was twelve once
I Was also a youth club leader. I know what twelve looks like, give or take a bit.
( turb0t, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:02, archived)

haha

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:54, archived)

If you bumped into the police as you were going home, then I wouldn't say it was wrong
If you called them up and said it then I'd say that was a bit different.
( magnum, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:54, archived)

For fuck sake.

( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:54, archived)

Take their money & spunk in their hair

( broadsword, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:57, archived)

Bloody hell, what Redsushi said.
Do you know NOTHING?
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:57, archived)

You did the right thing
Alcohol is a terrible beast, with large claws and a strong grasp. And it's hairy, and covered in fleas and has rabies. It's okay to see in a zoo though.
( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:00, archived)

You did nothing wrong.
I wouldn't have called the cops myself, I just wouldn't have thought of it.

My dad used to buy caliber if he was asked to buy kids/tramps booze.
( CowJam, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:02, archived)

haha
now that is a good idea
( well, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:03, archived)

the drink of the Connelly
does it still exist ?
It tasted like shit, and if it got you drunk, you must be kevin or perry.
( turb0t, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:07, archived)

it tastes like nut cutlets.

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:10, archived)

It does exist
and as shit. None alcoholic beers that are drinkable are Becks and Bitburger Driver.
( CowJam, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:11, archived)

Furstenburg Frei is ok,
as is the Cobra one. The problem I have is that I drink them too quick. They might taste like beer, but they still go down like pop.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:17, archived)

I don't like the cobra one at all.
Tastes like horlix.
( CowJam, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:32, archived)

hmm, weird,
I thought it tasted pretty much like the real thing.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:33, archived)

A real horlix

( turb0t, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:34, archived)

I live in Cape Town and belong to the local neighbourhood watch
due to the fact that the crime around here is getting ridiculous.
We work in conjunction with the police and have walkie talkies.
When someone is burgled, it goes out on the radio and we all jump into our cars and try to catch the burglar.
Anyfeckingway, that was a background... last week a neighbourhood watch member passed by a couple of 14 year old smoking weed on the street. He called the police and because they had more than 5 grams on them they were arrested for "dealing".
I was beside myself with anger and said to the other members "there but for the grace of God go most of us".

These kids were locked up overnight in our local police cells and will probably have this on record for the rest of their lives.

The answer to your question is a resounding NO.
If I were you I would have just warned them to stop and probably laughed as I walked away.
( Flowerpot No longer has the vapours thanks to DTH, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:04, archived)

Fucking hell!
That is proper shitty :(
( Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:05, archived)

I was shaking with rage when it came on the radio
However, I am so addicted to this neighbourhood watch thing that I wouldn't "resign".
It's incredible adrenaline-packed fun when we screech around the streets chasing people.
( Flowerpot No longer has the vapours thanks to DTH, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:12, archived)

im guessing that these kids will probably get different treatment
just a guess though
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:08, archived)

and they SHOULD have it on their records
as a reminder not to be such massive bellends.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:08, archived)

Fuck that.
It's not up to you to choose which laws are applicable. The kids wanting booze are likely to intimidate people. The kids in your story were stupid.
( CowJam, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:09, archived)

But if I was that person who was approached by kids to buy booze
or saw them smoking weed on the streets, then it would be up to me.
And it would be my choice not to call the police.
( Flowerpot No longer has the vapours thanks to DTH, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:19, archived)

i doubt it would be that serious for these kids
it's the UK not the third world, they'd probably just be moved on
( well, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:10, archived)

They'd get a clip round the ear
and when they get home they'd hope their dad didn't know, cos if he did they'd get a clip round the other ear
( CowJam, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:13, archived)

If their parents were anywhere near as reactionary as lot
they'd be out in the family estate looking for turb0t trying to kneecap him.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:21, archived)

I'm glad i chose
to go to the Durban office and let somebody else go to the Capetown office then, if Capetown is that bad.
( turb0t, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:12, archived)

Our local police are really great
(and there aren't many like that, as you probably know).
I believe they would have given them a warning and called their parents had it not been a member of the public that had nabbed them and called in the police.
( Flowerpot No longer has the vapours thanks to DTH, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:23, archived)

Chances are you stopped a bunch of chavs from breaking a few windows,
so I say good work. Nobody likes a pissed chav
( Major Turd for tonight only, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:19, archived)

they had no burberry
and no nova/corsa
( turb0t, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:21, archived)

Kids + beer
Can't end well whatever happens
( Major Turd for tonight only, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:24, archived)

water
I reckon if I psyched myself up, put all my weight into it, and wasn't worried about having my throat ripped out, I could probably wrestle down a wolf, but only if my torso was greased and we did this thing as dawn rose over the mountain forests, and I knew I was going to get royalties of the t-shirt afterwards.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:53, archived)

I'd pay good money for that.
Maybe better in the night during a full moon though? They seem to like those t-shirt designs in a silver glow.
( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:56, archived)

no, fuck it, I want a lemon yellow t-shirt with sandy brown mountains
and me there in torn jeans and a glistening barrel chest staving off the snarling slathering jaws of a massive fucking wolf. Rock on.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:59, archived)

It sounds like the kind of shirt that a member of Slayer would wear on stage.
and I'd watch them live, look at the shirt and think to myself....''That's Grrrmachine. I've spoken to him online''. Then act all smug.
( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:11, archived)

I'd pay to see that.
I'd pay well
( Major Turd for tonight only, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:27, archived)

Pimms and lemonade.
I'd have to choose either something quite low to the ground so it didn't have far to go or something tall and unsteady so that I had a chance to catch it unawares and topple it.
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:54, archived)

like a giraffe?
or a clown on stilts ?
( turb0t, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:59, archived)

The second one I think.
I'd point at something then run at him while he was looking for the interesting object.
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:25, archived)

I'd just convince any animal that it was in its own best interest to get on the ground.
I might finish off the vodka tonight.
( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:57, archived)

Tesco's own Cola

( CowJam, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 21:57, archived)

"brown fizzy water"

( turb0t, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:03, archived)

yeah, well
I'm poor
( CowJam, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:05, archived)

It tastes a damn sight more like cola than Coca Cola does.

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:31, archived)

wait what,
surely coca cola is the cola taste benchmark?
( well, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:33, archived)

no it's rubbish,
there's barely any cola in it. that's why they tried to rebrand as simply "coke", they wanted to put the emphasis on the cocaine instead.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:35, archived)

whether you prefer the taste or not
coca cola is what cola tastes like
( well, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:36, archived)

no it isn't.

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:39, archived)

WINE.
And a shrew.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:08, archived)

Shrewd choice.
LOLOLOLOL.
( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:09, archived)

Well I liked it.

( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:27, archived)

could you tame it ?

( turb0t, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:10, archived)

Nyer, I've got back from the pub,
it was a bit shit tonight.

I was on the Guinness though, which improved the mood.
( Major Turd for tonight only, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:09, archived)

Coffee
and I now know that I lose to a large Rottweiler doggie.
Though to be fair he did paw my stomach as an opening move, and he weighs probably a little under a stone less than me :(
For reference: keep a close eye on what the stumpy-tail's doing to make sure it really is playing, and if in doubt shoot it*

*with a camera. no idea why, but my dslr scared it repeatedly. Poor thing had to be held for his picture to be taken. Camera behing back, no problem. Camera on show, doggie backed off and started looking for places to hide.

Based on that, I'm guessing I could wrestle a small monkey to the ground in a fair fight, or out-gadget a large dog with a fear of cameras.
( evilstevie misses the Orange Place of late, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:27, archived)

water and a headache
also: jesus. all i'd have to do is wrestle a catholic priest to the ground and force him to transubstantiate it
( spacefish bong!, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 22:29, archived)