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Sorry for a requestthread, but I don't know where to turn.
I am looking for somewone who knows how to write elaborate MySQL queries, as I am currently at a dead end with my code for www.whatdoestheinternetthink.net

gaz me if you are/know someone who fits the description
(I helped save b3ta! c_kick or, as some people call him, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:40, archived)
I dont think the sort of person who knowshow to do that sort of thing is the sort of person we want to know

(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:41, archived)
/crass generalisation

(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:41, archived)
yeah, there are definitely no computer nerds here

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:42, archived)
true
I probably should've just gazzed Cr3
(I helped save b3ta! c_kick or, as some people call him, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:43, archived)
clever people?
sure.
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:44, archived)
I don't like to hang around with clever people.
Intelligent conversation gets me down.
(I helped save b3ta! Jobe, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:53, archived)
What about if they are the over-clichéd scared nerdy type
Then there'd be no conversation.
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:54, archived)
Hmmmmm. I think I could handle that.

(I helped save b3ta! Jobe, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:57, archived)
i'm not sure being able to write computer codes is really a sign of being awsome clever

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:58, archived)
Exactly
Id say its more likely to be an indication of some poorly socialised, pale skinned, bedroom dwelling, beaten up at school, piston-a-like.
(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 11:02, archived)
Forum banter and such

(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 11:03, archived)
if they invented their own computer language i'd think that was clever, but just fiddling with it for work, not a sign of a higher being to me
they fucking insist upon themselves because 99.9% of the population don't care about what they do they just want and end product that works, fat chance of that tho
(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 11:06, archived)
hit a nerve?

(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 11:10, archived)
not at all, i though more i.t people would have jumped in to defend themselves

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 11:13, archived)
I'm not defending anyone in IT.
Most are incompetent or bloody stupid.
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 11:14, archived)
LOLgeneralisation

(I helped save b3ta! Jobe, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 11:04, archived)
I didn't know you were a Coder?

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 11:06, archived)
it was more the "elaborate" part of the description
specialising in something to a high degree usually requires some commitment and intelligence.
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 11:07, archived)
does it fuck, you might just have been doing the same thing for ages, or have a nack for it, it is no sign of intelligence

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 11:09, archived)
if you say so

(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 11:10, archived)
It all depends what you are doing

(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 11:11, archived)
what? that is exactly the point, you can not assume intelligence just because someone is able to perform a particular task

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 11:15, archived)
Unless to be able to perform that task you need intelligence in the first place

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 11:16, archived)
This
Im fairly sure you can teach a monkey to surf.
(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 11:17, archived)
You can teach a chimp to do spinning kicks
I've seen it on the interwebs
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 11:18, archived)
Theres a reason they call them code monkeys...

(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 11:19, archived)
Wheras I'm a Software Engineer

(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 11:21, archived)
What's a knowshow?

(I helped save b3ta! Jobe, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:51, archived)
I HAVE A CUP OF COFFEE

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:41, archived)
I HAVE A CUP OF TEA
*clink*
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:42, archived)
I have a glass of water

(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:53, archived)
turn left

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:41, archived)
turn left

(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:45, archived)
turn left

(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:45, archived)
turn left

(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:45, archived)
walk away

(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:45, archived)
turn left

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:45, archived)
turn left

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:46, archived)
turn left

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:46, archived)
I can talk to dogs.

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:41, archived)
sticking your finger up their bum and making them whine is not 'talking'

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:43, archived)
fucking is
I say to them "Bark if you can understand me when I press my finger up your pooper"

and lo and behold...
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:45, archived)
they growl and rip your face off.

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:46, archived)
Not if they are pugs.
they go "Woowoowoowoowoo!" all happy like
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:47, archived)
the little known sequel to "Edward Scissorhands"
"Donkey PugFingers"
(I helped save b3ta! Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:49, archived)
And I can do propeller arms and make take off and landing noises with my mouth too

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:44, archived)
Talented AND attractive
There must be something you're not awesome at.
(I helped save b3ta! SuperMatt, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:45, archived)
don't tell anyone, but
he can't read
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:47, archived)

that's why so few of his replies make any sense!
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:47, archived)



The red b b ball......the.....red.....b..b.b.....bus
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:49, archived)
close enough!
*ruffles hair*

now who wants a biscuit?!
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:52, archived)
ME!
*points at mouth whilst making pac man noises*
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:52, archived)
*frisbees choc digestive in your general direction*
catch!
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:57, archived)
*biffs off forehead*
*doesn't notice*
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 11:02, archived)
yes please.

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:53, archived)
ya gots ta EARNIT

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:57, archived)
I have terrible gas

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:48, archived)
what's so terrible about it?

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:52, archived)
Smelly like sexual roses
Makes girls get a right Wet-On. If they are wearing wellies they would be full within 12 seconds.
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:54, archived)
Hahaha
Paris Hilton - 57.7% negative, 36.2% positive
AIDS - 32.8% negative, 50.9% positive

It's all relative.
(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:44, archived)
hiv positive... lol

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:46, archived)
pfft

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:48, archived)
lolololololol
www.whatdoestheinternetthink.net/index.php?s=tom+hanks+in+philadelphia&st=google
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 11:09, archived)
I got a 100% Positive score for Craig David the other day.
That can't be right...
(I helped save b3ta! mr_wicksy is.... old., Mon 29 Jun 2009, 11:00, archived)
I need more tea to cope with this.

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:44, archived)
What are you trying to achieve with these SQL queries?

(I helped save b3ta! SuperMatt, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:44, archived)
World domination

(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:45, archived)
drop table jews

(I helped save b3ta! SuperMatt, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:46, archived)
this^
also, statistics
(I helped save b3ta! c_kick or, as some people call him, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:46, archived)
i can't help with any of that i'm afraid, sorry, not my fault tho i just don't now about that sort of thing
phew what a scorcher tho eh?
(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:45, archived)
Apparently most people don't care about Barack Obama.
And according to Twitter he's a leftist coward who cares more about universal healthcare than being a superpower. God forbid.
(I helped save b3ta! ArthurTheRat, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:51, archived)
Peasants being healed of their ailments...
They'll be reading next!
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:53, archived)
Can't have that.

(I helped save b3ta! ArthurTheRat, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:58, archived)
According to Twitter blah blah blah lunch blah blah saw someone famous blah blah i only signed up because of stephen fry blah blah

(I helped save b3ta! magnum, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 11:01, archived)
@magnum lol

(I helped save b3ta! ArthurTheRat, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 11:03, archived)
I can help

(I helped save b3ta! Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:53, archived)
also if anyone knows a company who can do db dev with SQL linked to a web based front end
in a multiple user environment pls gaz me. 10-15k in it.

would need to auto generate invoices/statements too.
(richard cropper's comedy account Stephen Frizzle is on the sex offenders list, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:54, archived)
I'm sorry
I can't help. I want to but...but...I'm no good with this sort of thing. I didn't want to let you down but here we are.
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:57, archived)
At least you're honest.

(I helped save b3ta! Jobe, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 10:58, archived)
Honest and oh so pretty

(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 11:00, archived)
That's a great combination.

(I helped save b3ta! Jobe, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 11:05, archived)
DISCLAIMER
I am not a girl. I'm not going through this gender confusion thing again
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 11:07, archived)
Guy Garvey
Negative - 6.3% - 1 result
Positive - 93.8% - 15 results.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 11:06, archived)
Apparently the internet is undecided about me
OH FICKLE INTERNET
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 11:09, archived)

Penises: Negative: 70.2% - 1,376 results
Positive: 29.5% - 578 results
Don't Care: 0.3% - 6 results

It'd be nice if the results were easy to cut n paste
(I helped save b3ta! magnum, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 11:07, archived)
Your mum is:
67% Negative
33% Positive
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 11:08, archived)