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I hate the sound of laughter
What sounds do you hate?
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:34, archived)
You know the squeltching sound when you put your two fingers in'n'out of your bum fast enough and when it makes you fart afterwards.
That.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:39, archived)
:(

(I helped save b3ta! SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:59, archived)
it's alright, I'll wear ear plugs next time
so that you don't feel embarrassed
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:02, archived)
Aww, aren't you a sweetie

(I helped save b3ta! SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:04, archived)
I'm only joshing, I don't put my fingers up my bum.
I did work this out yesterday though *copy'n'paste*


Yet, the goverment can supply high range iPad 2s (£550 = 64gb Wifi model, or 32gb 3G one, the later coming with contracts that hasn't been mentioned... deffo 'iPad 2's as I've seen video/pictures of them). They say it'll save them £200kpa in printing costs. They bought 17 of them, so that means these 17 people use up around £12kpa in printing each. Let's round up the price of printing one page to 1p, which means they use up PER PERSON 1.2m pages per year (or 3300ish pages a day).
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:43, archived)
The cost of printing government briefs is much more than a penny a sheet.
And ministers do get hundreds of pages a day. Both of these facts are somewhat absurd in themselves but they do slightly change your arithmetic.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:55, archived)
George W Bush used to refuse to read any briefing documents longer than one A4 page.
All joking aside, that's not a bad idea for a man in the position he was in.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:57, archived)
Did they often add illustrations to make it simpler?

(I helped save b3ta! SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:59, archived)
Each of the maps he saw were printed 250miles to the left to make things more acreate.
Turns out they should have made them 350 miles.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:00, archived)
Hahahahaha

(I helped save b3ta! SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:01, archived)
An ex chief of staff was on radio four a week or so ago talking about filtering out dross for presidents
although I think he worked for Bush senior. He applied a strict "why are you showing me this shit?" rule.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:00, archived)
I've a lovely image of a White House staffer shuffling into the Oval Office with a smirk on his face and a turd in his hands.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:03, archived)
10p a sheet sound better? I guess I also have worked it out to them working 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:59, archived)
Which would be common enough for ministers.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:00, archived)
I prefer to shake hands when I meet someone for the first time, but each to his own

(I helped save b3ta! cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:08, archived)
Oh man, first proper laugh of the day.
Thanks pops.
(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 21:20, archived)
Keane.

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:44, archived)
He's a rubbish football manager.

(I helped save b3ta! Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:45, archived)
and his buttery-faced minstrelling gets right on my tits.

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:46, archived)
His face has no edges.

(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:37, archived)
I used to go to school with the bassist from Keane
he's a top chap, and when I heard he was bassisting for Keane I was surprised
(I helped save b3ta! magnum, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:24, archived)
Really?
That's Rice Oxley doo dad? His dad was my doctor when I was small.
(I helped save b3ta! RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:43, archived)
No
A guy called Jesse
(I helped save b3ta! magnum, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:48, archived)
pffft he doesn't count

(I helped save b3ta! RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:51, archived)
He's a fully paid up member

(I helped save b3ta! magnum, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:00, archived)
the thompson twins and any heavy metal that is not bon jovi's slippery when wet

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:46, archived)
your inability to appreciate Extreme is an outrage

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:49, archived)
He should GET THE FUNK OUT, eh?

(I helped save b3ta! Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:49, archived)
TOO FUCKING RIGHT!

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:51, archived)
i don't know what you two are going on about, so i'm leaving, FOREVER

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:52, archived)

awwww, stay, and Play With Me
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:54, archived)
Don't leave Mongy, it would leave a Hole In My Heart, that could only be filled by you.

(I helped save b3ta! Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:55, archived)
small children speaking French

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:47, archived)
zut alors!

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:47, archived)

small children speaking
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:49, archived)
Dotmund.

(I helped save b3ta! Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:50, archived)
i hope he breaks his neck

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:53, archived)
The sound of the underground,
all that screeching and banging.
(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:50, archived)
glass bottle going in to a bin

(I helped save b3ta! CowJam, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:51, archived)
That's a great sound

(I helped save b3ta! Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:52, archived)
Customer service employees threatening to arrest me.

(I helped save b3ta! Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:51, archived)
stupid pricks whinging about how they don't understand the most basic of transactions

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:54, archived)
fauxe self righteous indignation

(I helped save b3ta! Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:01, archived)
the sound of people murdering a foreign language

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:05, archived)
forks?

(I helped save b3ta! Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:09, archived)
Say ler fee, Grrry.
Say ler fee.
(MooCow_Byter, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:11, archived)
fucking hell
Ring of Fire is Del Boy
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:36, archived)
Was it an independant petrol station or a chain?

(I helped save b3ta! Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:11, archived)
BP

(I helped save b3ta! Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:21, archived)
He can hold you until the police comes as he saw you attempting to commit a crime.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:47, archived)
you weren't there man

(I helped save b3ta! Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 22:06, archived)
Negativity.
It should be all joy joy joy. Im even joyous about negativity!
(I helped save b3ta! Cleisthenes morning sickness is a bitch, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:57, archived)
But who killed Postman Pat?!

(I helped save b3ta! Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:04, archived)
bloodfarts

(I helped save b3ta! Lightguy hail satan, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:58, archived)
menstrual blood farts?

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:18, archived)
you know the squeltching sound when you put your two fingers in'n'out of your bum fast enough and when it makes you fart afterwards but you have long sharp fingernails that cut up the side of your bumhole?
that
(I helped save b3ta! Lightguy hail satan, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:23, archived)
i did not know that
When's your birthday, i'll get you some nail scissors. Or maybe some sort of glove to protect your fragile bott bott.
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:27, archived)
Dermot O' Leary
I hear the theme tune to Terry and June when he speaks.
(I helped save b3ta! Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:03, archived)
He should fuck off, he's not Irish, he's from Colchester.

(I helped save b3ta! Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:04, archived)
A man who's entire career is built on the ability to say something, anything, everything is "great"

(I helped save b3ta! Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:08, archived)
to hear the lamentation of the women
oh, and the squealing of an old computer fan clogged with dust
(I helped save b3ta! cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:04, archived)
I hate the sound of BBC3
which is convenient because they've forgotten to turn it on

*watches an old topgear in silence*
(I helped save b3ta! CowJam, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:11, archived)
Sounds of the working \ underclasses
Their mobile phone music, Soaps and shit TV, stupid exhaust pipes, nasty accents, all that stuff.
(I helped save b3ta! Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:16, archived)
serves you right for buying a council house

(I helped save b3ta! Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:22, archived)
i dont like that gluggy sound wine makes when you pour it
god i hate it so much
(I helped save b3ta! rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:25, archived)
me neither
But only as it sets off the shakes from my D.T's
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:30, archived)
You prefer the glugging of white lightning and the crackling of a plastic bottle in a brown paper bag.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:33, archived)
do you miss it now it's gone?

(I helped save b3ta! RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:47, archived)
Your anal virginity?

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:56, archived)
no, white lightning
gone from this world in 2009 don'tchaknow
(I helped save b3ta! RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:17, archived)
Fuuuuuuuuuu

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:33, archived)
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:39, archived)
and then it splashes! oh gosh, I hate that

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:55, archived)
the way my wife chews
maybe it's other people too but I'm sure she does it more... "chewey"... I hate the sound it makes, and the thought of the mushiness going round someone elses mouth.

Makes me feel very violent and lashy outy!
(I helped save b3ta! RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:41, archived)
if i were you,
i'd make sure this doesn't show up as evidence in a court case if you're wife is found dead.
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:47, archived)
that and the knife

(I helped save b3ta! RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:52, archived)
I hate listening to other people eat
any lunch meetings just set me on edge thinking about it
(I helped save b3ta! magnum, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:03, archived)
Squeaky dog toys

(I helped save b3ta! h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:51, archived)
The Sound of Silence.
It is audible.
(888777555, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:10, archived)
Silence
The absence of Sound.
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:14, archived)
Go tell That
To Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel!
(888777555, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:15, archived)
learn what words mean

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:22, archived)
sage advice

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:23, archived)
My suggestion
was not entirely serious.
The Worst sound is that one that happens when you switch an old TV on. The high pitched whine.
(888777555, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:24, archived)
get a job and buy a new TV

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:26, archived)
my heart's not in this, can i tag someone else in?

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:26, archived)
I do have a New TV in my house.
I just used to have an older one.
(888777555, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:27, archived)
bragging on the internet?
i think you really do belong on QOTW.
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:29, archived)
Well, not brand new.
2 years old.
Not really bragging you Joey, i suspect most people have the same.
(888777555, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:30, archived)
I have a tv that's older than you
I don't use it

more two hats facts later fans!
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:34, archived)
Wow WP....we are feeling agressive this evening
Keep it up...It's SEXY
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:27, archived)
polystyrene and wool

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:15, archived)
i liked X-Ray specs.
not everyone likes punk i suppose,
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:24, archived)
Dead.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:39, archived)
eyes

(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:24, archived)
I'm sorry, but we have to go with what's on the card
and it's eyeLIDS...eyeLIDS.
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:26, archived)
and after you got through with your ropey Cricket Bat earlier,
cut-throat two hats.
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:30, archived)
I don't make the rules...I just respect them

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:31, archived)
How's it going?

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 20:29, archived)
A variety of cuntstomers that I serve on a regular basis.

(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 21:21, archived)