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not compo-worthy, but still fat AND full

Click for bigger (297KB)

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:10, archived)

Oh deary me

ed: I bet that tastes salty...

(k3b/-\b Peace man., Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:12, archived)

very.

like you don't know

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:15, archived)

I admit nothing

except that I have been the master of my own domain for far to long not to have tried most acts of self love.

actually, thinking on it, i've probably only tried a tiny tiny fraction of them...

(k3b/-\b Peace man., Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:17, archived)

how many ribs do you have left?

that's for the serious self-abuser

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:19, archived)

got all of them

and sadly because of this I have not succeeded in felating myself. but I did hurt my back trying.

(k3b/-\b Peace man., Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:20, archived)

I had some extra ribs inserted

to prevent acts of deviance.

(_Felix 's school of dance and occult sciences, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:22, archived)

When I was in my early teens

I could have quite likely licked my own glans due to gymnasties.

Now fat and forty-odd I often sit and rue the fact I never did.

(

Pasanonic 's been known to cause insanity in laboratory mice, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:22, archived)

hang you head in shame!

you should have known better than to pass up an opportunity like that!

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:24, archived)

fool!

(k3b/-\b Peace man., Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:25, archived)

could be worse

you could be a hippy too :D

(

discomeats This canoe, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:33, archived)

could?

I think science would have broken if they tried to make me a hippy.

(

Pasanonic 's been known to cause insanity in laboratory mice, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:40, archived)

*slaps face*

LIES! there is NOTHING that science can't achieve!

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:43, archived)

THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(k3b/-\b Peace man., Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:45, archived)

If science wants to fuck with me

then it better get a bigger boffin.

(

Pasanonic 's been known to cause insanity in laboratory mice, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:55, archived)

science will open a can of hawking on yo' ass, biatch.

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:57, archived)

Damn, my boffin is only average sized

(k3b/-\b Peace man., Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:58, archived)

just don't cut your hair for a few years.

put on a flowery shirt
and get a peace symbol on a chain around your neck. purple glasses will also help :P

(k3b/-\b Peace man., Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:43, archived)

fear science, anything is possible

:D

oh, if you had long hair would you be going around like conan the barbarian or something?

(

discomeats This canoe, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:44, archived)

I used to have masses of hair

down to the base of my spine. It was a number of colours too. But it was the 80's and I wore some crazy shit.

(

Pasanonic 's been known to cause insanity in laboratory mice, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:55, archived)

probably was high most of the time? :P

(

My Ass Is On Fire due to constant gas leak, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:58, archived)

that's what the '80's were all about

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 14:01, archived)

don't forget the porsche 911

and shoulderpads

also essential items in the repetoire

(

discomeats This canoe, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 14:12, archived)

911 turbo?

no comparison to lamborghini diabolo

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 14:18, archived)

^this

Lambo = ZOMG head-turning blistering scorch-fest.
Porsche = Oh.

(Super Jet Shoes, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 14:34, archived)

I have never been a Porsche man

considering them cars for dicks. I had a Jaguar XJS V12.

having said that what is the opinion of Porsche drivers these days?
I have the chance to buy a 928 S4 sport ( 1991 ) for £7500. It's not a 911 which is good. It's one of the best supercars ever made and we are in classic car territory. I think I'm going to buy it. What do you think?

(

Pasanonic 's been known to cause insanity in laboratory mice, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 14:31, archived)

Do it!

(Super Jet Shoes, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 14:34, archived)

I have

a new car on order for March ( £57k ) and 3 cars in the drive ( one is hers ) so it would be an indulgence but I've always secretly loved the 928.

Oops. For some reason I have shaved 2 years off it's age ( I've looked at a lot of them recently ) and it's a 1989. But still. I think I'm going to approach him with an offer.
www.carandclassic.co.uk/car/C48560

(

Pasanonic 's been known to cause insanity in laboratory mice, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 14:39, archived)

"For some reason I have shaved 2 years off it's age ( I've looked at a lot of them recently ) "

This. Not cars though.

(Super Jet Shoes, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 14:43, archived)

you planning on getting 120 days of sodom on yourself yet?

(

Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:21, archived)

*googles*

I really should read some of his stuff.
Come to think of it I haven't tried auto erotic asphyxiation. I may give that a go soon. One way or the other, it will probably solve my problems

(k3b/-\b Peace man., Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:27, archived)

its worth a read certainly

(

Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:30, archived)

do i want to click this?

(

Sir T. Skellington, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:13, archived)

i was suffering from zombage

there is no nekkids

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:14, archived)

zombage?

(k3b/-\b Peace man., Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:14, archived)

looking like a zombie.

check the eyes.

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:15, archived)

contact lenses?

or just mad ass eyes?!?!

(

Sir T. Skellington, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:17, archived)

mad ass eyes.

i can't wear contacts

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:18, archived)

According to physics

that thing shouldn't be able to exist in our universe...

(Colostomy Bag Explosion Lubing the gears of commercialism, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:13, archived)

and yet here i am.

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:14, archived)

and the universe is better for your presence

:)

hello, I have seen 2 amusing things today

(

discomeats This canoe, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:16, archived)

what were they?

also, hello ;)

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:17, archived)

thing one

at newcastle station, while I was speighting I was amused by a chap who had done some kind of naughty ticket action and there were two police officers and some ticket dude, I wasn't dropping eaves that hard but I think the gist of it was he was making illegal use of a military rail warrant, I think they made him pay up because I nipped to the shop while they were interrogating him, publicly, on the platform and came back he was gone, but they were still there. :D

thing two

the other was back in my hometown waiting for the bus and this girl was on the phone to her I presume boyfriend and she slowly reduced herself to tears and was very angry with him because he was laughing at her increasing insanity, her hair "wasn't straight" it was perfectly straight... and "my ginger roots are showing" big deal.. OMG IT IS A BIG DEAL WAAA CRY then she says she's going to get her dad to beat him up and this also made the boyfriend laugh aswell I presume because then she was saying that "he's not short! he's not 3ft tall" and descended into a dribbling mess.

then she got on the bus I wanted, yay more amusement

and halfway back phoned him again "I'm on the bus going home" and then she blubbed some more, I can only presume that this chap was completely headfucked by this point.

Craig (for that is his name, yet I do not know him) if by some magical twist of fate you reading this, that chic's nuts :D

and then she got off the bus blubbing

Either she's got a bad case of monthly action or she's an extremely high maintenance child I have no idea.

my guess, both :D

(

discomeats This canoe, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:26, archived)

awesome!

well told, infact...*click*

(k3b/-\b Peace man., Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:29, archived)

at first I thought she was taking the piss because she couldn't be arsed to go see him

but I then she started losing it completely

ahh, the self inflicted suffering of others :D

(

discomeats This canoe, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:30, archived)

I love the self inflicted suffering of others

it so ammusing!

(k3b/-\b Peace man., Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:32, archived)

silly bitch

my hair is a mess, it's not brown enough to be brown and not blonde enough to be blonde, but i don't give a fuck! i hope she tells her dad and he slaps her for being such a silly cow.

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:29, archived)

she looked fine, she was a full on muppet though

(

discomeats This canoe, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:31, archived)

I wonder if i can do the same

MY HAIR ISN'T STRAIGHT WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
AND I'M GOING GREY WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

So does anyone feel sorry for me? not bloody likely. Women this immature give me the shits.

(k3b/-\b Peace man., Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:31, archived)

I'm pretty sure she was a kid, tho she was smeared in face lard so hard to tell, but wtf

I doubt she'll grow out of that somehow

(

discomeats This canoe, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:33, archived)

it's sad that these people exist and get laid

how long before she's up the clagger do you reckon?

(k3b/-\b Peace man., Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:35, archived)

within about 30 minutes of finding a chav skilled in the art of pretending to care

(

discomeats This canoe, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:36, archived)

oh god one of THEM!

(k3b/-\b Peace man., Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:37, archived)

they are fucking everywhere

(

discomeats This canoe, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:43, archived)

this is what happens

when the dim bints model themselves on self-obsessed, neurotic celebrity bitches.
serves them right.

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:37, archived)

ahaha, fucking indeed

always good

there's a qotw story of a b3tan putting naomi campbell in her place :D

I hope its real, it was nice to read

(

discomeats This canoe, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:40, archived)

i read that one

if it was true, i'd expect her to have been struck by the slap-happy weirdo

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:45, archived)

she'll just fuck with the wrong person one day

someone who will fight back, harder than she can and can piss away the legal expense and ruin her pretty little ego face

ahh happy times

:D

(

discomeats This canoe, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:50, archived)

it's thoughts like these

that sustain me through the dark times

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:51, archived)

(

discomeats This canoe, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 14:02, archived)

look in your pants and make it 2.5

(k3b/-\b Peace man., Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:18, archived)

Ohhh! Sharp!

(

xihpete A neutrino walks straight through a bar, with v>c., Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:23, archived)

look in your pants aswell and I'll make it 2.50000001

lol, floating point number error

(

discomeats This canoe, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:27, archived)

pfft is that THE best comeback you have?

(k3b/-\b Peace man., Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:30, archived)

*loads up m-60*

funnily enough, no :)

(

discomeats This canoe, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:32, archived)

*snipes with awp*

BOOM!!

HEADSHOT!!

(k3b/-\b Peace man., Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:34, archived)

pointing a mouse ain't quite as good as the real thing, man

(

discomeats This canoe, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:36, archived)

I don't actually do either

(k3b/-\b Peace man., Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:39, archived)

hehe, "no barrier to commerce"

tho I think it's difficult to obtain nuclear devices still

a pity, it would be a fun :D

(

discomeats This canoe, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:41, archived)

have you ever fired a real gun?

i shot my mate in the leg once, she was not pleased.

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:41, archived)

fuck no, I leave that to the nutters

plus I can't afford ammunition, that shits expensive, plus I'd probably have to pay for range time as apparently you can't just sit in a field and offload several thousand rounds

some folk are just so twitchy!

tho if I get pissed off and find a few £k lying about I might have a go of a few things, it's all doable legally, just expensive when it's for fun

(

discomeats This canoe, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:48, archived)

my brother had a few air rifles

he would peg stuff to the washing line and try to shoot it off. it pissed him off greatly that i'm a much better shot than him.

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 14:03, archived)

www.flickr.com/photos/zootcadillac/sets/919487/

(

Pasanonic 's been known to cause insanity in laboratory mice, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 14:09, archived)

nice winchester!

the glock isn't bad, either.

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 14:13, archived)

0_0

good one! with something other than an air-rifle?

(k3b/-\b Peace man., Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:51, archived)

unfortunately, no.

it was a sodding webley.
the way she was crying, you'd have thought i'd hit her with a damn minigun.

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:55, archived)

well you know having .38 or .455 in diameter lead slug driven into your arse

at more than the speed of sound is gunna hurt a bit. Jesus a fish hook in the rear is bad enough.

How, precisely did all this happen?

(k3b/-\b Peace man., Sun 6 Jul 2008, 14:01, archived)

we were in my mum's kitchen with my brother's rifle

she said i didn't have the balls to shoot someone, so i shot her. it was only a pellet, i knew it wasn't going to do her any real damage.
shut her up, though.

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 14:06, archived)

you play css?

(

Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:39, archived)

no, not really.

played a bit of one of the counterstrikes (CZ) offline cause I'm too tightarsed to buy a license and it got uninstalled when I rebuilt that box...

(k3b/-\b Peace man., Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:42, archived)

what about asp.net ?

good gaaaaime good gaaaaime

(

discomeats This canoe, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:43, archived)

Aaaargh teh weighty bitmap!

(

mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:17, archived)

my pc just maxed out of ram

I only have 8gb

Edit: I see your ninja edit!

(

Firkinfedup last shat on your wife's tits at, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:18, archived)

only?

(Donald Trump's Hair War doesn't determine who's right, only who's left, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:21, archived)

i have vista

(

Firkinfedup last shat on your wife's tits at, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:21, archived)

Get the bonus upgrade from Dell

(Donald Trump's Hair War doesn't determine who's right, only who's left, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:22, archived)

a free copy of xp pro?

(

Firkinfedup last shat on your wife's tits at, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:24, archived)

that's no bonus.

You have to pay for both licences ( because the vista oem licence is included in the price of the machine ).

People really need to let XP go. The only reason for not moving to Vista is because you are too poor to upgrade from a steam powered piece of shit to a modern PC.

(

Pasanonic 's been known to cause insanity in laboratory mice, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:27, archived)

I've both XP, Vista (Linux too)

Can't be arsed booting vista is all, no other reason.

Edit: They need to reduce the price of it to get more people on it.

(Donald Trump's Hair War doesn't determine who's right, only who's left, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:29, archived)

I'll not argue about the price.

And to be fair I do have an XP pro machine, and Vista Ultimate 64bit and a Vista Ultimate 32bit machine ( which can dual boot xp pro ) but I do get a bit pissed off with the vista haters. It's far superior to XP. It still has issues in 64bit mode but the 32bit is a dream. Apart from the file search, which is pants but I can live with.

(

Pasanonic 's been known to cause insanity in laboratory mice, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:34, archived)

Locate32 for searching

locate32.net , not sure if it works on Vista?

(Donald Trump's Hair War doesn't determine who's right, only who's left, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:38, archived)

I too have vista ultimate

8gb of ram and a shedload of background programs running, 13 pages open in FF3, Adobe Illustrator and Adobe photoshop CS3 open and working on an image currently taking up 400mb on the scratch disk.

My current memory, total usage is just over 1gb.

(

Pasanonic 's been known to cause insanity in laboratory mice, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:25, archived)

the internet is lacking as a proper medium for communicating my envy

(

Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:33, archived)

only 45"?

you poor, poor man.

Click for bigger (399KB)

(

Pasanonic 's been known to cause insanity in laboratory mice, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:40, archived)

That is some seriously misspent time right there

Think how many wanks you could have had.

(Super Jet Shoes, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 14:02, archived)

i wish i had 45"

i have 16" actually :(

(

Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 14:14, archived)

Nice curtains...

(

The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 14:16, archived)

hey.

My aunt made them, besides. I have no say in soft furnishings ;)

(

Pasanonic 's been known to cause insanity in laboratory mice, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 14:20, archived)

Get an epic mount

you slacker.

(Harry, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 15:34, archived)

Aww, give me a break.

That was the same day I turned 70 plus I've given away or lent over 2000g in the last 3 weeks so I'm a bit poor.

I'm going PVP for the S3 welfare gear instead of farming for gold now.

(

Pasanonic 's been known to cause insanity in laboratory mice, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 15:46, archived)

windows reminds me of ghey

(k3b/-\b Peace man., Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:37, archived)

/predictable linux user response

(

Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:39, archived)

damn right!

(k3b/-\b Peace man., Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:40, archived)

linux sucks! BSD FTW!

"lol"

(

discomeats This canoe, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 14:03, archived)

with the utmost respect.

fuck off
:P

(k3b/-\b Peace man., Sun 6 Jul 2008, 14:08, archived)

pfft!

plan9 kicks ur asses!

(

discomeats This canoe, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 14:14, archived)

CP/M rooolz!

(Super Jet Shoes, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 14:33, archived)

fucking load/increment toggle switches! HOOOYAAA!

(

discomeats This canoe, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 15:26, archived)

i read that as weighty blimp

i was going to say fair enough, but as it's the bitmapness you're complaining about, sorry, but i lack the knowledge to make it smaller.

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:22, archived)

Ha, I thought the bitmapness was a clever way of entering the compo

(

mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:31, archived)

it's no worry. It's the file format that is the problem mainly.

There is just no need for bitmap in the industrial age.
Whatever you saved it in/with must give you the option to save it as a jpg. ( even opening it in paint will allow you to resave it as a jpg )
This is just for future reference.
BMP is like the tardis. looks small on paper but carries a huge amount of useless shit around inside.

(

Pasanonic 's been known to cause insanity in laboratory mice, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:32, archived)

i'll keep this in mind

i just uploaded it, b3ta thumbnailed it. from now on, i'll export stuff into paint first and jpeg it.

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:40, archived)

It's loading from

the bottom up! Are you trying to sublime me?

(

Pasanonic 's been known to cause insanity in laboratory mice, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:19, archived)

it's got click-for-biggerness

and i am far too unskilled to do anything else with it :(

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:21, archived)

Aaaarrgghhh!!!!

(

ClanSoul, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:20, archived)

PO-TAY-TOE

(

Mstandot I suppose I should post more often., Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:21, archived)

hahahahhahaha!

i don't mind you poking fun at me, but leave my beloved samwise alone!
*hobbit froths*

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:25, archived)

up to the eyeballs

cor

(

spacefish bong!, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:34, archived)

all the way up

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:48, archived)

you'll have lovely glossy hair

(

spacefish bong!, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 13:57, archived)