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[challenge entry] im a hard bastard

From the Macho Products challenge. See all 340 entries (closed)

(Rattlehead all time with the gay, forever touching, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:31, archived)
# haha
should have made it into
Gillette MACHO3
(I helped save b3ta! Zhmei HEY B3TA I WAS ON YOUR DINGY ISLAND AT LAST!1!, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:32, archived)
# I'm going to put this here...
(I helped save b3ta! Floppy Donkey crawled out of the ditch., Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:38, archived)
# wouldn't
(I helped save b3ta! Zhmei HEY B3TA I WAS ON YOUR DINGY ISLAND AT LAST!1!, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:41, archived)
# aww comprawn!
(I helped save b3ta! Floppy Donkey crawled out of the ditch., Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:45, archived)
#
(I helped save b3ta! mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 15:15, archived)
# high class escort
(I helped save b3ta! Elvis impersonator, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 15:17, archived)
# The Mach 3 Turbo proves that you don't need more than 3 blades on a razor
/best razor I've ever used
(I helped save b3ta! The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:33, archived)
# Buy company? Y/N
(I helped save b3ta! drbroon abloooobloobloo, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:34, archived)
# hahaha: Y
(I helped save b3ta! The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:35, archived)
# That new 'Azor' thingy from King of Shaves is pretty damned awesome
even if it means going to Tescos to get one.

"I thought the only reason Sainsbury's and Tescos existed was to keep the riff-raff out of Waitrose"

/Alan Coren blog
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:37, archived)
# GREAT THING ABOUT BEARDS #4.3
No need to buy expensive razors, or shave daily. Use saved money on fags and, if desired, beard conditioner.
(I helped save b3ta! drbroon abloooobloobloo, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:41, archived)
# I suffer from 'beard that has to be maintained'
i.e. not an all-over-face beard. More damn trouble than it's worth, frankly.
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:43, archived)
# a beard that's not on your face?
*compiles list of possibilities*
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:43, archived)
# I knew you'd pick me up on that.
You horror! ;-)

It's a mini beard / goatee or whatever...
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:45, archived)
# I think it's know as a "Craig David"
*runs*
(I helped save b3ta! drbroon abloooobloobloo, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:46, archived)
# *trips up*
*kills with kill-o-matic knife-throwing hammer*
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:47, archived)
# haha
sorry. I'm currently only long-stubbly at the moment, as I gave myself a rather fetching handle-bar moustache for halloween.
(I helped save b3ta! drbroon abloooobloobloo, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:55, archived)
# ever been to France?
(I helped save b3ta! The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:45, archived)
# Don't forget Toe-beard.
(I helped save b3ta! drbroon abloooobloobloo, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:45, archived)
# ah
yes, that is a different kettle of beards.

I just let mine grown until it gets long enough to get matted and make me look like a tramp, then shorten it a little.
(I helped save b3ta! drbroon abloooobloobloo, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:45, archived)
# Good skills, sir
Amongst other things I like the cut of, your jib is indeed high on my list.
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:46, archived)
# *tips cap*
and you sir, and you. I dare say if you happen to be happening upon Germany at some future date, then I should be greatly obliged whence we two partook in a quaffing of beverage and a puff on the old pipe.
(I helped save b3ta! drbroon abloooobloobloo, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:49, archived)
# DON'T DO IT GRUNTY!
He wants you to suck his co...oh wait I see now

as you were
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:50, archived)
# bwahahahahaha!
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:52, archived)
# pfft
I can't say I've ever referred to my manly piece as "the old pipe".

Not previously anyway.
(I helped save b3ta! drbroon abloooobloobloo, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:57, archived)
# I will indeed, sir
My aged relative inhabits the environs of Hamburg, so visits to the Fatherland* are oft upon the books.



*unintentional
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:51, archived)
# Hmm
I dare say Hamburg would be a journey too far for my poor horses.
(I helped save b3ta! drbroon abloooobloobloo, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:58, archived)
# Ahh, no - Germany has coooooool trains, I love zooming around on them,
Are you long away from Schleswig Holstein?
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 15:03, archived)
# haha... yes... I just checked Deutsche Bahn
The train journeys range from 8 to 11 hours.
(I helped save b3ta! drbroon abloooobloobloo, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 15:06, archived)
# Where the feck do you live?
Madagascar?
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 15:09, archived)
# Jena.
Far away from everywhere.
1 hour from Leipzig, 2-3 hours from Berlin.
It's east germany. Every other major city is a bit further away.
Hopefully going to Berlin for Christmas shopping, but no idea about when, I've got my final PhD. exam on the 5th, so I can't really think past then at the moment, without my arse falling out.

Edit: Also, the trains in Germany are a bit fucked at the moment. They've discovered technical problems with the tilt-technology of the trains, which means a lot of trains are no longer operable, and the ones that are, go very slowly, late, or not at all.
(I helped save b3ta! drbroon abloooobloobloo, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 15:17, archived)
# cor
I'd like to go to Jena

I've done Waterloo and Borodino


/Napoleon geek
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 15:19, archived)
# hahaha
fuck, my first thought there was: "I don't remember that bit in Napoleon Dynamite"

but, then I stopped being retarded, and remembered that they have a yearly Napoleon parade thingy, where people dress up (accurately) as French soldiers and Jenensers. I'm not really sure what they do afterwards... maybe a fight somewhere. It's a very big occasion though, and quite nice, if you like that kind of thing. Weimar is also nearby, which has a bit of Napoleon influence, the little ubiquitous bugger that he is.
(I helped save b3ta! drbroon abloooobloobloo, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 15:25, archived)
# ive let mine grow for about a month now,
couldnt be bothered shaving and its gotten past the itchy phase so im happy
(Rattlehead all time with the gay, forever touching, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:47, archived)
# that's herpes you've got, not a beard
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:51, archived)
# *continues laughing from previous Mighty N post*
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:52, archived)
# indeed
i have hair-peas and also the odd hair-bean
(Rattlehead all time with the gay, forever touching, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:55, archived)
# hahahahaha
(I helped save b3ta! drbroon abloooobloobloo, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 15:00, archived)
# I agree
I bought one. In Sainsbury's. They don't like my sort in Waitrose, apparently.
(I helped save b3ta! RiffRaff lurking like a lurky thing, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 15:00, archived)
# ^This.
(I helped save b3ta! Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:44, archived)
# Perfect for Desperate Dan
Have another not-worth-own-thread pun-type thing.

(I helped save b3ta! Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:33, archived)
# I saw what you did there

(I helped save b3ta! Wobbly Bloke Hello, did I miss anything on, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:34, archived)
# it's funny cos your name is wobbly bloke
and i was trying to think of a pun involving the sound a saw makes
(I helped save b3ta! AgentMuu hentai coordination, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:36, archived)
# i'm RISnig all over the place.
please advice
(I helped save b3ta! My Ass Is On Fire due to constant gas leak, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:40, archived)
# ever picked up a large saw and wobbled it?
and WB is right, Rolf Harris uses it in practically every song ever
(I helped save b3ta! AgentMuu hentai coordination, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:42, archived)
# Silly Ass on Fire...
RIS is the noise a electric circular saw makes.. not the hand tool variety...
(I helped save b3ta! Wobbly Bloke Hello, did I miss anything on, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:43, archived)
# heh
(I helped save b3ta! My Ass Is On Fire due to constant gas leak, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:48, archived)
# Ask Rolf
(I helped save b3ta! Wobbly Bloke Hello, did I miss anything on, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:41, archived)
# yeni!

Tj: okay, board, if I were to choose from these cities to go to in December, which should I choose:
a. Madrid
b. Stockholm
c. Istanbul (been there before though)
(I helped save b3ta! mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:33, archived)
# You forgot 'Norwich' from that list
'A Fine City' that it is.
(I helped save b3ta! The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:34, archived)
# Hahahaha
hahahaha
(asciifaceofbob bob bob bob bob bob bob bob, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:43, archived)
# arf
(I helped save b3ta! mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 15:54, archived)
# Istanbul
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:34, archived)
# was Constantinople
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:35, archived)
# That's nobody's business but the Turks.
(I helped save b3ta! Barbarossa is not my real name, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:37, archived)
# LOL
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:39, archived)
# d. Wells, Somerset
(I helped save b3ta! An Eagle in Your Mind, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:34, archived)
# It depends on what you want to do I suppose.
I've only been to Madrid from your list.
It has a good amount of museums and is great for bars & food.
/Judith Chalmers blog.
(I helped save b3ta! Geoff the Clownfish You know Myra, some people might think you're cute, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:40, archived)
# Sounds good
(I helped save b3ta! mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 15:16, archived)
# Stockholm
Then take a trip up north for the Northern Lights. And take me.
(I helped save b3ta! Bela Lugosi's Dad, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:41, archived)
# You want to go further north for Northern Lights...
Trondheim is a good spot - awesome Northern Lights this last February.

Edit: If you're staying in Stockholm, stay at least a couple of nights at the Grand... one of the best ever. Great bar as well. *hic*

If you can bill your clients for it, that is

Edit Edit: Sorry couldn't find the link - here you go: www.grandhotel.se/in_english/default.asp
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:44, archived)
# Plus
You could stay here, dog.
(I helped save b3ta! Bela Lugosi's Dad, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:44, archived)
# "A new depot for commuter trains has recently been built in the municipality"
fuck, I'm there!
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:45, archived)
# Alright
(I helped save b3ta! mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 15:55, archived)
# Madrid is excellent.
Some excellent eating and drinking to be had there.

and some very fine looking fillies, too.
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:41, archived)
# Sockholm.
Madrid'll be damp and meh.
Istanbul's not worth the trip.
Stockholm'll be cold and snowy and ace.
(I helped save b3ta! Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:42, archived)
# Sockholm, eh?
direct ferry from Shoeburyness
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:44, archived)
# Arf!
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:46, archived)
# ^ this
snow ftw
(I helped save b3ta! i_yam_bucket doo wah diddy diddy wah wah diddy doo, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:47, archived)
# Hmmm, also this
(I helped save b3ta! mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 15:16, archived)
# I'd go for
Rajasthan or Kerala
(asciifaceofbob bob bob bob bob bob bob bob, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:44, archived)
# go to Madrid
Awesome for museums, art galleries, football, tapas bars, shopping. Although I do prefer Barcelona...

It's really cold at the moment though so bring a jumper!
(El Guiri the only b3tan who is not fat, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:53, archived)
# Barcelona!
Such a beautiful horizon
(I helped save b3ta! Barbarossa is not my real name, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:55, archived)
# i love barcelona :)
I was there for 'work' a month ago

Also isn't barbarossa an awesome map on coduo *cough*

www.holymugs.com/~gow/Croppers%20Share/Barca/PA260339.JPG
(El Guiri the only b3tan who is not fat, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:59, archived)
# I'm a what on the where now?
I went to Barcelona once. It was quite nice. I like all the Gaudi.
(I helped save b3ta! Barbarossa is not my real name, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 15:02, archived)
# I thought they dressed quite nicely...
sorry
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 15:04, archived)
# I've been to Barcelona lots of times
and although you're right, it's probably not happening right now ;)

I count two votes for Madrid. I'll tell the missus.
(I helped save b3ta! mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 15:17, archived)
# hahaha
(I helped save b3ta! Walrus Man Think hippy thoughts, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:48, archived)