b3ta.com board
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Home » Messageboard » How History Was Faked » Message 9781775 (Thread)

[challenge entry] The Word of God, as written by man, according to somebody?*!

From the How History Was Faked challenge. See all 248 entries (closed)

(I helped save b3ta! Q4nobody, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:17, archived)
# I don't think many people are killing in the name of Satan, to be fair.
(I helped save b3ta! Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:18, archived)
# I'm pretty sure satanists are
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:20, archived)
# I thought he meant Christians killed people and branded them Satanists, which made it an ok murder
(I helped save b3ta! HappyToast Groat froth, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:22, archived)
# Yes I'm sure there are satanists killing in the name of Satan
But I stand by my original statement
(I helped save b3ta! Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:23, archived)
# Never said they killed in the name of Satan
Satan ("The Devil") was a creation to help justify the existance of God. The acts of murder were in the name of the latter. Love thy Nietzsche
(I helped save b3ta! Q4nobody, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:27, archived)
# It doesn't say that up there!
(I helped save b3ta! Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:29, archived)
# Read it to me again?
How are you seeing it? Must be an act of SATAN? or God?
(I helped save b3ta! Q4nobody, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:40, archived)
# oooooh you cheeky minx
(I helped save b3ta! Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:42, archived)
# Was Matthew or Luke
They took my words and rearranged them a little. ;)
(I helped save b3ta! Q4nobody, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:45, archived)
# He was often dipicted in the same form as Pan to fuck off the Pagans.
Hence the hooves and goat legs.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:30, archived)
# Satanists ARE christians whether they think so or not anyway, Satan IS a christian invention after all,
you can't be 'anti-christ' unless you believe in him in some way.
(I helped save b3ta! ..wil, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:32, archived)
# Absolutely
But if they are killing anyone, they are not doing it in the name of God, but rather Satan, as my original statement suggests.
(I helped save b3ta! Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:35, archived)
# Pre-christian
Jews believe in satan too.
(FunOnABun Smears lard on you!, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:39, archived)
# Satan, Lucifer and Beelzebub
are not necessarily the same figure unless you've been raised in Christian dogma. So far as I'm aware -- and as a self-important, pretty stupid prick, I may be very wrong -- Lucifer as we think of him is a Christian development. Beelzebub is adapted from Baal and so would be Old Testament but I've no idea whether his blending with the Prince of Hell would be Christian or not (well, probably, since Hell is also a product of Christian dogma), while Satan drank whisky and gambled with God in between bouts of walking the Earth and going up and down on it, whatever that's meant to mean, and is a bona fide Jewish character who isn't actually the great opponent and Lord of Darkness but is instead only as much of a cunt as God Himself.
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:47, archived)
# satan is my master
(I helped save b3ta! op op op op op I stink therfore I spam, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:26, archived)
# He buys all my metallica records for me
(I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:30, archived)
# :D
(I helped save b3ta! op op op op op I stink therfore I spam, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:31, archived)
# \o/
I love him so much
(I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:41, archived)
# God Created Lucifer; Lucifer became Satan
(I helped save b3ta! prodigy69 broke b3ta and made everyone leave, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:21, archived)
# *sings*
Pack up your troubles in your old kit bag and smile, smile, smile!
while you've a Lucifer to light your fag
smile boys that's the stuff!
(I helped save b3ta! Joliet, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:22, archived)
#
uff yle
(I helped save b3ta! Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:24, archived)
# That makes more lyrical sense
:O)
(I helped save b3ta! Joliet, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:25, archived)
# I can't believe we used to sing that at school :(
(I helped save b3ta! Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:26, archived)
# We used to sing
Autumn days when the grass is jewelled
and the silk inside a chestnut shell
Jet planes meeting in the air to be refuelled
All these things I love so well

So I mustn't forget
no I mustn't forget
To say a great big thank you
I mustn't forget
(I helped save b3ta! Joliet, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:28, archived)
# O_O
Jet planes meeting in the air to be refuelled?
(I helped save b3ta! Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:30, archived)
# Yep
Dirty planes can't get enough of it
(I helped save b3ta! Joliet, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:33, archived)
# hehe we used to sing this too.
also:
Gods love is like a circle
a circle big and round
and when you see this circle
no ending can be found

and so the love of jesus
goes on eternally
like a never ending circle
enclosing you and me

(also jubelate sp?)
(I helped save b3ta! Barry the Time Sprout one of your 5-a-day, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:34, archived)
# We used to sing
"I am the Lord of the dance settee"
(I helped save b3ta! Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:37, archived)
# hahaha yes
and cellotape and string to the king
(I helped save b3ta! Barry the Time Sprout one of your 5-a-day, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:42, archived)
# Lucifer loved God and refused to worship his creation man, so was cast out of heaven
god and man, what a bunch of cunts
(I helped save b3ta! HappyToast Groat froth, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:23, archived)
# *puts her trust in God and Man!*
*god and man*
(I helped save b3ta! Joliet, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:24, archived)
# Didn't Lucifer try to overthrow God or something?
Or did I just make that up?
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:25, archived)
# you just made that up
although it's no doubt written in the newer bibles, the ones with Miley Cyrus on the cover
(I helped save b3ta! HappyToast Groat froth, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:26, archived)
# So he didn't lead a group of angels against God?
Fair enough.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:28, archived)
# I think that was in Dogma
(I helped save b3ta! 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:30, archived)
# Could be. I'm sure it was mentioned in Reaper too.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:34, archived)
# Haha, excellent
"Religion for Dummies", I believe was the title?
(I helped save b3ta! Q4nobody, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:43, archived)
# Aye,
he attempted a coup. It were fucking mental! LOL! All demons were once angels ^_^
(I helped save b3ta! Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:27, archived)
# This is true of people too :D
(I helped save b3ta! Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:28, archived)
# All people were once angels?
Nah, that's not true.
(I helped save b3ta! Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:40, archived)
# You agree with me, but Happy Toast says I'm wrong...
I'm so confused :(
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:32, archived)
# it depends which bed time story book, I mean bible you read
early ones simply say Lucifer refused to love man more than he loved god so was banished, later ones made him in to more of a god hater and then big horned monster to keep the idiots scared and money flowing
(I helped save b3ta! HappyToast Groat froth, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:35, archived)
# I think a lot of the lucifer story
that we know is taken from Paradise Lost, to be honest. Fuck knows where Milton found it. I think there's some material in the Apocrypha that lend support to it to, but in the Bible we know and love in Protestant and Catholic nations, Satan first appears in Job as God's poker-partner, gambling on whether they can fuck up the most holy man on Earth enough that he'll curse God's name.

God, eh? What a fucking pikey cunt.
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:44, archived)
# Our survey says no.
Genesis 3 you fool! The Garden of Eden? The Serpent?
(I helped save b3ta! Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:51, archived)
# Identification of the Serpent with Satan
is also a result of dogma. (That's dogma, not Dogma, the acclaimed Kevin Smith movie.) Point me anywhere in Genesis that says

"And the serpent, who was called Lucifer and was a heavenly body cast down from Heaven for refusing to worship Adam and inexplicably present in Eden -- and probably also in the right, since the mighty YAHWEH would later demand that no-one worship anyone but Himself which suggests he was a bit soft in the head, said to Eve, 'Go on, eat the fucking apple, bitch! By the way, I'm the king of Hell.' "
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:55, archived)
# HERE, HERE!
The truth is in the Toast!
(I helped save b3ta! Q4nobody, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:57, archived)
# Well that's the story.
Although, I don't remember reading that in the bible ever. I guess Kevin Smith just made it up for Reaper ;)
(I helped save b3ta! Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:39, archived)
# It's not Biblical
or at least I don't think it's in the Bible we use (whether Protestant or Anglican or Catholic). I don't remember the apocrypha well enough to say whether it's in any of the Orthodox Bibles or whatnot, but to be honest I doubt it. I think it's all a later development.

There's many things that aren't Biblical. You can even argue that the Trinity isn't Biblical -- there's a lot of Christians, generally orthodox, who don't believe that weird piece of doublethink and will happily argue, from a position of much more strength than me, that it's extra-Biblical and not even in the batshit-insane letters of Paul.
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:50, archived)
# Lucifer, and others tried to question and overthrow God, So God kicked them outa his crib..yo
(I helped save b3ta! prodigy69 broke b3ta and made everyone leave, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:30, archived)
# God and Lucifer helped create earth

Lucifer was dicking about with animal parts sticking them randomly together, thus the platipus.

God wasn't happy and kicked him out
(I helped save b3ta! prodigy69 broke b3ta and made everyone leave, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:27, archived)
# I hope that's a joke, the Platypus hasn't made its way in to the bible surely?
(I helped save b3ta! HappyToast Groat froth, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:33, archived)
# 'they' ripped out the platipus volumes of the bible :(
(is everything I say going to be taken serious now?...for fuck sake)
(I helped save b3ta! prodigy69 broke b3ta and made everyone leave, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:38, archived)
# *worships the almighty Prodge*
(I helped save b3ta! Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:44, archived)
# *stones to death*
(I helped save b3ta! Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:45, archived)
# fucking trolls
V
(I helped save b3ta! prodigy69 broke b3ta and made everyone leave, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:51, archived)
# So it's real??
Darwin was wrong?
(I helped save b3ta! Q4nobody, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:24, archived)
# Darwin's theory doesn't disprove the existence of God, but rather weakens the story of Creationism
(I helped save b3ta! Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:25, archived)
# Rather
indeed
(I helped save b3ta! Q4nobody, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:30, archived)
# it's got nothing to do with darwin

(I helped save b3ta! prodigy69 broke b3ta and made everyone leave, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:33, archived)
# Is everything everyone else says going to be taken serious now?

(I helped save b3ta! Wasp Box like a nervous random stranger at a glory hole, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:44, archived)
#
"for fuck (sic) sake"

Which could be a nice drink in Japan, as a precursor to some sexy lovemaking involving sushi. Not redsushi.
(I helped save b3ta! Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:47, archived)
# knowing the japanese
as i don't, "fuck sake" would probably be the expelled results of a creampie.
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:51, archived)
# hahaha
"creampie"

So wrong, and yet so right.
(I helped save b3ta! Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:52, archived)
# depending on them being humorless cunts or not

or copy paste trolling
(I helped save b3ta! prodigy69 broke b3ta and made everyone leave, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:49, archived)
# The nut of ****er in the Swiss Alps?
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:23, archived)
# Hey dude,
why is Satan and Fake before Challenge in the dictionary bible dude?
(I helped save b3ta! Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:25, archived)
#
Chal-lenger1
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:26, archived)
# Whatever dude,
it still confuses!
(I helped save b3ta! Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:28, archived)
# Because it was written by the same people who wrote/edited the bible
(I helped save b3ta! Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:27, archived)
# Hahahaha
fact!
(I helped save b3ta! Q4nobody, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:32, archived)
# Yo Redsushi Dude
"Believe it and it will happen" That's how things roll in my dictionary! ;)
(I helped save b3ta! Q4nobody, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 11:03, archived)
# I think you're missing a page
(57841, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:26, archived)
# *Red Dwarf LOLs*
Although I'm sure even Red Dwarf wasn't the first to make that joke :O)
(I helped save b3ta! Joliet, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:30, archived)
# What about a quote from the Vatican?
(I helped save b3ta! Wasp Box like a nervous random stranger at a glory hole, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:40, archived)
# That's beautiful
(I helped save b3ta! Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:41, archived)
# You're very kind
Do you know which book the quote actually refered to?
(I helped save b3ta! Wasp Box like a nervous random stranger at a glory hole, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:45, archived)
# The Da Vinci Code?
(I helped save b3ta! Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:50, archived)
# yes indeed

(I helped save b3ta! Wasp Box like a nervous random stranger at a glory hole, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 11:19, archived)
# I ROCK.
(I helped save b3ta! Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 11:27, archived)
# Harry Potter
I think
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 11:00, archived)
# Silly Q4
Mythology is not history
(I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:30, archived)
# Hahahahahah
Very true Joe! How silly of me
(I helped save b3ta! Q4nobody, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:33, archived)
# Clearly not the work of God
ExistEnce
(I helped save b3ta! An Egg ,D, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:53, archived)