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B3ta Meter

Every time someone donates, furtive shoves in another penguin:

(

chthonic, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 9:21, archived)

That

deserves a hearty "Woo!" and "Yay!". Well done, well done.

Free virtual beer all round!

(

Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 9:31, archived)

fantastic

wooooo and double yay!

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bazman, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 12:10, archived)

The Princes Trust

dishes out money to groups for work. Some geezers I know conned some cash to make a film a few years ago. anyone young enough?

(james, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 9:19, archived)

I'm a student!

I'm an expert in conning money out of people! I could say I made B3ta as a project and i need £1000 a year to pay for it...

(Dean, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 9:24, archived)

*sigh*

(Dean, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 9:05, archived)

:-(

im off ill for a week and i come back to talk of B3ta finishing:-((...shall i start colecting old watches and keys for your appeal? (how did BP make money from that?)

(nic*, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 9:15, archived)

Look. Don't run away with the ball.

It's not finished. It's that there is a problem. Cheer up!

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rob, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 9:18, archived)

okeydoke:-)

did you like the jokes?

(nic*, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 9:21, archived)

good jokes ...

... when I read them on PB.

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rob, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 9:23, archived)

I'll sell my body...

...If i got £20 a time I'd only have to word 250 nights a week...

(Dean, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 9:20, archived)

Hmm an idea has formed

If b3ta manages to survive... you could have a seperate section called "Blue B3ta" where members of the board create something out of junk, and post photos of it online along with instructions on how to build your own... that would rule!

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Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 9:04, archived)

How about

getting B3ta registered as alternative healthcare organization?
Photoshopping kittens into dangerous situations must be far more therapeutic than basket-weaving or other traditional stuff. Then you could apply for a grant from a local council

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MartinH, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:54, archived)

Blessed as I am

with a phone number I can't remember because
it has too many 6's 7's and 8's in it in various orders,
this site is a god send. It tells you words that
spell your phone number.

Which reminds me of an ex-girlfriend in Calgary
whose number was 'BIG SHIT'. She used to get
calls from all over Canada from bored people
just dialing rude words.

(

chthonic, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:42, archived)

can't think of anything for my home number :(

(

Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:50, archived)

it can't think of one for my mobile,

but my home one is ma0 cows. pretty cool, huh?

(

spacefish bong!, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:56, archived)

Oh dear

I got 780-ASS

(

MartinH, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:57, archived)

Me neither

but my parents are el-jack-o.
I'm quite jealous.

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izb posting occasional messages since 2001, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 9:03, archived)

Your parents

are Michael Jackson? :)

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Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 9:28, archived)

it reminds me of an old freak brothers comic

where fat freddy is trying to remember a dealers number and the other guys are talking as he walks into the apartment.

trying to remember 325 8142

one of the gan pipes up "me too, i ate one sour too." and freddy's mind goes to shit.

my old land line spell loads, the most interesting being -a-ha-a-I-lease which is still a bit crap

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Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 9:37, archived)

I got

pushy-irk

what the hells an IRK and will I get nicked for selling it ?

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breel, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 11:33, archived)

whenever im depressed

i like to think of chesney hawkes dressed as barbara cartland carrying a portable llama

or is that just me...

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wangolini, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:38, archived)

Nope, me too.

There is no finer remedy.

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macca, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:40, archived)

Got a link to this from another board, thought you guys are absolutely insane and just had to join in.

(Splutter, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:45, archived)

Welcome!

Although it looks like you may be joining us for our final days.

If you want to find out more about being a B3tan, theres some info Here

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Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:49, archived)

B3ta - the future

rob,

I'm sure I heard through a tortuous route that b3ta had some kind of emap connection? What happened to that? (or was it viral bollocks?)
It'll be a crying shame if b3ta goes... we'll all have to do something for our employers!

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chaotic_illuminator proud spacehopperist, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:13, archived)

Yep. I work for Emap. They initially were quite interested in the project ...

... but lost interest quite a while ago.

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rob, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:19, archived)

Nooooooooooo

b3ta can't stop or I'll actually have to start doing some work for my employer and that's not fair !

I'm more of a lurker as my photoshopping is pants but I enjoy everything on the site and would bung you a tenner if I got a special b3ta badge or summit.

Fight the power!

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Ted, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:46, archived)

we'll find a way.

I'm talking to a number of people.

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rob, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:52, archived)

not on the same subject but erm..

you know that appeal thingy ...if you do it, I would be glad to do some DJing for you for nowt. I'm not famous but can play good songs! And I'm sure I could talk the other guys that do our club night thing into playing as well.
Just a thought!
I'm sure you could get big famous people to play though...
Anyway, our music style can be perused here repercussionsonline!
I would also pay a tenner a year to keep this site running!

Long live b3ta!

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pete, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:55, archived)

I dun this to cheer you all up

Hope it works...

(

Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:12, archived)

hooray

that put a wonky smile on my face

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chthonic, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:16, archived)

Actually

she looks like a political interviewer. Maybe she should be the face of the B3ta interviews? :)

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Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 9:01, archived)

hmm, well i think

it looks like ally mc beal

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rangelife, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 9:46, archived)

Does

Ally have 3 legs then?

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Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 9:51, archived)

as they're

too skinny for any camera known to mankind to detect, i cannot tell you

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rangelife, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 9:56, archived)

Merchandising

Rob, sort it so the Wife can give you our money to help B3TA stay up. She's bought Craby's tee shirts for all of the family. If there were Tee Shirts and/or Mugs involved you could easily harvest lots of wonga from us. I think most people coming here would love to contribute some money especially if they got a barking B3TA tee shirt to wear down the pub or at interviews and weddings etc. I like the idea of icons showing which members support the site.

(

nicey, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:06, archived)

Obviuosly you could

have our dosh anyway. But if there are tee shirts involved the Wife just shells out. Witness the Ceolocanth "its some sort of old fish" tee shirt she got before Christmas.

(

nicey, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:11, archived)

the only problem i can see

is where the initial cash will come from to make the first run of t-shirt, etc...

you could always use the cafepress approach but that could minimise profit in the first instance, it's a tricky one.

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Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:19, archived)

yeah. selling stuff is a pain.

I've helped out some other people selling T-Shirts via the web.

Never again. Distribution is an utter pain - and for man hours vs. cash in er... I might as well do a freelance job and pay for the site myself.

Cafepress is the only way, but yep, tiny profit margin.

(

rob, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 9:05, archived)

maybe go for a quick fix and see if it generates some cash

you might be right cafepress may be the answer, and it won't cost anything to set up.
the distribution network is there and i'm sure you could get something sorted fairly quickly.

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Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 9:54, archived)

Tee shirts

My brother in law has a teeshirt factory here in Rio. My company does the exports for him.

I could get a quote from him if you like - we ship to Europe.

(

Not Pineapple anymore, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 10:34, archived)

an affiliation with a uk printers

would be ace. provided it was set up so that individual customers accepted responsibility for copyright, of course =)

i've always wanted a glossy poster of that pointilist penguin that someone did (was it sul?) ages ago. and a giant bee t-shirt!

(

spacefish bong!, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:16, archived)

Giant Bee

All design all mine, so no problems B3TA using him for the greater good.

Hoorah.

(

nicey, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:19, archived)

Blue peter can help!

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izb posting occasional messages since 2001, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:02, archived)

Erm

what exactly are the two blokes on the far right doing?

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chthonic, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:12, archived)

Actually

if we do have a blue peter style appeal (and we should -
it would be fun) we'll have to have a totaliser.

We could call it the b3ta meter and make the
nice men in leiderhosen dance every time you donated.

(

chthonic, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:15, archived)

I tried sooooo hard

to find a picture of a blue peter totaliser, but the web isn't interested in such images, it seems.

Morris dancers will have to do.

(

izb posting occasional messages since 2001, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:18, archived)

Blue Peter Totaliser

sounds like some sort of atomic bomb made from sticky back plastic and a fairy liquid bottle.

"This week we're making a Blue Peter Totaliser 3000. Now be careful kids, and never use it without adult supervision!"

(

Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:21, archived)

blue peter totalannihalatorisor

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izb posting occasional messages since 2001, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:30, archived)

it was only at the last minute…

that kittie realised he didnt have his parachute…

(

breel, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:00, archived)

I think I may have misunderstood this band width crisis

These guys are huge, are getting bigger all the time,
and have done over 150 gigs in the last month...

(

chthonic, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:00, archived)

wow

these guys are even bigger

(

chthonic, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:07, archived)

The Crab Bloke Challenge: What should be on Darren Emersons' Website?

My idea: A drum machine program with a difference.

All the samples are human beatbox with a special speech pad with these samples:

*) Oi! Oi
*) Are you one one matie!
*) Aceeed!
*) You nut bag
*) Having it large!
*) Tune
*) Give trance a chance

Add a disco ball, raving crab with a smiley face t-shirt & white gloves.

FUCK ME- IT WOULD BE FANTASTIC!

(

rob, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 7:57, archived)

A flying bee-dog

Don't know what he would do. Maybe break things and make poems.

(

mrbrong, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:23, archived)

whos

darren emerson ?

is he related to keith emerson of emerson lake and palmer ? :)

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DaWolfey, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:28, archived)

He's A DJ

You fool.
:P

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Witty, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:59, archived)

whats the address

for his site?

(Big_bert the photoshop muppet, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 9:25, archived)

not much on it at the mo

http://www.darrenemerson.com

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rob, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 10:19, archived)

Rob,

you forgot the glowsticks in the crabs pincers.

Gurning crabs. A feersome thought.

(james, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 9:31, archived)

Don't forget that one of Darren's

ex work colleagues (Underworl) is Karl Hyde;

introduction

tomato was founded in 1991 by steve baker, dirk van dooren, karl hyde, richard smith, simon taylor, john warwicker, graham wood and colin vearncombe. jason kedgley joined in 1997 and michael horsham joined in 1998.

karl hyde and richard smith are also 'underworld'.

Just take a gander at www.tomato.co.uk

(

bantam, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 10:27, archived)

and also at

http://dirty.org/

(rickydazla, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 7:25, archived)

presumably

as he has asked us, it is because he doesn;t want the normal - look at what shockwave can do or look how small the text is and how difficult to navigate the site is, designer bollox that most dance music sites have.
sections:
- Darren emersons animal hybrid experimentation lab
- Largin it - pictures of large things being destroyed by crabs
- If I were god, inside darrens scary head
- what pot noodles would taste like if the flavours were the titles of DE's dance tracks
- blood on the dance floor, got to be something for this

and some kind of mix your own DE tracks machine with a twist

(

bazman, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 11:23, archived)

How about...

every now any then a random animal appearing and flashing in some weird multi-coloured epilepsy-inducing way for a short period of time?...You could have a Techno-Goat, or a Techno-badger.

(Muttley, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 12:47, archived)

tekno

i registered the url www.technoweasel.co.uk about a week ago. ive yet to do anything with it... but thats basically what its gonna be :D

(bobulatorm, Wed 6 Mar 2002, 14:06, archived)

Well

Although you probably don't need it, I can do anything to audio you might like. Just let me know @ [email protected]

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vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 21:24, archived)

Crisps

If anyone is thinking of trying Walkers new 'Cheese & Branston Pickle' flavour crisps, don't bother. They taste like dog dirt (with a hint of cheese). I am scraping my tongue with my shoe as I type this...

(kittenhoist, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 7:40, archived)

speaking of branston pickle

they've just made a smooth version of that now havn't they ?

Chunky and smooth branston pickle........

id never thought id see the day

They've obviously been looking at peanut butter... thankyou America!

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DaWolfey, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 7:57, archived)

woo! i know there was "spreadable"

which was kind of excusable. But SMOOTH? i don't want to live in a world that endorses such a thing. or where there's no b3ta or spike milligan. the world's shit, we have to rebuild it, somehow...

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spacefish bong!, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:03, archived)

Smooth Branston

Surely that's just brown sauce in a posh bottle?

(kittenhoist, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 9:42, archived)

oops.tried em before i got here

and you're so right...they're bogging...

(nic*, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:41, archived)

Don't bother with Marmite either...

They taste more like marmoset piss.

(kittenhoist, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 9:59, archived)

Bloody Geocities...

...wont show my picture so here's one of a dog licking a stool instead.

www.cyberenet.net/~bgriff/licking1.jpg

(kittenhoist, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 7:37, archived)

Simple steps.

1) Person creates a website as a hobby.
2) Website gets good.
3) Website gets popular.
4) Website's url gets published in a magazine.
5) Website creator can't afford bandwidth charges anymore.

<old man voice> I've seen it happen time and time again.

(

blah, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 7:32, archived)

magazine exposure = traffic?

ha ha. that's not where traffic comes from. magazines have very little power in this area.

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rob, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 7:34, archived)

Really?

Once again... back into my box....

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blah, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 7:36, archived)

sorry mate.

Didn't mean to be negative.

If you are interested then the chief value of press is for the site people to show to others and go "look! we're making an impact." A mention on memepool is something that actually gets a few hits. (9000, about the same as a mention on MSN, stat fans.)

(

rob, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 7:44, archived)

How about Slashdot or Fark?

Compared to say, erm... Front Magazine.

(

blah, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:02, archived)

Who's 'lucky'...

Meant to ask ages ago, most of the b3ta links on memepool come from him/her/them.

(

mrbrong, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:02, archived)

It seems that

a site can start picking up serious traffic when it gets spotted by a big weblog.

The bloggers all seem to read each others sites, so when it appears on one, it often starts popping up on others.

I made a joke geocities site last year, which turned up on blort, then started getting links from other logs (I guess that's what you mean with Memepool).

I never did anything else with the site, so it didn't get any repeat hits, but if it's a sticky site like this (i.e. with dynamic content) the number of hits generated by these links will only increase.

I got 30,000 in a month on mine, on just a stupid 2 page joke.

(

Not Pineapple anymore, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:03, archived)

How do sites like

fark and somethingawful and popbitch manage to keep going ?

Or other sites like g256 (general hardware type news site).

(

DaWolfey, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:40, archived)

Big-eyed kitten downhill queen mother licking

http://www.geocities.com/kittenhoist/downhillkitten.jpg

(kittenhoist, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 7:29, archived)

And on a more cheeful note...

... has anybody heard any new jokes?

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rob, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 7:25, archived)

no,

but i have been recycling old ones by miising out the punchline....

(redifusion, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 7:32, archived)

how do you double the value of a skoda?

put it on a leaf and wait til autumn

(

spacefish bong!, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 7:43, archived)

how do you get an elephant out of a tree?

fill it up with petrol

(

spacefish bong!, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 7:45, archived)

My dog's got no nose

How does it smell?
Jamaica

(

MartinH, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:34, archived)

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman

walk into a bar, and the barman says "Why the long face?"

(

Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:55, archived)

jokes

what do you call an italian with a rubber toe?

roberto
what do you call a french man in sandals?

philippe faloppe:-)

(nic*, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:52, archived)

suberp!

what's the motto of the french navy? "To the water, it's the hour!"

(takes a bit of thought. rather sad, too.)

(

spacefish bong!, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 9:10, archived)

nope

don't get it ... :/

(

Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 9:25, archived)

hahahahahaha

why do the french only eat one egg?
(coz one egg is always enough

(nic*, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 9:29, archived)

Bandwidth solution?

try spoke and axle at

www.great-jones-street.com/sa/

they match bandwidth providers with the homeless. its how orisinal got their new hosting

(dogegg, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 6:02, archived)

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