LEGO: Rantus Maximus.
The bastards... Everywhere I go I see lego sets with "special shapes" and Specificly shaped parts.... model "technic lego" cars which have pre-formed suspension wishbones and lumps of engine that can ONLY be a lump of engine... It's no longer adaptive, it's merely a 3D jigsaw puzzle with bumps on it!!!
THEY HAVE DESTROYED LEGO.
I remember having the ability to make ANYTHING from a kit of Lego.... nowadays there is one thing, and one thing only.... Gone is the "make anything out of standard parts" philosophy.... Gone is the need for creativity and imiginativeness. A set of shelves from Ikea is a more adaptive building set.
MY brother and I used to spend AGES making stuff that looked cool.... and now? Castles with frikking BROWN parts in them.... mean...REALLY !!! BROWN!!!! the horror. Colours for LEGO are Red, Yellow, Blue, Black, and Grey.... White at a SERIOUS stretch can be allowed, and Green if you count the big flat sheets... But BROWN???? NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!

Technic Motor-set (with two gearboxes)... I salute you.
Servo-motor system with logic gates? GO TO HELL.
Bits or rubber tubing to represent hoses: awesome.
Pre-moulded convolouted exhaust manifold malarky.... (just to make it look REAL) feck RIGHT off. You're taking the PISS!!!

It's like giving Care-bears rocket packs,
It's like giving "my little pony" a stallion's meat-truncheon.
It's lke giving Richard O'Brian a head of hair
It's like making Dinky toys out of PLASTIC.
It's like making John Major the presenter of 'Eurotrash'
It's as socialy acceptable as taking a dump at you're Gran's house, infront of your family, RIGHT on the Turkey.
You just don't DO IT!!!

Ohhh... would you look at this greenfly? Int it terrible?
More-tea-Vicar? hmm?
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Tue 14 Dec 2004, 7:22, Reply)

christmas '99
self explanatory, really.






serious effort went into tree decoration that year. i'm still rather proud of the Angel of Death, come to think of it.

the scariest thing is, i was only 12.

bad taste. good times.
(dunkin' goodhew, Fri 10 Dec 2004, 22:48, Reply)

now a song that has been good to me over the years........
I had my first girlfriend, aged 9. She was the cool girl at school. I danced with her mate at the disco. She dumped me, What’s the best thing to do? Not just to leave it, not just to utter “ I’m well out of your league anyway ,doll” and tell every one I had felt her boobies. (I was 9; boobies were a big deal. especially to her. She was the only one to have any.*) Oh no, I sang a shitty, cheezy pop tune to her. In front of the whole school, during a fire drill. A school that’s over 1000 pupils. What was the sound track to one of the most gut wrenchingly, arse hole tightningly, cringe worthy moment of my pre-pubescent life?
“ Babe I love you soooo, and I want you to know,
That I’m, gonna miss your love,
The minute you walk out that door”
(Feel free to join in! Any one can enter this nightmare!)
“Please don’t go, please don’t go, don’t goooooooooo, I’m begging you to stay, please don’t go.”
That song plagues my nightmares. I still see her now and again, and she still mentions it. In reply, I remind her that I am still well out of her league, then tell everyone I felt her boobies.

Bad taste on so many levels.
Any one remember who sang it?


* Apart from Iqubal the fat Asian guy. Man-breast factor 5.
(Jeeves, Mon 13 Dec 2004, 17:46, Reply)

Bees
When i was 3 i used to catch bees with my bare hands....and once i tried to eat one....it didn't taste very good. After that i went around stamping on every bee i could find shouting "NAUGHTY BEES! NAUGHTY BEES!"
(The_Kommandant, Sat 11 Dec 2004, 20:00, Reply)

A sons love!
One christmas when i was too young to truly understand swear words and more of the adult words that appeared on the news and that my older brother had started using. I was having a play fight in the lounge with my dad, whilst my grandparents, both sets, my uncle & aunt, mum & brother looked on, half watching noel edmonds up the post office tower, half watching dad & i tussle. dad had been overpowering me for a while, and i somehow managed to get dad onto his front with me sat on his back, feeling a little angry and happy i was winning the fight i screamed out "I'M GONNA RAPE YOU DAD", the room fell silent, eyes bulged, glasses were dropped, jaws hit floors. i was very very quickly escorted to my room where i spent the whole of xmas day wondering what the hell i had done. my tiny sponge like brain for some reason thought rape meant beating some one up who you love, but in a nice way!! oh how we laugh now.
i also brought joe dolces "shuddupa-ya -face", sorry midge ure!
(chop chop old boy, Fri 10 Dec 2004, 22:11, Reply)

When I were young...
I developed an attachment to two...interesting objects. One was a pair of bright yellow lyrca cycling shorts (I couldn't even ride a bike back then) and the other was a white fake fur coat (I'm male). I would wear these two in tandem almost every day and no one had the simple basic human decency to bully me for it. Bastards! I kept going for almost a year

/first post
(Dromedary, Sat 11 Dec 2004, 13:06, Reply)

Very bad taste
I can think of something from my childhood with a very bad taste indeed. The piss I did into my hand and drank to see what it tasted like.

Although it wasn't as bad as the shit I scraped out of my own arsehole and tried. It tasted like shit. So I smeared it all over the pages of my sister's Ladybird books.
(Ali Bongo 9000 Ali Bongo 9000, Wed 15 Dec 2004, 17:30, Reply)

Mr Spoons
When I was around 13-14 during the hooded tops (pot noodle coloured) and baggy trousers phase al la "Madchester". My mate and I decided that sello-taping lots of spoons to ourselves whilst wearing ballaclavas (which had bike lights tied to them) would be the next big thing at the Wednesday night school youthclub disco.

We were right, and got told off by the canteen staff because of everyone wanting to borrow their spoons. This went on for a few weeks until it started to get dangerous when people started to turn up with kitchen knives taped to their tops and carrying blenders!

*Meh* kids eh!
(cherry B, Wed 15 Dec 2004, 11:33, Reply)

Oh dear...
When I was about 7 I used to fancy the pants off Penny from Inspector Gadget.

Fortunately I have now grown out of this phase and now regularly beat-off over the female instructor on Pilot Wings for the SNES...
(misteroz, Wed 15 Dec 2004, 10:58, Reply)

Chronological Bad Taste
Age 5: Lime Green Jump Suit with Teddy Bear Head sewn on back. Yellow Piping around legs, cuffs and front zipper.

Age 6: Laura Ingalls inspired prairie dresses. Hair worn in a side ponytail.

Age 7: I was mad about Strawberry Shortcake and had many shirts that said so.

Age 8: Adjustable Roller Skates that fit over my shoes. Huffy bike with flourescent pink tassles on the ends.

Age 9: Silky shirts with large poofy shoulders and a big big big (BIG) bow that would tie around the neck and dangle to the waist. Loved those damn shirts.

Age 10: The start of my punk revolution. Cut my own hair so it was short on one side and longer on the other, always covering my eyes.

Age 11: Patent leather high heel shoes with socks that had a foldable cuff with lace on it.

Age 12: The brighter the better. Flourescent colors. Always. Wore those silly rubber bracelets, about fifty at a time.

Age 13: Went to see my first concert. Sha Na Na. Was excited about it.

Age 14: Went into a kind of a rodeo phase - white pants, embroidered button up shirts, pointy boots.

Age 15: see previous entry on page 2 about my escapades about me and my boyfriend and his monster truck.

Age 16: gave up the aqua net but wore pink for six months straight because I thought I looked like Molly Ringwald.

Age 17: Wore a lot of bright teal. Overtweezed my eyebrows into a skinny straight line so I always looked puzzled.

Age 18: Discovered perfume. Wore lots of perfume like: Tea Rose, Charlie, Liz Claiborne and thought my boyfriend was the best because he wore Old Spice.

Age 19: Wore leggings, boots and a long sweater at all times. Nevermind that I lived in Southern California. Also had a ruffled white shirt, like a pirate.

Age 20: Wore a hat for a year straight that was black crushed velvet and had a big fake rose on it. It was hideous. Also wore long fake pearls because I was soooooo posh.

Age 21: Discovering alcohol and its wonderous effects profoundly changed my wardrobe. Began wearing really really short skirts and tight lycra tops with platform shoes.

Age 22: Entered the professional workforce. Had an army of professional jackets with huge shoulder pads and very very very large buttons.

Age 23: Discovered the wonder of wide legged pants. Began sewing inserts into bell bottomed jeans so they would be more bell bottomed, to the point of looking like a skirt and guaranteed to trip me whenever I took a step, especially if I was drinking, which I usually was.

Age 24: Someone told me I looked good in Red. Started wearing bright red every chance I got. Room still decorated with stuffed animals. Car had fuzzy dice and zebra striped seats. Died my hair fushia. (and I have natural radiant red hair, so that's just sad). Obviously not in the professional workforce at this point.

Age 25: Omigod! I love flowers! Flowered shirts, flowered dresses, flowered shoes. Terrible, just terrible.

Age 26: Proudly wore a pair of shiny satin pink pants every chance I got. With a measurable figure of 36 - 26 - 38, this was not a very good idea.

Age 27: PLEATHER!!! Yes! Bring on the fake leather!!!! Ripped out the ass end of my pleather pants in a dance contest at a local club.

Age 28: The sloppy era. Sweatpants, sweatshirts, long baggy skirts. Not a bit of skin to be seen anywhere other than face and hands. Men not tantalized by my ankles.

Age 29: Got rid of all aforementioned clothing. Began to dress in a casual classic style. Black. Simple. Always.

This brings us to the present time. No bad taste I can think of other than a current deep love of 70's music, the cheesier the better.
(Igneous, Tue 14 Dec 2004, 22:16, Reply)

Bad taste wasn't me so prob don't count
I remember a teacher at my school trying to shut a group of chatting girls up , after about 40 minutes of the lesson he had finally had enough and shouted ,or should I say meant to shout "Kate Sp....er do you want your tongue cut out" it came out in front of a group of 14 year olds " Kate Sp....er do you want your c**t tongued out"

I'll be honest if she did I would have done it for nothing ;-)
(alwaysallways, Fri 10 Dec 2004, 22:40, Reply)

Simon Wicks
has alot to answer for.

Leather fucking ties for a start.

I had 4.

Wanker.
(spawnbauble, Fri 10 Dec 2004, 15:45, Reply)

Red shoes.
Obviously not a childhood story, but incredibly immature - I got married in bright red shiny leather shoes, which at the time were "80s cool". Thanks to Adobe Photoshop the photos show they are now a respectable black and my photos no longer make me look like a male version of Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz.
It's kind of a denial / revisionist thing..."nein, nein, der shoes ver never red. It's ein Jewish shoe maker conspiracy".
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Fri 10 Dec 2004, 15:16, Reply)

Bad Taste Even Whilst Working Out
. . . used to do aerobics while wearing spandex bottoms and a brightly colored thong bodysuit overtop so that my ass cheeks, encased in shiny purple fabric, looked like two giant blueberries wrestling with, and trying to escape from, an orange noose that would, with every movement, disappear a little more into my ummm......backside.
(Igneous, Fri 10 Dec 2004, 15:16, Reply)

This one got passed round my dad's office a bit:
I went to the bog in a local pub with my dad, aged about 6 and saw a vending macine with lots of pretty colours and names of flavours on the outside. My then fragile un-corrupted mind instictivley asked my father for two english pounds to purchase what I percieved to be sweeties from this mysterious mechanical vending contraption.
Needless to say, I will never ever use flavoured condoms EVER. Even if it means going without.
(Mr. Beef studio gash stylist, Wed 15 Dec 2004, 21:40, Reply)

When I was young
When I was much younger, no more than a little stupid lamb, I used to find it amusing to post messages on the board that made a link to past oft-posted messages about ice cream vans and pedrophiles. Oh how the cold light of day has revealed the irony that these messages have now become as irritating as the originals they so meant to parody. There's nothing so frightening as the horrible feeling of having to now be original.
(tomshave, Tue 14 Dec 2004, 16:00, Reply)

Novas
There used to be a very nice kit car based on the VW beatle, called the Nova. tiny two seater, hydraulic lifters take the windscreen and roof off for you to get in, and it's less than 3' off the ground. My dad showed me a picture of one when I was small.

I then spent the next few years saying how Novas were teh best car ever and how I really wanted one, until eventually someone told me what everyone else thought I was talking about. They must've thought I was a right chav.
( Lum, Mon 13 Dec 2004, 21:31, Reply)

Bad Taste? Moi?
Okay. Phew, this is going to be brutal.

From the time I was born my mum insisted upon cutting my hair herself. Which would be fine if she didn't have ten thumbs.

Here I am aged 12, bowl cut all present and correct:



I am standing behind my brother. Notice the lively and colourful shirt I'm wearing. Also notice that my brother is wearing the same shirt. Moving on swiftly . . .

Once I started going to the barber for haircuts my hairstyles improved, right? Look as this pic and judge for yourselves:



Oh yeah! Check out the half-inch thick parting. The wonder is not that I was bullied but that I wasn't bullied MORE.

This is me, aged 16, on my class photo:



When my friend's dad saw the photo he pointed at me and asked "who's this girl?"

Gets worse. Me aged 18:



Come get it, ladies. This is when I hadn't been to the barbers for about 8 months. Eventually I grew it into a ponytail. (The horror, the horror.)

Thank Christ I developed a sense of style when I was about 21 and started going to hairdressers. I've had generic, spiky hair since then.

Apologies for (hair) length.
(MrC. Having the most boring username on b3ta since 2004, Mon 13 Dec 2004, 20:11, Reply)

Thomas the tank engine
Dear god, this takes me back yeeeears...

I used to have a small rideable thomas the tank engine thing with wheels and a steering wheel for a funnel.

I would go around shouting "TOOT TOOT WOO WOO!" and "HELP! THE NAUGHTY TRUCKS ARE PUSHING ME!".

Of course, my parents decided that I wasn't allowed to play with it anymore: "21 year olds don't like thomas the tank, they like sex. Now get out of my house!"

Gits.







Aztec Zones rules.
(DarkLite swallowed my entire undercarriage, Mon 13 Dec 2004, 14:46, Reply)

Dear god.... the shame.
Twas Summer.
Jeans: cut off just above the knee... They were tight, and ripped in a strategic manner.
DM boots.
TIGHT white T-shirt (I was fit)
Red "Mickey Knox" Lennon-Shades.
Unfeasably short haircut.

I stopped it shortly after my brother declared that I filled the fasion gap that lies between "Neo-Nazi" and "Gay Rights Activist"

I'm En-debted to you Bob.
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Mon 13 Dec 2004, 14:35, Reply)

i had a really cool badge
when i was five or six... I wore it back from junior school once, pinned to the lapel of my jacket.

my mum saw it and told me to take off the antler surrounded silver nazi badge immediatly.

no idea.
(magictorch, Mon 13 Dec 2004, 13:04, Reply)

Fonkmaster Beats Da World!
My mum bought me a hooded fleece when I was about 14.

I was listening to GnR and Nirvana at the time, but my mum (bless her) bought this hoodie thing that said 'Fonkmaster Beats Da World!' on the back in BIG letters (in a circle around a globe).

Just in case anyone missed it, it said the same on the front, only a little smaller.

Quite who Fonkmaster was / is, or why he claimed to beat 'da world', I never knew... but I never wore it outside of my house.

My mum did, though.
(Seebeedee, Mon 13 Dec 2004, 12:21, Reply)

I say
Hey boy
Sittin' in your tree
Mummy always wants you to come for tea.
Don't be shy, straighten up your tie
Get down from your treehouse sittin' in the sky.

Lyrics that truly do mean as much today as they did the day they were written. Genius.
(SusK, Mon 13 Dec 2004, 0:13, Reply)

Bad Taste...............
I used to suck my dads car keys coz they tasted funny and metallic like. I was about 4. Now i'm 24, and i see my dad cleaning his ears with his car keys every other day. NO wonder they tasted funny. Thats what i call a bad taste.

My mum used to drive a Skoda, the essence of bad taste. Poo.
(crimpalength, Sun 12 Dec 2004, 17:36, Reply)

give me credit i was only six...
i wanted to do that whole big-baggy-jumper-over-tight-leggings thing. except i was six, so i didn't realise people where actually wearing leggings. the consequence of this was that despite much pleading from my mum, i went to school wearing a big chunky jumpy over a pair of bright pink, woollen tights. oh yes.
( eponymous Oh!, Sun 12 Dec 2004, 14:55, Reply)

Mmm...
My best friend and I used to eat worms because we were told when you cut a worm in half in continues to live. Not only did we want worms in our stomachs, we wanted to shit worms too.
(Joanna, Sun 12 Dec 2004, 1:18, Reply)

its fun to stay at the...
to my eternal shame from the age of 14 i had my picture up in hamleys toyshop so the security guards would know not to let me in..never a good idea to shoplift from one of the biggest toyshops in the world, even worse when its for stealing lead...lead to make models...models for dungeons and dragons figures..dungeaons and dragons figures which i was playing with at the ymca, the ymca which i had to spend over an hour on the bus to get to... what was i thinking???????????
(poomin, Fri 10 Dec 2004, 21:41, Reply)

When I was 14 I was big fan of TV's Miami Vice...
Don Johnson was our role model of cool, so one saturday I got my Mum to take me to Burtons Menswear to buy:

White trousers with fat turnups.
Turquoise (sp?) t-shirt.
Yellow suit jacket.
£3 Ray Bans from the market.

How could any girl resist a chubby virginal 14 year-old from Cheshire in this ensemble?

Well, they resisted very well - in fact they were 100% effective at resisting me.

I've always looked like a tit, however now I'm good at it - and the ladies now respect me more.
( Your Mum, Fri 10 Dec 2004, 14:28, Reply)

Global hypercolour
I mean, come on, what the hell was the point? 'I know, let's invent a t-shirt that highlights when and where you are sweating' What an arse idea.
(tpp, Fri 10 Dec 2004, 14:10, Reply)

i cant think of much that wasnt bad
Shell suits
luminous boxer shorts
loads'a'money tshirts
dungeons & dragons
Timmy Mallet

My favorite tho is my best mate used to record the music from computer games like Street Fighter 2 so he could listen to it on his walkman.

Edit- almost forgot novelty ties.
(twocoats, Fri 10 Dec 2004, 14:01, Reply)