goths not alowd
me and a friend were 'dragged' to a chav type club with a few of our 'chav type' uni classmates. We were hardcore rockers at the time and really didnt want to go.

our mates convinced us to go and gave us tickets that will get us in for £2 as apose to the normal £3 fee.

So standing in the long queue waiting to get in said club, a security bouncer type guy comes over and asks me to lift up my trouser legs (was wearing extremely baggy 'goth' jeans at the time).

So i lift my trouser leg and bouncer gasps.... I am wearing trainers - apparently a crime against chav club fashion and not alowd. Bouncer argues with me that i wore those jeans on purpose to hide my trainers.

I strongly disagree with bouncer, and tell said bouncer that this is my 1st time at club and knew nothing of fashion rules of chav clubbing.

Bouncer grunts and unbelievably lets me in.

I walk up to the bar and b4 i can order a drink another big fat bouncer comes upto me and says i will have leave the premises - trainers are not alowd!!

Me and friend go to the girl at the door and get our money back, we failed to tell her we got in with 'special £2 ticket' and me and my friend was refunded our full '£3' each.

woo hoo - 5 mins in a club and we both made £1.

worst club ever - never went back, it closed shortly after!
(chixor, Tue 5 Sep 2006, 13:29, Reply)

Uni bars uni.
Our entire student union (DeMontfort - Milton Keynes) was barred from neighbouring student union at The Open University, following us holding our Christmas ball there.

I think the main problem began during the sit down meal... there was genuine surprise when the roast potato impacted and exploded on the table in front of us. Even more so when it was followed by a brussel sprout... then it became clear these airborne projectiles were flying the full length of the large hall we occupied.

Then I heard the cry of "FOOD FIGHT!!!!"....

After dinner we were supposed to have about 15 mins in the bar before band went on (having cleared the tables away)... it took well over an hour to clear up. Next day we found out we could never use the facilities again... shame, I liked the display of big kipper ties.
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Tue 5 Sep 2006, 13:18, Reply)

I was barred from the British National Party
for not being a toffy-nosed, one-eyed, Richard Nixon impersonating neo-Nazi tubbyguts.


(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Tue 5 Sep 2006, 13:12, Reply)

thanks clapper!
at least i can only raise the bar both in a feeble attempt to stay on topic and to meet someone who doesn't suck quite so much scum!!!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 5 Sep 2006, 12:53, Reply)

Bloody well done Rachelswipe
Stay strong and stay away. I only have your QOTW replies to go on what sort of a lady you are, but judging by them you have to be well worth more than this excuse for a man. Huzzahs for you.

Oh yes. The QOTW. I have barred myself from further off topic comments *ahem*
(clapper, Tue 5 Sep 2006, 12:40, Reply)

new years eve
country pub in cheshire, 25 of us had left it til the last minute and the 70's night with food and drinks included was the only option left.

we got a big table near the food, which was due to be scarfed down at about 9pm. at 7pm they were setting it all up. and my pissed up and scatty as hell friend joanna decided she neeeeeeded a sausage roll.

so she leaned over, figuring that if she pinched the barmanageress' arse, the woman would not be able to see who it was and would be sufficiently distracted for jo to commit the perfect crime.

only (i) it was obviously a sh1t idea and (ii) jo has the subtlety of a rutting fire engine. so the manageress turns round in outrage to find jo with one hand full of arse, one hand full of stolen sausage roll and a mouth spraying beer everywhere with glee at her own stroke of genius.

result? all thrown out, barred for life. 25 of us spent the rest of the evening sneaking back in through the fire escape one at a time.

it was sh1t, we'd have been better off partying in the lane with some special brew.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 5 Sep 2006, 12:17, Reply)

barred...
well, just got binned by the balding, bed sh1tting, alcoholic, ugly twat of an ex-boss i've been seeing for the last 3 years. he's found someone else dumb enough to put up with him (she is german, even he's interesting compared to her).

so i've barred him from my phone and myself from his flat, general area of london, pubs he might be in... which would be a lot more interesting if the c*nt would actually call and grovel to get me back...

men!!! (sort of anyway)
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 5 Sep 2006, 12:13, Reply)

The Krankies got me barred
Every year a club at my uni went to the pantomime at the Pavilion Theatre in Glasgow. I'm told no other theatre in the city would let them within a mile. These trips had to be booked under assumed names, on account of the club being barred for life every time they went.

So... Christmas 1997, and we're sitting there enjoying Aladdin. Drinks have been drunk and it's not long before a bit of good-natured heckling begins. People who know Glasgow will know that the Pavilion panto always stars the Krankies. Or at least it did until wee Jimmy fell off a beanstalk a couple of years back and threatened to sue - but that's another story.

It is a panto tradition for the cast to throw sweets into the audience. It is a club tradition for the audience to throw sweets at the cast. Mine hit wee Jimmy Krankie on the forehead. The panto stops. The other krankie comes back on stage to berate us. Children cry. Angry ushers appear and escort us from the building. We're banned for life. Again. So we went to the pub and got (more) pished - the panto was crap anyway.

And I claim no responsibility for the beanstalk incident.


I also got kicked out of the terminal building at Glasgow airport for not being a passenger during last month's terrorist alert/government conspiracy/feeble attempt to justify bombing more arab countries*

(*delete as you feel appropriate)


*POP*
(Eldred, Tue 5 Sep 2006, 10:56, Reply)

burger barred
been reading this site for yonks, and thought it was about time i added my own inane ramblings

burger king drive thru, kingsway dundee

after spending some considerable time at the window expectantly looking over for the delivery of our whoppers, the rotund monster eventually came through with our order.

"sorry about your wait", says she

"sorry about your weight, you fat cunt", replies I

"yous are barred", says she

from the fucking drive through?

went back next week

nae bother
(blartboy, Tue 5 Sep 2006, 10:33, Reply)

Christmas - good cheer and (too much) drinking
I've just remember another couple. Both related to Little Chef again, there must have been something in the water at that place I reckon.

Two successive staff Christmas parties resulted in the entire staff of the restaurant being banned from the pubs they were held in.

The first was fairly tame, only one person was sick over the bar and the Christmas decorations we stole at the end (all of them) weren't exactly expensive. Fair exchange for the fact we spent a sum of money roughly equal to the third world debt at the bar, I reckon.

The next year a different pub, they'd been forewarned of our kleptomaniac tendencies so had cleared the bar of anything shiny beforehand. In true festive fashion we'd gone for a 'few' warm up pints prior, resulting in me hardly being able to see, let alone stand up in a straight line, by the time we pitched up for the meal.

All went well, good food and good Christmas cheer, until my then girlfriend went to the toilet and reappeared with the manager, who was holding a toilet seat in his hand. Somehow she was so pissed she'd managed to break it off the toilet, making so much noise in the process that he'd heard and gone in to investigate.

Cue her being chucked out and banned, obviously I couldn't leave her on the street (was mighty tempting though, I hadn't finished my meal yet) so stood up to walk out with her and was rewarded with a ban of my own, despite having been sat down enjoying my food. Cue me chucking the rest of my meal at the wall in protest, kicking off a huge food fight as I walked out with this huge fat woman screaming abuse at me. I had to go in the next day and pay for the damage.

As with the previous post I've learnt my lesson and now just try to fall asleep in corners when I get too pissed instead of making a scene (not that I'm claiming I can manage this 100% of the time). It's not worth it, kids.

[length joke]
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 5 Sep 2006, 10:13, Reply)

Like a retarded dwarf - not big, and not clever
I'm barred for life from every Little Chef, Harry Ramsden's, Travelodge and Moto service station in the country.

As well as it being slightly difficult to enforce due to none of them having a photo of me, those of you in the UK will appreciate that it isn't exactly a great loss.

It stems from being sacked for gross misconduct and bringing the company into disrepute a few years ago after being sent to work at a different Little Chef to the one in my home town in order to train staff, getting horrendously drunk on company money and thinking it would be a laugh to steal wing mirrors and various other items from cars around the sleepy little village we were staying in.

This resulted in me being apparently the only person ever in our region of the company to be arrested whilst at work (yep, they even have CCTV in sleepy little villages these days). Criminal convictions, a large fine and an awful lot of 'voluntary work' later, I now behave myself when I drink excessively.

Hopefully my length's alright, this is my first time, although I've been watching you lot do it for ages.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 5 Sep 2006, 10:00, Reply)

Beaten up
After a hard day's drinking my friend Jase and I ended up in the Rose and Crown (a bit of a shit hole pub in the middle of Stratford on Avon) playing pool with a bunch of his scary 'born again' christian buddies.

Towards closing time I was trying to get a final drink, and the barman seemed to be ignoring me in favour of the (seemingly never ending) procession of gorgeous young ladies who also wanted a last drink before the bar closed. I finally got served by the little scrote, and retreated with my beer to the pool tables.

Finally the inevitable happened, and we were told we had to leave as they were closing up. Still sore from my extended wait at the bar (remember I was VERY drunk) as I walked past the bar I stuck my thumb up at the barman who served me and gave him a big grin, he responded in kind, at which point I shouted in his face "Shit bar staff!".

Ok, not the wittiest comment, but it obviously hit the spot, as the guy volted over the bar and proceeded to pummel me. I stumbled out of the pub and fell against a car whilst he punched and kicked me. I discovered later that he stopped because one of the happy clappers I had been playing pool with (a big girl) had taken off her belt and started beating him across the back with the buckle end of it!

Anyway, a couple of the scary bouncers from the pub informed me that if me or my mate ever showed our faces in there again we would get the shit kicked out of us... I took that to mean we were barred.

A number of days later the fucking police showed up at my house (god knows how they found me) because I had dented some dudes car with my head whilst I was beaing beaten up. It's good to know they are on the ball :-(

Oh.... one last thing - my mate has an identical twin brother who we forgot to mention all this to. He went into the Rose and Crown shortly after it happened and only just managed to escape without a good beating coz they wouldn't believe he wasn't his brother! Oops....
(Captain Happy, Tue 5 Sep 2006, 9:15, Reply)

Kicked Out
I was pretty hammered in the High Cross in Leicester and thought it would be a grand idea to squirt mayonnaise over the toilet seat. Coming out of the cubical however the bouncers were in the toilet attending to some twats who were getting a bit violent, i don't think it took them too long to work out who it was, i was out on my ear.
( Spunky McPunk not dead yet, Tue 5 Sep 2006, 9:05, Reply)

Not me but a mate
One of the backpacker bars in Kings Cross, Sydney usually has a weekly happyhour event called toss-the-boss where after ordering drinks at the bar you toss the bartender for them and if you win you get those drinks free. Anyways Big John wins the toss and in celebration thrusts his arms up in the air and knocks down the entire rack of wine glasses hung over the bar.

He wasn't even allowed to finish the drinks he just won.
(Tinfoil Hat, Tue 5 Sep 2006, 4:22, Reply)

Banned etc
Twas Christmas time, Norwich was the place, myself and (younger) work collegues were out on a general xmas piss up. I had on a red santa hat and service at the bar was slow. I mentioned to the guy next to me that it would be quicker to serve ourselves and so he dared me to. Being fair game I reached round - put my glass on the tray and tipped the tap forward ever so slightly - a thimble full of cider dripped into my glass. Oh how me and my new friend laughed, in about 5 seconds 4 bouncers and the landlord appeared one grabbed me by the collar and picking me up on to my tippy toes half walked and half carried me to the fire exit where he opened the door with my head and threw me down the iron stairs - said I was banned for life called me a cunt and threw my santa hat into the nearby skip. I love Norwich

Oh and another - got the shite kicked out of me in a pub toilet for grabbing some birds arse - whose bloke just happend to be standing right next to her. He gave me an almightly kicking, breaking my nose and leaving me in a right mess. Trying to clean myself up by the sink the bouncer comes storming in grabs me by me collar and picking me up on to my tippy toes half walks, half carried me to the exit where he throws me onto the street and says I'm banned for life - I roll into the road.

Last one - Smashed a newcastle brown bottle over some guys head in a club in Wales - banned for a night.
(devasa, Mon 4 Sep 2006, 21:43, Reply)

persian rug
When I was about 17 I had a couple of friends over to my house for a night of drinking while my parents were away.

One guy passed out, so we thought it would be funny to sift flour onto his head.

Realising he'd been pranked he walked downstairs to the living room, and nonchalantly made himself throw up all over my parent's posh persian rug.

It was genius, but i was obliged to ban him for a week.
(juniorsquire, Mon 4 Sep 2006, 21:23, Reply)

Balls!
I was barred for life, at the age of seventeen, from the kiddies' play zone in the Coral Island (giant, hideous amusement arcade on Blackpool front) twice in one evening.

I'm not clear how it began, but it was back in the days when i still wore heels occasionally, so I suspect the bright and squashy foam bench things had proved a sight too tempting for my whisky-addled, swollen-footed self as my friend and I took a short cut through the arcade on the route round town. So sat we did, and in our sparkly be-trannyed finery, we caught the attention of a couple of the dwarfish ADHD-addled chavspawn who had been chucked in the play area while their parents downed blue WKDs at the bar. The next thing I knew, I was knee-deep in balls, laughing manically and lobbing the coloured projectiles with as much force and accuracy as half a bottle of scotch will allow at the tiny ASBOs. Very soon after, me and my friend were being escorted off the premises by some spotty herbert in a polo shirt and informed that we had earned ourselves a life ban. He took our photos. He took our details "for the manager's record." I have just remembered that I tried to give my name as "Mrs Crabstick", but was unable to keep from snorting with laughter at my own joke.

Now for some reason, I decided to take umbrage at this, and according to said poor friend, after howling wildly about "civil rights" at the glass door, and stamping about for ten minutes in a sniffy fit of "how dare they ban ME,"-style pique, I INSISTED that we should strike a blow against the evil profiteering scumbag corporate rat-bastards by trying to sneak back in through the other door and "staging a protest." And, by the old but infallible disguise method of switching coats and practically crawling along the floor under thr reception counter, we made it. We were there. And, once again, I made a wavering but determined line for the ball pool. My halfling adversaries were waiting, already beginning to shriek, balls firmly in hand.

"Right, you shysty wee crotch-pheasants," thought I, "prepare yourselves for Ballageddon." I strode on up. I clambered in. The barrage began, but as I grabbed my first round of assault grenades, a blurry shape appeared at the corner of my vision. It was the herbert. Once again, I was reprimanded, shouted at, and re-banned, or rather, "Mrs Crabstick" was. It was all pretty ridiculous. I don't know what had got into me that night. Or rather, I do, and so do the employees of the Coral Island circa '99, for as the herbert lunged to grab my arm and pull me out of the ball pool, I stumbled forward, swayed dramatically, gave a hearty belch, and puked all over my own legs.


Cock, etc.
(jennymnemonic, Mon 4 Sep 2006, 20:58, Reply)

ooh oooh oooh not barred but....
i was once thrown out of toy shop when i was younger - as i was looking at these very cool marbels when this stupid lady grabbed me, took the marbles of me and threw me out - i stood there in shock and wondering why - when i realised that my hugely stupidly large coat my parents had gotten me (that of course, i'd grow into). was hidding my hands and it looked like i was trying to steal them! now thats trust for you.
( Rev. Jesse. broke his ankle, Mon 4 Sep 2006, 20:57, Reply)

anal sex ha haa haha ha
anal sex ha haa haha ha anal sex ha haa haha ha anal sex ha haa haha ha anal sex ha haa haha ha anal sex ha haa haha ha anal sex ha haa haha ha anal sex ha haa haha ha anal sex ha haa haha ha anal sex ha haa haha ha anal sex ha haa haha ha anal sex ha haa haha ha anal sex ha haa haha ha anal sex ha haa haha ha anal sex ha haa haha ha anal sex ha haa haha ha anal sex ha haa haha ha anal sex ha haa haha ha anal sex ha haa haha ha anal sex ha haa haha ha anal sex ha haa haha ha anal sex ha haa haha ha anal sex ha haa haha ha anal sex ha haa haha ha anal sex ha haa haha ha anal sex ha haa haha ha anal sex ha haa haha ha anal sex ha haa haha ha anal sex ha haa haha ha anal sex ha haa haha ha anal sex ha haa haha ha anal sex ha haa haha ha anal sex ha haa haha ha anal sex ha haa haha ha anal sex ha haa haha ha anal sex ha haa haha ha anal sex ha haa haha ha anal sex ha haa haha ha anal sex ha haa haha ha anal sex ha haa haha ha anal sex ha haa haha ha anal sex ha haa haha ha anal sex ha haa haha ha
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 4 Sep 2006, 20:11, Reply)

See that about the Aussie croc guy

Apparently a stingray barbed him.

RIP Paul Hogan
(Lt Columbo, Mon 4 Sep 2006, 19:21, Reply)

Nag's Head, Walthamstow
An acquaintance of mine was hoyed out of this pub by Roger, the somewhat unbalanced and frequently pissed-up landlord, simply for commenting that £2.80 was a "bit steep" for a pint of Stella.

Prior to his ejection, him and his girlfriend were subjected to a ten-minute rant which they quietly accepted as Roger delivered it whilst leaning heavily on the Kronenbourg pump, unwittingly gushing away considerably more than £2.80 worth of lager.

Roger's missus is a nutter as well, she can be driven into an apoplectic OCD rage if you so much as move a table, chair or ashtray.
( weebear1974 discovering the joy of cat rape since, Mon 4 Sep 2006, 18:23, Reply)

DISCLAIMER: I really, really didn't do it...
...but I suppose it makes for a half-decent story.

I'm a bit of a goody-goody and have never been banned or thrown out of anywhere. Until now.

I am currently banned from a fairly large hospital in North London. A whole hospital! Fancy! What did I do?

Well, allegedly...
1. I called one of the managers a "bastard".
2. I helped one of the nurses raise a complaint against her manager.
3. I showed my tits in a local pub.

All sounds pretty tame, yes?

Ah. Forgot to mention. I'm actually a senior manager at aforementioned hospital myself. Oopsy.

Still, so far I've managed to string my full-pay suspension out to five weeks of scratching my arse in front of Jeremy Kyle at a rate of £200+ a day to YOU, dear taxpayer - whilst they try to cobble a case together and avoid admitting that it's all the ramblings of a gibbering mentalist.

Well done everyone.
( weebear1974 discovering the joy of cat rape since, Mon 4 Sep 2006, 18:11, Reply)

Hmmmmmmm.......
Ermmm
1) Got barred from Bentalls shoppin centre in kingston for yanking out a sofa bed while my mate was on it n sending him flyin..ran away from security to ima guessing that didnt help our cause

2) Got told never to come back to the roehampton asda. 2 reasons.,,, got caught playin footie in one of their aisles n then cos i set of about 30 kiddie toys with a mate...got chased by security again

3) Got banned from my library for havin a smoke, i was very drunk, n i really ddnt mean to

Hopefully my 2nd year at uni wont be so bad
(Fluent In Bentish Living in Scatman's World, tis being fun!, Mon 4 Sep 2006, 17:46, Reply)

In the states we call it 86'ed...
The only time I've been 86'ed from a place was two years ago on a trip to california. Well actually I just got thrown out of a local pizza joint on saturday for calling the bartender a douchebag, but he really was being a douchebag and I can still probably go back if he's not working. But anyway I was in Big Sur california, and it was january, and it was pouring. There being about 200 total residents of big sur in the winter there was absolutely nothing to do. My friend and I rounded up all of the people we had met on our trip, which included 2 methheads, a crunchy hippie, and about 10 mexicans, and told them that we were all going to do a lot of mushrooms. We got a big bag, and started eating. We had no scale, and they were particularly potent (unbeknownst to me) and about an hour in we were all in another dimension. I had some fun chilling in our motel room listening to music on a homemade stereo made by one of the tweakers consisting of the tape player, speakers, and battery ripped out of his pickup truck and soldered back together inside our room. (tweakers show you how to do the greatest things) I was also carrying on entire conversations in spanish with Jorge, one of the mexican kids, ddespite the fact that I don't speak of word of spanish. I think he was so far out he didn't notice either. But the hours went by and I grew tired of what was quite frankly a sausage fest of Bavarian proportions, so I went out the door and yelled, "see you later dudes I'm going to find some bitches at the bar!" I got to the bar, and maybe it was the mushroom's fault (it was definately the mushrooms fault) but for some reason I was convinced that I knew every single person in the place. I walked up to the bar and joined right in a pair of complete strangers conversation as if I had known them for years. I ended up getting in a friendly argument with one of them who had committed the unforgivable sin of saying that Lyryrd Skynyrd sucked, and the guy thought I was hilarious, and said he wwanted to buy me a drink. So he called the bartender over and told him to pour me a shot of whiskey. The bartender said "sure, no problem, I'll just have to see your ID." Well here in the nanny state that we call the U.S. you have to be 21 to purchase and consume alcohol, and the fact was that at the time I was only 19. But as I told you before, these were some powerful mushrooms and I was entirely convinced that the drinking age was 19. So I proudly gave him my driver's license, and was completely shocked when he gave it back and said, "I'm sorry son, I can't serve you." "Why not?" I replied.
"Because you're 19."
"Yeah exactly, I'm 19, now where's my shot?"
"Son I can't serve you, I'd get my liiquor license taken away."
this is when I began to get agitated.
"Goddammit I am 19 years old and you had better pour me that fucking shot. I know the law, I know my rights, what the fuck is your problem?"
I still don't know how he got over the bar so fast, but in the blink of an eye he was on my side of the bar, with one hand on my collar and the other on my belt, giving me the old fashioned bumrush out the door. I'm glad the door was the swinging type, because I don't doubt that if it wasn't he still would have pushed me through it whether it opened or not. I had just come to a stop on the ground when I heard the obligatory "and don't come back!"
I never did.

Oh and if places that aren't bars count that I'm also banned for life from all Linens N' Things stores for holding an imprompteau shopping cart race which resulted in the destruction of an entire rack of glass candles. Also from the Old Country Buffet for convincing my friend to mix every item they had, drinks and dessert included into a cup and see how much he could chug, which resulted in the furthest projectile vomiting I've ever seen outside of the Exorcist. As far as I know my polariod is still hanging over the cash register.
(raulduke, Mon 4 Sep 2006, 17:30, Reply)

We collected cockroaches in a Pringles tube all week...
I got banned from the apartment complex I was staying in on holiday a few years ago. I wasn't barred for very long, but it counts, dammit! I wish I could remember the name of the place because it was a roach-infested hell hole, and is well worth avoiding. Anyway, it was the first night of a lads holiday in Tenerife, and we managed to get completely separated. Six of us, two apartments in a big complex, with only one key to each apartment. Naturally I was not entrusted with one of these keys, having the lowest alcohol tolerance.

I had decided that the vast majority of the nightlife was dreadful but had managed to find a small bar with a live band playing Rage Against the Machine covers... result! I stayed until it shut, figuring that by this point someone would be home to let me in. I strolled back to my apartment, only to find the guy who'd had our key asleep on the concrete balcony outside. He was completely plastered, but was fairly sure that he'd given the key to someone he knew at least. Also he was in a puddle of sick, so I left him where he lay.

I made my way over to the other apartment, hoping one of them had the key or at least that someone would let me in to kip in a chair. No such luck. Outside I find another two of our party, both keyless, too drunk to see, giggling away to themselves and frantically shushing me.
"They're after us with sticks!" *snigger snigger*
Eventually I figure out the gist - they got back about an hour before I did and having no way of getting into either apartment they decided to go for a swim. The complex security took exception to this, seeing as they'd made a big deal when we got there about the pools being off limits after nine, and had been hunting them ever since. They'd been cowering behind the wall where I found them, soaked to the skin, for a good half hour. Unfortunately security had followed me and now proceed to lay into them with nightsticks before dragging them before the night manager who bars them (and me! Oh, the righteous indignation!) from the complex until nine the next morning. We are exhausted, hammered and they are rather damp. There's only one thing for it - drum'n'bass!

Eventually we were allowed back in, to find that both keys were safely inside their room, in the custody of the pillock who'd collected them both on the grounds that he was the soberest and promptly gone home and passed out. Git.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 4 Sep 2006, 17:26, Reply)

My brother, Mustaffa Al-Jazeera,

is banned from Tynemouth swimming pool for bombing in the deep end.
(Lt Columbo, Mon 4 Sep 2006, 17:25, Reply)

got banned from a jet gararge
i got banned from a jet garage when i was 12 for stealing a yoghurt .it was crap anyway, it changed to texaco 3 months later then shut completely ha ha .
(red devil, Mon 4 Sep 2006, 17:22, Reply)

Cinema Fun
When I was about 16 I went round to a mates house to get drunk, this was my first time suckling on the teat of alcohol. My mates were hardened drinkers and a trip to the local off license resulted in them coming back with bottles of whiskey and I had a bottle of 20-20 (lime flavour).

We drank.

Then thought it would be a good idea to go to the newly opened Vue Cinema. Cruel Intentions was on, great. When anything sexual happened I remember whooping like a seal. I also got my leg stuck in the new comfy seats in front of us.

My mate came back from the toilet and told us he had been told off for being noisy. I chose to ignore this and about five minutes later we were thrown out. The security guard told us we couldn't step foot in the cinema ever again.

Joke was on them! I came back the next week, and the week after. Three years later I was working for them (actually maybe the joke was on me!)
(triscrote E's are good?, Mon 4 Sep 2006, 17:19, Reply)

Funny that. I got barred from the same pub.
The Fort St George in England is on Middsummer Common in Cambridge, next to a bridge that was my route home from my local pub, the Hopbine. One night myself and a few mates popped in for a top up and began playing an old pub game they had in there called 'ring the bull'. The object of the game is gently throwing a metal ring (approx 4" wide and weighing about 5oz) which is attached to a yard of cord, trying to hook it to a spike on the wall, just below the ceiling. Being a tad pissed I somehow thought is might be a good idea to throw it hard, and bounce it off the wooden beam and onto the hook. Unfortunately I hit the landlord squarely in the gob knocking three of his teeth out. I have been banned from many pubs in Cambridge due to alcohol related shenanigans and still hold the record for being barred for life from 5 pubs in one night during my attemps to do the 'King Street Run' (a famous pub crawl race in Cambridge en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_King_Street_Run ) My problems began when I started 'practicing' early that morning, and had consumed the best part of two bottles of vodka before the race started. Funnily enough it was the same year my friend John Phillips won the record for the race. I have not had a drink now for 11 years which is just as well.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 4 Sep 2006, 16:08, Reply)

Fucking HMV...
I was banned from the establishment of HMV once, because I was running around with a sticky security tag, which was faulty, and leaving them on the floor so unsuspecting shoppers would step and walk outside with one, setting off the alarm and causing problems.

The security guard from WhSmith (my last area of operations) followed me to the music store and ushered me out with haste.

Needless to say, I was back there within a week.
( stereo_world has decided not to eat your photograph., Mon 4 Sep 2006, 16:01, Reply)