That's why we now put a vote on /board every week
Can't keep you all happy, it seems
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:42, 3 replies)

Don't worry Scaryduck he's a cunt and the whole board would benefit from him never coming back

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:46, closed)

Fucking hell, he's a transvestite in his spare time
Best use this weeks additional time to find a more convincing wig and makeup
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:48, closed)

Go fuck yourself, you twat.

( camp freddy well, would you look at that!, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:50, closed)

Alrite Colin

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:50, closed)

How exciting - I've never done this before
*puts you on ignore*
( camp freddy well, would you look at that!, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:54, closed)

*RESULT*

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 13:01, closed)

Fuck me, three posts.
*high-fives*
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 13:12, closed)

Cheers Noel, Colin’s only upset that he’s been found out masquerading as a transvestite. This may impact on the number of cock gazzes he receives from the sad and lonely board members looking for online love.

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 13:26, closed)

Hmm, yeah it might.
*unzips flies*
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 13:27, closed)

*wades*
Transvestite?

Whos really a man?
( industrial_bunny, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 14:41, closed)

it's because it's male-orientated and limited in potential
I've never complained about any compo or QOTW before but I feel as someone who has contributed plenty of pics and links, front pages included, I am completely entitled to my opinion.

Unlike the twat Rory who clearly can't even contribute a decent reply judging by his profile - let alone a pic or a link.
( camp freddy well, would you look at that!, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:54, closed)

It's also
not the first time it has been asked.

So we're not even getting the best stories, we're getting the dross + reposts.

Hmm. I might have to actually do some work this week.
( Not Pineapple anymore, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:58, closed)

:D
yeah me too.
( camp freddy well, would you look at that!, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 13:01, closed)

I like you, Camp Freddy, and think you're a good sort.
But I rather take umbrage at your opinining that it's male-oriented - I understand girls also masturbate.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 13:06, closed)

I like you (and your rain) too
and you are correct, we do furiously wank to hard core porn on interweb*, however me and my lovely girlie friends talk about EVERYTHING and not once has any of us talked about hilarious wanking accidents. Nothing funny has ever happened to me when I've played the nub.

However, if it was about the funniest sex I've had - well, I've got plenty to offer on this one.


*maybe just me then
( camp freddy well, would you look at that!, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 13:16, closed)

Ooo! Do tell!
*pats lap*
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 13:29, closed)

*sits on lap*
*wiggles*

once had this bloke round but sadly he turned out to be a crap shag and talked too much and was rubbish at taking hints. By 8am I wanted him out and asked my flatmate to help.

She immediately had a "trauma" and started slamming doors and having imaginary phone arguments with people. I told the guy that I needed to be there for her as she'd had some bad news and he said he was scared anyway. He left within 10 mins.

(yes I should have told him straight but wasn't up to it, we laughed lots after he'd gone - suppose you had to be there really)
( camp freddy well, would you look at that!, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 13:40, closed)

Haha - hoorah!
The singularly best knock-back I’ve been on the end of was when I first took E, and got off with a hippy girl at a Reclaim The Streets do.

After us eating face for a while, her mates turned up and said they were going home, and she looked at them, looked at me with increasing awkwardness, and stuttered, “Erm … erm … erm … look – I’d invite you back to mine, but, erm … right … I’ve heard sex binds two souls together and I don’t know about you but I’m bound to some people I really wish I wasn’t, and, erm … ”
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 13:47, closed)

hahahahaawwww that's not nice
Still, now you are married and have the last laugh.
( camp freddy well, would you look at that!, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 13:52, closed)

Not married yet
but to be in August - Las Vegas Ho (and not in the rude American way)!
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 13:55, closed)

Woo and congrats to you and the future Ms V

( camp freddy well, would you look at that!, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 14:02, closed)

\o/

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 14:19, closed)

we do...
...it's true.
I had to confirm this for a male friend recently as his previous girlfriends claimed that women didn't!

I can't think of a tale with any comedic value though.
(cmouse is pondering about life in other jobs, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 13:19, closed)

But
the tale doesn't have to be about YOUR wanking exploits, what's funnier than walking in on someone else rubbing one out? (Unless he's wearing a hood and carrying a big knife, having broken into your house and is rummaging through your knicker drawer)
(Rsoles, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 13:29, closed)

I think this is the point that men and women start to part ways
If I walked in on a bloke wanking, I'd just walk out again.

My son's a teenager so I am sure this is going happen at some point. But it doesn't really make me laugh....
( camp freddy well, would you look at that!, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 13:33, closed)

I'm pretty sure that if you did walk in on him and laugh, though
It would A: be a pretty funny story, and B: would cost you thousands in psychiatric bills over the following years.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 13:37, closed)

I've explained how the washing machine works
And I've told him not to leave crusty socks under his bed.

I've done all a mother can do.
( camp freddy well, would you look at that!, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 13:41, closed)

Whereas if a man walks in on a woman wanking, he starts wanking too.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 13:38, closed)

It
Doesn't have to be male orientated, female Bt3an's wank like crazy, they just don't admit it.
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 14:22, closed)

I admit it, I do it and I am one.
But have no stories related to wanking that are funny.

Mine are mostly: felt frisky, knocked one out, went to sleep.
( camp freddy well, would you look at that!, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 14:37, closed)

So your actual complaint is
that you don't have anything relevant to post? Fine, then don't post anything.

Don't slate a QOTW just because it doesn't suit you.
(Sloppy Giuseppe, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 15:07, closed)

Juding by comments here, slating is clearly encouraged. Woo!
And it seems I am encouraging a mass-debate....

I'm actually stating this is a bit sexist - as backed up by other laydees on here - nothing funny has ever happened when I had a wank.

P'raps I should start frotting in public so that hilarity ensues? :D
( camp freddy well, would you look at that!, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 15:16, closed)

Oh god
/waits for inevitable POIDHs
( kappynitty doubled your entendre on, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 15:36, closed)

"Encouraging a mass-debate"
Pffffft.


I haven't got any hilarious wank-related stories to tell either, but I'm not going to sulk about it. Complaining about the question being 'sexist' is ridiculous. You can't interpret "wanking" as "masturbating"? That seems a lot like complaining about a question on "fucking" because you only "make love".

I've liked some of the stuff you've posted before, but it's really pissed me off that you've already decided that this is the stupidest question ever, and written off all the potential stories this week on the forth post, before you've even read any.

Cheer up, have a wank.
(Sloppy Giuseppe, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 16:42, closed)

If you read all the replies I've made here you'll see that :
I openly admit to wanking/masturbating/tossing the coin/whatever
I've never denied women wank
I'm happy to call it fucking.
I've read some posts today and not one has made me even slightly laugh
I'm not the only female b3tan who thinks this
I'm not sulking (or abusing other people who don't agree with me unlike some of the comments posted about me)
I've never moaned about subject matter before now so I feel I am allowed to voice an opinion that this is the stupidest ever because I generally like dipping in and out of these posts each week.

I'm 41 yrs old - I'm over sniggering at wanking stories. Sorry but I am.

Btw have you ever heard a funny female wank story?

Thanks for saying you like my stuff and thank for laughing at my lame joke - you are a honey for that. :D

*wanks*
( camp freddy well, would you look at that!, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 18:08, closed)

a lot of us don't go on /board .... surely /ot would be more relevant?
or failing that, what's wrong with the /all method?
(Kip, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 16:28, closed)