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This is a question Bedroom Disasters

Big Girl's Blouse asks: Drug fuelled orgies ending in a pile of vomit? Accidental spillage of Chocolate Pudding looking like a dirty protest? Someone walking in on you doing something that isn't what it looks like?... Tell us about your Bedroom Disasters

(, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 15:14)
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Stiletto heel- bumhole-likely story-BIG ouch REPOST

An ex of mine was a big fan of those long spikey bastard heels that made a clacking sound when walked in and also had the annoying habit of leaving them lying around on my bedroom floor.
One afternoon after a particularly frenzied and prolonged sex session I found myself lying in bed reflecting on the recent coupling when, while the young lady in question was in the bathroom sorting out the awful mess Id made of her, I decided I wanted to put the telly on.
Leaning over to my my bedside table to get the remote I misjudged the distance completely resulting in me leaning too far and falling out of bed-
'I see' says the reader 'thats hardly a particularly ouchy moment is it fuck face?'
thing is I somehow manged to fall bottom first directly onto the upturned heels previously mentioned -impaling myself and also uttering a quite hideous, loud and pitiful scream.
I still graphically remember the look on this poor girl's face as she returned from the bathroom to find her new boyfriend writhing in agony with one of her high heeled shoes inserted into his anus.

It took me hours to convince her it was actually an accident too.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 10:43, 34 replies)
Well you're certainly struggling to convince me.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 10:44, closed)
I've just scanned some of his other 'stories'.
They all totally happened.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 13:36, closed)
Accident. Yes. Of course it was, petal.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 10:46, closed)

I’ve spent the whole of my life around objects that it would be possible to shove up my arse. I’ve washed mangos in the shower and hoovered naked. I’ve slipped on a wet floor getting out of the bath and once accidently sat on a carrot. Not once did any of these inanimate objects violate me, but you get left alone for 2 minutes with a sexy shoe, and bang it’s up your arse.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 10:50, closed)
I've got six pens on my desk
it's statistically unpossible for me to reach lunch without at least two of them slipping up my ricker.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 11:01, closed)
I don't believe this for one minute.
I strongly suspect that as soon as you've finished with each colour you put it back into your lovely furry pencil case and zip it up firmly to prevent those other nasty boys from stealing them.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 11:33, closed)
(, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 11:36, closed)
How dare you!
It's neon pink plastic with "shambles ♥ wham 4 eva" biro'd on it.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 11:53, closed)
How on earth could you lean out of bed to reach something, overbalance and then hit the ground arse first?
That doesn't make any sense.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 10:55, closed)
Come now
I often flip 180 degrees when leaning naked across to the bedside table that for some reason I leave so far from the bed as to be impossibly inconvenient to reach without risking something inserting itself in my arse by accident. It happens to the best of us.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 10:58, closed)
Well, since you put it like that....

(, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 11:34, closed)
Whilst doing the "porno flip"?

(, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 11:57, closed)
Is that like
the Monster Mash?
(, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 12:00, closed)
Buttered arse?

(, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 11:36, closed)
Should have
tied a cat to it.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 11:42, closed)

(, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:17, closed)
That reminds me of the time I was
walking through the market with some rope I needed to...um...tow my car...and a carrier bag...and...um...I tripped over the fruit stand. It was so embarrassing when they found me with an orange in my mouth and a bag over my head with my hands and feet bound. What are the odds of that happening, huh?
(, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 10:56, closed)
You are a gayer bumboy AICMFP.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 11:16, closed)
^ This^

(, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 11:25, closed)
Like everyone else, I doubt the veracity of the accidental nature of the anal-insertion of the stiletto.
Also, I'm not convinced that there was actually a "young lady" involved at all.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 11:19, closed)
Like I said. A gayer bumboy.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 11:25, closed)

(, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 11:34, closed)
I have a Vernier depth gauge and a banana on my desk.
I'm getting the fuck out of here before something happens.

This thread better get screen capped before it gets deleted.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 11:26, closed)
sounds very fishy to me this does
i say we need pics to prove it happened in the first place then some 3d graphics to portray the actual moment of over balance with the subsequent anal insertion and have it narrated by Morgan freeman then put it on discovery channel 7pm thursday so we can all make our minds up
btw was the stiletto ok?
(, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 11:26, closed)
forgot to ask
wast it sole first or heel first ?
it makes all the differance see
if it was heel first no one will belive it was an accident butt if it was sole first well thats a differant kettle of fish all together and can happen easily indeed, why only just this second my size 10 work booot has accidentily slipped and ended in side that fucking cat the one that keeps coming back
(, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 11:29, closed)
Well done on outing yourself

(, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 11:33, closed)
This also reminds me of that time
I was sparring in the ring. I went to throw a huge right hook, but would you believe it I missed his chin and my boxing glove flew off as I span around. It was just my luck that at that moment my shorts fell down and I punched myself right on the ring piece and my fist went elbow deep into my arse.

What are the chances?
(, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 11:39, closed)
shit fella i remember that
there was about a dozen or so spectators watching that and almost to man as soon as your elbow was up to your ring there was a sudden commotion and about half of them found out exactly what it is like to suffer from the same compliant
of sudden eldow ring fatigue
wasnt pretty i can tell you

oh shit its happend to me now just going for the space key and what do you know my left arm is up to its elbow in fresh ring
(, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 11:50, closed)
Yeah course it was, Richard Gere.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 11:46, closed)
No, you don't understand.
It's easy to explain. I was just cleaning the hamster cage and I needed somewhere safe to keep him so he didn't escape while I had the gate open. So I put him in a condom. but then I realised he may still be able to run, so I lubed the condom up so that if he tried to, it would just slide under his feet and gain no traction. Then I put it on bench while I carried on. Unfortunately I dropped some hamster food down the front of my underwear though, so I pulled them down to shake it out but it just went down into my shoes, so I had to sit down to take my shoes off and...well...see, that's how the lubed up hamster filled condom ended up inside me.

It's perfectly obvious really.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 11:52, closed)
we understand dont we fellas ?
it happens to the best of some times and well this one time at band camp there was some jelled eels and this ocarina and ..... well lets just say after that i never ever used the ocarina again
(, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 12:40, closed)
Indeed. For example, I've just this minute bent down to tie my shoelace
and a Class 1 articulated car transporter drove right up my anus.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 22:23, closed)

Stiletto heel Big fat hairy cock
(, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:19, closed)
it took hours to convince her as it was rammed up there to the hilt

(, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 21:36, closed)

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