Home Sweet Home.
My undiagonsed Asperger's Syndrome.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 8 Apr 2010, 15:14, 1 reply)

the king of kings amongst annoying phrases
anything starting with "im not being offensive but..."
(ladyintheradiator, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 15:14, Reply)

And then she turned around and said your gay!
So I turned around and said, no, your gay!
So she turned around and ...

I hope you all get dizzy and die of arse aids.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 15:13, 5 replies)

Very sore point
Why do companies selling office tat, or piss poor attempts at "Services" always want to put the word "Solutions" into the corporate name or logo.

Unless you are selling a specified amount of one thing dissolved in something else, you are not selling solutions!

Length? Been going on far too long!
(Sir Tainley Barking Ezekiel 23:20, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 15:13, 4 replies)

At the end of the day...
it gets fucking dark, Dickhead.
( BindiBaji, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 15:12, Reply)

We must have done this topic before

Because one b3tan (sorry, I can't remember which one) introduced me to a few phrases which have become some of my favourites, and can - when used confidently - pass without notice at any meeting full of twats:

"Look, it's not rocket surgery."
"Good, now we're all singing from a level playing field" or conversely "now we're all playing on a level hymn sheet"

They even sound right! Try one today.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 15:08, 8 replies)

"If you could just..."
when did this combination of words change its meaning to "you, carry out this hugely irksome, difficult, time-consuming and unrewarding task that I myself consider beneath my dignity"
(joe is troubled Got all married and teh stuffs, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 15:08, Reply)

The most annoying phrase ever
Is one uttered by the chavscum underclass:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=48HUdzoKiPA
(Spaff_Quaffer Wise fwom your gwave., Thu 8 Apr 2010, 15:07, 2 replies)

stopmeandslapme just reminded me.
when someone mumbles and you can't hear what they're saying because they have their hand over their mouth or something and they look at you like you're a spaztic and say; "What, you fucking deaf or summink?"
(Melody was not PMSing on, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 15:06, 1 reply)

when something funny is said i like people to laugh or smile or raise an eyebrow wryly, or something.
a deadpan "oh very good" is like a kick in the guts. i want to make you chuckle or squee with joy or even just lift your mood slightly.

OH VERY GOOD. Cock.
( sleepybinky, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 15:04, 2 replies)

People who pretend to be hard of hearing
My mum's good at this: I say something, she says "pardon?", I start repeating myself and she finishes the sentence for me. She did hear it the first time then...

Now I try to repeat myself as little as possible so it may go thusly:
Me: "I'm just taking the dogs out"
Ma: "Pardon?"
Me: "Dogs"

And, if she's still looking puzzled:
Me: "Out"
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 15:04, 2 replies)

A friend of mine always says
"I couldn't be asked." instead of "I couldn't be arsed."

Pisses me off because I always feel the need to correct her and she always tells me that it IS asked and I'm just thick.
(Melody was not PMSing on, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 15:02, Reply)

I dislike people saying
Click "I like this" if you.....

Incidentally, click "I like this" if you see my point.

AaaaaaaaarrrrggggghhHH!!!!!!!!
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 8 Apr 2010, 15:01, 1 reply)

Brainstorming
The nearest the people that use this phrase get to a brainstorm is a light drizzle.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 15:01, 9 replies)

Management Bingo
I used to work in a place where a game was invented around the utter drivvel spouted by the management. Someone (with too much time on their hands apparently) made up, and photocopyed, bingo cards featuring the various buzzwords of the managers. If a manager used one of these words whilst addressing you, you checked it off on your card, first to check them all wins.

This features many typical management buzzwords/phrases which I'm sure you will all have heard before; 'firefighting' (lots of work to be done, 'look at the bigger picture' (I don't have a clue what you're talking about but I'll qualify my opinion by starting with this), 'I'll take that on board' (I'm going to ignore you)...

However, the one I couldn't (and still can't stand), which made me (and makes me) cringe every time it was uttered....



Guesstimate.

Grrrrrr....
( greg_evigan is possibly deceased on, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 15:00, 2 replies)

"Yer talking out yer arse!"
Just because the idea of it is foul.
(Melody was not PMSing on, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:59, 2 replies)

"I turned around..."
A Jeremy Kyle favourite.
"Well, she turned around and said... And I turned around and said... And she turned around and said..."
It makes me wonder if chavs spin like tops during conversation.
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:58, Reply)

Leverage

As in "Going forward, we should really leverage our advantage in this growing market."

I know that the word 'exploit' may have some negative connotations, but it's the word you're looking for. It needn't be a bad thing; calling it 'leveraging' is surely a bad thing.

It's very similar to 'gearing'. What you mean is: we borrowed a lot of money from somewhere so that we could buy something. Calling it being 'highly geared' makes it sound pretty macho but is just wank.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:57, 5 replies)

Genius
Was talking to this bird once and somehow the conversation got on to hobbies. One of mine is collecting vinyl records which I could drone on about at length. So, I was telling her about my anarcho-punk collection and my house records from 1988-92 when I thought "better shut up before she falls asleep" so I said "I could go on but I don't want to bore you" and she replied "That's not boring, that's genius".

"Thanks for the compliment but Shakespeare, Darwin, Dickens and Newton were geniuses. My collecting second-hand vinyl doesn't quite put me in the same league as them you fuckwit." is what I should have said but then, I didn't want to blow my (non-existant as it happens) chance did I.

I suppose calling everything "genius" has gone out of use now.
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:57, 1 reply)

"Ere! >insert name here< Ya listenin'?"
It never fails to grip my shit every time one of the monobrowed cunts at work utters this magical phrase. This pointless and often aggressively spoken precursor to what they actually want to impart is usually followed by either a stream of pointless invective or an inane request.

I once responded with "Tell you what, for future reference why not assume that I am listening? This dispenses with the redundant question and means I don't have to listen to our glorious language being mangled by the inarticulate.".

This was met with a retort worthy of Oscar Wilde himself "Wot!?!". The cunt.
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:56, 2 replies)

My former boss was an excellent source of such drivel. Notable examples include:
"I want a Rolls-Royce for the price of a Mini"
"Bring me solutions, not problems"
"There's no point having a dog and barking yourself"
"My commitment to you is... (insert blatant lie)"

ad nauseam
(anvil, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:55, 1 reply)

FYI Guys
My ex boss used to use this ad nausea. As you can imagine you can use it for every stupid little announcement you want to make, "FYI guys I’m just going to take a shit"

I always wanted to turn around and say, "FYI Tim, you’re a cunt"

*name has been changed because he still works in the same office as me.
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:53, Reply)

Wellness
Okay, so it apparently does have one or two older appearances in English before it fell into disuse. The Germans (I think - could be other European) re-invented it, and its filtered back into English use somewhat.

That may be, but to me it always sounds like an invented bastardisation of "wellbeing" used as trendy buzzwordy bit of English in mainland Europe.
(Frottage cheese, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:53, 3 replies)

"You don't have to be crazy to work here, but it helps!"
or "I'm a bit mental, me!"

Right, so do you all spend half your day wiping each other shit on the walls whilst wearing tinfoil hats?
(Melody was not PMSing on, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:53, 4 replies)

Momentarily
I'm told that the common use of this is now acceptable, but it still pisses me right off.

It does not mean in a moment, it means for a moment, you piss-ant. This goes double for news readers.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:51, 2 replies)

I'd be a lot happier if people read this once in a while
tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/YouKeepUsingThatWord
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:50, 5 replies)

'Signpost' and 'scaffold' as verbs
You know that you can safely doze off when you hear this in a presentation. Often used in education workshops* by evangelist ex-teachers who "hope that this material will signpost you to other research and help you scaffold your differently able learners".

*And to paraphrase Alexi Sayle, anyone who uses the word "workshop" and is not involved in light industry is a cunt.
(scep, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:49, 5 replies)

Also, people who are unnecessarily pedantic or deliberately obfuscate.
There's a chap at work who refers to the "Daartarbase", despite everyone else pronouncing it "Daytahbase". He will also refer to "current agreed parameters set within the formal protocol" when he means "system".

But I like to point this out as my own ego is so pathetic I need to prop it up by concentrating on the faults of others.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:48, Reply)

"In all fairness"
my sister says this, five or six times per conversation. More often, if she's drunk and trying to get her point across.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:47, 4 replies)