I've always been a helpful sort of person.
Done a lot of customer service, and always had a smile on my face and a spring in my step when it comes to elderly people whether in or out of work, out of fondness for my older relatives, most of whom live overseas.

So when I got a call late one night in the flat I lived in alone, in Australia, from a confused sounding older lady in Britain, searching for a relative, I felt bad that she'd spent so much money connecting to a wrong number (which I'd had for over a year at this point).

I had a friendly chat, despite the fact that it was late at night, and that she was a bit deaf, adding to the frustrations of an international call plagued by static and delay.

I managed to coax out of her the name and address of the person she was looking for- it took about twenty minutes.

Digging through the White Pages, I found the number she was after, wished her all the best for her night and her call, bidding her farewell.

She roundly abused me for being unable to simply transfer her to the number she wanted in the first place- from my private home phone, which I explained over and over was simply not possible, only to cop more foul language.

Ingrate old slag.
(Angie the Redneck Wonder, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 17:34, Reply)

Short but sweet
Working for a fruity UK mobile company I took among other things lost and stolen calls. One Saturday morning first thing phone call came through not from the mobile as no details appeared. Gave the usual cheery greeting and a very hungover young lad who may in fact have still been hammered said "I lost my phone last night bar it and send me another one" at that point he hung up having failed to give me any details. I only wish that I had taken the call when he undoubtedly rang back a week later wondering where his replacement was only to discover no bar no replacement en route and a massive bill.
(busby, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 17:21, 1 reply)

B3TA got me fired!
Some years ago, I worked for a cable company who shall remain nameless (Telewest). My manager was an excellent bloke with a cracking sense of humour, so we used to shoot the shit all day bantering through the email system. One day, I was marched into the dept. head's office, where she, quivering with rage, confronted me with a stack of email printouts covering the last 6 months shenanigans (thank fuck that's all it was). The straw that broke the camel's back, was a newsletter link to a disabled glamour models site - I was marched from the building, Never To Be Spoken Of Again, for emailing spackerporn to my boss. Thanks, B3TA!

(Honourable mention should also go to the phrase 'Cunty McFuckbucket and His Bastard Bagpipers', which she said was 'the most offensive thing' she'd ever heard. I didn't have the balls to tell her that I'd received a prize from company funds for 'Most Creative Swearing Of The Day'.)
(13thfloor, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 17:17, 1 reply)

I hate it when...
...some bastard in a call-centre 'phones me up, despite me being on the 'telephone preference' thingy, and tries to flog me something. So here's what I do:
First; try and sound really interested, ask a few questions etc.
Second; say, "Excuse me a minute, there's someone at the door. I'll just get rid of them."
Third; lay the hand-set down and continue watching TV until the 'phone makes that funny noise that indicates the caller has hung-up.

I figure my behaviour is a "public service" in that while the git's waiting for ME to return, he's not bothering YOU (no need to thank me).

Length? It took 24 minutes for one git to get the message (yes - I time them, it amuses me).
(minimalist ..., Fri 4 Sep 2009, 17:09, 3 replies)

Internets
Virginmedia.

I had cause to phone them twice during my three years with them, both times whn my net went down for extended periods and no apparent reason.

Now, my telephone line was in the lounge downstairs, and was a slightly older, handset still on a cord affair. My Internet connection, with PC, was upstairs in my bedroom.

The first person I spoke to at Virgin's call centre refused to try and help me in any way, until I was both on the phone and sitting infront of my computer. Telling him that the two items were in different rooms was useless, he just didn't get it. He suggested I move my phone upstairs. I replied that there was no phone point there, so I couldn't. Then, he suggested I move my PC and kit downstairs, next to the phone.When the inadequacies of this plan had been rammed through his skull, he then suggested that I call tech support back on my mobile. But, whilst calling them from a Virgin landline was free, if I called from my mobile, it would be £1.50 a minute. Including any time I spent on hold (which had been in the region of about 15 minutes just to get connected to this chump. I asked if he could phone me back on my mobile instead. Monkey says no...

In contrast, the other time I phoned them, the guy on the end was charming, polite and helpful. He more than happily called me back on the mobile, within 30 seconds of my hanging up from the landline, and fixed my problem in about 5 minutes. For which I asked to be put through to his supervisor, to whom I gave glowing praise of his employee's competancy. After all, a job well done...
(Kitimariana, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 17:08, 1 reply)

Anti Spam
Where I work in an effort to stop spam postal mail to the business it was decided we needed a marketing manager to which we could direct spam mail, marketing post and other such gumph.

And so Hugh Janus joined the company. Of course Hugh isn't real, but he does provide a useful service by identifying mail that can go straight in the bin.

However, the most interesting part of this ruse is that Hugh has somehow managed to not only get on to mail lists, but also onto cold-calling databases. This stops the majority of cold callers in their tracks when they notice the stupid name, but occasionally we get the odd phone call.

"Hello can I speak to ...er ...Hugh Janus?"

You can hear the change of pitch in the voice when they say "Janus?" as they realise what they are saying.

"Huge Anus?" we reply.

"Er Yes?"

Our reply is usually "Of course I'll just get him for you!"

At which point the caller is put on hold and we all have a massive giggle while we work out who would like to pretend be Hugh today.

"Hello this is Hugh Janus speaking!"

We quite often lose them while they are on hold and they realise what is going on. However we have had at least 2 phone calls in the last 6 months where a full sales conversation has taken place, and the caller hasn't realised.

He is so successful we have given him his own desk plaque. What I would love to receive next is some promotional pens or similar with his name on.
(stubbledchin, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 17:04, 4 replies)

..torture
The most infuriating part of working for a company that has a call centre (I used to work for an electricity company back in NZ) is when you are subjected to the incompetence that you've been working hard for five years to stamp out.

I remember once when I rang up about my account. Some issue with my bill, as I recall. I had the misfortune to get what appeared to be a trainee on the phone, and recounted my problem. "No problem" she said "please hold the line".
30 seconds later, the dulcet tones of some unsuccessful Jazz performer were replaced with "Can you please hold on again, Sir - I need to talk to my supervisor"
Another 3 minutes of lift music ensued.

The torture was due to the fact that I was sitting at my desk back in head office, looking at my account (we only had read-only access), and I was dying to tell her that all she needed to do was press two letters, move to the next screen, scroll down 1 page, edit the third field with the correct answer, and we'd be done.

So the choice was: press 1 to go all "Senior manager and just fix the freakin' thing" on her; or press 2 to sit and wait while she found a janitor that had more experience than her to come and fix my problem.

*sigh* it's lucky I like jazz, really. Your call is important to us, please hold the line....

length: 15mins, and that's on a good day..
(alnhelzz, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 16:58, Reply)

Depressed girl.
So I called Virgin Media yesterday to see when my street might be connected to their network. I really fancy 50Mb broadband you see.

The poor, poor girl who answered simply sighed when I asked. Then said, "Not for a while I would've thought. To be honest, it's really expensive and we haven't done any new cabling for over 10 years."

I was sad at this. But she went on.

"And to be honest," (she was very honest) "they've just laid off two call centres too so I don't think you'll be connected for a very, very long time."

Then she sighed again. And hung up on me.

Is it odd that this conversation makes me want to join Virgin Media even more?
( mrlogic is copying your beard, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 16:52, 1 reply)

Hot off the press
Just overheard a colleague giving some phone jockey a right earful in the middle of the office.

"...this is the fifth time you have called today..."

"...no, I don't own a BMW and haven't owned one for thirty five years..."

Certainly brightened up my Friday afternoon.
(Mork, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 16:41, Reply)

Persistant
I had a day off work the other week, which meant I was in the very unusal position of being there to pick up the landline when it rang.

I answered with a "Hello" only to be met by about 10 seconds of silence. I say hello again, only this time in a more questioning manner. Another 5 seconds or so of radio silence pass, and my thumb is reaching for the off button, when a very, VERY heavily accented voice replies!

"Hello...?"

Having already said this myself twice, I'm a little unsure if saying it again is really the right thing to do here. I settle for "Yes, hi". It seems ambiguous enough at this point...

"Is that Mr Kitimariana's-Boyfriend?"

"Um... no." Clearly. I am not a fella, and my voice is sufficiently ladylike to attest to this. There's another lengthy pause.

"Is that Mrs Kitimariana's-Boyfriend?"

"Er... no." Which is technically correct. We may be living together, but we are not married. This has him baffled for at least another 10 seconds. Yes, I know I could have thrown caution to the wind and said I was, but I am now starting to become bored.

"Can I speak to him?"

"He's not in at the moment I'm afraid, can I ask who's calling?" Again, that looooong pause.

"Can I speak to Mr Kitimariana's-Boyfriend?"

"Who's calling, what's the company?" More silence.

"Can I speak to Mr Kitimariana's-Boyfriend?"

"Who the hell is this and what do you want?"

*click*

I'll chalk that up as being persistant, if nothing else. He phoned another three times before the man of the house actually answered. Turned out to be some Indian phone company asking if he wanted their service. No, thanks very much. BT may be the spawn of Satan in many ways, but I think we'll stick with them for now, rather than someone who can't actually understand what I'm saying when they phone me.
(Kitimariana, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 16:31, 3 replies)

My old man
Cold caller - can I talk to you about mortgages sir
My old man - no probs, how much do you need?
CC - um no that is not....

Click
(CaptainSpunker, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 16:30, 1 reply)

Call Centre muppets
Judging by the stories presented so far you might think that the biggest idiots in the world are some of the people who work in call centres.
As someone who has worked in several call centres i can confirm that some of them are beaurocratic nightmares with policies in place that encourage strict adherence to procedure above customer welfare and helpfulness. They encourage their operatives to hide the truth behind corporate speak and deliberate obfuscation.

Stupid as some of these places are (though not the one i currently work at) though they pale into insignificance by the people who call them. As anyone who has worked dealing with the British general public will tell you the majority of them are right minded individuals with a healthy dose of common sense. There are sadly though some very very stupid people out there.

Don't believe me?? Open any tabloid newspaper and look at the classified ads. There will be, nestling amongst the junk, an advert for a baldness cure that promises miraculous results. Now while you're thinking "no one would be stupid and gullible enough to believe that" consider that they wouldn't post the advert if no one ever bought there wonder product.

For example i currently work in a call centre supporting mobile credit card terminals. We supply three different makes of terminal, all mobile and all GPRS enabled. It is important that we know what type of terminal that you have so i can diagnise the fault
So i ask "what make of terminal do you have?"
The number of times i get the answer "a (insert company name here) one"
Or " A mobile GPRS one" is really depressing. The less said about the woman who rang in earlier this week with "problems with her portable terminator" the better.

The best one i ever personally experienced happened when i worked for an internet providor back in the days of dial up on tech support. The gentleman in question called as he had gone into his local retail outlet and asked what he needed to get onto the internet. The Salesman had quite helpfully told the gentleman that all he needed was the CD with all the software on it and to take it home and put it in his pc's CD reader. The man couldn't get it working and was getting more and more confused when i was asking him to click on various desktop items.

It quickly became apparant that the customer had taken the CD home and put it in his state of the art Stereo system as he didnt think that he needed a computer as his stereo was so advanced.
Again the less said about the bloke trying to connect to the internet without a phone line (before the days of wireless) the better
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 16:27, 3 replies)

I've had more than my fair share
This story happened over the course of several weeks last year.

Being a legal immigrant to the United States, I've definitely spent several hours being given the complete runaround through automated phone systems. For example, after having been told that I need to phone the USCIS to sort out my address for my adjustment of status (Green Card) since me and the missus moved into our own house, I proceeded to phone them and be told that I wasn't allowed to speak to the government.

This left me sort of miffed, as since the US Government calls its immigrants 'Customers' rather than actual immigrants, and considering the amount of money it had cost us to do the entire visa process legally I would infact consider myself a customer. A customer to what is perhaps the most incompetant bunch of ingrates known to man. Being British, I kept my cool and calmly explained how I needed them to know that my address had changed, so that they didn't think I was abandoning my visa case and then send out some US Marshals to hunt me down and deport me.

One simple phone call, that's all I thought it would be. However, this was sadly not the case. in an age where you can talk to absolutely anyone at any time instantly, apparently the US Government still uses carrier pigeons, abacuses and papyrus to communicate. If the seperate government departments and agencies communicate at all, which they often don't. After calling and being told that they weren't allowed to talk to me, but my petitioner (my wife) I got her to call, only for her to be told that then *I* was infact the one they needed to speak to (each time we called it took exactly 11 minutes to get through the incredibly awful automated phone system) I was starting to get a little infuriated. Then we were given the name of someone who apparently could help us.

I've no doubt that being given this name, was akin to being given the name to a black market arms dealer, that you can only meet on a certain day at a certain time, with no backup. Because after being given this fellow's name, and his supposed seniority over the obviously incredibly unintelligent call centre peons, I proceeded to call back and try to get hold of him. Only to be told that they've never heard of him at this number (the same one I'd called the day previously) and that there were 2 call centres and they both had over 2000 people working at each.

This was the final straw, my English patience and resolve broken, I shouted down the phone at the stupid bint on the end of the line and repeated that all I wanted to do was be sent a form that allowed me to notify them that I had changed my address, and then repeated it again and continued to speak in what could be considered a level of volume that would indicate some amount of irritation for the next 10 minutes until the stupid bitch suddenly, and magically 'found' a menu in her computer that allowed her to input my details magically.

Christ was infact, riding a bike.

So now, I've come to learn that the only way to get things done in America, is to do them the American way: shout and scream and be obnoxious and throw tantrums until the 2 braincells in the head of the person trying to 'help' you rub together quickly and cause enough friction that it could be mistaken for intelligence.

Length was roughly 2 years and 4 months from applying for the initial Visa to getting my Green Card. fucking slow cunts.

When I hear an American complaining about illegal immigrants, I tell them my story, and the most common answer is "well gee, no wonder so many people move here illegally then!"
(Spackles Made sexual advances in your general direction on, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 16:22, 1 reply)

A conversation I wish I could have
"Hello?"
"Hello, are you the homeowner"
"Yes I am"
"Hi, I'm Annyoance, from the Cuntybollocks company, could I interest you in some of our useless crap."
"What is you sell"
"Nothing that a sensible human being would consider buying over the phone"
"Sounds interesting, just give me a minute to take my baby out of the bath"



"Oh my god
my baby
my baaaaby"

That'll learn 'em
(teebie jeebie, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 16:18, 3 replies)

another way to dodge voice recognition software
this is not infallible but a great many systems use 0 as a default operator extension. Also, to call your bank free, or at least without dialling 0870, simply use the "if you're calling ftom overseas" number on the back of your card.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Fri 4 Sep 2009, 16:14, 4 replies)

also
Caller : "hello is this Mr Rev Jesse?"
Me : "Yes?"
C : "have you ever thought about getting broadband?"
M : "I have broadband!"
C : "why not give up on your old dial up internet and get broadband!?"
M : "I have broadband!"
C : "Think about how fast you could surf, use web cams etc."
M : "I have broadband!"
C : "For only £19.99 every month you can have super fast 2mg boardband"
M : "I have broadband!"
C : "Can i sign you up...?"
M : "No i have broadband!"
C : "Oh - you should have said! can i interest you in our phone / tv packages?"
M : Click!
( Rev. Jesse. broke his ankle, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 16:13, Reply)

i get calls all day everyday
from fucking debt collector call centres - i never answer as i have caller ID. you'd think they would learn that i'm not going to answer. instead they just try different numbers - but by the power of the internet i can find out who they are. arrrrrg!!
( Rev. Jesse. broke his ankle, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 16:09, 10 replies)

I had to ring up several times about my credit card last thursday
1st time I rang they said my card didnt exist

2nd time I rang they said I owed £260 when infact I knew fine well it is was only £80




3rd time they got it right though



sigh
(i should have joined myspace, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 16:04, Reply)

Jack of All Trades
Master of none.

I had the misfortune of having to deal with someone phoning the landline again...I now ignore the thing. If its someone I know they will phone my mobile..

The conversation went roughly thus:

ME:Hello
JOAT:Hello sir who provides your mortgage?

ME: None of your business, plus I have just signed up to a 5 year fixed rate and am tied in..

JOAT:Okay sir, May I ask who provides your mobile phone?

ME:Its Orange for the record mate, but it's a work issued phone so I have nothing to do with the contract.

JOAT: Okay sir, not a problem. Now can you tell me how old approximately are your windows and doors?

ME: 3 years exactly mate. I fitted them myself.

JOAT: Okay sir and finally, who provides your gas and electricity?
ME:sigh The planet Earth.


JOAT: Eh????

ME: Yeah, I believe natural gas is pumped from vast underground chambers. My electricity is from coal fired generators probably. It all comes from the earth tho. Some believe that the amount of electricity we have in our solar system is actually fixed and as oppose to generating it were merely harnessing it. A bit like the the notion that nothing ever really disappears it just changes form...

JOAT:click

Reading that back makes me seem like a bit of a twat but it was probably the only time I have thought of anything witty enough on the spot.
Oh, and I didn't fit my own windows. The nice people from the window company did.
(never-right -getting it wrong since '78, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 15:59, Reply)

I don't want to name names but
Ipsos MORI has anyone ever had any dealings with this company???

They phoned me at work recently asking me to take part in a survery about banking, nameing the bank the company I work for banks with. I absent mindly said ok and instantly regretted it.

It was one of those do you agree, strongly agree, don't know, disagree, strongly disagree type things. I am sure there is a technical name for it, but I don't know it nor do I care.

The girl, drowned on for about 20 mins do you use online banking blah blah...

Then she asked me What do you think about the company profile of XYZ bank? Free pens: Dont know, dont know, dont know.....

After about the 400th dont know, the cheeky cow asked my what were the estimated balances of the business bank accounts. My response Thank you and goodbye.
(Free pens 100, 101, 102 is still counting on, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 15:51, 2 replies)

Ooh, i forgot about when....
....i was working for a small company that was constantly plagued by cold callers offering advertising or an entry in the 10 millionth internet business directory being set up that month.

As i said, it was a small company (we did tree work and landscaping if you're interested) and everyone in the office was expected to answer incoming calls.

There were 2 company directors, both miserable fuckers, one who was usually asked for by name, and at first, not knowing any better i would dutifully forward sales calls onto him in the office next door.

Soon he got pissed off with this and asked me to screen the calls better as 'cold callers are a bunch of cunts who i don't want to waste my fucking time on and you can tell them that!'

So I did. On more than one occasion. Usual conversation would be along the lines of:

Ring! Ring!

Me: good morning/afternoon, *insert company name*
Caller: Hi, could I speak to Mr xxxx please?
Me: could I ask what your call is about?
Caller: well, i'd prefer to discuss that with Mr xxxx
Me: are you selling something? Cos if you are he won't want to speak to you.
Caller: oh well, i'm sure he would, i have a very special deal for him
Me: no. He wouldn't.
Caller: why? This is a great offer i have for him!
Me: no, srsly, he won't.
Caller: why?
Me: cos he thinks cold callers are all cunts who he doesn't waste his fucking time on. Those are his words, he told me to tell you that.
Caller:.........

*click* *brrrrrrrr*
( spesh., Fri 4 Sep 2009, 15:46, Reply)

Cold Caller Phoning the Office Last Summer
Can I interst you in a water cooler?

Erm no thanks there is only 3 of us in here we wouldnt really use it.

Are you sure not even for a free 2 week trial?

No, Thank you.

Can I ask how do you get any cold water in the hot weather.

From a Tap.

Click
(never-right -getting it wrong since '78, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 15:43, Reply)

Not quite
a call centre, but a phone call never-the-less.

My friends' daughter is around 16, as are her friends.

They frequently find it very funny to phone Kebab shops, Chinese take-aways etc... many, many miles from where they live, run up a HUGE order and then ask if they deliver.

....then give their address about 150 miles away.

(they never actually get as far as getting them to make the food though - they're not malicious, just mischevious)
(dchurch bah, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 15:37, 3 replies)

Incoming! Idiots! Revenge! Cash!
I used to have a job in the Curry's complaints centre taking inbound calls. I was only there briefly, but i made the most of it. It was a crap job, and it entailed dealing with complaints of dubious veracity from people that had shopped at dixon's, curry's, the link and other dsg stores. I got fired for being excessively blunt with customers that had been trying it on. I also used to pass awkward clients numbers on to friends in window sales centres, post them online, put them in phone boxes and use them to place ads in the free papers. I also used to post them spoof letters on faked police and power provider letterheads informing them of pending prosecutions and debt proceedings. The lesson? Be nice to phone monkeys. One of the things i am enjoying though, is listening to people mocking us b2b cold callers. I get a bit of my working day wasted, sure, but my last pay cheque, pre-tax, was £8081. This is not unusual for me. So, smart guys, you pass me around and waste 5 minutes of my day, but do you still feel smug? Excuse lack of line breaks, i'm posting this via my cellphone and i don't have an enter key.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Fri 4 Sep 2009, 15:36, 10 replies)

When I started up my business from home, my colleague and I played a game
when call centres asked who to speak with, we'd tell them that the person they needed to speak to was Dom Fellini - my cat Domino (who sat curled on a chair with 'Operations Director' pinned to it). We would award points for ;
a) subsequent phone calls for Dom
b) letters addressed to Dom
c) callers insisting they've spoken with Dom previously.
(Redbull_(UK) pfffft, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 15:31, 5 replies)

On cold callers
I used to get them a lot, before the joys of joining the TPS. Pretending to be Polish and answering any and all questions with the word "Yes" is very effective.

Cold-caller: "Hello, this is Sanjeev calling from BT, could I speak to the billpayer please? I'm wondering if you're interested in taking our new calls package."

Me: "Yes"

Sanjeev: "Are you the billpayer?"

Me: "Yes"

Sanjeev: "Could you confirm your account number please?"

Me: "Yes" [Pause]

Sanjeev: "And what is your account number?"

Me: "Yes"

Sanjeev: "Can you speak English?"

Me: "Yes"

Sanjeev: "OK. Can I take your account number please?"

Me: "Yes" [Pause]

And so it went on for about 10 minutes of Polish-sounding mono-syllabic answers, my housemates crying with silent laughter (we live in Wakefield- there isn't much to do on a Sunday evening), and poor old Sanjeev getting considerably frustrated and confused. He eventually hung up after the 8th attempt at security, the poor man. Needless to say they didn't bother us again though.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 4 Sep 2009, 15:30, Reply)

We've just invented our own boss called J Moncrief.
Whenever anyone phones the office trying to sell us something we just tell them that our boss is called Mr. J Moncrief and he's not in at the moment.

We also just branched out with an SMTP address for JMoncrief so we can trial software without having to worry about any further contact whatsoever.

I saw a call centre operative once - it was hunched over eating metal from a bin, trying to sell me bags of dry leaves and its own sick.
( valoukh newsgash.wordpress.com, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 15:22, Reply)

Fun with cold callers.
If you ask the caller a few questions, (pretend you need verification for security reasons) then google the company they are selling for and call centre with additional words like 'script' or 'telephone questionnaire' , you can sometimes find their script.

People are getting more savvy nowadays, but it is still often available in the google cache. Sometimes adding bits of the questions they have asked gets a result.

Then the fun begins as you begin to pre-empt questions, or start asking them the question they are about to ask you. Some people get quite confused. :D
( FOONLY, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 15:21, 2 replies)

Another one on cold callers
Whenever I'm presented with a situation that demands a quick, witty putdown I always come up with something brilliant...

...several days afterwards. One time though, some sort of inspiration did strike. Cold caller rings me up (before I got TPS) and asks if he's speaking to Eesnahk and if I am the owner of the house. The latter is presumably to avoid wasting time on students, council tenants and other people who might balk at spending £XXXX on a conservatory/kitchen they don't really need. The conversation then went something like this:

Me: No, actually I'm not Eesnahk or the owner of this house. I'm a burglar. I just answered the phone out of habit. Sorry.
Cold Caller: Errr...what did you say please?
Me: Look sorry mate, I know you have a job to do and I don't want to waste your time. I'm just here to nick a few things and then I'm out of here.
CC: (splutter)
Me: Tell you what, though, I've been casing this joint for a while now. Guy who lives here usually gets back about 6. Might I suggest you leave it a few days as he'll be decidedly unchuffed when he finds his stereo and TV missing.

CLICK.

Guess I'm lucky that the cold caller was too busy trying to sell things otherwise he might have called the police and I'd have got beaten up for wasting their time.
(eesnahk, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 15:00, 1 reply)

Vodafone
A Vagabond: Hi - I've got a query about this part of my account, and wondered if you could update me?

Vodafone: I'm afraid I can't, our Stuff Department deals with those queries. You'll need to call them on XXX-XXX-XXX

A Vagabond: Ah right, OK - well - could you put me through then, please?

Vodafone: No you'll have to call them yourself.

A Vagabond: No. You're a communications company - please could you just put me through?

Vodafone: No, we can't do that.

A Vagabond: You can't transfer calls internally?

Vodafone: No.

A Vagabond: You're a communications company, and you really can't transfer calls internally?

Vodafone: No.

A Vagabond: Could you put me through to the Accounts Termination department please?

Vodafone: Why are you thinking of terminating your account?

A Vagabond: ...
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 14:59, Reply)