Skiing
I went once, never again:
Fucking freezing
Lucky not to break a leg
Poseurs/show offs/flash gits, what ever you want to call them, "wankers" is my prefered term
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 18:41, 3 replies)

Back for a second round on this QOTW.
Football, rap (well, any chart shite really), Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, Vince Vaughn movies, Ben Stiller movies, Adam Sandler movies, The Sex Pistols, The Smiths, Bob Dylan, Shrek.
(Lucoire tutted and shook her head in disbelief on, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 18:36, Reply)

I don’t get the fascination with any of the following……

Self service check out’s in supermarkets – You know the one’s I mean, where you swan up to the complicated looking self swipe till, ping your crispy pancakes and cut price crab sticks through and then panic as various display options flash before your eyes on the computer screen. You eventually crumble under the sheer stress of it all and call over the young girl who oversees the self service check out. She has to be young of course, because no one under the age of 27 knows how to use the bloody thing. She has the brains, but there’s a problem to which she does not have the authority to deal with, so she calls the supervisor, who is obviously 28 or above as no one below the age of 27 is capable of making a rational decision.

So now, this self service check out, who’s aim in life is to cut down on labour costs for the supermarket, and be convenient and quick for me, has now become a two man job for the supermarket, and a waste of fucking time for myself. At the end of the day, you can have all the fancy machinery in the world, but the simple fact is, people are fucking stupid. Me included.

People who take the paper for a shit – For God’s sake man, get in there, drop that build up of waste in the pan and get the fuck out. You can read the paper when you have finished. Just concentrate on the task at hand and then use your day doing more productive things such as, watching loose women or deciding which one of Adrian Chiles’ eyes you would like to punch first.

On the subject, I was in one of these Tesco express stores the other day, where I strolled to the check out with a bog roll in one hand, and a newspaper in the other. The check out girl looked at me in disgust, and as if I was going to go home, lock myself in the shit house and read the very paper I had bought. In my head I was smiling, as I was really going home to have a wank over page 27 and use the tissue paper to clean myself up with afterwards.

Wearing scarf’s and hats with t-shirts – If you do this, you’re a cunt. End of.

Jehovah’s opting for the suited look? – They knock your door asking you to find the God that I thought we were all meant to find ourselves, all the time, looking more like they are trying to sell me a Dyson than ask me to join their cult. I didn’t realise the policy was, that only the 144’000 best dressed Witnesses were allowed into post-apocalyptic heaven. Read a fucking Science book for pity’s sake.

Beach holidays to Majorca, Lanzarote, Ibiza etc etc – I recently spoke to someone at work who had just came back from Menorca. I said how was it? He said ‘it was great, all the food tasted proper English, and everything was served with chips. The football was constantly on and if there was no football, they would put Eastenders or Xfactor on.’ I just don’t get it? My suggestion is, buy yourself a fucking heat lamp, buy some frozen shit from Iceland, bang a tv in the garden, and save yourself a couple of grand in the process.

Working in fashionable shops– Yes, I know fuck all about the iphone, no I didn’t know an Omega speed master watch worked in space and no, I can’t justify that extortionate cost your quoting me for that little bit of foundation for my girlfriend. Guys who work in Birmingham’s Selfridges are the worse offenders. They obviously get the store discount and strut around wearing hundreds of pounds worth of clothes, and when normal folk like me walk in the shop, they give the look of ‘you couldn’t possibly afford to buy any of these ludicrously expensive clothes.’ I just feel like saying, ‘Mate, make the most of those tight jeans and pointy shoes because when your thirty your being moved to the Ted Baker section to sell sensible t-shirts to dad’s with young children, This will be your life right up until the age of forty when your going to be moved to the suit department where you will be forced to sell pink ties to men suffering mid life crisis’s. Don’t stop there though, because when your fifty you will be transferred to the book department where the highlight of your day will be selling romance novels to rich career women in there fifties who were to busy working in there thirties to find themselves a man, and now there past there best so the only way to get over the lonely nights is to slouch on the sofa, drinking red wine, whilst fingering themselves over the Jane Eyre novel you sold them. When you are sixty, I’ll come and visit you as I spend my retirement days buying extortionately priced but equally scrummy Belguim biscuits off you. Don’t worry though, after the inevitable generation after generation of Tory government you will get to work there until you are at least seventy, all for the minimum wage you fucking Topman ponce.’

I’m not knocking anyone on the minimum wage, I’m just knocking anyone who’s main aspiration in life is to look ‘cool’ and exactly like everyone else in the Arcadian on a Saturday night.
(Sir_Digby_Chicken_Caeser [email protected], Fri 16 Oct 2009, 18:35, 5 replies)

Pointless things
Formula One, and motorsport in general

Margarine (cheap plant fats hardened by hydrogen) instead of butter

That is all. For now
(chocmonster Failed to come up with a witty signature by, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 18:19, Reply)

Firefly
There, I said it! Sure, it's fine to kill a bit of time with, but so are many other programmes. I just really don't get how people are so obsessed with it and think it's so amazing.
(deadly_sinners, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 18:11, 2 replies)

Megan Fox
It seems like the whole world has gone ga-ga for this woman. Me? I think she's just average and THAT'S IT.
There's a massive poster doing the rounds in one of the film mags at the moment with her on it. And she's even dressed in a cheerleader outfit. All I see is, "meh".
( Ultimate Cakes & Sweets Why,what are you planning to do - photosynthesize?, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 17:56, 2 replies)

Mis Lit
There's been an epidemic of grim childhood books lately. You know. "My mother was a meth addict who chained me in the bin cupboard to be nibbled by squirrels" So that's going to be an entertaining read then.
Who on earth is buying this stuff? Masochists who love torturinjg themselves or sadists who love reading about kids getting hit with frying pans.
(Big D, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 17:53, 2 replies)

Communications satellites.
They go right over my head.
(gordonjcp, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 17:53, Reply)

Acoustic music.
My tolerance for somebody strumming on an acoustic guitar is marginally more than my tolerance for drum solos. If you're really good I may continue to give a shit for more than three minutes but after that I'm off to the bar.
(Big D, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 17:49, Reply)

Non alcoholic beer.
It's like going down on your sister. Tastes the same, it's just not quite right.
(Sir General ***WoW***, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 17:41, 5 replies)

Of Honda Accords.
I mean, apart from the obvious pinning against a wall abilities, they are pretty bog standard.
(Sir General ***WoW***, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 17:33, Reply)

Smoking
I don't get the attraction of smoking.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not against smokers, or smoking - if you want to smoke, go ahead. I just don't get it.

I'll use myself as an example. I'm 31. I grew up in a house where my parents smoked. It stank. Not once have I ever thought "Mmmm, that nicotine smell is great and refreshing."

I went through a primary and secondary school education where I was told frequently about the health risks involved with smoking. About how one cigarette can knock five minutes off your life. How cigarettes cause cancer, lung disease and God knows what other health complications for someone who smokes. I was taught about passive smoking, and the selfish effects a smoker can have on non-smokers around him. I heard gruesome tales of people who had holes in their necks where smoking caused some kind of throat cancer.

I saw friends trying a cigarette for the first time, watching the colour drain from their faces as they drew that first intake of smoke, listened as they then choked and coughed and spluttered before trying again, and again, and again, despite experiencing the same effects. I found myself standing a little further away from them, aware that they smelt smokey, which was disgusting. I then watched as they became hooked on smoking, spending God knows how much to keep their habit going. And I guess I'll still be watching in years to come as they continue to spend thousands of pounds, continue to smell, and continue to cough their lungs up each and every morning.

I know that people make their own choices in life, and that their smoking is in some ways no different to my liking of a drink, given the cost and long term health issues.

I still don't get the attraction though.
( SeasonTicketless is too often the statue, and rarely the pigeon., Fri 16 Oct 2009, 17:32, 9 replies)

Television!
I don't get it for so many reasons.
Surely there are better ways to spend your life than watching chumps? (I mean people on TV, not specifically a program called 'chumps' - which may exist, I don't know, I don't have a telly!)
(Robot_Lover loves robots, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 17:18, Reply)

Climate change denialists
Broadly I agree with them - if you look at our planet's temperature, we are experiencing an upward blip on a downward curve towards the next ice age - but that's in geological time. Sadly, us humans live in historical time, and for us that blip could last thousands of years. The point is though, unless you happen to be in the pay of one of the big oil companies and are profiting massively, surely conserving resources is just simple common sense?
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 17:17, 4 replies)

air
i mean, what the fuck is THAT about?! it tastes like crap, and i mean do we REALLY "need" it?!
( valoukh newsgash.wordpress.com, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 17:08, 1 reply)

manatees
cheers god, another fuck-up.

I don't know why I bother getting out of bed sometimes.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 16:59, Reply)

Time for an interlude


Now chill the fuck out or the kitten gets it!!
( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 16 Oct 2009, 16:52, 2 replies)

Flavoured condoms.
Seriously, if I wanted something tasty I would NOT be doing this. Guys don't like cock socks so why make ones for oral sex, when you don't need one. Coloured ones too. If you need condoms with 'pretty colours' you're probably not old enough to be using them.
(MissUnexpectedNuttering Mad to live, Mad to talk, and burn, burn, burn...., Fri 16 Oct 2009, 16:50, 6 replies)

Whinging and complaining about everything
Why do some people seem to enjoy making themselves needlessly miserable?
I'm confused.
(DrTeeth, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 16:41, Reply)

I just don’t understand people who try to act as mediators to calm down angry mobs
I mean – what are they, the fucking UN? No, they’re not. Put a ‘C’ at the start and a ‘T’ at the end and thats a more accurate description of these self righteous wankstains.

Anyway, as for this QOTW – I think everyone needs to take a deep breath, take a step away from the keyboard, and think about puppies and kittens and flowers and blowjobs for a few minutes...
( SpankyHanky, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 16:40, 4 replies)

It's not Chris Moyles I don't get but...
...it's those people who like him that I can't understand. He's a thoroughly vile and unpleasant man. He lacks any grace, charm or warmth. He's misogynistic, big-headed, selfish, arrogant, rude and sneering. Would you like your daughter to come home with him?

And -- above all -- as far as I can see (and maybe I just don't get it) he is devoid of any discernible talent, really. I mean, what is the man good at to warrant £630,000 or your and my money every year. I genuinely don't get it! Neither do my wife and teenage son, but maybe they're just brainwashed by my ranting whenever the gelatinous cunt opens his over-ample gob yet again.

Are there people here who value having this man beamed into their homes? Explain!
(Super Jet Shoes, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 16:35, 4 replies)

Ice cream and jelly
Why do people like them?
(TheColonel, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 16:29, 11 replies)

Middle laners
Fray Brentos has just reminded me of this. nothing makes me more angry that wankers who sit in the middle lane of the motorway going at the same speed as cars in the inside lane, or worse yet, when there are no cars in the inside lane. how i wish my crappy Seat had guns. it makes me undertake them in a pathetic pointless rage.

PULL THE FUCK IN.

I've mentally changed this QOTW to 'things that really get on my goat' so excuse the slightly o0ff topic nonsense, but hey, you're all at it too.
(Alphabet Soap boshboshboshbosh, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 16:27, 11 replies)

Trampolines
Specifically kids on trampolines.

Boing.
"HI!!"
Boing.
"HI!!"
Boing.
"HI!!"

FUCK OFF.

And the parents are just as bad, trying to look through the windows. And trying to flip themselves over in the air which usually ends in them falling off and laughing LIKE THE GIMPS THEY ARE.
(Melody was not PMSing on, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 16:20, 6 replies)

I hate South Park
I've never found it funny, and the fact that the guys who make it are Republicans make it all the more odious.
Also, religion.
(TommyShanks, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 16:19, 7 replies)

Stephen King novels
I just don't get IT.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 16:18, 1 reply)

Former Lead Singers Gone Solo.
You know who I mean, the egotistical twats who achieved iconic status with their former band, & then at the peak of their success decided to fuck off & do their own thing, leaving the band in the shit. I could go on all day, but the two that spring to mind are:-

(1)... Sting. Made some brilliant music with The Police, but when he buggered off, he (somehow) managed to go from strength to strength despite his music being utter garbage. The guy I feel sorriest for is guitarist Andy Summers who seems to have dropped off the face of the Earth...(anybody know what happened to him?) Stewart Copeland can hold his own doing movie soundtracks at least. To be fair to Sting though, he had 2 tracks that I liked, "Englishman In New York" & "Fields Of Gold", all else was SHITE.

(2).... Paul Weller. I can HONESTLY say that I think this guy as a successful solo artist is the most over-rated of them ALL. Brilliant music with The Jam, but not a single solitary song with the Style Council or on his own did it for me.

I think these guys' current success is in place only because of people remembering them with their former band & don't want to admit to the truth about them now being CRAP.
(Stashie is plotting against his blender on, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 16:16, 1 reply)

Death Metal?
What the fucking christ on a scooter is that all about.

Nepalm Death?

I'd rather fucking jump to my death.

Why the fuck would you want to go to a concert, pay £25 for a ticket to listen to a fat rotund beer swilling cunt scream down a mic for 2 hours. Then you have to contend with jumping around with a load of Unwashed, B.O. Smelling fucking tramps. CUNTS.

Fuck you

aagggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhdeath agggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
(hoogie Original Cunt Horse Author, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 16:15, 6 replies)

Strictly Come Dancing
My girlfriend loves it, and it gives me an opportunity to go off and surf the web for a while on a Saturday night, but I really don't understand why it's so popular.

Firstly, the dancing from the celebs is shite. Maybe once in a while it's quite funny shite (Jo Brand dragging that stick insect across the floor like he'd just brained her,) but most of the time simply just shite. And it's not worth poking through a turd to find the occasional piece of sweetcorn.

Secondly, that smug, chicken-killing Ozzie bastard, Brendan. What a cunt.

Thirdly, Tess Daley appears to me to be the ghost of Marti Caine.

Fourthly, the Judges: The campy pantomime villain, the new one, Norman Tebbit and Ren Höek.

Fifthly, it takes up about eighteen fucking hours through the week. Add it all up over your life and that's a lot of shit you've watched. I'd rather die sooner.

I also hate the resurrected "What's white and slides around on the dancefloor?" joke.
(suckfake Frisky biscuits, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 16:15, 2 replies)

He's MAD he is!
people who go to the pub dressed up, and either sit there looking depressed or look as if they're forcing themselves to act the goat. It all seems to be so that when they're at work again on Monday morning their friends can say 'You'll never guess what Gavin did! He turned up at the pub dressed as a Banana! Then he breakdanced to the folk music they were playing and drunk loads of shots! He's fucking MAD, he is!!!!!!!!!!'
(teasus likes tea, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 16:14, 1 reply)