Clapham?
That's about it, sorry.
( monkeyboyalpha jumping on the bandwagon since, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 9:50, 1 reply)

Common
80% of the bullshit posts, "x is common" when x refers to a thing, or things that actually are common (ie "the"). We're looking for both juxstaposition and humourous merit here, shit-sticking donkey-twiddlers.
(denki, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 9:41, 1 reply)

hot gay history teacher once told us
that it is very hyacinth bou-quet and climbing middle class to say "dessert" and that one should always refer to it as "pudding". this stuck with me as i was impressionable and in love, and i can't bear the word "dessert" now.

also, total pearoast, but you love it, bee-atches. my parents had friends called the sidebottoms, who actually insisted on it being pronounced as "sid-ee-both-am".

if it bothers you that much, just change it ffs.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 9:35, 2 replies)

Part 3
Cufflinks worn with single cuff shirts, clip on bow ties, caravans, beaded car seat covers, wineboxes, plastic Christmas trees, call centre operatives, anything from Primark, St George flags hung from bedroom windows during football tournaments, people who add salt to their plate before tasting the food, instant coffee, trousers worn without a belt or braces, anything Burberry (particularly the god-awful aftershave), chipped nail varnish, beer guts, white socks, conifers, black bra’s worn with a white blouse and worst of all – Big Brother contestants.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 9:32, 5 replies)

Toddlers with two lines of snot coming out of their nose.
Though its the parents who are common. Wipe their noses ffs!
( Peej, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 9:23, 2 replies)

The ladyfriend just returned from the toilet after I finished posting
and said nothing but "someone's been eating loads of Frazzles in the bathroom."
( Malchick, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 9:21, 3 replies)

Ooh, goodness.
I remember when I was about 15, I suddenly started to realise that not everyone's house was the picture of middle class regime and efficiency that my own was.
I was faily embarrassed once by a counter-admonishment from a friend after I'd criticised the way he held his wine glass (well it was bloody white wine, you don't put your stupid fat warm hands all over it...).
But worse was when I found out that some people at my school didn't have gravy boats or pudding forks or even soup spoons. How the hell did these people eat?
I hadn't considered that measuring jugs and dessert spoons might be the answer to these quandaries...
( Malchick, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 9:20, Reply)

itv
I can`t remember the last time I watched ITV
That`s how posh we are.

QVC.common as bottoms.




he say man who sleep horny.wake up feeling cocky.
(rural confucious, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 9:11, 1 reply)

Courtesy
certainly is.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 9:10, Reply)

Muck
Is muck common?
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 9:10, Reply)

Sense
is common.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 9:09, Reply)

I won't let my children walk through grassland in
Wimbledon, Clapham, Mitcham, Wandsworth or Barnes. They're just far too common.
(The Oscillating Gibbon is eating curried squid, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 8:56, 2 replies)

My son, a PhD physics student,
currently lives in California.

His origins involve the worst street on a rough northern council estate and education at ordinary local schools and college.

So although Oxford knocked the edges off his accent, he doesn't exactly speak RP.

The Yanks love how he talks though - they find it cute. Can't get enough of it.
Gotta love'em for it.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 8:55, Reply)

Common as... muck.
Pretty much the only thing I consider common is the inability of some parents to ensure their children are reasonably presentable in public.

How much effort does it take to brush your child's hair? Not much.

How long is it acceptable to let a kid wear a teeshirt covered in blended vegetables and gravy? Not very long.

How important is it to make sure your precious doesn't have a face full of snot, dripping off their chin and bubbling in their nose? Very important, if you want them anywhere near me.

Most parents are considerate, but the ones who let their spawn run around in a state of soiled glee give off the image of being teeth-grindingly common.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 8:45, 1 reply)

My wife…
The other day, I asked her: "Tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time"

She replied: "You have the biggest cock out of all your mates "
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Fri 17 Oct 2008, 8:44, 4 replies)

Women over the age of 40 who sing current "pop songs"
By "pop songs" I mean anything in the charts that's "popular" at the moment.

I've worked with a few, and they usually do it in the morning, as they arrive at the office having just spent the 20 minute drive to work listening to that cockdustbin Moyles.

There's nothing quite as bad at 8AM as a 50 year old woman walking past you quietly singing "Umber-ella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh"

1. People over 40 shouldn't know what's in the charts
2. People over 40 certainly shouldn't sing in public (unless you are in a choir or are Sting)

I'm 30 and I am quite proud that I could not name 3 acts in the top ten let alone mumble along to their lyrics.
(brainwrong, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 8:40, 8 replies)

My neighbours

Since having the mini-wombles and spending my days at home, I’ve become somewhat of a nosy sod. Which is how I first noticed the new family across the road, now they’re known as the bloody scutters (as my husband and I have affectionately nicknamed them.) They sit on their arses claiming all the benefits they can in their paid-for-by-the-council rented house while the rest of the street work their arses off to pay their mortgages.

For me this delightful family epitomise common, here are a few examples:

The kids don't go to school ever; they instead hang around the front of the house all day, everyday attracting all the other local vermin. Mummy doesn't give a toss as her and boyfriend #999 spend all day in the pub, their idea of parenting is to bring their cider and black the ten feet from the pub to their house and sit on the front wall smoking and swearing with the kids.

Their house has a large back garden which their neighbour informs me looks something akin to a jungle, therefore when it was sunny this summer they spent their days sat in their front yard, which measures about 12 by 4 foot. When that got too cramped they branched out onto the pavement, and on one wonderful occasion they were sitting on dining chairs on the pavement while daddy chav (of the moment) cooked their dinner on one of those mini barbeques that was perched on the front wall.

If they weren’t on my front doorstep I’d find it laughable, the thing is though the majority of the street own their houses and work bloody hard to keep them, I feel particularly sorry for their neighbour, nice old guy, wouldn’t say boo to a goose. Then these chavs turn up and completely wreck the street, I have no idea how we’ll sell our house with them across the road. I actually found myself saying to my husband the other day ‘that Hitler, actually may have been onto something, he had it wrong with the jews though, do you reckon he could round up the chavs instead’.

*Pop* Beta cherry, be gentle its my first time.
(Madam Cholet, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 8:38, 4 replies)

Common?
.
Amy Fucking Winehouse.

For the win....

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 8:37, 2 replies)

Lonnie Rashid Lynn, Jr.

( the_rhyme_minister has a little bit of gold and a pager, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 8:33, Reply)

Tattoos
I'm sorry, but my snobbery prevents me from finding tattooed women attractive. Don't get me wrong. Angelina Jolie - fit as a butcher's, and I often imagine my appendage rubbing round her mouth like a giant lipsil - but then see her arms , and I go off the boil. Lower back tattoos are even worse.

Now I'm not anti tattoo. I don't have any, but that's my choice. My mates in the army all had them, and whether they regret them or not is immaterial.

I just find tattooed girlies very, very common.

(Don't get me started on piercings)
( Piper Alpha is being a grumpy northerm bastard on:, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 8:33, 8 replies)

Compared to when I was a student,
nowadays I'm a bit snobbish. I was pretty rough back then.

My mates and I would go out drinking, and then have farting competitions. Marks were awarded for duration, resonance of tone and of course pungency.

We also had burping competitions, which ran on standardised fuel, this being one fish supper and one can of Irn Bru. Marks were awarded similarly.

One day, we decided on a little experiment. We'd trap our farts in empty jam jars, screw the lids on then open and then sniff them next morning. This is a particularly vile thing to do, as the odour is inhaled when one is fragile from the night before, and makes one feel a tad unwell.

Anyway, the games progressed, and we then discovered absinthe. Not the cheap nasty stuff you usually find, but the proper syrupy green fluid with loads of wormwood. We did the usual setting fire to it and so on, but soon discovered that a few hours after drinking it, it tainted our flatulence with a characteristic odour. So out came the jam jars....

Next morning, we came to open the jars to do the usual check, and to our collective amazement, in each jar was a tiny model motorcycle. A perfect replica of the full size Honda NTV650 in every way. We wondered who had accessed the jars during the night, and why they would do such a bizarre thing, so we asked around during the day, but no-one would admit to it.

On returning to our flat that evening, we noticed that the models had increased in size during the day. And that is the point at which we discovered....

Absinthe makes the fart grow Honda.

Sorry
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 8:33, 7 replies)

Borrow and lend
Why is it so hard for people to understand the difference between borrow and lend?

I work between Preston and Blackburn so on a daily occurence the following happens:

Common Local: "Hey One_Winged_Angel can you borrow me a ruler?"
One_Winged_Angel: "No.... But I can LEND you a ruler"
CL: "ok.... In that case can I lend a ruler?"
OWA: "No you want to 'borrow'"
CL: "fuckin ell, don't be a cunt n just borrow me one innit"

I often find the word "despondent" appropriate in cases such as the above.
(One_Winged_Angel Ich Dien, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 8:25, 3 replies)

Rice pudding the way its meant to be eaten
I get peeved to see people put sugar on their porridge. It tastes great with salt and milk - the trick is to give the milk a savoury taste, not make it briny.

I was once cooped up in an upmarket hotel in Chicago for 4 weeks. As it was expenses paid I'd order breakfast in the hotel. Menu was impressive with handmade flapjacks, pancakes, donuts etc. except that every sweet item was coated in cinnamon. Once in a while cinnamon is great but after a while it makes you want to put a gun to your head. In desperation I order porridge so what do they do? Put sugar and cinnamon on it. After that I just ordered cornflakes every day.

But what do I know. I eat cold rice pudding straight from the tin. This is somehow objectionable to my wife.
(MagicMoose, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 8:21, Reply)

This
Ewwwwwwwwwwwww!
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 8:06, 3 replies)

Eating pudding without fork
According to Mrs Steamer - I am common because I have somehow mastered the art of eating my pudding with just the one implement - the trusty spoon.

I think this makes me more efficient AND saves on washing up - but apparently the non use of a fork is worthy of the silent treatment at her parents house. This is a matter of principle though.

As is calling it "pudding" as opposed to "dessert".

What with the credit crunch and that you'd think there was more important stuff to worry about.
(Cock Piss Partridge Couldn't give a shit who Virgilio Anderson is., Fri 17 Oct 2008, 8:04, 7 replies)

Granddad.
.
We've always been common as muck and proud of it in the Legless clan but this reminded me of a story about my Granddad.

My Granddad had just won first prize in the local leek show (don't ask. You wouldn't understand. It's a Geordie thing) and would proudly announce his secret to anyone who would listen.

"Manure!" he'd bellow "Every night, cover them in horse manure..."

Now my Aunt, who likes to think she's a bit better than the rest of the clan 'cos her husband has a desk job and isn't a miner like the rest if us, objected to this and asked my Gran if she'd tell Granddad to call it fertilser rather than manure. Gran looked at her wearily and said:

"It's taken me 30 years to get him to call it manure. I'm quitting while I'm ahead...."


Cheers

Thenk you very much etc.....

( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 7:52, 1 reply)

From a Canadian perspective...
I loathe midwestern American accents. Just the sound of it makes me shudder.

Also, American beer. It's farking piss.
(Phaedron Dizzying epiphanies from the bottom of my pint., Fri 17 Oct 2008, 7:17, 2 replies)

People who store stuff behind their ears.
If you're one of those who stores things in their ears, like cigarettes and pens, then you're common. Its not cool! Infact you look like a total spazz!

Double spazz and common points for half smoked cigarettes.
(Miggyman, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 7:16, 7 replies)

hmm, me, apparently.
because i have a lower-back tattoo.
but i'm not living up to its implications as it's not a target for anything, i'm not exactly winning any awards for 'sluttiest girl in sydney', and where i take it up is none of your buisness.
(and breathe)
but, to answer properly, people who think Today Tonight and A Current Affair are upstanding examples of unbiased investigative journalism. aaargh.
(charlottebronte stalking through the moors, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 7:11, 2 replies)