missing r's
Common people who say grass not grarss make me feel dirty. I need a barth.
(turtles head is touching cloth poked a dwarf on the forehead at, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:02, 4 replies)

Using the word "our"...
as in "our mam", "our steve", etc - regional dialect is no excuse to murder the English language.
(Chad, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:01, 7 replies)

Common
people who say Haytch instead of Aytch... calling lunch "dinner", thinking Next is designer clothing, muffintops, personalised number plates, Jewellery from Lizzie Duke, eating at a Harvester, getting the family photographed at a "Venture" studio, piercing babies' ears, having an exhaust pipe on your car wider than your cock is long, Playgirl logos ANYWHERE (my next door neighbour has one on her car), orange stained decking, having no laces in your trainers and your trousers tucked in your socks....
oh my God I could go on all night...
( Sallyrsm, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:01, 5 replies)

Cafe T Air
I was once reprimanded by my girlfriend for referring to the cafetiere as the “coffee plunger thing”.

Personally I thought it was a perfectly accurate description but no, apparently it’s common. Stupid posh people with their French words.
(FerretTrout be illin', Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:01, 1 reply)

Part 2
Hand rolled cigarettes (of the non-comical variety), Tizer, processed foods, Argos furniture, UPVC doors, white van drivers, un-tended gardens, disposable barbeques, tinned vegetables, excessive jewellery, chewing gum, tattoos, facial piercings, hair products on men, fake tan, soap opera actors (and viewers), people who bring packed lunches to work, any foodstuff purchased from a petrol station, plastic garden furniture, branded glassware stolen from pubs for home use, large screen TV’s showing sport in pubs, wallpaper borders, commercial radio, eating English food abroad when on holiday, drinking in airport pubs before 11am, mini cabs, fluorescent tabards (and their wearers) and tabloid newspapers.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:59, 18 replies)

Hounslow.
I turned the corner that marks the beginning of Hounslow, and an all too familiar shudder ran the length of my spine. I'm here each day, but I was driving this morning and it always looks worse from that angle (most likely as I'm usually blinded by tiredness by the time I arrive on my bicycle).

Today it was two individuals in particular that highlighted all that's wrong with this corner of London. Young, white females, they strolled in tandem along the litter ridden pavement. Their ill fitting tracksuits bouncing in union as they coughed like syphilitic whores. Only unable to cover their mouths as they had stuffed their hands deep into their pockets, they allowed their coughs to burst freely from their pasty, gaunt faces.

Fortunately the sound of their hacking was muted by my helmet, and I was spared the aural accompaniment to this foul oral dance, but I was under no illusion as to what the tightening of lips, raising of snout and obvious intake of breath would lead to. My prediction was realised as the foremost trout let fly with a grotesque ball of mucus that spattered across the pavement, adding slimy green to the ever present lumps of dried, blackened chewing gum.

An all too common act in this all too common place. Don't go to Hounslow my friends. Just don't.
( Moey, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:59, 10 replies)

I was never allowed....
...to call the alley round the back of our semi an alley, I had to call it a driveway.

It was a fucking alley
(Reverend Samson Fapohunda B3tan, B3tan, B3tan, B3tan, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:57, 2 replies)

People who eat sandWIDGEs
There is no g in sandwich.
(GrimbleGromble, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:56, 6 replies)

Sniffing your fingers in public.
Impossible to do with any degree of class. Even if you're checking for the scent of foie gras/truffles/caviar, you should always wait 'til you're alone.
( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:53, 1 reply)

I'd have thought that this one would get some argument
it's not a butty, it's a fucking sandwich.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:52, 6 replies)

Plurals
People who leave the s of off plurals...

"How much is that?"
"Seventy five pound"
"A pound? What a bargain, I'll take seventy five please"
"Eh?"
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:52, 4 replies)

Superfluous Supermarket Ss
I cannot abide people who refer to Tesco as Tescos, terribly common.
(GrimbleGromble, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:51, 9 replies)

Delusions of eloquence.
If you're trying to impress me, please don't bother with unnecessarily long words and convoluted sentences. What impresses me far more is the ability to be understood.

Eschew obfuscation.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:51, 5 replies)

Television
The BBC in general and Blue Peter in particular were in the late seventies and early eighties, viewing fodder that the genteel sensibilities of a young Oil Slick would not be offended by. Their nice presenters and state funded solid educational programming presented the core values required to set my moral compass. The exception to the rule was Grange Hill - frightfully common, anything on ITV may as well have been penned by Beelzebub himself and lawks - Sesame Street!?! The sort of people that watched that were in need of a good wash and the use of "Zee" instead of "Zed" has perhaps been partially responsible for the breakdown of the moral fabric of society on this Sceptred Isle ever since.*

*If you were to ask my mother.
(Oil Slick, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:51, 1 reply)

The former Mr Quar
called curtains 'cur-TINS', which really used to annoy me. His mother called a slice of toast a 'toast butty' which had the same effect.

She came from north Lancashire which may explain it. Not excuse it, just explain it.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:50, Reply)

People who use the word 'cunt' in every sentence
It's a dirty word when it's spoken, really horrible.

And is it just me or do people with Scouse and Wolverhampton accents sound common, even if they're not?
( Methylene Blue - electrohead, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:50, 8 replies)

Sun readers
Or the ones that can't actually read, so they just look at the pictures.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:49, Reply)

"Staff canteen"
This name is dreadfully common if you're our simpering Graham Norton-a-gram of a manager.

"It's a *restaurant* Reverend!" I am constantly reminded.

I've now taken to calling it "The Bistro" to piss him off. Small victories.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:49, 2 replies)

Not driving the Landy home from the pub
at midnight whilst three sheets to the wind and dressed in wellies, 200 year old tweeds and a Barbour jacket.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:48, Reply)

Leopard print.
Especially on a woman over 30.

Most especially if she's over-tanned and wearing a lot of gold-tone bling.

Particularly if she's carting enough excess flesh to construct a Backstreet Boy.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:47, 7 replies)

That girl over there
I staggered drunkenly through Basingstoke town centre on the way to the train station and kebab van to meet a friend, when I stumbled across a girl in a door way having a piss. Classy but we've all been caught short when drunk. As she tottered about under the influence I assisted her up a long flight of stairs, because I'm a gentleman and because she'd tucked her skirt into her knickers exposing a lovely arse.

At the kebab van I ditched her for some chips and hooked up with my mate. He was chatting to some ladies, who weren't pissing in door ways, so I joined him. These ladies then decided that because I enunciated my words and spoke properly I was posh. Keen to defend myself, I pointed out in a loud voice I wasn't posh, in fact I was as common as that girl over there.

Little did I know that was the wrong thing to say, apparently the kebab & wee-wee stained lady took objection and launched herself, from her sprawled seat on the kerb-side at me. Once I'd peeled her off of me, an equally drunken and some what diminutive defender then punched me in the face whilst still holding his burger.

Despite being involved in a drunken brawl by a kebab van in Basingstoke, I'm not common. But drunken girl with no bladder control, you are.

PS: I still think your arse is cute, call me.
( Weejock, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:47, 3 replies)

Slag Tags...
...that is, that tattoo that (some) girls get put just above the crack of thier arse, often wearing hipsters to display it to all and sundry.

Nothing says that you've been poked more times than your Gran's real coal fire more strongly than one of those. Combine it with a bling-y thong and the general concensus of everyone who has the misfortune of standing or walking behind you is that you've been through the entirety of the armed forces at least twice, or more accurately, they've been through you.

One of a fair few things that makes me glad that I'm a poofter :)

EDIT: Damn, Chad beat me to it. Mind you, I've not bothered to read any past the latest page so the topic could have been broached already.
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:46, 12 replies)

My ex housemate
used to call me common because i pronounce the word scone to rhyme with the word gone.
He said it rhymed with the word cone.

I agree that my way doesn't sound as posh, but I'm from Surrey and he's from Doncaster. I win.
(ecilA Alice...has nothing to do, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:44, 11 replies)

My god I hate it
when people say "Marks and Sparks" insted of Marks and Spencer.
(Errorist, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:42, 2 replies)

Test to see if you are common.
If Male:
1) Are you named after a hollywood actor, or a footballer/footballer's kid? (all you Keanus, Rivers, Brooklns, etc - sorry, but you're heading chav-wards).

2) Are your trainers whiter than your teeth?

3) Is your dream after school:
a) Get a promotion at work to pay for a new Sub-Woofer for your Nova GTE?
b) Play football for Man U, shag a girl-band member or Big Brother contestant and get a 4x4 with 22" Spinners?
or,
c) Find a babysitter for your kid so you can take your girlfriend to MaccyD's for a night out?

4)Have you shaved bits out of your eyebrow(s)?

5) Do you know what the inside of a holding cell looks like?

For Females:

1) Are you named after a Soap Opera character or a car? (Mercedes, Porsches, Kylies and Tiffanys - put your hands up)

2) Do you own a pair of Ugg boots?

3) Does your jacket sit too high and your jeans so low that you have a two inch strip of bare flesh across your back?

4) Did you have experience of any of the following before you were 14?
a) French manicure
b) French kissing
c) French letters

5) A tattoo at the base of the spine, just above the thong - is it sexy?

6) Is Blue WKD nice?

7) Do you have a favourite member of Girls Aloud?



If you answered yes to any of these....you're likely to be common as muck....
(Chad, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:42, 10 replies)

Going Out
During the working week I have my spiked up in a manner that looks like I just got out of bed and ran to work.

When I go out at the weekend however I cannot leave the house until I have done my hair with my special comb that only I can use. To warn others that its mine I have labelled it with my name:

Comb-Mon

(Apologies for shite pun and gets back to thinking up Star Wars related links to topic)
(mon bison powered by magnets, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:42, Reply)

Jeremy Kyle
'nuff said
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:41, Reply)

I was brought up
to pronounce plastic and elastic as eg 'plarstic'.

I was gutted when the northerners won that linguistic duel!

Have to agree with Monty Boyce as well, my parents always felt a bit uneasy letting me watch ITV.. Knight Rider and the A-Team were off-limits.

*weeps for the loss of my childhood*
( Finite "Aardvark sorted out my shit!" on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:41, 2 replies)

people using myself and yourself
in anything other than the correct way.

*worries that his carefully hidden snobbiness will be coming out way too much in this qotw*
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:39, 5 replies)