Truckers.
They're pretty fucking pikey. A friend of a friend once worked for a bastard trucker (socialist parents, named him after the instigator of the Peasants' Revolt) who'd mocked up a fake franchise to build Korean liquid-haulage vehicles in darkest Wales, and my friend's job was to sell these fictitious lorries to unsuspecting companies.

He was Wat's Taff Daewoo tanker scam man.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 13:37, 4 replies)

Taking your dog for a walk
in the city centre.

Merely watching as your pedigree baby mauler squirts out something bright orange from its anus.

Oh, and calling your child a f*cking c*nt.
( Holly Would long wheel based tranny, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 13:27, Reply)

Bashing boy-racers.
I'm not pleased with the way lots of people have had a go at the corsa/nova/saxo drivers this week.

Those baseball-cap-sporting, loud-bad-music-playing, late-night-driving lads & lasses face almost daily harrassment by the police to produce documentation, so are usually always fully legal, insured etc.

However annoying it may be, I'm sure you would rather they were driving their own (shitty) cars and working hard at their modern apprenticeships to buy their stereo kit than claiming dole and stealing your car to razz around the industrial estate at 3am.

Yes, I used to be one.
No, I'm no longer one.

Give them a break.
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 13:09, 18 replies)

Cars where the sound system is worth more than the vehicle.
And people who say 'veer-i-kull'
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Thu 23 Oct 2008, 12:38, Reply)

Table manners
"Don't talk with your mouth open", "Ask before leaving the table", "Put your knife and fork together on your plate when you've finished", etc.

Only common-as-fuck people have pretenses of table manners.

If you're sat at my table, I couldn't give a damn what you do as long as you don't a) spill food everywhere or b) do a shit.

But at the same time, I can't stand people who don't sit at the table to eat. If you have a table, use it.
(Half of Stephen Fry's right buttock pissed on your dog on, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 12:26, 11 replies)

While we're on about mispronunciation
People of Ashington... the mispronunciation among the populace drives me to distraction sometimes.

It's SANDWICH.

Not bloody 'sammidge'.

The church of the 'Holy Sepulchre' is not pronounced 'Holy Seplikka'.

And when you're off down to the club for a pint, you're going to the Premier. Not the fucking Primea.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 23 Oct 2008, 12:25, 7 replies)

I saw
a TV programme called 'Dog Borstal' once.

I watched it as I thought it was surely a spoof based on the multitude of utter shite and cheap programmes, commonly known as 'reality shows' (although what's real about a load of misfits being locked up in a house having to undertake 'tasks' is beyond me...unless it's prison?).

It wasn't.

It really was a cheap and unashamed attempt to cash in on the aforementioned 'genre' of television, but for those who own dogs.

Common? Woof.
(dchurch bah, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 11:54, 1 reply)

Reflexive sodding pronouns (when misused)
I work with lots of people who pretend to be posh, use posh words, and generally style poshness.

And then cock it all up by writing things like: "see Nigel or myself on this matter"

It's like they've thought about using the word 'me', but it just didn't sound important enough. One syllable, two letters. 'Hardly a suitable way to refer to someone so ****ing important'.

Reflexive pronouns. I, myself, avoid them if possible.
( prince-igor si tacuisses, philosophus mansisses, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 11:52, 7 replies)

Oh yeah...
One other thing. Northerners, I love your part of England, but there is one thing we have to make clear:

It is not a barm cake, it is a bread roll.

Sorry, not strictly in context, but I'm guessing the lists of Kerry Catona, mobile phones with speakers (whoever thought that one up needs to be locked in a cage with Michael winner) etc are wearing thin.
(impossibly witty twat No, YOUR Mum etc etc, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 11:46, 13 replies)

Many moons ago
My darling mother's boyfriend picks his plate up from his tray, as if to drink from it, then asks, to no one in particular "Do you mind?", before pouring the meat juice from a bad sheperd's pie into his cake hole with a rank slurping noise. Well Mick, the answer may be a few years too late, but YES I DO MIND YOU FILTHY SWINE! Bahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!
(impossibly witty twat No, YOUR Mum etc etc, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 11:39, 2 replies)

Browser reminded me of a Leicester mother
correcting her child outside Argos:
"It ent 'ain't', it's 'isn't', innit!"
( blyerkit e k trilby, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 11:32, 2 replies)

Amy Winehouse.

Specifically, the fuckwits who seem to have it in for her just because of what they read in The Sun.

I personally do not give a fuck if she smokes crack. Is she forcing you to take it, as well? No? Thought not.

And have you ever considered that the entire reason she looks so rough is because of the stress of fending off mongoloid papparazi every day?

Why don't people take a look at their own sad, pathetic little lives before victimizing someone else just because they happen to be slightly talented?

Fucking makes me fume it does.
(Half of Stephen Fry's right buttock pissed on your dog on, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 10:45, 14 replies)

If anyone ever asks you
What coulour belt they should wear with brown or black shoes then BEWARWE it's a trap.

Most chaps would answer brown shoes = brown belt and black shoes = black belt.

The correct answer is to wear braces, all other variations are common.

Best regards

Major Dick Turkington-Crawford MBE
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 10:32, 6 replies)

Benidorm
I was travelling by train from Alicante to Benidorm for a day trip (out of morbid curiosity you understand), and the wrinkled leathery, bingo-winged old prune in the seat opposite me said to her friend (similarly wobbly-armed and dripping in Elizabeth Duke tat) something that will haunt me for ever:

'Eee, Mavis,' she said, 'eeeee, I can't wait to get back to us hotel and get me feet in't beeeedaaay.'

Now that is common.
(se8card, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 10:30, Reply)

Kerry Katona...
...leaving aside the breathtaking display on that breakfast show for a moment, which didn't surprise me in the least, I just wanted to point something out which has struck me during this QOTW.

Yes, Kerry Katona has been mentioned a good few times this week which also comes as no surprise, but very few of those posts have said anything but 'Kerry Katona' - the point needs no justification other than her name alone which proves just how appalling she is.

Still, I can't stand the sight and sound of her. She should have a restraining order against her to heep her away from the media. She's an example to 13-year-old mothers everwhere, convincing them that dropping spawn after pointless spawn, hooking up with monosyllabic pug-ugly wankers to produce said spawn and then thinking the whole fucking world owes them something because of it is acceptable. It isn't.

Boycott this vacant, serial-shagging, substance-abusing, attention-seeking media whore TODAY. I can think of very few individuals who are less deserving of a place in the public eye.
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 9:53, 12 replies)

Last day of this awful qotw, time for another tenuous pun


A lot of people say the black Earth terminal on my digital multimeter is common.

/comedy drum fill
/coat
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 9:43, 2 replies)

Nanny Ogg
According to some opinions she's common...

Discuss...
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 9:39, 3 replies)

This whole "Food Air Deal" and other super powers.
I envy "common" people as they appear to have their own super power.

Having worked in Bedworth (Pronounced Bedduf apparently) in the bar trade I have seen people spend their doll checks in the bars every day from opening till closing time.

The only way I can see them being able to afford food is the supernatural ability to (at closing time) go home, spawn out another burberry sprogling and get the benifits by the next day.

=) btw Hi b3ta this is my 1st post ^^
(scummothy 01110000011010000110100101101100, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 9:30, 2 replies)

My friend Martin
is either posh or common. Let's examine the evidence.

Exhibit A: Once, at a pub, he asked for a pint of Bombardier bitter by asking for a pint of "bom-bar-di-ay". Which is quite a posh mistake to make.

Exhibit B: Once, in a restaurant, he asked for a "mer-in-goo" because he'd never seen the word meringue written down before. Which is pretty common.

Posh or common? Or both?
(MrC. Having the most boring username on b3ta since 2004, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 9:24, 17 replies)

Gin Palace
I'd forgotten about this.

When I worked on a bar, we didn't have a recycling policy. That meant that empties just got slung in the bin. The majority of the bar and kitchen staff being lefty types, we felt bad about this.

One of the cooks decided that she'd do her bit by taking a few bottles home each week to put in her recycling box.

She was picky about which she chose, though. She had no problem with the neighbours seeing 20 empty spirits bottles outside her door every week - but she did have a problem with the possibility that they'd be cheap crap like Bell's. So she'd only take home the expensive-looking ones.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 9:20, 1 reply)

Car stickers
I won't say decals.

Installing a car-sticker of the make and/or model of the vehicle.

A pointless exercise because
a: Do you really want to be tarnishing the car makers' reputation by announcing what you have under all that plastic? Someone from Vauxhall might actually see what you've done to his favourite work project.

b: The car maker have already done it for you at the factory in a tasteful badge.

I've seen a red Mitsubishi around here and the sticker reads:

MSTB'E

WTF??? For a start, the S and the T are the wrong way round, and there is no E either!
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 9:11, 2 replies)

Ohhhh, I've got one...
Lower-middle-class Bearsden yummy-mummy types who are too doped up with prescription antidepressants, sedatives, and other mind-altering chemicals to be able to control their Porsche Cayennes or even use the indicators when they attempt a three-lane dash at 50mph in the "20's Plenty" zone outside the school that they're late to drop Issy and Hannah off to because they were up all night worrying about how to pay for their 125% mortgage. You're not earning enough to buy the house and the car (which you're going to need to pay for repairs for now because I bet that's uninsured damage), you're up to your arse in debt and that's not the same thing. Ever heard the phrase "Champagne lifestyle on a beer budget"? That's *you*, that is.

In other news, Sierra 1, Porsche 0. That'll teach you to use your mirrors for something other than checking your mascara.

Length? About the same, but about 4" narrower where it hit the Ford. Hohoho.
(gordonjcp, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 9:09, Reply)

The epitome of common is........
........ South(Saaaaaaffffff) Woodham Ferrers! I think you will find it has featured in Crap Towns too!
(ickledoozer last played ball-in-a-cup on, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 8:25, 2 replies)

calling all chavs
If your "Well wicked" Corsa has ever been featured here www.barryboys.co.uk/mx/index.php?page=2


You are common, every bodged corsa in the land seems to be here.
that is all.
(welgar, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 6:49, 1 reply)

the definition of common
itv has a show called loose women - common as muck..
(edwardinchains, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 4:19, 10 replies)

There's nothing like
giving an acceptance speech at an award ceremony and showing your ignorance.

at one such event i used the word 'awry'. my entire life i'd pronounced it as "aww-ree" and nobody corrected me. then i used my pronounciation on stage to great snickering and muttering amongst the audience.


...shame....
(Baron von Aaron CHARGE!, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 3:03, 5 replies)

People Who Try To Look Posh
by using big words.

The rule is:

"Never use a big word when a diminutive one will suffice"


/Nods to I anglepoise.....


Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 1:07, 7 replies)

itchy bits
One of my major bugbears is people that say itch instead of scratch...

"ohh could you itch my back"
"no, but I'll scratch your itchy back you common slag"

I wonder why I'm divorced at 25 sometimes... I did grow up in a posh little village though, complete with a pub you had to wear a shirt and shoes to enter...

Oh and while I'm on the subject, "Compooter" .... I work in phone tech support (based in the UK, for a "posh" department store, sounds like lon jewis) most of the customers are supposeditly (spelling i know) in the upper 40% of the social chart... BUT THEY CANT SAY COMPUTER!!!

And that really grinds my gears... these are mostly the same people that complain about the guy in the corner shop "looking a bit foreign" but they cannot speak there own language properly!

(typing could be dodgy. New keyboard that im not used to yet)
( SleazyMole Finally has an Icon WOO!, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 0:28, 3 replies)