This is rather marvellous.
I remember reading it as a student, wannabe anarchist, my eyes growing wider and wider with fear and anger, until I came to the bit where it claims that Jim Morrison was knocked off by Led Zepplin's manager as they were too much competition for them:

www.waterstones.com/waterstonesweb/products/adam+parfrey/kenn+thomas/secret+and+suppressed3a+v-+2/6245610/
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 1 Dec 2011, 15:31, Reply)

Any Earthwatch satellite
that could add to the evidence for global climate change.

Will be blown up on the way into space by american big-petroleum interests.

Can't find my list right now but several of the launch disasters of recent times have all been climate observation of one sort or another.
(karnuvap, Thu 1 Dec 2011, 15:15, 7 replies)

Secret conspiracies are bullshit
Have you ever worked for any one else, be it a small family business or a large multinational company?
If you have, you'll know for sure that the higher up the food chain, the more incompetent the employees/ers are.
So how on earth can people who can't organise a piss-up in a brewery able to orchestrate, and conceal, world controlling projects?
( P-MONKE We're all fucked, Thu 1 Dec 2011, 15:07, 8 replies)

Superman and Clark Kent
are never in the same room....


I reckon Louis Lane is doing both of them behind each others backs...
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Thu 1 Dec 2011, 15:06, 4 replies)

The Protocols of the Elders of Zion
This one is a bit of a classic, it is a text that purportedly describes a Jewish plan for world domination. It is also an excellent example of literary forgery.

It was first produced in the early part of the last century by the Russian Tsar's secret police - the Okhrana.

Still going strong over a hundred years later, and widely believed around the world by right-wing lunatics and Islamic fanatics alike, despite the ample evidence as to its origins.

Proof positive of my personal theory that many people are idiots..
(anvil, Thu 1 Dec 2011, 14:59, 2 replies)

Michael Jackson's Body was found in the basement of his mansion when he died
...the real Michael Jackson, that is. You know, the black one.
(Kushan just wants to fit in..to your mum, Thu 1 Dec 2011, 14:57, 6 replies)

Ronald Reagan's Star Wars defence program
was only about laser defence satellites, in as much as the USA really were building a working replica of the Death Star. They also built a fully functional X-Wing.

How do I know this? There was a Top Trumps deck with detailed stats for all the Star Wars vehicles - if they hadn't built them, how would they know the stats?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 1 Dec 2011, 14:53, Reply)

Paul McCartney was killed in a car accident.
This is one of those myths that are so utterly outrageous that you have to think there's a grain of truth in it.
The story goes that McCartney along with a woman, were killed at the scene in a horrific car accident, McCartney allegedly being decapitated. The Beatles were absolutely massive at the time and instead of just releasing the news of his death, the remaining Beatles covered it up and brought a lookalike (with some plastic surgery alterations) in to replace him.
As the conspiracy goes there's numerous clues on Abbey Road & the Sgt Pepper albums.
Although I don't believe this to be the case, there's some quite convincing nuggets of evidence that make you pause for a moment and although I think that McCartney is the original McCartney, I do think the Beatles (especially Paul & John) were into some really heavy, fucked up shit.
If you've got an hour or so to spare, have a watch of the documentary Winged Beatle. It's a bit out there but I'm telling you it doesn't half point out some weird stuff and at times, it almost had me convinced.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=FsPCQ932vlU
*puts on foil hat*
( Hardfarter Following through since 1978, Thu 1 Dec 2011, 14:47, 12 replies)

Apple (and others) don't make their iPhones water resistant
because they love getting the extra sales caused by damage

I don't think it's unreasonable to expect water-resistant phones by default - we all use them outdoors and occasionally they get wet.

My £5 digital watch is waterproof - can it really be technically beyond them to seal up the iPhone so no water can get in?
( rob, Thu 1 Dec 2011, 14:47, 13 replies)

Muslamic rayguns!

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 1 Dec 2011, 14:45, Reply)

Somewhere on the internet there are rude naked photos of Lorraine Kelly.
Not in the least bit tasteful or anything.
( girlinthehole, Thu 1 Dec 2011, 14:38, 12 replies)

Nasa did not have the technology
to fake the moon landing, the special effects were not up to scratch at the time.

So they cheated, and really did go to the moon!
( Squiggy Alloria makes theme parks., Thu 1 Dec 2011, 14:37, 1 reply)

my favourite - orgone blasters.
Google for it. Gave me a laugh.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 1 Dec 2011, 14:36, 3 replies)

The Illuminati are surprisingly open these days....
www.youtube.com/watch?v=4TKNemyNZLQ
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Thu 1 Dec 2011, 14:33, 1 reply)

Automatic air freshners

These things are everywhere now...you can even buy them for your home.

They are spraying a mild sedative to keep people numb and compliant.


You read it here first folks.
( Larry Death Anger Pain Fear Aggression, Thu 1 Dec 2011, 14:30, 4 replies)

Christopher Reeves wheelchair
was made of kryptonite.
(username failed moderation, Thu 1 Dec 2011, 14:27, 7 replies)

The Bilderberg Group
If there's a group of people who are deciding the fate of the industrialised world, this is probably it. Margaret Thatcher, Tony Blair and Clinton were all attendees several years before they gained power. The group was formed in 1954 and meets annually to this day. It's strictly invitation-only and press coverage is not welcomed.

Recent attendees from the UK include Ed Balls, Peter Mandelson and George Osbourne.

Delegates from the business / finance world include Ben Bernanke (head of the US Federal Reserve), David Rockefeller, Jeff Bozos (head of Amazon), Bill Gates and the chairs of Barclays, BP, Nestle, Google, Shell etc.

So - do all these people meet up once a year for no real reason ?

I doubt that they morph into lizards and start drinking the blood of infants...however they must attend for some reason, and the delegates are almost without exception people able to change policies and influence world events.

And frankly, if they were responsible (as it appears) for supporting the careers and thus the road to power of Thatcher and Blair, that's a damn good reason in my book to be fearful of them.
(TheImmortalJenkins, Thu 1 Dec 2011, 14:18, 17 replies)

Gary Speed
Killed himself because The Sun newspaper had an injunction lifted about him being Gay and rang him last Saturday to say it would be on Mondays front page. Allegedly.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Thu 1 Dec 2011, 14:16, 18 replies)

If the powers that be at b3ta REALLY wanted you to know what's going on they'd unban The Goat.
OPEN YOUR EYES SHEEPLE.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 1 Dec 2011, 14:15, 1 reply)

Rob deletes posts.
Truefact!
( girlinthehole, Thu 1 Dec 2011, 14:13, Reply)

Fluoride in tap water erodes our brains and stops us objecting to fluoride

(IHateSprouts is baking a huge pie shaped like an enormous pie, Thu 1 Dec 2011, 14:10, 1 reply)

This is my one from my act when I were funny - not any more.
MI6 did kill Diana. They are the most successfully branch of the government with 100% success rate. Not only do they keep to quoted budgets; but often make money and keep their own tax burden on the state to a zero.
Only a hand full in the top sections know of this and in the spy world they are revered. Each time a negative story in the press comes out about department incompetence. It eats at their hearts as they can never tell anyone just how good the UK is on this level.

Not funny but amusing.
(waxdart hello., Thu 1 Dec 2011, 14:03, 4 replies)

Dogs can't look up.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 1 Dec 2011, 14:03, 6 replies)

Clay/ The Goat has me on ignore.
Or, at least, that's what he wants me to think.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 1 Dec 2011, 13:55, 2 replies)

Moguragunsu is Jolly Jack!
Wake up sheeple!
( Smallbrainfield, Thu 1 Dec 2011, 13:54, Reply)

I didn't vote for this.
It's all a fix.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Thu 1 Dec 2011, 13:50, Reply)

Hulk Hogan was responsible for 9/11. I've seen photographic proof on the Main Board
( Pig Bodine., Thu 1 Dec 2011, 13:50, 1 reply)