Not so ostentatious after all
I was having dinner with my parents a few months back, and they'd dug a bottle of 2005 Shiraz out of the wine cupboard to go with it. Neither of them could remember where it had come from, and they decided it must have been a gift to my dad when he retired. It turned out to be an excellent wine, and after dinner my mum decided to look it up on the internet and see how much a bottle was going for these days. A few minutes later, she ran back into the room shouting "I found it on eBay, and it's selling for $467 a bottle!". My dad and I were duly impressed, and she went off to post on Facebook and tell all her friends about our guzzling of expensive wine.

Later that evening, I idly googled the wine and found the eBay listing, and indeed, the price was $467. Sadly for my mum's bragging, however, it seemed she had overlooked the part where it mentioned that said price was for a case of 12 bottles...
(oball needs Satan more than he needs me, Sat 30 Jul 2011, 5:37, 3 replies)

I once had a wank.
In a condom, it was posh.
(Pota Toes, Sat 30 Jul 2011, 5:32, Reply)

Haiee-Faiee.
I am a man of very little ambition and even less achievement. I am also an inveterate miser, and so my pitiful earnings tend to form a nice pile of savings in short order. Mostly this has been heading towards a deposit for a place of my own, but I have made an indulgence.

I am fairly passionate about music, and I have always appreciated great sound reproduction and have fussy ears that are irked by crappy equipment. I know my stuff, and I've counselled wealthier friends to audio nirvana, and then sat listening to their amazing systems in a slightly confused state of happiness and raw envy.

Having lived in South Africa for most of my life and having pitiful African currency mocking my dreams of hearing my carefully assembled CD collection in all its glory, I moved to Australia and every day on the way back to my room in a sharehouse, I'd pass the local high-end audio shop. Torture.

This year, after about 20 years of unconsummated lust and saving, I sprung for it.

I got myself a Squeezebox Touch, a NAD T747 receiver and Hsu Research Ultra speakers and subwoofer setup, with all centre channel speakers at the front. I ordered the speakers from the manufacturer in America, who consulted with me about my selection and rotated the speaker horns to suit my setup. No PayPal or anything like that, so I went to the bank one Saturday afternoon and organised a transfer.

The day the speakers arrived, my landlord (who signed the papers) texted me to ask if I was mad. There was an absolute mountain of boxes in my hallway, including 40kgs of subwoofer in a box the size of a small fridge. Unpacking them before my girlfriend got home was a kind of kid-at-Christmas moment. Just figuring out how to get something as heavy as a 15" sub out of the box was a challenge (luckily there were instructions). I'd clipped and terminated wiring in advance, so plugging in was a formality.

Am I happy with it? Oh, fuck me, yes. There's a special thrill in owning equipment that you can't even remotely strain without doing your ears in. And this stuff isn't just loud, it's detailed, revealing so much that I'm hearing new things in tracks I've heard hundreds of times on decent headphones and movies on Blu-ray sound much, much better than the cinema. When I sit in the sweetspot, my favourite artists are right in the room with me. And games? So, so good.

Don't settle for iPods.
(Ladyfingers is in your wardrobe,, Sat 30 Jul 2011, 3:55, 10 replies)

Cannes
Paul Allen's $200 million dollar yacht at Cannes. Limos picked us up and dropped us to the marina. There were about 20 guests including Mick Jagger and Jerry Hall, and about 30 staff serving us bollie and cavier. Ended up singing karaoke with Mick. Helicopter was on the top deck for those who needed to get away early. Was a good night.
( hismastersvice cunting flange-jammer, Sat 30 Jul 2011, 3:19, Reply)

I'm very lucky
I'm in a position where I can treat my family to most of this stuff. The best views or experiences mean nothing compared to my daughters smiles though.

Apologies for parental bleugh
(stuwads, Sat 30 Jul 2011, 2:30, 4 replies)

Rock and Roll
Some things you just have to boast about. While I'm not exactly Bill Gates's richer sibling, a number of years ago I managed to wangle myself a stay in the Rock Hotel in Gibraltar - a venue so posh that they even give away free yellow rubber ducks in every room. Once I'd settled in, I ordered a bottle of fizzy from room service, toted my laptop out onto the balcony and proceeded to brag to everyone I knew, via status update (and accompanying photograph just to twist the knife) that I was sipping Moet under a golden Mediterranean sunset while watching the swallows swooping over the palms. Some of the responses I got were unconscionably rude...
(Leda74, Sat 30 Jul 2011, 1:45, 3 replies)

Spanish Punch
I made a jug of Sangria with a bottle of Chateau d'Yquem and Aldi diet lemonade. Meant to use the Baron St Jean originally, but then discovered that him indoors had used my Hendricks to light the barbie.
(opheliaknee, Sat 30 Jul 2011, 1:18, 2 replies)

Lambourghini fishing
The most decadent thing I have ever done is parked my uncles lambourghini close to the lake and sat on the hood and used it as a fishing chair because I did not want to be bothered to sit on the ground or bring a chair with me.
I caught a 34 inch northern pike and yes I brought it home, had it in a small bucket in the back area of the car.
I also smoked while inside the car. Uncle loaned me that car for 3 years before he decided to sell it.
They look awsome,but ride worse then a delivery van and it was very difficult to cram my Great Pyrenees dogs into it,could only take one at a time with me.
They also do not start very well when the temps reach below -20F, and yes I did put snow tires on it just to annoy the neighbours!
dang I miss that car.
(zhinka If you don't rescue,don't breed!, Sat 30 Jul 2011, 0:33, 3 replies)

I Once Sat On a Couch
On a visit to Las Vegas in 2003, I started talking to a fun Australian-with-connections at our blackjack table. He invited me to accompany him to the Foundation Sin party on the top floor of the Mandalay Bay casino and resort.

Foundation Sin apparently refers to the International House of Blues (HOB) Foundation Service Industry (SIn) party, the only 'public' event held on the top floor, weekly, on Monday's. The lavish top floor featured various VIP lounges with florid Hindu/Buddhist jungle decor.

Large numbers of people were already trying to get past the guards at the elevator. Due to the Australian’s membership, we were able to just breeze our way past the velvet ropes! Loud music and the best scenic vistas of the city!

The Australian introduced me to his boss, and two other guests, one of whom was a wrestler-turned-baker. The boss had reserved the favored portion of the Foundation Room in front of the fireplace just for his guests, which now included me. The area was delimited by couches, and easy to patrol.

The room filled up with acres of beautiful people. As they packed in like sardines they increasingly tried to move into the couch area, but guards kept them away. I felt ostentatiously-privileged at being one of the few people in the room who could traverse the room with complete freedom.

A few beautiful women lingered for conversation, including a student from Florida and a helicopter pilot from North Carolina. What they desperately wanted was an opportunity to sit down and rest their aching feet, of course, but that privilege was denied them. Meanwhile, I could loll around in full view of the glittery rabble; relax in front of far-prettier people who could only dream of doing so.

The boss was very considerate of his guests and loved explaining his philosophy of generosity and joie de vivre. He lectured me on the importance of treating celebrities just like anyone else. This was something of a Hollywood crowd, and one had to be watchful - anyone could be there. I wondered if treating Hollywood-types like everyone else naturally meant treating everyone else like dirt, but kept my thoughts to myself. I'm sure the boss would have expansively explained it all away.

I lingered, because the boss had promised that the party would push the limits of decadence, mentioning a provocatively dressed (or undressed) woman who walked on her hands at a previous party. I waited, but no such woman appeared (they never do, somehow). So, it could have been even more decadent, and maybe it is, at times. A naked hand-walking woman in the zone of privilege, with privileged access: now that would be worth aching feet!
(Perv With A Dog had his eyes pecked out by scrub jays on, Sat 30 Jul 2011, 0:04, Reply)

I once went for a luxurious holiday in the fabulous Costa del Landmines.
It cost me an arm and a leg.
(StapMyVitals wouldn't mind a bit of that, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 23:58, 2 replies)

I've been off yachting in Scandinavia for the last two months.
And I've got another three weeks before I finish.

Not bad for a summer holiday, especially when I worked out the other day that I've only done about five months work in the last two and a half years.
(Woodlouse say it with flowers. Send her a Triffid, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 21:46, Reply)

box of 25 cohiba robustos
absolutely brilliant, lasted me months
( zulu eh?, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 20:45, 1 reply)

The Hotel Pelirocco
OK, it's not that expensive, but the excellent Hotel Pelirocco - a boutique hotel located close to the Brighton seafront with themed rooms www.hotelpelirocco.co.uk/ - is where I like to go to treat a lady.

My current sweetheart and I went back in May. Now she didn't have a clue until we turned up where we were going. But we had a bit of luck with the booking.

I had tried to book us the Betty (Betty Page-themed) room, which is absolutely lovely, but the hotel themselves had initially booked us in for the wrong date. I spotted this well before we were due to arrive (months) and asked if they could correct it in my best bolshy voice. They told me the Betty room was unavailble for the night we wanted. I started to protest "Well, my g/f has taken off that night specially..." but they interjected to offer us the Playroom "at the same rate cos we made a mistake".

I've never gone from "moaning git" to "utterly satisfied customer" so quickly.

The Playroom is a full suite with it's own entrance, an enormous round bed with matching mirror on the ceiling, lounge area and huge tiled bathroom with walk-in bath and double shower (the bathroom itself is bigger than some flats I've had) and is utterly gorgeous, and we got the whole thing for roughly half price. My g/f literally burst into tears when she saw it.

I might be well past my shagging prime but I do believe we had seven grown up cuddles that night. I had to do the cowboy walk home (as did she), then we got really excited and spent about £150 in sex shops before we left Brighton, which led to more cuddles when we got home.

Not as extravagant as what some folk have written about here, but well worth every penny we paid. Thanks Pelirocco!
(rampants, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 18:57, 1 reply)

I filled the tank with Premium Unleaded
I drive a 1.2l Clio.
( evil_andy Stick stick stick stick sticky sticky stick stick, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 18:20, 5 replies)

Expensive whisky
Got Mr Quar a bottle of posh single malt whisky last Christmas. It came in a nice tin and cost £250.

He was tickled pink but swore he'd NEVER open it and would 'put it down' for years and years until it had triplequadrupled in value.

Halfway through April the temptation got to him. As he took the lid off, the room filled with the scent of Christmas pudding.
I was grudgingly allowed a tiny taste of it. Absolutely beautiful - totally smooth.

Worth every penny for the week or so that it lasted, and especially when he let his whisky-connoisseur mate swoon over it. Best present ever.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 17:58, 4 replies)

Whisky a go gone

I don't drink spirits very often. When I do I really like a good single malt whisky. So imagine my utter joy at winning a bottle of 25 Year Old Glenlivet in a raffle. It was lovely stuff the colour of sunset & smooth as Leslie Philips. I savoured every mouthful of the couple of glasses I had the night I won it.

But as I said I don't really drink spirits that often so it remained in the drinks cupboard untouched, or so I thought.

Months later I remembered this lovely whisky and went to the cupboard to poor myself one. Opened the cupboard and stood in shock, it's nearly all gone!

I question Mrs Duck (even though she doesn't really like whisky) "oh yeh I had tooth ache for a couple of days the other week, whisky is good for tooth ache isn't it?"

How much did this "mouthwash" cost? .....£190 ! I know it didn't cost me that but I'm not going to be buying a bottle anytime soon

tinyurl.com/3pn7r5b
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 17:55, 7 replies)

Tesco garage on the A40 just outside of Oxford
I saw a man filling his car radiator with the 2 litre bottle of Evian he'd just bought. Tit.
(boltneck sacrificed a smurf to Cthulhu on, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 17:44, 5 replies)

Middle East
The local arabic (predominantly Sunni) in a certain Kingdom know how to live.

Went to visit a local friend and was asked
'do you want a drink - coffee?'

Why yes thankyou.

Que a barked order at a maid, who promptly left the house, drove to starbucks and came back with my coffee. Plus a tray of muffins (warmed).
( Razor What the fuck - a sig?, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 17:35, 6 replies)

I am not sure that I really have an answer to this question,
And as Abraham Lincoln famously said "It is better to stay silent and be thought a fool than speak and remove all doubt". Although a wise man, Lincoln may not actually have said this after all, as it has been variouosly attributed to Mark Twain, Bejnamin Franklin, Socrates and Elbert Hubbard. Hubbard was, of course, a famous writer, artist and philospher, probably most famous for his work on both The Phillistine and The Fra, products of The Roycroft Press, which is, of course, not to be confused with The Guttenberg Press, which was the first tool capable of mass producing the printed word and is arguably the single most influential invention in the history of mankind, making possible widespread distribution of written material on a scale not seen before and paving the way for the mass market of newspapers. Early newspapers of reknown include the "Relation aller Fürnemmen und gedenckwürdigen Historien", acknowldeged as the world's first newspaper and an important conduit of information and propaganda for the Holy Roman Empire. It must be said that the term 'Empire' is somewhat of a misnomer and in reality it is more properly considered as little more than a collection of autonomous ecclesiastical regions and principalities, duchies and Free Imperial Cities. In modern terms, the Holy Roman Empire would have been focussed on the region now taken up by Germany, Austria and Czech Republic among others. The Reformation and Renasiisance periods could be argued to have bought and end to any remaining influence held by the Holy Roman Empire, with the Rene...oh fuck it, this is too much effort...
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 16:27, 6 replies)

The art of mulling
Last christmas we had what was meant to be a civilised wine and cheese night at my house. A few of our closet friends, the delicious yellow meat, and mulled goodness. Perhaps a bit too much brandy was added to the mulled wine, but pretty soon we were all hammered. Quite quickly we realised we were almost out of wine to boil - only two bottles left, the 1 litre cheapo from Spain, or the PR freebie our journalist friend had brought over. The freebie was selcted, on the basis that we wanted to 'enjoy' the big bottle later.

Several days later my housemate received a text from her journalist friend. The so-called freebie wine was worth £160. ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY POUNDS. Even to the most decadent French Duke, that's a pretty extravagant pot of mulled wine. And the vino we saved for later? £3 if that...
(robo_bonobo, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 16:06, 2 replies)

All that was missing was the royalty
For my honeymoon I wanted to go overboard. Full on monty, never to be topped. My betrothed was half Italian but never had been to Italy. So I thought "What's the most romantic place in Italy?"

Venice, I thought. And what's the most romantic way to get there? Orient Express, I thought. So I said to myself "sod the cost" and booked a trip to Venice on the Orient Express, and a room in the best hotel in Venice that I could find.

The stretch limo had trouble reversing down our very thin cul de sac the morning of departure, but it did feel weird having about 30 feet of leg room and a bottle of bubbly at 8am in the morning on the way to Victoria station.

Checked in wearing suit and tie, shiny shoes, and the new wife wearing a summer dress. Brunch on the way to the channel was dainty and the service delightful.

The sun was beginning to set when we got to Paris, and the train carried on through as we got into our Dinner Jackets/Tuxuedos and the ladies squiggled into their little black dresses. A piano tinkled, a real honest to god grand fucking piano on a train, and dinner was served. It seemed to be as many endangered species as you could cram onto a plate, with wine that would set James Bond's accountant crying into his linen hankie.

Honeymoon shagging ensued after dinner, and I'm sure we crossed a couple of borders on the way. Who else has literally shagged their way across Europe?

In the morning we were high in the Alps, crossing into Italy, and the missus burst into tears because she was "home". Pulled into Venice that evening and continued the opulence, tipping like a madman and generally being an upper class arse for the weekend.

Fuck, you need to just let go once in your life. Shame she turned into a real cunt and I divorced her a couple of years ago, but it was one of those weekends where it all went right and minions did our bidding.

Pip pip.
( gfreeman is only here for the beer, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 15:59, 3 replies)

When my butler brought me my morning kedgeree, it was slightly cool.
So I had him throw it away, and then fired him.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 15:51, Reply)

Pool boy
Took the family to a 5-star resort hotel in the mountains of Berchtesgaden (favourite of Hitler) paid for courtesy of my loyaly points earned whilst staying in the same chain of hotel when working away from home (at company expense). Took my little boy to the outdoor thermal bath for fun and frolics, and as we were the only ones in the pool overlooking the valley below I chucked him repeatedly in the air. He enjoyed this a lot for a while until all his lunch came up and left a rather unpleasent mess in the pool for someone to clear up.
(NutSoft, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 15:48, Reply)

Talk about ostentatious,

On the spurious basis that it is National System Administrator day today, there has just been a gathering of cake and champagne for our admins here. Seriously, what's the point of that, their job isn't exactly hard and they still take ages to do anything. I've been waiting for them to fix this cup holder for weeks.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 15:40, Reply)

I got a £20 M&S voucher for xmas bonus
I was working in a factory at the time and this was our big xmas bonus....

Instead of buying some socks/boxers/random shite, I bought a whole duck pancake kit and a bottle of wine. Took them home thinking my family would want in, and I for once could be Big Provider.

There had been some kind of squabble and the huffy fuckers didnt want any so I ate the whole thing with a few glasses of wine then toddled off to the pub, full of ducky goodness.

When I mentioned why I didnt fancy a quick maccy d's pit stop the group looked at me agog at what I had consumed as a beer-sponge

I did feel a bit sick afterwards
(Monkeystrumpet monkey. Monkey, MONKEY!!!, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 15:08, 1 reply)

A couple of pikeys going large
Last March I got made redundant from my marketing job in a pretty big insurance company. They were utter shits about it and employed every loophole in the book to ensure that I got sent on my way with about two pound fifty to my name. A couple of weeks into unemployment and I was feeling like utter shite, i'd had to move out of my houseshare that I loved with three other girls and move into my 16 year old stepsister's bedroom, sleeping on a blow up bed. I was NOT having a good time. My boyfriend was working for a large holiday company, red branded, owned by a bloke that owns an island, you know, that one, and one night rings me up and tells me to pack a case. Turns out he'd won a holiday to Jamaica, a Sandals one no less.

So we turn up in a Sandals resort, me unemployed and completely skint, him, not much more money, and stayed in the honeymoon suite, with butler service and a whirlpool bath and a fully stocked bar. It was incredible. Totally the best pick me up you could ask for after a proper shit month or so.

It got better though, on the day we were supposed to leave, we got told there was a pesky little ash cloud stopping our flight home. As my boyfriend was staff for this particlarly large company, we got flown to MI-FUCKING-AMI to go and 'help allocate passengers' ready for their flights home. This entailed staying a hotel, paid for, on South Beach for TWO WEEKS after our already amazing week in Jamaica and putting everything on company expenses.

Our flight home was full se we got put in Upper Class on the way back.

The best period of unemployment i've experienced, certainly.
(natakins, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 14:55, 12 replies)

I spent
Two weeks wages on strippers in one night.

Felt like Charlie Sheen, looked like a sad bastard.
(Mong goose, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 14:36, 2 replies)

Some years ago I was skint.
Not skint as in ‘I can’t go out til I get paid on Friday’, properly flat broke with no idea of where my next meal was coming from and too proud to ask for help.
Sat in a cold house, terrible hunger pain and even worse nicotine craving I was bouncing off the walls. I decided to have a bit of a clear out and under the bed I found and found a five year old brown envelope. I looked in it and nearly fainted. A twenty pound note! A fucking twenty fucking pound fucking note in my hands. I was trembling, then I started screaming and jumping around the room. Twenty fucking pounds! I got some credits to heat the house, food & fags and invited a friend round for the chicken curry blowout. Sitting that evening in the kitchen with my mate, warm, full and slightly fuzzy from the booze he’d brought, knowing there was enough pasta and rice in the cupboard to keep me going for a few days is something I’ll never forget.

There’s no extravagance I can think of that will ever match that 20 pounds.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 14:23, 7 replies)

Time to forget how shit it is being all alone....
Yes very sad state of affairs that I won't go into now.

But..... my new work wanted to send me to Hong Kong for a couple of weeks and having only ever gone as a cheap as chips contractor in the past started to look for cheap flights and hotels. But lovely work asked what the fuck I was doing and put on a Cathay flight business class there and back and put me up in the Shangri La hotel. I then find that the woman I am working for in HK is rich and likes me and takes me to the members enclosure at Happy Valley race course, others in the office take me out drinking and eating and shopping. IT was a real work hard/play hard environment...all efforts appreciated and rewarded. It was wonderful and for two weeks I could forget everything else.
(Designated Slagger, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 14:13, Reply)

For our last holiday
we decided to stay in sunny old Ireland. As this in itself is somewhat of a holiday fail we decided to splash out on a rental car so we could at least enjoy the drive there.

Now we upgraded to a brand new Skoda Octavia and whilst this will not impress the middle classes to us it was a rare luxery. The best part was looking at it for the first time as, after that, I spent the entire holiday panicking I would scratch the thing and have to pay for it.
( dazbrilliantwhites has been meaning to change this..., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 14:04, Reply)