Daddy or chips?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 9:21, 6 replies)

CANNIBAL PART 2
I eat cannibal, feed on animal
Your love is so edible to me, I eat cannibals
I eat cannibal, it's incredible
You bring out the animal in me, I eat cannibals

What can you do, you're in a stew
Hot pot, cook it up, I'm never gonna stop

Fancy a bite, my appitite, Yum, yum, gee it's fun
Banging on a different drum

I Eat Cannibal, feed on animal
Your love is so edible to me, I eat cannibals
I eat cannibal, it's incredible
You bring out the animal in me, I eat cannibals

I like spice, tasty and nice
Looks trim, vitamin, forget the dieting
Mmm such a dish, I can't resist
Healthy recipe, what you got it's good for me

All I wanna do, is make a meal of you
We are what we eat, you're my kind of meat
Got a hunger for your love, it's what I'm speaking of
Give a dog a bone, I can take it home

Sung in unison with last two lines of previous verse:
Hot pot, cook it up, I'm never gonna stop
Yum, yum, gee it's fun, I'm banging on a drum
Looks trim, vitamin, forget the dieting
I eat cannibaaaallls

I eat cannibal, feed on animal
Your love is so edible to me, I eat cannibals
I eat cannibal, it's incredible
You bring out the animal in me, I eat cannibals (fade)
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 8:49, 3 replies)

CANNIBAL
Gorging on your flesh
These are the kind of pleasures I have risen for

My need will never be satisfied
My thirst for blood will never die
I’m gonna eat you alive

Cannibal
Back from the dead to take your life

If music be the sound of death, play on.

Gnawing at your face
Chewing on your gums
Eagerly consuming every part
Slurping up your lungs
Tearing off your lips
Wrapping a cold hand around your beating heart
Scattering your brains
Ripping out your throat
Gulping gouts of arterial red
Shattering your skull
Flaying off your hide
You can’t withstand the fury of the living dead

My need will never be satisfied
My thirst for blood will never die
I’m gonna eat you alive

Cannibal
Back from the dead to take your life

If humans be the food of me, scream on.

Annihilating greed
Eviscerating fast
Not leaving you the time to run or scream
Inhuman cannibal
Devouring as you fall
A murdering psychotic death machine
Shredding hunks of flesh
Gnawing knuckles clean
Spilling out your guts on to the floor
Biting earlobes off
Sucking on your spleen
These are the kind of pleasures I have risen for

I’m a zombie
Flesh-eater
An undead
Flesh-eating
Cannibal

And if you think you can escape, my friend, you’re fucking wrong.

Ripping off your head
Sucking out your eyes
Tearing all the muscle from your jaw
Smashing in your ribs
Pulping your insides
Ghoulishly devising all the ways of your demise
Grinding up your bones
Crunching up your teeth
Brutally dismembering your corpse
Snapping off your arms
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 1 Jul 2013, 8:27, 3 replies)

ANTHROPOPHAGI
Slaves To A Terrifying Hunger
Humid Night Air Throbbing With Their Brutish Cries

Arising From The Heart Of Darkness
Mongrel Descendants Of Your Crime
Blood-Covered Masks Like Savage Totems

We Shall Be Colonised
Unfeeling Lustre Of Those Burned-Out Eyes
Dehumanised
Despised

Out In The Wastes Beyond The Chain-Link
These Ragged Millions Wait Their Time
Fell Devils Marked By This Possession
Blackened Masses Of The Zombified

Savages

Now Contemplate Annihilation
Devoured By Anthropophagi
Wild Beasts Will Tear Us Into Pieces
We Must Prepare Ourselves To Die

We Shall Be Colonised
Unfeeling Lustre Of Those Burned-Out Eyes
Dehumanised
Despised
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 1 Jul 2013, 8:24, Reply)

NOTHING TASTES LIKE THIS
Feelings
Just nothingness
No
Consciousness
Just hollowness

Do you dream
Do you perceive
Or does it just seem (to me)
That you are thinking?
Are you merely
Mindless machines
And is it just me
Here experiencing?

Monstrous figments
Eat my brain
I’m feeling insane –
But do I believe this?
Everything
We think/we are
Will now be devoured
By things with no existence

No
Feelings
Just nothingness
No
Consciousness
Just hollowness

Mind is machine

Nothing tastes like this

Do I see
And do I feel
And is all this real
Or is it just nothing?
Nothing more
Than physical
An illusion formed
By neurons firing?

No
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 1 Jul 2013, 8:20, Reply)

EDIBLE AUTOPSY
Wheeled in on a cart, lying dormant not dead
Hospital of immortality, butcher their patients bloody red
Taken to a dark room, fear of impending doom
The doctor straps you down, with an evil grin
Grabs his rusty blade, ripping through flesh and vein
He tortures his patients through evil means

You can't try to fight them, first they change your brain
beyond the realm of evil, their means are insane
Mutilated beyond belief, but still kept alive
Pathologist of death gouging out your eyes

Guts and blood, bones are broken
As they eat your pancreas
Human liver, for their diner
Or maybe soup with eyes
Cause of death, still unknown
Gnawing meat, from your bones
Bone saw binding in your skull
Brains are oozing a human stump
Needles injected, through your eyes
Puiling off flesh, skinned alive

Killing for free in blood they will trust, and they must never forsake
feeding on blood that brought them abound, and they must kill tonight
Genocide, suicide, screaming cries, in hell you will die

Lying dormant not dead
Hospital of immortality, butcher their patients bloody red
Taken to a dark room, fear of impending doom
The doctor straps you down, with an evil grin
Grabs his rusty blade, ripping through flesh and vein
He tortures his patients through evil means
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 1 Jul 2013, 8:18, Reply)

MEIN TEIL
Heute treff' ich einen Herrn
Der hat mich zum Fressen gern
Weiche Teile und auch harte
stehen auf der Speisekarte

Denn du bist was du isst
und ihr wisst was es ist

Es ist mein Teil – nein
Mein Teil – nein
Da das ist mein Teil – nein
Mein Teil – nein

Die stumpfe Klinge gut und recht
Ich blute stark und mir ist schlecht
Muss ich auch mit der Ohnmacht kämpfen
ich esse weiter unter Krämpfen

Ist doch so gut gewürzt
und so schön flambiert
und so liebevoll auf Porzellan serviert
Dazu ein guter Wein
und zarter Kerzenschein
Ja da lass ich mir Zeit
Etwas Kultur muss sein

Denn du bist was du isst
Und ihr wisst was es ist

Es ist mein Teil – nein
Mein Teil – nein
Denn das ist mein Teil – nein
Yes it's mein Teil – nein

Ein Schrei wird zum Himmel fahren
Schneidet sich durch Engelsscharen
Vom Wolkendach fällt Federfleisch
auf meine Kindheit mit Gekreisch
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 1 Jul 2013, 8:16, Reply)

Sausages III
I munch on sausage all day long,
With sausages you can't go wrong,
So happy that I sing this song,
About the sausages issue.
Sausages are my favourite snack,
You try them once you won't go back,
But then you have a heart attack,
Those tubes of connective tissue.

It's sausage time! Hip hip hooray!
Sausages just make my day!
I really love them, I must say:
I'm not a sausage decliner.
They really are a tasty treat,
Made with cuts of grade A meat,
Piglets ears and piglets feet,
And bits of pigs vagina.

I'll tell you what I want to do,
And that's to have a sausage stew,
That's dinner there for me and you,
But you can't cook them in a hurry.
Or grill some, put some in a roll,
Or make a sausage casserole,
And that sounds great, I'll have a bowl,
Or I might just order a curry.
(SigourneysBeaver took off and nuked the entire site from orbit on, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 7:47, 2 replies)

Sausages II
My sausages are good, they fill me full of glee,
They're long and round and tasty, and very sausagy.
Sausages are fucking great, you know just what that means!
You eat the cunts with some hash browns, and eggs and toast and beans.
I love sausage porn on the Internet, it takes up all my bandwidth,
I have a wank and then I have, a lovely sausage sandwich.
I just fucking love sausages! I am a sausage sucker!
I have to fill my wife's cunt with sausage meat, that's the only way I'll fuck her.
(SigourneysBeaver took off and nuked the entire site from orbit on, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 7:47, Reply)

Sausages I
I really do love sausages!
They make me scream and shout.
They look like sausages when you eat them.
And also when...you poo them out.

They just make so so bloody happy!
They make me sing, dance, skip and whistle!
When I bite down on those heavenly tubes
Of ground up pig flesh, fat and gristle.

So come on girl, lie down beside me.
Just don't be a cow or a bossy bitch.
All that I need is a kiss from your lips
And an infinite number of sausages.
(SigourneysBeaver took off and nuked the entire site from orbit on, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 7:47, Reply)

The Perfect Beer Batter
Now with added Roasted Peas.
For fried fish, prawns or Mars Bars.
You'll need -

1 cup of corn flour (& I mean cornflour, none of this "wheaten" shit.)
A stubbie or can of good really cold drinkable beer - yeah I know it's waste but your crunchy buds will thank you later.
For friends of Bill or scarpe - use cold, fizzy mineral water (not soda or tonic water as it can be bitter EDIT: But without the yummy bitterness of a good beer).
Some oil for deep-frying. I use a mix of 1 part peanut to 2 parts canola/vegetable - the peanut oil can handle hotter temps and thus tempurars the oil. *sorry*
Heat the oil like you're Head Flame-Stoker in Hell - if you've added peanut oil, it'll take it.
Otherwise you'll have an oil fire on your stovetop, your house will burn down and you and your family will die from smoke inhalation.

Mix cornflour in a bowl adding the beer until you have a batter the consistency for crepes NOT piklets. In other words - runny not goopy. You can season/flavour it if you want too but I find adding a couple of halved chillies & whole peppercorns to the oil (ala cargoeng's suggestion) does the trick.

Coat whatever you're cooking in batter ensuring to let it drip a lot off - too much batter = stodgy lumps around food. Hence runny not goopy. If you are doing Mars Bars etc. - I'd advise at least semi-freezing them 1st otherwise you'll be deep frying chocolate & caramel, which ain't so good.

Chuck it *gently* in the oil and fry. Fish it out and put on paper towels when it's lemony/baby poo yellowy brown.

Enjoy, whilst it's still hot and crunchy - as the eczema ridden actress said to the bishop.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 1 Jul 2013, 5:10, 2 replies)

fried chicken with cilantro, dried cayennes, and szechuan pepper on it
This is the best thing I have ever eaten. I don't know why this exact combination is the best taste, but there is no doubt in my mind. I had it at a restaurant a few years ago and now I cook it every couple months. My ex-girlfriend was not a fan of food that people claim is 'bad for you', so I would cook and eat enough for both of us any time she went out of town.
( the prick of misery pierced my foot on a spiiiike on, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 4:53, Reply)

Look, it sounds basic, but it's fucking extraordinary.

The single best burger I've ever eaten.

Ground lean mince.

Throw in chopped onion, garlic, teaspoon of Worcester sauce, teaspoon of mustard, fresh herbs, salt & pepper.

Grill or shallow fry to taste.

Just before the burger's ready, and still in the pan, cover it with sliced jalapeno peppers and chopped red chilli.

Place a large slice of Swiss Cheese over the top so it melts OVER the peppers & chilli, sealing it all in.

DOUSE the fucker with Habanero sauce. As hot as you can handle.

Remove from pan and place onto grilled bun.

Add usual. Lettuce, tomato & sauce, slice onions.

Just trust me.
( waz4444 Escorts, bescorts - Come in if you're saucy., Mon 1 Jul 2013, 1:32, 1 reply)

I made pies and had a bit of left over pastry.

(Woodlouse say it with flowers. Send her a Triffid, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 0:42, Reply)

Started as a joke


However, it began to look quite good after a while, so I made one.


( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Mon 1 Jul 2013, 0:17, 9 replies)

I love trying new things
and, living in Cornwall don't get that much opportunity to try ethnic foods - the most multicultural we usually get down here is the world foods section in Tesco.
So when I do visit upcountry (which is anywhere else) I get a bit excited.

Last time I visited Plymouth I managed to find an african foods stall in a market, manned by a bored looking teenager. She clearly didn't understand my enthusiasm as I looked through various packets and asked what they were. I settled on "pepper soup mix" a bag of odd looking seeds and berries I'd never seen before. She actually asked me why I wanted it with a bemused expression.

I had to go to Southampton this weekend and sought out an asian minimarket and bought Taro root mochi which looks like blobs of playdoh, and haw flakes, small discs of dried chinese hawthorn paste that I haven't had since I was five...

I do actually eat and enjoy all these things!
(teasus likes tea, Sun 30 Jun 2013, 22:19, 10 replies)

From the Red Dwarf cookbook...
...the Triple Fried Egg Sandwich with Chilli Sauce and Chutney. Proof here.

I agree with Rimmer's review of it - "You see, all the ingredients are wrong. The fried eggs, wrong. The chutney, wrong. The chili sauce, all wrong. But put them together and somehow, it works. It becomes right."
( Amish Information Systems hates misplaced, commas, Sun 30 Jun 2013, 21:50, 6 replies)

pig heads
The housemate mentioned below once mentioned that pig's heads are thrown away at his slaughterhouse. I was disgusted by this waste of life and asked him to bring me home a head or two. There's a lot of meat on a head, and pig's cheeks are delicious - a delicacy in many countries. I also hate the idea of food being wasted.
He kept forgetting to bring any and eventually was about to move away from the area. Just before he left, he told me he had a present for me.
It was two bin bags full of pig heads, all cut in half.
The poor new lady was rather shocked to come home to find me in the kitchen furiously preparing, roasting and picking pig heads, which were basically all over the kitchen. I ended up with lots of roast pork in the freezer and a tub full of uncooked brains which I eventually found to be rather nice whisked into omelettes...
(teasus likes tea, Sun 30 Jun 2013, 20:48, 7 replies)

pig feet
I used to share a house with a portuguese guy who worked in a slaughterhouse. As I'd never tried trotters before he bought some home. He cooked them to a traditional Portuguese recipe and they were utterly, uterly foul. A tiny bit of OK tasting meat right in the middle of a huge amount of gristle and rubbery skin. I also tried cooking them to a traditional irish recipe with the same result.

A few months later, after he'd moved away, I had a Chinese couchsurfer staying with me. As a thank you for putting her up, she offered to cook for me and asked if there was anything I didn't like. "pig's trotters" I replied, thinking I was being funny. Of course, she loved them and it was decided that she'd show me her mother's way of cooking them. A few hours later and I was amazed to find myself devouring pig feet with gusto.
(teasus likes tea, Sun 30 Jun 2013, 20:39, Reply)

Right.
Get about twice as much of it, and prepare it properly.
Transfer it to a device and add some of that stuff. Combine.
With the gas turned to a setting, induce the topping. Fold in the other, and then pour over. Delicious.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 30 Jun 2013, 20:30, Reply)

I cooked spinach and ricotta canneloni once.
It was surprisingly easy.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sun 30 Jun 2013, 18:38, 3 replies)

Someone came round to my flat and made a baked alaska in my Belling counter-top oven.
It was then that I knew she was the one. I did eventually ask her to marry me, but she ran away to sea. Oh well, it was a fantastic afters.
( fred zeppelin II: Electric Boogaloo, Sun 30 Jun 2013, 17:05, Reply)

Plain old white rice
may be turned into an exotic oriental treat by adding a dash of ketchup and a handful of tesco value pineapple chunks.

Hey presto, real Chinese food.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Sun 30 Jun 2013, 15:45, 8 replies)

I've just saved some money by frying my own cum and eating it.
What? There's a recession on and we can't afford fish anymore.
(SSSSSSSSSS, Sun 30 Jun 2013, 11:32, 1 reply)

I made this.

( Zuowan, Sun 30 Jun 2013, 9:13, 16 replies)

Knock knock!
What's for supper?
Just lit the pizza oven.
Where do you keep the tools over winter?
In my shed.
alright
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 29 Jun 2013, 16:13, 3 replies)

I made this for a friend, just thinking it looked good
But he thought it was supposed to insult him. Either way I was pretty proud of it


(bondsnood twitter.com/bondsnood, Sat 29 Jun 2013, 15:51, 7 replies)

Not to be confused with any similar product seen on the shelves of your local Booze-Bin
Creamy Whisky goodness
TMoC’s Whisky Cream



I usually make a batch of this stuff around Christmas time, It's sweet, creamy and lully / sickly / sticky and rank depending on your viewpoint. sticking a fancy label on a small bottle of it, makes a pretty nice little hand-made gift, when you get an impromptu invite to someone's gaff over the Xmas break.


Get a 2-pint Jug and add…

794g (2 Tins) Sweet Condensed Milk (such as Carnation)

800g (2 Tins) Evaporated Milk

568ml or 20fl oz (2 tubs) Long life double cream (such as Elmlea)

6 – 8 Teaspoons of Camp Coffee essence (the stuff in bottles, can be a git to find) (or 1 table spoon instant coffee granules mix with a tiny drop of water) (check to taste as you add.

350ml of any decent Whisky

Stir all well, and decant into clean bottles. It should last a few days at room temp, or a couple of weeks if you keep it in a fridge.

Enjoy, :)
TMoC
( The magic of chutney Shakes it like an Instagram filter!, Sat 29 Jun 2013, 13:11, 10 replies)

Knock knock
OCTOPUS CAKE



(Eukanuba, Sat 29 Jun 2013, 10:27, 2 replies)