Come back Monty
On the number 63 bus stop - just round the corner from the Co-op - was sellotaped an A4 photocopied plea for a lost cute black and white kitten called Monty with photo of said sad-eyed but perky looking kitten. Written beneath the home-made notice, in pre-pubescent scrawl, were the words "Calvin bummed it to death." Years later the sign has gone and the bus stop is disused but if you look hard you can still see the words remain as an elergy to Monty and indeed a reminder of Calvin's proclivities.
(Special_Needs_Loris, Sat 5 May 2007, 15:07, Reply)

Rubbing Mary's Minge....
When I started at my current job a few years ago in a "Charlie Chalks Brewers Fayre Pub. There were some toilets that were constantly overflowing when flushed. So we decided to put an "Out Of Order" sign on the toilets. This done we left red marker pen and paper in the toilet.

Some little children (who I knew and congratulated after the event)ignored said out of order sign and found said red pen. They then set about completely destroying the play area with naughty pictures.

On the slide there was a great big, red phallus going the length of the slide. Mary the Hover fairy had miraculously grown a minge through her pink pants complete with jam rag and pubes. Charlie Chalk had a mahoosive red cock. And several other characters were smoking cannabis cigarettes.
Robbie my then manager was tasked to cleaning the play zone. To which after half an hour he came out, frustrated complaining "I've been rubbing Mary's minge for half an hour and I can't get the fucking thing off." To which I wittily replied "I feel sorry for your missus then"

They also draw a spurting cock on the toilet door.

Length? The slide was 12 foot long. As was the cock adorning it.
(Range, Sat 5 May 2007, 14:57, Reply)

Blode loves you
On the wall in the toilets at Gunther Murphy's Irish Pub in Munich:


(zangengeburt, Sat 5 May 2007, 14:52, Reply)

Political sloganeering
On a Conservative billboard poster: Are you thinking what I'm thinking? And underneath...

I like cheesy whatsits.

Class.
(hypostomus, Sat 5 May 2007, 14:49, Reply)

Barely legibly on a toilet door in Hull University
"Hull is shit, your (sic) never going to get anywhere from here FUCK HULL"

To which someone added

"Not if you spell like that you won't!"

Ah, Larkin building toilets, we miss your witty witty doors

*pop goes the virginity, length joke follows by post*
(Chyld wants your babies... in a sandwich, with mayo, Sat 5 May 2007, 14:48, Reply)

sign outside the old maine road:

FOOTBALL AT MAN CITY

and scribbled underneath it:

what a good idea

v topical for today's derby!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 5 May 2007, 14:46, Reply)

Ulster greatness
Lower Shankill Road.

Sprayed on a wall for all to see

"Frank Butcher blows goats"

And sprayed I think on the Ardoyne flats

"Pedofiles out"

And they say the N.I Education was lacking.

Length? Apparently long enough to blow.
(Lusiphur, Sat 5 May 2007, 14:38, Reply)

Irony
"Choo Choo lives!"

Written on a wall in Bargoed, Mid-Glamorgan.

Ironic since he was dead.
(Monkey Festerer, Sat 5 May 2007, 14:21, Reply)

In a pub in Glasgow...
... "The Three Judges" we'll call it, for that is its name. It's a real ale pub, and has a lot of different brews on. One particular night it had "Alexander Pope Ale" or something on, as well as the usual pale ales, stouts etc.

In the bog there was some graffiti "FUCK THE POPE" and below that "AND FUCK THE IPA". My mate came back from the bog and said "Yeah, I wasn't keen on the Pope either but I thought the IPA was alright"...

Length? About enough for three people to get to the urinal at once.
(gordonjcp, Sat 5 May 2007, 14:09, Reply)

In England I think you call it the Giro...
on a cemetery wall in Newtown, Sydney, in beautiful 4 foot high cursive script...
"la dolecheque vita".
(dadadali has hybrid vigour, Sat 5 May 2007, 13:56, Reply)

Probably on here, but im not going through 27 pages of stories
sex is evil
evil is sin
sin is forgiven
so get stuck in
my dad thorght this was hilarious, good job i didnt tell him i wrote it..
R.I.P though, those bogs got knocked down few years later :(
( Captain Pilchard The king of B-movies!, Sat 5 May 2007, 13:54, Reply)

usually
graffiti round my way consists of illegible tags
and chavs just scrawling their names on things

when ever i come across a wall with something like "baz an rob" written on it i always change it to "baz an rob 4 eva" and draw a big heart around it
( Reme Philips laid an epic dump on, Sat 5 May 2007, 13:52, Reply)

In a Car Park
in North London


(cs1ca, Sat 5 May 2007, 13:42, Reply)

Leah Betts
Probably been done:
Underneath a poster of Leah Betts lying in a coma stood "Leah Betts died after taking just one ecstacy tablet".

Beneath that a wag had added: "Lightweight".
(nugchuts, Sat 5 May 2007, 13:33, Reply)

On a toilet door..
Sitting on the bog in my students union having a dump, i noticed some writing at the bottom of the door, too small to make out from a regular sitting position. I leaned forward, still couldnt quite make it out. Leaning forward even more so my chest was on my knees I made out the tiny scribble:

"You are now shitting at a 90 degree angle"

Brilliant.
(Formaly Over say's hello, Sat 5 May 2007, 13:31, Reply)

Waterloo Station
Go out of the Eurostar bit, turn left and walk all the way down, you'll see this:


Wonder if it's the same guy who did the 5th one down in This post

Hmmm
(bouncybadders http://file-city.co.uk - Image & file storage, Sat 5 May 2007, 13:20, Reply)

Cocking supermarket...
Me and my mate Ryan saw this rather lovely sign on the soon-to-be-demolished Safeway daan saath....

Oddly enough when I took the picture I only noticed the title, which made us both giggle like little schoolgirls and it ws only after I downloaded it to my PC that I noticed the the rest of the text below.



Length? It was 4 foot high and green....
(Equalizor, Sat 5 May 2007, 13:13, Reply)

I've also seen:
In the mens toilets:
"Paedophiles Are Fucking Immature Assholes"
(Lil' Alan, Sat 5 May 2007, 13:11, Reply)

In notorious Stroud
public toilet cubicle..

'With all the junkies, perverts and weirdos using this place, a straight shit is a breath of fresh air'
(shipman, Sat 5 May 2007, 13:09, Reply)

just a quickie ..
Seen above a urinal in London ..

"Please do not drop your cigarette ends into the urinal.
This makes them soggy and hard to light".

Hope no-one beat me to that one ..

J
(jayohcee, Sat 5 May 2007, 12:50, Reply)

Art/Pub/Humour/Terror
I was using a urinal in a pub in Cowgate in EDinburgh (Bannermans I think), when I looked up to see that someone had written:

I.R.A

in huge letters on the wall...someone had written this below it:

Gerswhin?

Fabulous!
( JockyMcSporan has a pointy head but no pointy chin..., Sat 5 May 2007, 12:39, Reply)

Cathedral
I have noticed a rather shocking amount of graffiti in the toilets of my local cathedral, all the usual religious nut shit, but some of the responses made me giggle.

"GOD HATES FAGS" replied to with "Then why is it called a 'glory' hole?"

Quite a few on abortion including:
"ABORTION KILLS INNOCENT CHILDDREN" then scrawled underneath "Can we abort the guilty ones?"

A foetus dripping blood with the words "STILL FANCY TAKING THE EASY OPTION?" followed by "But it looks so cute!"

"HELP GOD OUT- SPIT ON A NIGGER" then "David is 32 years old, lives with his parents, and twice daily masturbates furiously over porn, while shouting about job theiving 'darkies.' For £5 we can buy a knife and put him out of his misery. Sponsor a racist today."

There were quite a few others but none spring to mind.
If you press "I Like This" I'll draw a massive cock on the picture of Jesus.
( Paedosmile service with a grin., Sat 5 May 2007, 12:14, Reply)

Angels and Demons
When I was a wee nipper, attending the local scumbag comprehensive, someone wrote SATAN followed by a distinctly wonky pentangle in foot high white letters on a wall oposite the school entrance. Despite endless wearied scrubbings by the caretaker, the letters lingered on, providing a ghostly, but fairly accurate greeting for school visitors.

Years later, this motif was repeated to somewhat greater and more stylish effect whilst I was attending the University of York. Someone painted a series of bleeding angels and victorious demons, complete with bloodied footsteps all the way up along the entrance way to the library. Angels were certainly a theme in York, where even the pedestrian figures painted on the cycle/footpath acquired wings from time to time.

Once, whilst visiting Brough, a strong contender in a defintive arse-end-of-nowhere competition, I saw my only ever piece of pro-golf grafitti: 'Go Tiger Woods!'.
(haegtesse Patching the hard drive with a wombat, Sat 5 May 2007, 12:08, Reply)

What!!?
This is nice, but I don't understand.

Drawn on the wall on the way to work is a picture of a bloke with a quiff. Next to it in large letters reads "tea mate?"

My favourite though was recently painted over by the council. I think it may have been German: "Die Chavs!"
( Rev. Jayneflakes Buy my book, I need the cash for drugs and hookers, Sat 5 May 2007, 11:58, Reply)

On the Underground
Some time back in the '90's when it seemed like every other train was delayed/cancelled and the prices had been hiked up, for which we were rewarded with a series of strikes in blazing hot weather:

ASSAULTS ON STAFF WILL BE PROSECUTED AND THIS CAN LEAD TO LIFE IMPRISONMENT

to which someone had added

But it's worth it!

I don't approve of violence but any commuter at the time would have understood the writer's sentiments.
(eesnahk, Sat 5 May 2007, 11:44, Reply)

My name is a googlewhack
As is my sister's name. Imagine my surprise upon visiting a waiting room in a London train station to find out who my sister was currently shagging, those she had previously shagged and what in general she was up to with her life. (Sucking cock mostly it seemed).
(betty_bongo, Sat 5 May 2007, 11:32, Reply)

On a train...
Please do not use the toilet while the train is at a station ...."except Birmingham"



that
was
me!!
(archstanton The gold is next to me....leave me be, Sat 5 May 2007, 11:28, Reply)

Repost - But a Good Un...
IT being the Easter Bank Hols, Mrs Coopsweb demanded that I actually do some DIY... now usually I hate doing anything like that - but after stripping the god-awful wallpaper in the front room, I came across several messages left by the former owner of the house pencilled into the plaster... detailng all of her relationships and breakups over a 10 year period...


"I can't go on without her - Aug 11th 1999"


"To my sweetheart Mary of Tunbridge Wells..."


"When she left me, it was like a light went out in my life, 7 June 1997"


"My sweetheart, Mary"


"She was my north...etc" (same poem as the one from Four Weddings...)


"Sue, 1am, 2002" - I don't even want to think what this one means? (Hopefully not time of death or anything)


And possibly the most disturbing - "I miss her, I threw away the best opportunity I ever had...."

Mrs Coopsweb has demanded that I paint over all of this tomorrow, because it's freaking us out.. but just incase the police need evidence....


These are just a few of the best ones - other include poetry, shakespeare quotes and even political statements "Pity the tories are still in" was the best one.

I am now sure I bought a house from a serial killer and/or someone seriously in need of home decorating advice....

Still. Made me laugh - and I though that b3ta would enjoy it. Got two more walls to strip... god knows what I'll find when I get around to it!
( HSDriver was probably still at work on, Sat 5 May 2007, 11:15, Reply)

French graffiti
Shortly after the Pope kicked the bucket "le pape est mort, SIDA est orphelin" (The pope has died, AIDS is an orphan)

And on a slightly more whimsical note, from a guy that seems to do little chalk drawings all over town, a pointing hand with "Gynocologie, quel beau metier" (Gynocology, what a great job)
(The Sun King, Sat 5 May 2007, 11:14, Reply)

Aber uni physics dept. toilets
Some come here to sit & think
Others come to shit & stink
But I come here to scratch my balls
And read the writing on the walls
(Beans goes up to eleven, Sat 5 May 2007, 11:10, Reply)