Being an Englishman in Scotland
I like to borrow people's phones and change their screensaver to a St. George Cross and their ringtone to Jerusalem.

I reckon I must have done this to at least 15 people in my local pub, and people are still daft enough to give me their phone.
( Stu71 ....bad money dies, I love the scene, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 17:49, Reply)

Scrapheap Challenge every Sunday
Or "Junkyard Wars" to our American cousins.
(lolwhites, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 17:49, Reply)

Crunchy Bits
I like to step on snails. Whenever I walk home, if there's a snail on the path, it gets squished with a satisfying "CRUNCH"

My record was 83 snails on one journey, a particularly wet night. There was one period where I was able to take seven steps, each time putting my foot down on a different snail.

I'm a bad man, and will probably be reincarnated as a snail near the salt factory.
(calamarain just invented dehydrated water, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 17:41, 3 replies)

I support QPR
Needless to say, I am deeply ashamed of this filthy habit.
(pharmatron Death or Scunthorpe? CHOOSE!!, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 17:39, Reply)

poo in bath
at least the poo is clean poo
(Snake (on a) Crane FKA thwack, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 17:36, 3 replies)

Each day at work....
..I deal with hundreds of strangers' personal details, names, addresses and the like.

My guilty pleasure is giggling my tits off at people with funny surnames.
It doesn't matter how childish, if you're a Mr Cock-a-day or a Mrs Good-willie you can guarantee you are the object of my humour for at least the week.
That big wide grin I give you as I bid you farewell?
Not just me being polite I can assure you!
(Peek_a_Boo forgot how fun B3ta was until, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 17:34, 6 replies)

Heaving womanly bits
I have loads of guilty pleasures, but my biggest is reading Mills and Boon. I go to my local charity shop about once a month and buy some then when mr Datcat goes out I lie on the sofa huddled under a quilt and read them.
(datcat Millions of cats, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 17:30, Reply)

Ear Lobes
I love having my ear lobes stroked.

They are covered in really fine white hairs - almost invisible but silky smooth. Kind of what you imagine tinkerbells muff to be like.

Now its not a turn on, its not a fetish etc etc - it just makes me feel really happy and fluffy inside. It almost makes me purr.
( KISS.ME.WHERE.I.POO Signed the sex offenders register on, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 17:29, 2 replies)

Food mostly
* Boiled eggs with just the right amount of salt and vinegar poured in and mixed with the yolk.

* Buttered toast with a generous helping of tomato sauce, for dipping.

* Eating gravy granules straight out of the jar, with a spoon. I fear one day that I may begin pissing brown.

* Cheese and chocolate, thats less of a guilty pleasure, and more of a scientific certainty.

* Stuff from my childhood that I can now acquire in disturbing quantities i.e. jelly babies, kaline, sherbet dibdabs, sherbet fountains.

* Pickled onions & pickled beetroot, being eaten with other foods is fully optional, normally just straight from the jar.
(ShiftyBastard won the World Cup on World Soccer Champs 2010!, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 17:27, 6 replies)

Much to housemates dissmay
I have my fairshare of guilty pleasures, such as reading focus (a science magazine) on the loo for an hour, but by far the worst was ITV's Saterday night TV. Starting with you've been framed (every on loves it), then on too TV burp (again, most people enjoy) then the climax was usualy at 7-8. My top guilty pleasure? Primevial! Housemates shout in protest, but to no avail. I love it, every week I would sit on the edge of my seat, as the missfit crew delt with the annomolies. Groans fill the air as two of the heros steal scooters to persue and fight a wayward raptor. How is that not good? And then a Scotsman punches a raptor in the face! Its simpley the best thing ever. They litteraly must have added all the elements of my imagination together to make it. I'm 21, I often wish it had been on when I was 9, I'd have died of excitment!
(Mong goose, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 17:16, 1 reply)

Peekaboo
My friend Ollie used to have a clip-on monkey that he called his Peekaboo.

One day his mum walked in to the room to find Ollie screaming.

"What's wrong?"
"TOM SUCKED THE COLD OFF MY PEEKABOO".

That story was told at his wedding.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 17:13, 1 reply)

Imagining, just for a moment...
...that there actually *might* be a god.
( Amish Information Systems hates misplaced, commas, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 17:13, 1 reply)

Being a Girl
I am a tomboy. Comfiest in jeans & trainers. Have some make-up (somewhere...) for occaisions when my mum insists I 'put an effort in'. Hate shopping with an absolute passion - ESPECIALLY clothes shopping. Favourite film is Full Metal Jacket. Do not like children or babies.


But....


I love Sex and the City. I absolutely adore it, and own all the box sets. I know each episode inside out. I laughed when Sam had the boyfriend with a small dick, I cried when Carrie lost her shoes, I cooed when Maranda gave birth and I cheered when Charlotte got married.

My identity shall always remain a secret....
(Mogg Questioned her own sanity on, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 17:12, 3 replies)

You know that feeling
of horrible guilt you get when you lie about your whereabouts so you can go sneak off to do something you want to be doing, instead of working or doing laundry or listening to your spouse complain all night?

Yeah, me neither.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 13 Mar 2008, 17:11, 3 replies)

Breakfast on a Sunday Morning
2 soft boiled eggs, with toast cut into soldiers, I loved it when I was 7 and I still love it 30 years on.
( Stu71 ....bad money dies, I love the scene, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 17:07, 1 reply)

belly button fluff candyfloss
mmm.

wriggle a finger, and out it comes.

giggedity giggedity
( bazza van der trance , ooh baby baby, baby baby. Get up on this., Thu 13 Mar 2008, 17:06, Reply)

Has this been mentioned?
I love to push high-ranking police officers off mountains.
( MisterPunch did it that way on, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 17:03, 5 replies)

I like to play really sad songs on the guitar that make me cry
Currently "The Dark is Rising" by Mercury Rev...by the time I'm finished with that one I'm ususally blubbing like a small child who's lost his ice cream.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 17:00, 1 reply)

In Safeways I say hello to the fish
on the fish counter. "Hello, fish!" or sometimes "Hello Fishness!"
( Fathter Puddytat Kill Kill dat widdle boid is mine on, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 16:59, 4 replies)

In the shower
I like to sing Eminem, Marilyn Manson and Plan: Be, who are a rock/hip hop band who rap about Transformers...sample lyrics:

A Devastator I cater more heat that's on the equator
I'm a raider check the data on your neighbour - throat sliced
With a sabre, tore like paper, I'm an Autobot hater
No-one greater got this purple shade on my chest
Better believe I'm the best I'll put you bitches to rest
Tempests of non-believers, I’m a backstabbing deceiver
Cheater, liar, weaver, a real fucking good guy eater

I know my housemates can hear me and I don't care.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 16:58, Reply)

Wild at Heart
I can't believe its made me cry too.. shameful, but I love it. And I am currently addicted to the delights of dancing on ice.

coughs..er..I'll be going then.
(TheRiddler Hmmmmm... I concur., Thu 13 Mar 2008, 16:57, 1 reply)

motorbikes
Something about my bike makes me want to speed. I never do it through 30 zones but i speed outrageously on duel carrageways. im often seen wizzing by at 130mph+ thank the gods ive not been caught yet!!
(Serbitar Has a furry shit canon called Whitey., Thu 13 Mar 2008, 16:55, 2 replies)

sometimes at work
I use my computer to carry out tasks expected of me. Once, I picked up the phone and spoke to someone in relation to a piece of work. Another time, I emerged from a bout of crippling lethargy and wrote an article on some shit for a magazine that no one reads. Don't tell anyone!
(frankspencer, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 16:55, Reply)

my home office
isn't very ventilated: I don't open the windows, and I leave the door closed most of the time so that the cat doesn't get in (it also has my stock in there).

As a result, it has a definite farty smell.

My guilty secret is that I quite like it - it's like my own little feculent den.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 16:54, Reply)

John Entwistle's Bass and Keith Moon's Drumming
I don't know quite why this combination works so well, it just bloody does. But I'm supposed to be working at the moment. And am I? Am I feck. I've just put the headphones in and am privately wigging out to 'The Real Me' slightly more than I probably should in the office...

This one probably could have gone last week's Geek Qotw as well. Either way, I apologise for it not being funny.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 16:52, 2 replies)

My guilty pleasures over the years have included:
- Monarch of the Glen

- World's Most Amazing Exploding Dumbest Police Drug Car Chase Cops Caught On Camera etc.

- Wanking at work

- The Sylvester McCoy era of Doctor Who

- Licking the sandpaper strip on matchboxes, the more used, the better

- Pork Farms Pork and Pickle Pies, accompanied by Pickled Onion Monster Munch

- Just Good Friends

- Modern crap SF and fantasy like Robin Hood (the current BBC version), Torchwood, Primeval and now the steaming king of TVSF turds, Flash Gordon

- Describing my bowel movements in detail to friends and colleagues

- Picking my nose first thing in the morning - nothing like teasing out a great big crusty bogey and eating it

- Feeding ear-wax to my cat. Try it! They love it

- Acting odd on trains so no-one will sit next to me

- Recording my own farts using the Voice Recorder on my mobile phone, then playing them back and killing myself laughing. It was a sad day when my old phone died and I lost my collection, gonna have to start from scratch (n sniff) again

Doktor S
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 16:51, 5 replies)

I loves me some kittenses...
I'm quite open about the fact that I love cats- generally speaking, if I can pick up a cat I will- but it goes beyond that, really.

My favorite thing in the world, bar none? Snuggling in my bed with my cat held like a teddy bear. Feeling her fur under my chin and listening to her purr as I rub her belly is pure bliss. I've been known to feign illness to be able to spend an extra half hour in bed, snuggling my cat.

Sometimes it makes my girlfriend jealous.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 13 Mar 2008, 16:48, 3 replies)

Anger management
A little while ago, I was driving up the A303 at about 60 or 70. As I approaching a T-junction (with my right of way) a Volvo pulled out right in front of me. After slamming my brakes on and nearly skidding right into the back of him. It was a party of four pensioners who blatantly knew what they'd done as the two women in the back seat turned around to look at me and laughed. LAUGHED. After I stopped swearing, I started to tailgate. The old bloke driving the Volvo was getting visibly concerned by my riding his exhaust and attempted to accelerate away.

But no, I was in a Golf GTi and it was uphill. I remained on station and matched his speed. Then I got my camera off my back seat, made sure the flash was on and took a photo of his registration number. Almost instantly he slowed down. The road widened into a dual carriageway and he slowed down further, obviously hoping I'd overtake. I stayed on his tail, glaring directly into his rear view mirror. Then I flashed him. Twice. He slowed down to thirty. So did I. He indicated and began to pull over. I slowed down with him and when he had pulled off the road, I went past, gave his nervous face a big grin and a cheery wave and fucked off down the road.

God, that made me feel good, if a bit of a bastard.
( Kroney, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 16:48, 3 replies)