Freedom isn't free
A group of us spent an enjoyable afternoon convincing a schoolmate that he wouldn't be allowed to take GCSE art unless he applied for an Artistic Licence.

Not only did he fall for it, the poor chap then became increasingly distraught as tales of a difficult test procedure made his dreams of free creativity seem less and less attainable. We consoled him with the idea that, should he fail the full test, he could always re-apply for a pencil-only provisional licence and work his way up...
(fridgefreezer inserted a topical reference into his sig on, Thu 21 Aug 2008, 23:22, Reply)

Try this one yourself.
I've had so many suckers on this one.
-----
The reason yawns are contagious is to do with air pressure.
When you are in a plane and its coming in to land your ears hurt due to the pressure difference between your inner ear and the cabin and yawning equalises out the pressure difference.

Yawning is an unconscious response to a difference to pressure in the room and your inner ear. You yawn and it balances out the two pressures.

But once you have balanced yours out, you have effected the pressure in the room slightly, which throws everyone else out of balance and they have to yawn to compensate.
-----
I've lost count on the number of victims this one has claimed.
(Wize, Thu 21 Aug 2008, 23:20, Reply)

Not me...
When I was 12, my parents took me and my sister S, who was 9 at the time, to France for the first time.

Before we went my dad's brother, told S that in France, the people didn't eat with knives and forks, but instead used a plastic glove, called a Poopy Glove, with which to eat all their food.

We laughed, all was well, until we were getting ready to go for a meal and my Mum found S rummaging through our first aid box and crying. When questioned on this, S said "Mummy, there's only two Poopy Gloves in this box-how will we all eat?!"
(The Who Bird is eating Jaffa Cakes on, Thu 21 Aug 2008, 23:16, Reply)

Cluck, cluck..........Moooo!
When I was a nipper, my dad came home from work one night and made himself cheesey scrambled egg on toast. It smelled fantastic, so I asked if I could try it (I'd never seen or smelled such a delicacy before). It tasted superb, and so I questioned him about it. He told me that he'd got some special eggs on the way home to make this gastronomic wonder. What was so special about these eggs? They'd been laid by chickens who had been fed, as well as their normal feed, cheese for three weeks...

Believed it for years.........knackers!
(wobbegong69 has been soaring................, Thu 21 Aug 2008, 23:05, Reply)

The Great Chilli Race
A month or two ago my neighbour gave me a few chilli seedlings that he was going to throw away once he'd thinned them out. I'm a sucker for free potential vegetables so I thanked him, repotted them and left them to the mercy of the slugs and snails.

Two plants survived, each in their own flowerpot. My bloke was resoundly mocking my mollusc-nibbled stalks so I hatched a cunning plan: I gave him one of them and announced that we'd have a chilli-growing race. Now, it turns out that my fella knows a helluva lot about gardening - which you wouldn't think to look at the long-haired hippy - but a few years ago when he was growing his own high quality weed he took it incredibly seriously, and thus the chilli race began by him lecturing me at length about the dangers of watering seedlings with chlorinated tap water.

Undeterred and knowing that the only thing he's cultivated in his flat for a while is mould, I snuck out the Miracle-Gro and bathed my little green beauty in plant feed, carefully avoiding the holes in the leaves and the slightly bendy stalk. The thing looked shit, but I had high hopes. Meanwhile, lover-boy would send me constructive messages like "bring it indoors and turn it in the windowsill", or "hydroponics would work better". (Damn him, he was right - turns out chillis grow really well hydroponically.)

Then, one evening a couple of weeks ago, as I was cooking myself a rather tasty satay, I saw my chance. I upended the bag of Tesco's Value Chilli Peppers and, giggling to myself the whole time, carefully balanced them on my fledgling seedling, thus:



A careful bit of styling and I took a couple of photos on my mobile phone and sent one to my darlin' with the message "who's on the back foot now, boyo?".

His seven indignant texts in the following five minutes suggested a degree of disbelief, unless "BIG CHILLI, MY RING!" was some sort of invitation. So, then, not so gullible. His nine year old daughter was a different matter though. I'd forgotten how much trust children place in grown ups. Oh, she had her doubts, but I had an explanation for each and every one of them. After a week of my more-and-more dubious statements she finally insisted on inspecting the plant herself. Damn. I'd removed the chillies by then, so I told her I'd picked them and eaten them. She took a stand against my fibs and declared that I had evidently glued some shop-bought chillies on, and then announced that if I had grown them, I'd have been stupid to pick and eat the green ones as they obviously weren't ripe. I'm still maintaining that I produced those peppers, though, and she's still not quite sure whether or not it's the truth.

The bloody seedling's got greenfly now and I'm convinced my beloved has smuggled them in as some sort of biological warfare. Gullible? Not me.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 21 Aug 2008, 22:59, 1 reply)

I was about fourteen
and the Jehovas Witnesses knocked on my door. The lying bastards said they were friends of my mum's, so I let them in.

Talk ensued about the state of the world and they seemed to be making sense (really, these people have lost their way - they should be selling timeshare.) They tried to sell me a book but I had no money, so they left me with a free copy.

I read it and took it to heart, and became thoroughly religious for about three days. Not to the point where I'd bother other people about it, but I felt like I'd discovered the meaning of life and that I suddenly understood the universe.

The down-side to becoming religious was accepting an omnipresent God who'd be watching me if I decided to have a wank. Three days of abstinence and I thought 'sod this for a lark' and went back to being agnostic/athiest.

And yes, I did make up for those three days.
( Horatio P Lemming, Thu 21 Aug 2008, 22:53, 1 reply)

broooooooooooooooo ck bock bock bock bock
i clucked excitedly, answering the phone one day when i was about 13 to a lovely - if chavvy - lady from kfc. she said that they were having a contest to see how many times you could cluck in a minute, and the winner got #500 and free kfc for a month.

forgetting that i was veggie and hated chicken, i threw myself into it with a vengeance, clucking for england. cluck! cluck!! cluuuuuuuuuuuuuck!!!!!!! i squawked loudly.

after about 15 seconds and 150 clucks, i was happily confident about my clucking abilities. but by 30 seconds and 300 clucks, i suddenly got suspicious. how were they counting these......

as i faltered, there was a gap in my clucking. through the silence, i heard the sound of stifled laughter, which rapidly got louder and louder.

yeah, so the nice lady was a so-called friend from my class, and she had what felt like half the year there listening to me squawking like a muppet.

this is still arguably the most embarrassing moment of my life! didn't live that one down until - well until something even worse, but i don't think i'll be sharing that!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2008, 22:50, 15 replies)

In two words
Extended warranty.
(Big D, Thu 21 Aug 2008, 22:48, Reply)

An Easy Mark...
...Is exactly what I must have been. A fair few years back I used to work night shift as an aircraft interiors cleaner at Manchester Airport. I would get out at about 9am and catch the train to Manchester Piccadilly, grab a bite to eat and then shuffle home to my bed.

This day was very much the same as the rest, save for one detail. I was sitting on the shuttle bus from the station looking at nothing in particular when I noticed a personable enough looking chap taking notice of me. I put this down to my rugged (ie hairy) good looks and thought nothing more of it. Upon disembarking, said chap ran up to me an exclaimed "fan-dan-go, do you remember me, it's Steve, we used to work together at the airport". Now I have a particularly bad memory for names and faces at the best of times, but after twelve hours of vacuuming in-flight meals out of already crusty carpets I didn't stand a chance.

So, myself and "Steve" got to chatting. We had a coffee and the more he said the more he seemed familiar. Everything was proceeding amiably enough, at which point "Steve" asked a favour of me. You see, a friend of a friend of his was coming back from Europe with a - probably illegal - consignment of cheap fags and booze and that he had agreed to take some off his hands, but he had left the cash at home. He was sure that as we were "old workmates" there would be no problem with me lending him £50 until he sorted the deal.

I was naturally apprehensive, as I always am when it comes to parting with my money for reasons other than to expand my collection of useless tat, but I obliged when given the promise of a swift return of my cash with interest.

In retrospect, this was a silly move. "Steve" failed to meet me at the spot we had arranged. Only then did it dawn on me that he could have easily read my name off my airport I.D. which had been hanging around my neck and that he didn't really supply enough specific details to confirm his identity to me.

So "Steve" was a scammer, I was tired and out-of-pocket and an important lesson was learned. Trust No One.

Although one positive thing did come from that ill-fated encounter. It gave me a new method of passing the time when out-and-about and bored. Using the techniques of Steve the scammer I will occaisonally study people walking around Manchester and then when the time is right introduce myself as someone they met once at a party/at work/in a restaurant. Not for any malicious purposes I might add, just for fun. The human psyche is a fascinating thing. People will often construct memories so that they can place you in them. I heartily recommend giving it a try, but be aware, the more savvy element of society may take umbrage at your attempted deception, so be prepared to make a swift getaway.

Speaking of which. Toodles......
(fan-dan-go because mutton chops are cool!, Thu 21 Aug 2008, 22:41, 1 reply)

Well, I used to believe in UFOs, etc...
...but that's hardly a "moment" and you're not really expected to know better when you're 11.

However, you are supposed to know better when you are 30-something, and some timeshare rep in Portugal offers you what turns out to be a winning scratchcard. "Oh my" she says "You've won our star prize today, either a worthless holiday or £200 cash".

"I can choose which one, right?"

"Yes."

Gullible moment happens here.

"Great. What do we do?"

You can guess the rest of the awful, tedious afternoon we had at El Hotel Dismal, and whether the star prize really was £200 or not.
( Amish Information Systems hates misplaced, commas, Thu 21 Aug 2008, 22:36, Reply)

Up until a few hours ago...
I believed I was happily in a relationship...then she dumped me

not strictly on topic but I really can't think of a funny :(
(Freak on a Leash is jerking off to centre himself on, Thu 21 Aug 2008, 22:34, 7 replies)

Take off
The first time my young son was in a plane and old enough to be sentient I told him that the button on the arm rest (for reclining the seat) was to help the plan take off. As the plane accelerated down the runway I said 'wait for it, now press it!' which he did, whilst holding his breath and looking pale as a sheet.

Is this gullible or just too young to know any better?
(Smale is stuffed, Thu 21 Aug 2008, 22:31, Reply)

The Lollipop Tree
Imagine if you will a world in slightly dusty crimpolene and paisley prints where everyone wore flares, big hair and cheesecloth. Add to this picture smokers, white dog poo, Morecombe and Wise and school milk just leaving by the hand of one Milk Snatcher.


This, dear reader, was the world of my childhood.


My parents had many friends all of whom spoke the Queen’s English with a broad brogue of Scots or Irish apologies for constantly repeating myself here and I being a sweet little girl with more than a passing resemblance to Shirley Temple (damn those curls!) was regularly taken around the Celtic Ghetto in which we lived.

Now as many of you who still live in the Auld Land (on both sides of the water) will know, those carrying blood of the ancient Celts are blessed with the Blarney.

Kiss the stone?

Feck me, we all swallowed it!

Actually my dad did a family history search some years ago and discovered we’re descended from the poets of the Kings of Connaught – although I think for ‘poets’ you should perhaps substitute jesters or piss artists.

Anyway, back to the tale…..

So, as a cute as a button wee girly I was taken around all the pals and for many, many years I believed that one friend of my dad’s had a special tree in his garden.

Larry was an old family friend – he’d been at school with one of my dad’s aunts back in Scotland and had left when he was called up for WW2 – he’d been on the beaches at Normandy as a very young man and was now seeing out his retirement in sunny Kent.

I was told that this special tree grew wondrous things….

Lollipops.

And every time we went to visit there on the branches of the tree would be a toffee lollipop just for me.

Larry had acquired this tree from a witch and she was a great friend of his, so great in fact that she would send him boxes of Black Magic chocolates regularly but sadly he hated them so they were thrown away.

“But, but I LOVE Black Magic chocolates Larry! Give them to me!” was my cry every time he told me this – which he did each time he saw me after I’d scoffed my lollipop.

“Oh, I didn’t know you liked them! I’ll try to remember next time.” He’d always reply.

Until one Christmas when I couldn’t have been anymore than seven or eight years old.


It was early evening and there was a ring at the doorbell.

My parents told me to answer it – something that they never did probably because I’d have invited anyone in and sold the family formica.

So out I went to the hallway…

the hallway was bathed in bright red light from the Chinese lantern lampshade brought back by my uncle from Hong Kong when he’d been with the army. I pulled back the heavy curtain and opened the door but no one was there.

Just as I was about to close the door I looked down and there sitting on the concrete step was a box of Black Magic chocolates in their tell-tale black box with red ribbons…and on the box was a white card which read –


“A gift from the Lollipop Witch.”


And my Christmas was made.





*********************************


A couple of decades later and I have children of my own….

Larry has long gone to join the other old soldiers and witch-friends in the sky, yet his spirit lives on....



My sons' favourite tree in their grandparents’ garden?

The lollipop tree.

My boys are ten and a half and one of them still firmly believes that there is a lollipop tree.

I just wish I could get hold of a money tree. Does anyone have a cutting?
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 21 Aug 2008, 22:17, 12 replies)

Being sent to the butchers.........
for some chicken lips, who said

"certainly just go to the greengrocers and get me a glass hammer would you?"

The Greengrocer said

"No problem laddie, just go down to the flower man and get me some sky hooks"

The flower man asked me to go the the fishmonger

"Just get me a long weight and they're all yours"

So off I go to the fish monger, after two hours he brings me out my long weight, back to the flower man who hands me my sky hooks. Off to the Greengrocer I go sky hooks in hand and I come away with my glass hammer, back to the butchers and I finally get my grubby little hands on some chicken lips.

Walking away I hear the unmistakable sound of breaking glass and a loud "dickdribbles"

"Heh, he should have used skyhooks" I mutter to myself.
(Dangerous Disco Trev Isn't my real name, Thu 21 Aug 2008, 22:13, 2 replies)

On the internet
there used to be something called 'Activeworlds' which I spent rather a lot of time on (I was a sad 13-year-old, come on).

I used to love winding up the americans by typing a load of shite, something like this:

connect:192.168.0.1
connection established
deleting all files

...well, you get the idea.

But some fell for it. Several thick yanks used to go 'OH MY GOD! Is he hacking us?'
(Half of Stephen Fry's right buttock pissed on your dog on, Thu 21 Aug 2008, 22:06, 1 reply)

Mount Inverness
I once believed that Mount Everest was in Scotland. Well, I learnt the truth about a year ago... sad times.
(I've got the clap has some cool sentence here, Thu 21 Aug 2008, 22:01, 1 reply)

I believed every word....
"...As my response makes clear, this is not about imposing 'stealth taxes' or introducing 'Big Brother' surveillance" - Tony Blair in his response to 1.8 million signatures on a petition opposing Road Pricing

" The Government is concerned that being unable to afford transport can limit everyday life and that, currently, easy access to jobs, training and education opportunities is not available to everyone." - John Prescott in 1998 when questioned about Transport Policy. We have seen above inflation increases in rail fares, bus fares and fuel duty every single year since 2000

"I have eradicated Boom and Bust Economics." - Gordon Brown, defending his record as chancellor of the exchequer in 2000

"We must support the police to ensure they have the best tools and structures to do their job..." - Labour Party website - 2008 in the same week that serving policemen admitted to the BBC that they were "pursuing soft targets" in order to meet arrest quotas

"in real terms, public spending under the Labour government has fallen..." - Gordon Brown, 14 August 2004. He has spent a grand total of one trillion pounds or roughly fifty thousand pounds per household in Britain between 1997-2007 on the biggest social engineering project in history. You're as likely to lift yourself out of poverty today as you would have been during Queen Victoria's reign. Roughly forty seven pence out of every pound in your pocket today will be reclaimed by the treasury by one tax or another before the year is out.

"The Government's committed to tackling climate change..." Tony Blair. CO2 emissions statistical data is massively flawed. It does not include international aviation, while public transport emissions are included in "road transport" stats - namely adding them to the emissions stats for private motoring, which bears the brunt of green taxation. Meanwhile, Heathrow Airport has been expanded and Stansted is likely to get another runway.

"Tony Blair announces a referendum on the new European constitution" - BBC news 20 April 2004 calls for a referendum have been staunchly rejected despite a majority of people in the UK being against further EU integration.

"Iraq is not the only regime with WMD. But back away now from this confrontation and future conflicts will be infinitely worse and more devastating.... Saddam [has] weapons of mass destruction ready for firing within 45 minutes... Tony Blair in speech to the House of Commons, March 2003 shortly before supporting a US led invasion of Iraq which had nothing whatsoever to do with oil, no siree. As of August 2008 not a single shred of evidence for the existence of WMD has been found in Iraq. A (conservative) estimate puts the total number of Iraqi civilians have been killed since 2003 in sectarian violence as a direct result of the invasion at 86,557 people.

Still, it's all going to be okay isn't it? I mean in 18 months time, this nice bloke called David who incidentally has a great haircut is going to come in to power and change everything. Isn't he?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 21 Aug 2008, 21:54, 5 replies)

my older brother...
was a bit of a cnut when i was younger..

he once told me if you leave the microwave door open after use all the radiation it uses to cook stuff will escape and get into the room and give you cancer.

he also told me if you eat chewing gum after eating crisps, the combination of ingredients creates a poison that makes you really sick.

he was a bit of a fucker back then.

(still get a bit nervous around the microwave tho)
(Duke Fucknuts ate toast and fanny batter on, Thu 21 Aug 2008, 21:54, Reply)

Someone once told me
"I love you" Turned out to be bullshit. It was quite gullible of me to beleive that. (been said already?/Shit? - probably - but true)

Sorry for the post - genuinely can't think of a more gullible moment in my life
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Thu 21 Aug 2008, 21:53, Reply)

Sideways love-tunnel
We once convinced a friends younger brother that Chinese girls had, ahem, sideways 'slits'.

When he got older, he joined the army in the belief that he would one day be stationed in the middle east and find out for sure.

EDIT: We also convinced our 'roadie' that the song by (I forget who) was "Dave, I'm back again" and the brim full of asher song was actually "Everybody needs a muslim for a pillow", and all day at work he would be singing those lyrics.
(dchurch bah, Thu 21 Aug 2008, 21:52, 2 replies)

BBC 2
I'm gullible to give every BBC 2 show thats included in the thursdays are 'funny' line up:

The cup = FAIL

Repeats of never mind the buzzcocks = FAIL!

That one with that black woman = EPIC FAIL!!!!1

I hate you television.
Just bend over and let on demand tv take you to brown town.

*Breathes*
(PaulGadd -, Thu 21 Aug 2008, 21:47, 1 reply)

Me
I am awfully guillable. :(
My friend convinced me that there was a breed of 'rainbow dog', that her uncle had a pet monkey or something and other friends basically told me they were dating. Very surprised. So, yeah. My life is the definition of the word.
(I've got the clap has some cool sentence here, Thu 21 Aug 2008, 21:45, 1 reply)

My Mum
My Mum was an awful mother. For for the first 6 years of my life I firmly believed that the ice cream van music heralded the arrival of the mobile fish monger.

"Errr!" shouted I, "I hate fish. Mum, why are all those kids running?" I look out of the window. "Mum, why are all those kids running to see the fish man?"

"Well Powervator, they all love fish."

I snort, "they're idiots!"

Only I was the fool when an ice cream van turned up outside the school fence once and I tried to convince everyone it was a mobile purveyor of fishy comestibles.

Bitch.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Thu 21 Aug 2008, 21:41, Reply)

Mouthful
My Granddad once told me, "more than a mouthful is a waste." I believed him for years.

Lying bastard, I can deepthroat now.
(badfox1 wonders who he's played by this episode on, Thu 21 Aug 2008, 21:36, Reply)

child racist
When I was a little fraction (probably about an eigth or a sixteenth)I believed EVERYTHING I was told.

Cliff Burton was still alive

If you listened to a Slayer album in the dark you would die

Tic tacs were in fact health pills and weren't allowed to be given to little children (thanks sis and bro) however my crowning ahem glory came when I was about 6.

I grew up in a small north essex town, it was and still is a quaint little place, now unfortunately full of hairdressers and charity shops, but anyway, it didn't do ethnic diversity, we had one chinese restaurant and that was about it.

One day the USAF came to town, we were all really excited, I got an extra dose of flying saucers and refreshers from Butterflys sweet shop and we went to the town hall.

there they were, all these huge men in shiny uniforms, but one stood out more than anything.

My "friend" whispered in my ear, "Really?" I said "yes, go ask him" was the reply. So I tottered over to this man and said.

"Scuse me mister, why are you painted black?"

I still die a little inside every time I remember this.
(Halfy By light alone, Thu 21 Aug 2008, 21:27, 2 replies)

I was once conned into believing b3tans weren't all terminal virgins to a rather disgusting, spotty, morbidly obese man.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 21 Aug 2008, 21:25, 2 replies)

Toast + Toaster = Bread?
First post in nearly 2 years of lurking in the shadows so be nice!

My most gullible moment was as a child. At the time, I was old enough to know that if u put bread in the toaster it comes out as toast, but still young not to know how stupid i was.

So one day my brother told me that if u put toast in the toaster on the lowest setting it comes out as bread again, me being gullable i believed it, so i tried it, it didnt work. So i went to my brother and said it didnt work, he just said i had to keep trying, so i did. For the next 10 minutes, i toast my single piece of toast to try and make it bread again.

Next thing i know my mum walks in the kithen and asks what am i doing, so i tell her the little story my brother told me. She breaks the news to me that its not true, i felt annoyed by my brother, so i got the burnt piece of toast, put loads of jam and butter on it and gave it to him. He took it from me and said thanks thinking it was a normal piece of toast, little did he know it was very very burnt, he didnt even taste the burntness.

I never did anything my brother said again.
(Jim Fixed It For Me, Thu 21 Aug 2008, 21:20, 1 reply)

Guillablility backfiring
When I was small (6ish, I suppose) I asked a pointlessly advanced question about space*. I was told (by people who, with good reason, didn't have a fucking clue) to "write to NASA and ask them."

So I did. Not knowing their address I simply marked my envelope: 'NASA, USA', and happily sent it off, with most people probably sniggering away at my belif it would a) get there and b) NASA would give enough of a shit to read it and reply.

However, it did get there, and NASA did reply. Not only with an answer, but also with a bloody massive pack of goodies and information on space. I was proper chuffed, and I like to think that those who thought I was being stupid falling for their "write to NASA" trick felt a bit silly.

Go NASA!







* "If you hang a string out of a spaceship going round Earth, does it hang towards Earth or trail out behind the spaceship?"
And about twelve years later I started a Physics degree. Can you see a pattern, children?
(Bearded Whumpus In chav Britain, schoolgirl offers sweets to YOU!, Thu 21 Aug 2008, 21:07, 9 replies)