Tramp Piss
There is a crusty old tramp who sleeps in a doorway near Chancery Lane tube station. He sits curled up under a cardboard box all red-nosed and blue-faced with capillaries from years of over-boozing...

Every morning without fail you can witness him lifting the flap of his cardboard box, pulling down his trousers and releasing a foul torrent of steaming, manky-alcoholic pish in to the street which then flows down the street to the road like a little river of acrid acidic waste.

He then sits half comatose and grins as all the office girls on their way to work turn their noses up and their eyes start water at the stench of tramp pish as they have to hop-step over the steaming river in open toe sandals...
(aroe_m0rre, Fri 22 Jun 2007, 11:31, Reply)

Not cute and definitely not fluffy
Walking back to my student house in Durham having spent a morning in lectures on the other side of the city, I stopped at a pelican crossing at some traffic lights, waiting for the lights to change.

As I waited, a bus turned right and proceeded up the hill away from the town. As it turned, something large dropped out of the bottom of the bus into the road, right into the path of the crossing. The bus carried on. the lights changed to red for the traffic.

As the crossing lights turned green, I took a good luck at what appeared to be a pile of clothing in the middle of the road as I walked up to it, before coming to the gruesome realisation that it was a body, severely mangled and mutilated and missing at least one limb, as well as being partially decapitated. I was standing next to it. Blood was running in great quantities from it down the road, and about 100 yards down the road there was a shoe. The shoe still had a foot in it.

As the full horror of the situation sank in, and other people got out of their cars to look, I vomited on the spot. I've usually got a strong stomach, but I reckon that sight could turn anybody.

I wish I was making it up... news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/2795347.stm
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Fri 22 Jun 2007, 11:27, Reply)

houseless
There is a tramp who walks around my local town centre (Newcastle, Australia) who picks up half empty drinks from bins/that are laying around and pours them all into one container, and drinks them. I've seen him drink it once, and in the process of making one another time. It's unpleasant to watch, to say the least.

Reading some other entries, i should probably delete this, pretty glad ive never seen a car accident.
(woo who?, Fri 22 Jun 2007, 11:25, Reply)

Lack of funny
In my life time, I have been in prison twice. It's really not a nice place, and I highly recommend NOT going there. This is about my second visit.

Normally, I am a gentle being, I hate hurting people, mentally or physically. I have en extremly long fuse, I can take hours of people annoying me, deliberatly or not, without it having much of an effect on me. Very few things can get me to snap, normally I'll just flick a quick insult and leave it at that.

That said, there are things that *can* get me to snap. I went around to my neighbours a couple of years ago, was good friends with them at that time (and was occasionally shagging their rather hot daughter). Gave their son back his CD's I'd borrowed, was just leaving the house when I heard a quite moan and a the muffled words "I'd like to do [Vulcan15's cousins daughter] like that." My cousin has a 6 month old baby, so I get quite curious.

Opened the door from where I'd heard this, and it really was the worst sight I have ever seen. My neighbour, furiously masturbating to a video of a man sticking his finger inside a 1 year old girl, then getting ready to stick his dick in.

I don't remember what happened next. I do remember standing over him as he lay on the floor, my hand in agony from hitting him and his computer moniter smashed from my foot. I couldn't give you the full list of what I'd managed to do to him, but I'd damaged his testicles enough (I wear steel toed boots and shoes all the time) that he had to be castrated and broken several bones in his legs, arms and ribs. Whatever I did, it would never have been enough to punish him for supporting and getting off to the people who make films such as that, nor him even thinking about doing it to my new born cousin. I got jailed for 60 days for that little trick. That pervert received a 5 year sentence for the images and videos on his computer.

I saw his (now ex) wife in town a couple of weeks after I was released. I tried to hide from her, slightly ashamed of the damage I'd done to her, but she came up to me, and simply said "Thankyou"... I've never seen her or her family since.

Apologies for the lack of joke... I'm now off to celebrate Midsommer! Hope you all have a great day.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Fri 22 Jun 2007, 11:15, Reply)

A head which looked as if it was about to burst
When I was about eight years old I went with my parents and sister to visit a local residential home for the mentally handicapped (or Learning disabilities as it's known now)...

Things were rather horrific before we even went inside - huge Victorian gothic building which had probably been a workhouse as some point...

High ceilinged cold green corridors that smelled of disinfectant, boiled cabbage and a mix of unpleasant body odours. We walked through the maze of corridors until we came to the children's' ward.

Remember all the stuff some years back about Romanian Orphanages? It was almost the same in the UK a couple of decades ago...

A long ward of metal cage style cots with sad faced inmates sitting inside them....

I remember one child wearing a crash helmet because he constantly bashed his head against the bars.

But the one that frightened me so much that I had nightmares for a very long time was a poor soul who had hydrocephalus (water on the brain) and as a consequence his head was far, far too big for his tiny body. Added to which he also had a port wine birth mark covering his entire face. This meant that to the eight year old me this child looked as if he'd held his breath for far too long and his head was about to burst any moment. Which sounds funny now...But when you're eight that's just a terrifying prospect.

Hated that place.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 22 Jun 2007, 11:13, Reply)

It's definitely not as horrific as some of these stories are (and will probably be)
but it beats old men wanking, at least. My mom decided to have kids rather late, and so even though I'm only 24, my mother is 62. Just want to make it clear that she's not one of those young sexy milfs, by anyone's standards. A few years ago, my older brother was looking through one of those old lady porn mags (no, I don't know why, I think a friend bought it for him as a joke, as he never struck me as the type to lust after old ladies). He had to bring it over to share with us, because in this magazine, he found spread of a woman, in a number of "interesting" positions, who could easily have been my mother's twin. It was hilarious, in a very disturbing way. I'm just very glad that she looked just different enough to assure me that it wasn't her...

I'm sure I have some properly gruesome stories, too, which I'll post as soon as I remember them.
(RDT <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <><, Fri 22 Jun 2007, 11:13, Reply)

Them bones
I got called to an emergency at work just before christmas. Having promptly sprinted to the area demanded by the tannoy i found a young lad of 10 or 12.

With his leg split open to the shin bone. the skin had just parted by about 4 inchese and all there was was bone and you could see the layers of muscle and fat and everything.

Woof
(Staffs Giraffe, Fri 22 Jun 2007, 11:10, Reply)

My grandmother's withered dugs
Walked in the room blissfully unaware beforehand that my mother was helping my grandmother get changed.

Copped a completely unwanted and unintended eyeful, did an about face, and marched out of the room sharpish. Sadly there was no handy Clorox with which to scrub my eyeballs.

What's even worse is the knowledge that I, too, will look that hideous one day.
( flake has nothing against your right leg, Fri 22 Jun 2007, 11:08, Reply)

Bloody pigeons...
Eating pavement pizza on a Saturday morning.

Any other morning I think I would have been fine.
(beatpig understands subliminalesbianmessagaying., Fri 22 Jun 2007, 11:07, Reply)

Opening like a flower in bloom
In music class when I was young, I sat behind the class ginger minger. She was undisputably the ugliest girl in the class--ginger, freckles, overweight, and awkwardly tall. One day she was wearing sweatpants--grey I believe.

When she stood up, the material from her sweatpants had worked its way firmly up her crack, and I got a detailed topographical view of that region. She then grabbed a handful of material on each buttock and gave a pull, and like a parachute opening, the material returned to its normal shape and she walked away.

Somehow it never left me, and not in an erotic way.
(racetraitor has an alibi for, Fri 22 Jun 2007, 11:07, Reply)

CAT DEATH
My mate told me a story where he was driving along when a cat ran out infront of the car infront, he said its back wheel went over the front of the cat (head and top end of its body) and blood and guts spurted out of his arse!!! He said imagine stamping on one end of a ketchup sachet. He saw this all from his car and was killing himself laughing while all these passers by almost fainted by the horrible sight of this shop covered in cat insides.
(shakermaker88, Fri 22 Jun 2007, 11:06, Reply)

Jason Brewer's Fingers
You see, we used to play marbles back then at playtime in Junior School, and Jason Brewer's (real name, and most apt) marble went down the drain. So he got on his knees, heaved up the drain on its hinges, and bent down to pick it up. Unfortunately he didn't move his hand out of the way quick enough when the drain slammed down on his fingers, leaving one of them hanging off by its skin.

Screaming in agony, he then walked up the playground towards the pale looking teachers whilst all the other kids ran over to have a look.
(Pesky Young Scamp, Fri 22 Jun 2007, 11:06, Reply)

Dunno if its the most horrific...
..but certainly good for a laugh.

Me and one of my best mates had gone out for a few sherberts in London a few years back and were on the tube back to Highgate where he lived. As we sat down on the bench seat we were stuck between a young couple and a rather drunken gentleman.

The young lady was complaining that she had never drank champagne before and was feeling woozy, whilst her date for the night was far more interested in just getting her home an investigating the inside of her knickers no doubt. We then looked across at the gent the other side who was turning a slightly greenish colour, so my mate jesticulated towards the door vestibule for safety.

The young girl then complained she thought she might throw up, which sent a look of alarm on the other gents face as he was obviously trying to pervent chundering himself, but as sure as shit stinks, the young lady bolted forward and puked. The guy the other side seeing the contents of her stomach and smelling them, naturally could hold it no more and puked himself. The young girl saw his vomitus, almost as if they were in competition hauled up a second load.

My mate, in a moment of genius produced a plastic knife and spoon from his pocket and threw it between them, suggesting something along the lines of 'we're off for a chinese right now, but seing you are not joining us and in caseyour stomach is a bit empty, have a go at clearing up with these!'

Upon seeing the sporks, both of them starting throwing up in tandem, whilst the guy who's luck was out just glared at us in despair. We naturally were too busy pissing ourselves laughing to care.
(Waynster James Joyce is fucking my sister!, Fri 22 Jun 2007, 11:04, Reply)

Old men wanking
A horrible, life draining sight that I've seen twice in my home town.

First time I was a wee kid and there was a car crawling up the pavement of my (quiet, residential) road. I glanced in then there was a bloke, travelling salesman probably, with his shirt and tie on, trousers off, batting his tally-whacker between each hand in order to get a stiffy.

I remember that I fled but I may have been dragged in and molested and then blanked that memory out.

The second time was at night, I was on my way to a girlf's house along a busy round and in a drive (that leading to the gates of a military college) there, silhouetted by car headlights for one instant, was a bald old man bodging his bishop. I passed by discreetly, unable to ever eat walnut whips or mr. Whippy ice-creams again.
(skitster, Fri 22 Jun 2007, 11:03, Reply)

Tramp related poop...
I used to work in Sheffield (briefly). I was walking back up through the city and passed the cathedral en route.

It's an impressive building smack bang in the city centre, so I and most of the hordes of people walking past usually spared it a glance.

This particular afternoon a brightly coloured movement caught my eye; it was a tramp's woolly bobble hat, on a tramp, and the movement was him unfastening his trousers and crouching. "Surely that guy can't be about to have a shit!" I thought.

As with car accidents, or other things you don't want to see, I was rooted to the spot, gazing at the horrific and somewhat shocking event unfolding before me.

Looking on, the tramp leant forward, supporting himself by leaning his arm against the cathedral wall. Some inhuman grunting took place, and he began to defecate.

I had never before (or since!) seen another human have a crap, and I believe my jaw may have dropped. It certainly did when his dog, on a traditional tramp bit of string, began to eat it, still warm and freshly dropped.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Fri 22 Jun 2007, 11:02, Reply)

Not the worst, but the most recent
So this morning at just before 7am, I hear an almighty explosion come through my bedroom window. My brain was quite willing to ignore this and continue sleeping if it wasn't for the manic screaming from a male voice that followed it shortly afterwards;

"Una bomba! Una bomba!"

Bleary eyed I looked out the window and saw one male with half a hand missing stagging around screaming the above into the silent streets of suburban Madrid with blood spraying everywhere and whisps of smoke dissolving into the morning air.

As it turns out, it was was a personal revenge attack of sorts on this guy in particular. Whoever it was had rigged his car door to explode, which when he did, it did.

They sectioned off the whole area with police, fire crew and an ambulance, and I had to side-step a swat team to get to work.

The good news is he survived, but is in a serious state apparently.

URL for the story is (in Spanish is) - www.20minutos.es/noticia/251103/0/explosion/artefacto/vallecas/

I'll never forget the sound of a Spanish man literally praying to god for fear of death.

[insert cock joke here]
( slippery doctore, Fri 22 Jun 2007, 11:01, Reply)

Henri Paul's mangled head
A Singaporean student who was here at the time saw fit to go onto a website and buy some photos of Princess Diana et al, after the crash.

Worse still, he thought (wrongly) I might like to see them so he e-mailed me them with no warning.

I have never seen a human head with the face ripped off before, but this was what I was presented with when I opened the e-mail. Among others, a close up pic of Henri Paul, or at least what remained of him.

Not nice.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 22 Jun 2007, 11:01, Reply)

As a student in Bedford..
cycling to Lecture along tree lined street, saw an old lady doing a monster dump on the pavement, standing up, grabbing some old newspaper ,wiping herself, throwing the paper over her shoulder and toddling off pushing a pram.

Oh and someone sent me that video of Bud Dwyer offing himself...that gave me fucking nightmares too...
(Rockster77, Fri 22 Jun 2007, 11:00, Reply)

Tasty
A heavily pregnant dog was brought into the vets surgery where my girlfriend works, clearly in distress. It had apparently been nesting in a cupboard trying to give birth. The owners had been forewarned that it would need a caesarean, so they were instructed to bring her down as soon as she went into labour.

So they admit her, but before they can get her in to surgery and on a table, the dog just stands there, howling. Several howls later it starts retching violently, and gradually throws up a mangled, half-digested puppy.

Turns out it had already given birth to part of the litter, but it was a bit broken.
(songsforeveryone, Fri 22 Jun 2007, 10:59, Reply)

"You'll wish you tried them years ago"
I was walking along Pall Mall in London one morning some years ago when I noticed a small group of people up ahead, gathered around a lamppost by a zebra crossing. As I approached, I peered into the crowd and saw that the object of their interest was not the lamppost itself, but rather a man lying prone on the ground near it.

Next to the man was the motorbike he'd been riding when, after swerving in order to avoid a pedestrian using the zebra crossing, he'd hit his head on said lamppost. Although he'd been wearing a crash helmet, it hadn't been strong enough to prevent the impact from splitting his head open -- as I could tell because I could now see his brain.

All I could think of at the time was the advert for "Brain's faggots" -- although I'm probably the own one that remembers it.
( reallywittyname veraciously conspues lexiphanicism on, Fri 22 Jun 2007, 10:58, Reply)

Train
Looked ....after someone had jumped in front of a train. We were told not to but for some reason....couldnt help meeself.
(wackers1, Fri 22 Jun 2007, 10:55, Reply)

Horrific?...
The worst i saw was my mate playing football.

Nothing bad there i hear you say, but one swift tackle broke his leg, of which said leg bone decided it wanted some fresh air and popped out through the skin.

Blood x Bone x Mate screaming for his mum = Yucky. BIG style!


Length? About 2 inches of bone...
(lennyzero, Fri 22 Jun 2007, 10:54, Reply)

If the Scat(wo)man can do it, then so can you
I was back to Liverpool for Christmas holidays about 2 years ago. The city centre is what you would expect, crammed with people and kids. Turning just off the main shopping street to buy a present, I'm faced with an old homeless woman (about 65) with scraggy grey hair and rags for clothes (think the cat woman from futurama) hovering ominously in the middle of the pedestrianised street.

With an ear-shattering battle-cry of 'Bllaaaaaarrrgggggggffftt!' she gets every shopper's attention, hikes her collection of rags up to her chest, squats, and pisses all over the street. A little bit of poo came out too.

I walked away. Quickly.
( thiswasmyclone, Fri 22 Jun 2007, 10:54, Reply)

Most horrific thing I've seen?
Bridget Jones' Diary.
( abefroman skating on the thin life of modern life on, Fri 22 Jun 2007, 10:48, Reply)

Crows are horrible things
Years ago I had a cat which, despite its small size, used to catch large rabbits on a regular basis. One time, it had become fed up of playing with its latest catch, so left it half dead in the back garden and came in for some proper (tinned) cat food.

Minutes later the crows landed and started to peck the eyes out of the still alive rabbit. It didn't take long for them to start ripping at its belly too.

I'm retching just writing this.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 22 Jun 2007, 10:45, Reply)

Pg No?
Number 1!! Woo!
(TAZ220 Not giving a toss since, Fri 22 Jun 2007, 10:42, Reply)

Your mum...
Never again!
(mehmeh 0% witty, Fri 22 Jun 2007, 10:42, Reply)

And..
woo first post with the cherry
(Schofit, Fri 22 Jun 2007, 10:41, Reply)

My arm....
After I tipped a full kettle of boiling water on it.....no skin, just bone and blisters - ouch!!

Cherry gone!
(Schofit, Fri 22 Jun 2007, 10:41, Reply)