Calling my brother a complete nerd geek!
For his complete love of video games and all related video game items.

This morning I became excited at my delivery from Amazon. Containing yet more Batman Graphic Novels!

Two weeks ago I refused to continue talking to someone because they preferred V for Vendetta in film version!

I cite Alan Moore, Garth Ennis and Grant Morrison as my favourite authors over Dickens and Marlowe any day of the week.

I'd rather look at art by Alex Ross or Glen Fabry over anyone else in the world!

But he's the geek, because I like drinking, football and staring at tits so my comic book addiction is okay!
(Dangerous Disco Trev Isn't my real name, Sun 22 Feb 2009, 1:46, 6 replies)

Frogs
and their fine cuisine:

Coq au vin - meat stew
Chicken chasseur - meat stew
Boeuf Bourgignon - meat stew
Bouilabase - meat stew (but with fish)
Baguette avec brie - cheese sandwich (with funny cheese and funny bread)

If they tried Shepards Pie they'd fucking die.
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Sun 22 Feb 2009, 1:37, 9 replies)

Police
Being told I'm making a scene by a man who is essentially walking round London with a great big blue tit strapped to his head.
( SpankyHanky, Sun 22 Feb 2009, 1:36, 9 replies)

Paddies
it's OK to use that term as in they are all called Padraig but it's not OK to use the term Micks as in they are all called Michael so I won't anyway I digress.

There are 5 million Paddies in the UK and 1 million Scotch in Ulster.

British out! Yeah right.
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Sun 22 Feb 2009, 1:29, 2 replies)

The scotch
where to begin?

If you've ever spent any time on an internet forum discussing sport then you can't have failed to notice the scotch brandishing the English arrogant and claiming that 1966 (and all that) will be brought up by the arrogant English commentator within 5 minutes regardless of what teams are on the pitch. Apparently reference, real or imagined, to past glories is unacceptable.

Now, how many times on news or history forums have I come across the scotch mentioning that they invented the television and the telephone? Pretty much daily.

The fact that they invented neither doesn't appear to matter...
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Sun 22 Feb 2009, 1:14, 22 replies)

Fat fucking barman!
While out one night in Guildford, I was most definitely refreshed. Refreshed as a newt some might say!

I sway my way to the bar and ask the rather portly barman for another pint of his finest cider and if that is unavailable then Strongbow will do!

He looks at me and says in his sternest voice

"I'm sorry sir but I think you've had enough already!"

I am refused service, I accept this and leave the bar, go home and sleep content that I have had a good night and no harm came to anyone in my vicinity!

Not two weeks later the roles are reversed!

He goes absolutely mental, threatening me, screaming at my manager that he wants me sacked!

But in his defence I do work in Burger King!
(Dangerous Disco Trev Isn't my real name, Sun 22 Feb 2009, 0:40, 5 replies)

Dress Code

Years ago queuing outside a club in Manchester. I’m pissed, I’m happy, I look down at my feet and realise that in my drunken state I’ve completely forgotten I’m wearing trainers. Nice black ones though, so I might just get in if I hide behind some of my mates.

As we get closer to the entrance I notice the bouncers looking intently at the footwear of the club goers. From my place in the queue I see some people being turned away for terrible breaches of dress code scripture. I imagine if you go into a club wearing the wrong sort of gear it could cause the place to burn down, or flood, or both.

Shit, been queuing for ages. Don't want to get turned away. Too late to get in anywhere else now.

We shuffle closer. I see the fella in front of me has bright fucking white trainers on. Nice one. He’ll be my diversion. While the bouncers are sorting him out I’ll nip in and get my funk on, bust some moves, drink some beers, sweat all over some poor unfortunate girl and then go home and have a wank.

Eventually we get to the bouncers, the fella in front with the trainers is allowed in. I put my head down and follow and a great muscular arm like a tree trunk blocks my path. It was like I was caught in a tractor beam.

“You ain’t coming in here with trainers on,” says the bouncer.

When I start to drunkenly protest and point out the fella in front with the bright white canoes on his feet who was now happily waiting at the pay kiosk, the bouncer shrugs:

“He was wearin’ Nike, mate,” he points down at my trainers. “Those ones you've got on are fucking shit. Now piss off.”

And that's exactly what I did. Never argue with a man who can snap you like a twig.
( SpankyHanky, Sun 22 Feb 2009, 0:37, 6 replies)

Bloody Students...
Not hypocrisy, but pretty close to it.

I go to Glasgow University, and (as does any student) I enjoy going to the Union. On my way there a couple of weeks ago, there was a crowd of about 15/25 people outside of the computer science building next to the Union with Palestine flags.

Now, protests aren't uncommon in front of the Union, especially about the whole Gaza thing, but it seemed odd that they chose this building instead of the more popular destination of the Union to protest in front of.

I didn't want to go over & talk to them, but my mates did, so we did just that. It turned out that the protesters had submitted a set of demands to Charles Kennedy (Rector of the Uni) and were holding a floor of this building "hostage" until they were agreed to.

This led them to have the somewhat misleading slogan of "Support the Occupation!"

Twunts.

P.S. It turns out they were allowed to occupy that floor by the security so long as they didn't damage anything, because the floor wasn't used for much anyway. Also, half their demands were racist against Israelis (things like "no Israeli exchange students" & "stop getting water supplied from this company, because they're based in Israel" Wtf? I don't think a water company had much to do with this conflict)
(unimaginative_username, Sun 22 Feb 2009, 0:30, 6 replies)

I hate chavs
but I love watching Jeremy Kyle.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Sun 22 Feb 2009, 0:27, 3 replies)

Do as I say not as I do...
My sister is really flirty and dirty (as any man who's come to mend the washing machine/boiler/TV will tell you.) I keep telling her to stop this unseemly behaviour as it's degrading and cruel to her husband who is a really nice guy.

(I also know from my own experience that he's a really good f**k.)
(Ivor Biggin, Sat 21 Feb 2009, 23:50, Reply)

Double standards..
Yeah, me, i'm guilty as charged.

When I first met my other half I used to go on at him when I found his wank mags, coupled with spunky socks & bog roll now & again, telling him he shouldn't be wanking alone while I was out cos it made me feel like shit etc...

...all the while me getting friendly with my vibrator & reading erotica EVERY TIME he left the house haha

Oh the shame of being an insecure woman.. double standards, yes, but I was smiling :D
(sneezymonkey, Sat 21 Feb 2009, 22:34, 2 replies)

"i don't want you coming home drunk yhear?"
said my mum to the nearest lamp post as she put her arm around it to stop herself from swaying while putting her front door keys in the wrong house.
(i eat crayons, Sat 21 Feb 2009, 22:32, Reply)

When some
other b3tard gets to post first and has fuck all relevence to do with question of the week. but when ive popped one up first, i cant think if fuck all 'cept horray number one!
(gingerbollocks 'happy and content' since, Sat 21 Feb 2009, 21:48, Reply)

Me, just now
Berating my brother for being unoriginal and having a Facebook status blatantly stolen from Sickipedia.

While mine reads "Jamesthegill phoned a child abuse line the other day. The kid at the other end of the line told me to fuck off."
(jamesthegill opens new tabs with his scroll wheel, Sat 21 Feb 2009, 21:27, Reply)

Australians - cunts?
I am a "whinging pom" apparently yet I've worked with quite a few Aussies and some of them moaned about anything and everything all day long, day in, day out, week after week after month after year... Usually about the cold weather. Fuck off back home then!

Another example: in England, if a neighbour starts a bonfire, we tut and take our washing in. In Australia, it's a national emergency. Chill out for fucks sake.
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Sat 21 Feb 2009, 21:08, 15 replies)

Vegans....
who swallow.
EDIT: Man counts as an animal, right?
(Ginger_Whinger got in the newsletter!! =D, Sat 21 Feb 2009, 20:39, 3 replies)

Fishing
I'm not an animal rights activist as such, but I'm against animal testing, battery farming etc etc. I check labels to ensure 'no animals were harmed in the making of this product' kinda thing.

But I love fishing. I go at least once a week if possible. I don't see it as a sport as I'm not unhappy if I don't catch anything. But I can spend 24 hours outdoors trying to put a hook through a fishes lip and haul it (carefully) on to dry land to admire it and then put it back.

Like global warming, there are arguments by many scientists that fish do/do not feel pain when hooked through the lip. I don't know which I believe (though my guilt is slightly warded off by the latter).

But I also feel sad when I see rabbits/badgers/deer/birds that have been run over by cars. I once went shooting rabbits as a young teen and felt extraordinarily guilty and pained when I hit one (it screamed) and never did it again.

I confuse myself with my feelings towards my pass time. Just today whilst fishing I saw an otter (which yelled at me), several Kingfishers, a green Woodpecker, blue tits, long tailed tits, coal tits, a water vole and the nose of a mole, as well as several species of duck and goose.

What other hobby (other than bird watching, I tried it, it's boring. Although I did meet Bill Oddie!) will let me see these things that bring me joy, as well as providing the adrenaline that your float disappearing produces?

So. I love nature, but aquatic nature better watch itself because I have a hook with a maggot on.

So confused. Rambles on....

Smurf

*It's not about the length, it's about the weight and how long it took you to play it.
(Big Smurf Brush me daddy-O, Sat 21 Feb 2009, 20:29, 3 replies)

Women
They always say they want a nice guy.

Do they fuck! They want a good looking guy who they'll rush into bed, he'll move on and get another girl because he can and is usual a twat because of this.

Whereas the nice guys who the majority of the time get no attention, lack confidence and don't think with their dicks and don't want to sleep with a girl on a first meeting. The woman usually interprets this as the guy not liking her. Crazy idea but some guys like to be friends with a girl before he makes a move. See what her personalities like.

The old saying really is true. Nice guys do finish last.
(Ginger_Whinger got in the newsletter!! =D, Sat 21 Feb 2009, 20:25, 20 replies)

Financial Directors of Banks
They crawl to the government and complain about the financial crisis, (that they caused!!) and ask for bail outs and money to save them and then give themselves £100k+ bonuses for a job 'well done'

They really are all a bunch of investment bankers.
(Ginger_Whinger got in the newsletter!! =D, Sat 21 Feb 2009, 20:16, Reply)

Vegetarians
*RANT MODE ACTIVATED*

Now before anyone (who doesn't deserve it) gets all offended, I'm not talking about genuine vegetarians who don't eat meat for moral reasons. Their choice, not mine etc. I'm talking about the people who say 'I'm a vegetarian, except for...' and then end the sentence with an animal.

Fish, tuna, chicken for example. THEN YOU'RE NOT A VEGETARIAN FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!!! The whole point of being a vegetarian is that you don't eat any kind of animal!! They say it doesn't count, or they have an exception to their vegetarianism because 'they like the taste of chicken.' (actual quote) NO, NO, NO!!!!!

If you don't want to eat meat fine but I happen to like it.

To summarise:
IF YOU EAT ANY KIND OF ANIMAL THEN YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING VEGETARIAN YOU PRETENTIOUS TWAT

I may have to:
a) punch something/someone.
b) lie down.
c) go get a bucket of KFC and gorge on the meaty goodness.

What should I do? All three?

For the record Bambi's mum was delicious. As was Sebastian.
(Ginger_Whinger got in the newsletter!! =D, Sat 21 Feb 2009, 20:10, 11 replies)

frickin' docs
Fat doctors who tell you how dangerously overweight you are with coffee, bourbon and chip breath.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Sat 21 Feb 2009, 19:49, Reply)

CUM

This must've happened to every heterosexual guy, surely.

Once had a girlfriend who just wasn't into oral sex at all. NOT. AT. ALL.

One night in bed after my sexy talk had failed, the booze had failed, and my fall back plan of whining was stuttering, she turns to me and says:

"You are such a fucking hypocrite, Spanky. Do you know what THAT stuff tastes like?"

I shake my head, wondering where this was leading.

She grabs my cock and starts bringing me off. Ooohh, this is nice, I think.

And when I cum she cups it in her hand, and in an authoritarian tone says:

"Open," and holds it up to my mouth.

Well... I'm not a hypocrite anymore...

Didn't taste that bad, actually, a bit like hot snot.
( SpankyHanky, Sat 21 Feb 2009, 19:32, 19 replies)

Taxi drivers
Ancient pearoast

After a nightout on the local gay scene I hopped in a taxi home making the usual friendly small talk with the driver as you do he spots the queue outside of said establishments and promptly announces over the radio 'picking up at *faggots' and then turns to me and says no offense.

No he didn't get a tip

*not the actual name of the club
(DryGoldfish, Sat 21 Feb 2009, 19:26, 2 replies)

Hippocrates
Hippocrates is a lunar crater on the far side of the Moon. It is located in the northern region of the lunar surface, to the north of the crater Stebbins. To the southwest of Hippocrates are Kirkwood and the large Sommerfeld.
(kitescreech still here, Sat 21 Feb 2009, 19:02, 1 reply)

Oh for fucks sake
Stop with the "Vegetarianism" posts.

I thought the idea of qotw was that we wouldn't get bored after one page? It's been done to death. Stop it.
( MatJ LOOK, Sat 21 Feb 2009, 17:59, Reply)

hypocrisy
I'm sure I can't be the first to point this out- but the sight of a man in a dress, who presides over an organisation that protects an international brigade of predatory paedophiles pontificating (he he!) about "unnatural sexuality" made me choke on my strap-on dildo.
(robking, Sat 21 Feb 2009, 17:56, 1 reply)