The old Bastard
My mother in law would'nt piss on me if I was on Fire! And she has a face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle.

I thank you.
(frightfullybored, Sun 11 Sep 2005, 20:31, Reply)

Father in laws.
How ironic that as this question is posted, my mother in law should come to stay for a few days (!)

My mother in law is actually very nice, it is my father in law who should be burned with acid. He really is a most unpleasant human.
(drviagra, Sun 11 Sep 2005, 18:59, Reply)

What's the difference between outlaws and inlaws?
Outlaws are wanted
(Ricochet, Sun 11 Sep 2005, 18:44, Reply)

Does anyone know

of a MiL called Anna Graham?
(roysin, Sun 11 Sep 2005, 15:43, Reply)

Cousins, in-laws
As I have no in-laws, here's some tidbits about my cousins' spouses and their families (my family is thoroughly Americanized Japanese people):

Jin's in-laws are fantastic. They live in the "hidden" loft at Jin's house. They're amazing cooks, know how to play several musical instruments, and have a massive collection of Chinese DVDs of (naturally) dubious origin. As a special bonus, they're from Hawaii (where we all went when Jin got married), and mom-in-law speaks Japanese, or at least enough Japanese to speak to my mom's mom, which is nice.

Eric's in-laws are Philipino; they're very talkative (although I can't understand what they're saying) and their parties are marked by an abundence of food. Their family outnumbers ours by about 3 to one. They've taken to calling Eric's daughter "Erica" (real name Diana) because she looks so much like him - they've even got my parents doing it! Their house is dark and filled with knick-knacks like Michelle Kwan snow globes and ornate roccoco furnature, and a big backyard that's perfect for the massive family gatherings that happen every weekend.

Jami's in-laws live in Oregon and we only see them during Xmas and New Years. They're the only hakujin (lit. white people) in-laws who visit us. Her husband's sister bears an astonishing resemblence to her brother, though she has considerably more hair.

Krisi and her fiancee spent last Xmas with his family (that's when he finally proposed). His 3 older brothers, their families, mom, dad, and dad's girlfriend(!) were all crammed into a large RV and from what she tells me it was a fun trip. Fiancee's also the first person I know of to call Krisi by her real name, Kristen, which I'd never heard before.
(Kitsune-chan I'm not a bunny I'm a grownup girl, Sun 11 Sep 2005, 15:04, Reply)

the MIL
Not mine, but actually my mum's.
At her funeral, the story about "Betty" was to become to be known all through her later years as "Millie" to everyone she knew. Apparently her sons and daughters-in-law had all been calling her "the MIL" up until the time we small grandkids were born, so we started calling her "Mil" or "Millie" as well, and the name seemed to stick. We actually grew up thinking her name was "Millie" and soon the whole family and all her friends and so on knew her as that. Of course later on we learned that wasn't her real name, but the truth of where the name came from was only to be explained after she was dead - got a laugh at the funeral, at least...
( Frumbert has no sig, Sun 11 Sep 2005, 14:18, Reply)

oooh I've got one......
Fucking wrinkled old hag of a Jesus titty fucking bitch running sore on a leperous baboons cunt.

So what does anagram mean?
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Sun 11 Sep 2005, 14:12, Reply)

My mother in law told me that
this is the worst QoTW ever
( stevierar, Sun 11 Sep 2005, 12:50, Reply)

Ecclesia
When I'm agitated, I call the man (it's always a man) by the names of all the other men in my life.

"Gavin! I mean Paul! Cam! Dave! Fuck!!!"

It usually happens when I'm angry, but I'm eagerly waiting for it to happen in The Throes Of Ecstacy, where I'm sure it will go down really well. (Fortunately, so do I - boom tish.)

Of course, this is unlikely since I haven't been laid in three years, and therefore don't have a mother in law *sob*.
(Emily Bruce-Dickinson http://jovialfellow.blogspot.com/, Sun 11 Sep 2005, 10:33, Reply)

My own mother
Since the hubby doesn't post here, I figured I'd add some of the things my own mother's done that he's complained about, as a sort of balance?

She's outright asked him if he was gay. She then asked him what sort of man turns down a blow job, and why wasn't I getting enough nookie. (Honestly, mother!)

Other than that, my mother's the usual sort of nutter. She moved to New Zealand because that's where the "ley lines of her life" cross or somesuch... she's moving back to Alaska come Monday - apparently the school system in NZ sucks (she's a grade school teacher). She's also a touch paranoid and is constantly hyping to me that my in laws are going to screw me over any day now, and how I should legally protect myself and my rights to my daughter.

I wouldn't mind if she and my m-i-l just had a boxing match or summat. My mom spent years as a waitress/bartender/bouncer in some nasty biker bars like two decades ago - the m-i-l seems a total pushover in comparison. Come to think of it, I'd like to have a boxing match with the m-i-l, but I don't think that'd help matters much. Maybe if it all goes to hell marriage-wise, I'll just jam my fist in her face and see what happens next.
(Ecclesia, Sun 11 Sep 2005, 6:58, Reply)

STOP POSTING ANAGRAMS YOU TWATS
Perhaps you didn't notice the subtle note of sarcasm in Gleeballs' post (that's when they ask you to do something but don't really want you to do it). Perhaps you didn't notice that "Woman Hitler" has already been reposted 3,254 times before page five.

If you can't be bothered to read the staggering four pages of posts preceding this one, then don't bother posting yourself, because odds are someone's already posted whatever highly original thing you're going to say. Oh, and the same goes for other QoTWs... or should that be QsoTW? Hmm.
(Mabel DelTaco, Sun 11 Sep 2005, 6:48, Reply)

Oh my god, who came up with this question?
My husband and I separated and then started dating again, and we're making an attempt at reconciliation.

This doesn't stop my m-i-l from repeatedly trying to dump me in his name.

Things she's told me:
- Husband is too afraid to dump me, so he asked her to do it. PS. He doesn't want to see you again.
- He's using me for sex.
- He says I'm awful in bed (seriously, how can you say this to your daughter-in-law with a straight face minutes after walking in on the two of us in the act?)
- The Province told her I'm forbidden to see my daughter.
- My daughter thinks of her as her mother now, and not me (she supports this by pointing out how daughter runs through list of names before deciding who you are - she generally calls everyone DaddyMommyGrandmaMommyDaddy*scream of frustration for not getting the right name*, even my friends...)
- Husband has found a new girlfriend, and they're engaged (What? Since when? You think he'd have mentioned it...)
- Husband has {insert incurable disease here} and only {insert short period of time here} left to live.

It used to bother me at first, but the only thing that really angers me now is that the hubby won't tell her to butt out and mind her own business.

I also wonder if she really believes all of these things...

ZOMGWTFBBQ
(Ecclesia, Sun 11 Sep 2005, 6:06, Reply)

She's on the wagon now, but...
...an anagram of mother in law is "thermal wino".
Quite appropriate from my wife's persective at least and nothing at all to do with Adolf.
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Sun 11 Sep 2005, 5:37, Reply)

my monster-in-law
To quote one of my favorite songs:
'Cunt cunt cunt, fucking cunt, cunt, cunt!'
Need I type more?
( b2 I'm not really here..., Sun 11 Sep 2005, 3:37, Reply)

hardly worth posting
But my mother in law is wonderful. Brought me a bottle of JD for my birthday. Top Girl
(paranoidvisions only in it for the money, Sun 11 Sep 2005, 1:49, Reply)

Anagrams
Guys - Gleebals is being sarcastic.

We dont need woman hitler reposted countless times. I can see it going the same way as first post, ice cream and wanking into cups of tea :/
(Mogg Questioned her own sanity on, Sun 11 Sep 2005, 0:20, Reply)

Anagrams
actually, the anagram of "Mother in Law" is "Woman Hitler". so the truth is confirmed!
(frozen treat, Sat 10 Sep 2005, 23:47, Reply)

After being with the lady for a year, we moved in
which consitutes the MIL-ness of the situation.

So we move in to a charming little ex-Communist apartment (in Warsaw) just 300m from the MILs pad. We've been going to her parents most Sundays for fat Polish meals (they are MASSIVE) which used to involve an hour's bus ride across the city.
On the first night we moved in, completely knackered after lugging the fridge, washing machine, sofa and fooking huge TV up to the 8th floor, we collapse on the bed and fall asleep.

Cue MIL calling us up in floods of tears at 5pm, wailing her tits off, because we havent invited her over yet to have a nose around the apartment. We've only had the keys for 6 hours and the charming lady is hurling her lungs through the phone line about how ungratefully her no good daughter is, and how Im bound to leave her when I realise the full extent of her uselessness, ingratitude and general waste-of-spacity.

She's wonderful to me though - her English is only a few words better than my Polish, but around the dinner table we usually get a good chuckle when she pokes me saying "you need more meat, you English thin man," and I reply "sorry, I gave all my meat to your daughter..."

(me, the gf, the sister-in-law, the father-in-law, all pissing themselves at the MIL's blank half-smiling confusion to this statement)
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 10 Sep 2005, 23:30, Reply)

Anagrams?
Another anagram is 'minor wealth'.

So always keep her sweet... alright?
(DamoUK, Sat 10 Sep 2005, 22:51, Reply)

Tullia
Tullia's post reminds me of a story my Dad told me about my mum's mum, his MIL. Who also was a cat person.

They took her shopping one day to tesco, in the middle of the shop she loudly proclaimed:

'Oh I must get summat for my pussy'

My Dad apparently looked hopefully towards my mum to explain to her what it meant, by which time my mum was rolling around on the floor in hysterics.
(purplefairy, Sat 10 Sep 2005, 22:32, Reply)

no trim whale


I'm on a roll . . .
(The Cats Twat, Sat 10 Sep 2005, 20:51, Reply)

mintal whore
yey another anagram, you need to employ a welsh accent to make 'mintal' plausible as 'mental' thus mental whore . . .

is there a prize of some sort for this ?
(The Cats Twat, Sat 10 Sep 2005, 20:50, Reply)

To answer Gleeballs
An anagram of "Mother in Law" is "Woman Hitler"
( JugglerJAF It's curtains for you.Lacy gently wafting curtains, Sat 10 Sep 2005, 20:11, Reply)

MILs
I don't mind my mother-in-law, but she certainly has ... tics. She and my father-in-law (and my husband, me, etc.) are heavy-duty cat people, and so as to charm her we sent her photos of my charming gato.

Her response? "Tell Tullia she has a lovely pussy."

... Okay.

Then there was the time we started showing her infinitecat.com, thinking, "Hey! Cat pr0n! This will delight her!" and she started crying because every third cat reminded her of some dear departed kitty of her own. Not, in retrospect, our best idea.
(Tullia, Sat 10 Sep 2005, 19:51, Reply)

Not mine...
A friend's soon-to-be mother in law came out with this upon learning that he was half jewish;

"You killed baby Jesus"

Not much else to say, really.
(schnuff, Sat 10 Sep 2005, 19:39, Reply)

Apropos of nothing...
I was just wondering if anyone could come up with a decent anagram of mother-in-law?

I've been trying for a good few hours now and all I can come up with is 'Skanky Old Wrinkled Tits'. That's with adding a few letters and taking some away mind.

So, you know, if anyone has any ideas then please let me know.

Repeatedly.

Thanks.
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Sat 10 Sep 2005, 19:03, Reply)

How many Jewish mother-in-laws does it take to change a lightbulb?
None: "I'll just sit here in the dark by myself..."
(tree hugger putting the "semen" in "basement"..., Sat 10 Sep 2005, 13:06, Reply)

why?
Not my mother in law per se, just my girlfriend's mother, but hey.

She hates me. She really really does. She blames me for turning her daughter gay. She managed to turn a blind eye to the fact that we were shagging for about a year before the missus actually told her.

I got banned from the house and spoken to very curtly every time I phoned.

When she found out we'd fallen out she was incredibly nice to me, and I am allowed back now.

Why does she think I'd be going round if I hated my girl? Confuses me no end. Funny thing is, I get on really well with the rest of the family.
(sporky, Sat 10 Sep 2005, 12:25, Reply)