Highway Taunts
Isnt there a highway you could be playing on kid?
( Citadel Because the world needs less morons, Sat 6 Oct 2007, 19:18, Reply)

Thanks to Rob n Dave
"Your mum does it for money.....with you...she gives you your pocket money and you give it right back..."

Hi by the way, I'm new.....
(tylerseviltwin, Sat 6 Oct 2007, 19:18, Reply)

7
Anyone says to you "kiss my arse" simply reply "no thanks i,d rather be shot than fucking poisoned".
(andycrass loves two hats on, Sat 6 Oct 2007, 19:11, Reply)

Kiss me arse
Anyone says to you "kiss my arse" simply reply "no thanks i,d rather be shot than fucking poisoned".
(andycrass loves two hats on, Sat 6 Oct 2007, 19:10, Reply)

this... is my insult.
My music is a big insult to peoples ears.
signed kate nash.
(MD-Mnmlst, Sat 6 Oct 2007, 19:08, Reply)

FF
"Go take a flying fuck"
(andycrass loves two hats on, Sat 6 Oct 2007, 19:06, Reply)

Arse
" Why dont you try sticking your head up your arse ,see if it fits? "
(andycrass loves two hats on, Sat 6 Oct 2007, 19:03, Reply)

Physics again
You're as useful as a superconducting lightbulb.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Sat 6 Oct 2007, 18:09, Reply)

Years ago...
Stumbling towards Manchester Academy to watch Sugar, walk past a tramp. The usual 'give me some money, I haven't eaten in a week'/'fuck off, trampy' conversation resulted in him yelling 'I BET YOU LIKE THE FUCKING LEVELLERS!' at us. Knock-out blow, had to give him some cash for that one...
(peteyjlawson, Sat 6 Oct 2007, 18:05, Reply)

One for the physicists
"Your mum's an inertial frame."
(emcake putting a donk on it since, Sat 6 Oct 2007, 17:55, Reply)

one of my favourites
if a little awkward to say fast
"a face like a bulldog licking piss off a thistle"
( Crack <--- Lurker..... came out of hiding on, Sat 6 Oct 2007, 17:43, Reply)

Quite a talent for a boy
A few years ago during the daily school run, I overheard 2 young lads discussing their relative spitting prowess. "Well I can spit ten feet", "well, I can spit 20 feet" - pause for the coup de grace "well, I can spit out of my fur-gina". Bless.
(1girlpileup, Sat 6 Oct 2007, 17:35, Reply)

A moment of divine inspiration
When still at High School, me and my mates were walking from the chippy telling random dead baby jokes. You know, what's funnier than a dead baby? BDead baby in a clown suit. Stuff like that. Anyway, my mate Alex starts to tell another joke: 'What's purple and floppy?'I don't know where it came from. It just popped into my head and, before I even registered it, it had formed words in my mouth and left them in the general direction to said mate.

'ALEX'S PENIS!'

Got a punch or 5 for that one. Was well worth it though.
(The Snaffler Glitter is the herpes of the arts & crafts world-, Sat 6 Oct 2007, 16:59, Reply)

The best one that I heard was in a street where I used to live
A couple were arguing loudly and drunkenly at midnight after the pubs were throwing out. They ended their argument with the man calling her a 'cock sucking whore'. Sadly I was too slow getting to the window to see which of my soon-to-be-left-behind neighbours was the cock sucking whore. For the next six months or so, Capt'n Hood-Butter and I took bets on whether it was the nice young girl from across the road or the skanky old bitch from next door. We never did find out who it was - but I had my suspicions....
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Sat 6 Oct 2007, 16:51, Reply)

Chaventry.
aka Coventry, is full of people who have somewhat of a Gladiator approach to driving.

Get in the way - i.e cross the road, at the pedestrian crossing, when it's red and clear for you to cross - and some people are so pissed that you've made them stopped they shout at you.

I've lived here two years now, and I can safely say that people in Cov love violence. Had to film Cov City Games at the Ricoh as part of my course, and the only time Cov fans cheer is when one of the Cov players does something violent...that win against Man U must have been a bloodbath.
(Factorandvibration, Sat 6 Oct 2007, 16:40, Reply)

Kids on a bus
Arguing about kids stuff.

"Yeah, but your mum gets your christmas presents from Netto"

Knock out punch
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sat 6 Oct 2007, 16:25, Reply)

my friend jamie
was in a club, trying to stop a shaven gorilla from molesting her friend laura. laura is the kind of girl who likes the attention even when she doesn't like the man and she was putting up with his advances without actually encouraging them, shrugging apologetically and making "help" faces at jamie.

[laura is not my favourite person, btw. if she was half as hot as she thinks she is, she'd be scarlett johannson and angelina jolie in their first girl on girl action film. not that i would find that hot myself, you understand. to be really hot, i should have said - um, never mind, i'll just shut the fuck up.]

eventually jamie lost her temper.

"look," she hissed. "i don't want to be rude, but can't you see she is just not interested?"

to which the gorilla bared his yellow teeth and sneered the immortal words:

"ah piss off. there is nothing worse than a bitter mate."

( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 6 Oct 2007, 16:13, Reply)

b3tard to b3tard conversation...
Shut it you Twunt

You talk more shit than legless

thanks
( Mr Nerdy-Speccy-FuckNuts Ouchy ouchy wa wa!, Sat 6 Oct 2007, 16:07, Reply)

worst insult..
chav.
( Mr Nerdy-Speccy-FuckNuts Ouchy ouchy wa wa!, Sat 6 Oct 2007, 15:41, Reply)

you know that game "pig"?
the card game where you all pass around cards until you get a double then you stick your tongue out and the last person to do so is called a "pig". well we thought of a different version of the game called "stupid arse gay face". To this day Will is still called Stupid Arse Gay Face.........
(General Arfarfarnarf He who hesitates, Masturbates!, Sat 6 Oct 2007, 15:14, Reply)

one that I actually used
There's a lot of love in the room - and you're not responsible for any of it.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sat 6 Oct 2007, 14:48, Reply)

Wish I could take credit for this one
From Backwards by Rob Grant:

"Your mother shagged so many pigs that her underwear smelled like smokey bacon."
(MrC. Having the most boring username on b3ta since 2004, Sat 6 Oct 2007, 14:45, Reply)

One million sperm
and you won???
(Waisted Fred I say who Sir, you Sir?, Sat 6 Oct 2007, 14:39, Reply)

My sis once said to me...
..."You biological mistake that cannot be rectified." - I was 9.
(allywilson, Sat 6 Oct 2007, 14:35, Reply)

"Moose"
Ah, the moose. The catchphrase of a summer camp I worked in during the summer of 2005. Used to describe a woman as a work of art that only Picasso would be proud of.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Sat 6 Oct 2007, 14:14, Reply)

Pork?
Remember I was strolling down Princes Street (the busiest street in Edinburgh) the other week with my flatmates from Uni, discussing what to do the following weekend. The three girls wanted to go to a Nightclub, and the three guys (including myself) wanted to go to a quiet pub and play pool. "Why dont us guys just go together by ourselfs?" I asked, as a little chav stopped us and exclaimed "Yes, you could make it a sausage feast!".

I was too gobsmacked by the boldness of his insult and having the balls to stop a group of six students to use it to retaliate.
(LiquidRogue Powerful tiny fists..., Sat 6 Oct 2007, 14:13, Reply)

My personal favourite
"Cock off, you minge-faced donkey-felcher"
( jim_bob can herd cats., Sat 6 Oct 2007, 14:10, Reply)

Kitescreech
Yes, we do that. Pretty much every time. Sorry, but we gotta entertain ourselves somehow. When the drive-thru window is closed, we're also talking about you being "two burgers from a fucking coronary"
(Lupetherabbit Went straight into smirk mode on, Sat 6 Oct 2007, 14:00, Reply)

And With The Subtlety Of A Brick, It Ends For Now.
The person sitting next to me at a local bar, slurred something like this to a rather whorish beast who wanted to drag any man back home to her place for a "night of fun"; he was the latest target after annoying a few other people: "You're a crazy motherfucking monstercuntbox slut."

The bar went silent as he continued.

"Your pussy's so loose, if I tried to fuck you I might find your ex stuck in there trying to get out."

Drunk genius.
(Master Kazoo é?, Sat 6 Oct 2007, 13:23, Reply)