Song Lyrics From the Macc lads song fluffy pup
www.lyricscrawler.com/song/68279.html


Most ladies i play this Punk song to get
very Offended by this but hey its good to dump em
by.

Faveorite bit "You're spotty and your ugly and you smell like Billingsgate"

Even so best insult song around.
( Trollman, Mon 8 Oct 2007, 11:38, Reply)

I couldn't resist
Driving by a video game store at 11am one fine morning, I noticed a small campsite formed around the front. I remembered that Halo 3 came out at midnight the next night.

I saw fat guys with lounge chairs. I saw fat guys sleeping, I saw fat guys dressed as Darth Vader sleeping in lounge chairs.

I love video games. 10 years before I might have been one of those kids. Today I'm the guy that drove by in his entry level late model luxury sedan, rolled down my window and shouted;

"NERRRRRRRRRRRDS!!!!!!!"

The nerds took it in excellent stride. They appreciated the acknowledgment and gave "the nod."

Later on some other dude realized that most of the defenceless geeks in line had a substantial amount of money on them and robbed them all at gunpoint. But the police caught the nerd burglars.
(anotherlogan and the whit he shites, Mon 8 Oct 2007, 11:16, Reply)

a friend of mine told me about this one...
a friend of his was on the pull, and brought back someone of, shall we say, the double-bagger persuasion (as in, you put one on as well in case hers bursts).

"my gods," said he. "where did you find that truffle-hunting swamp-donkey?"
(blades is looking for a brain, any brain, at, Mon 8 Oct 2007, 10:57, Reply)

Pissflaps
" She had Pissflaps like a Manta-Ray folded in half..."

Aye Thank you...
( SauronWibble I'll hold it, you lick it..., Mon 8 Oct 2007, 10:55, Reply)

Urgh
I've always found 'a face like a bucket of broken twats' to be quite effective - apols if bindun
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 8 Oct 2007, 10:52, Reply)

Fething Hobbits!
Dildo Baggins ! Thats me apparently..
Could be the hairy feet and diminutive size that do it. Fecking little hobbits, nuke the Shire from orbit, oh and bloody Ewok is another, its supposedly a cute nickname, no! You bleeding Owl Headed munter, its not, its an insult! Ewoks little bastards!
(middenface Toss my salad, Mon 8 Oct 2007, 10:50, Reply)

I'm a builder
and the dirty secret of our trade is that we're always late.
(DRAGONSLAYER, Mon 8 Oct 2007, 10:30, Reply)

You are
Fucking Clown Shoes!

I don't know why but I find it hilarious.

its also stolen from a film, but I wont say which, because I am deviant link that!


Length? like fucking clown shoes.
Gu'day
(Rt Hon Quargflax, Mon 8 Oct 2007, 10:26, Reply)

from the boondock saints
"you insignifi-C*NT little F*CK"
( Reme Philips laid an epic dump on, Mon 8 Oct 2007, 10:11, Reply)

Taxi!!!!
Whilst on a biz trip to Geneva (very posh, thank you) my colleagues and I noticed that the taxis hovering around the very very posh hotels were large swanky Mercs (I think that they were S Class, but not really being a car buff I could be wrong.) Back home, and some days later after a very refreshing evening in the smoke we needed a taxi, and in our very refreshed state we noticed a large posh Merc coming into view - cue three drunks trying to hail the poshest cab in London town. All would have been forgotten if it wasn't for the red faced fury of the driver, who presumably having spent umpty thousand ponds on his motor wasn't best pleased. We however were very pleased with the reaction, and now try to use this technique at every opportunity, and have extended our repertoire to Bentleys and the like. The word "taxi" is hardly an insult, but the reactions we get would seem to suggest otherwise. I can reccommend it to anyone. It's hardly agitprop, but every time I hear the phrases like "..the haves, and the have yachts" I feel a little bit happier thinking that I've done my bit in raising the average blood pressure of the rich bastards. Go on - you know you want to....
(Ott3r, Mon 8 Oct 2007, 9:56, Reply)

I hope your chuldren have small dicks
And that includes the girls.
(paxvobiscum, Mon 8 Oct 2007, 8:53, Reply)

My mate's favourite
when describing an ugly woman is that she has a "face like fuck all, twice".

And for good measure, a fanny like a clown's pocket.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 8 Oct 2007, 8:46, Reply)

I once insulted my other half
by calling her 'Daughter of your mother' in an accent not to far from the count off Sesame Street
(lordy lordy, Mon 8 Oct 2007, 7:33, Reply)

My mate was moaning
that he couldn't get a date. So to cheer him up I said that if he was a girl and lot a more interesting then I would go out with him.
(Creamy Discharge Freeze Motherstickers, this is a fuck up, Mon 8 Oct 2007, 5:58, Reply)

I don't care what everybody else says
I think you're alright
(Creamy Discharge Freeze Motherstickers, this is a fuck up, Mon 8 Oct 2007, 5:20, Reply)

When I was in the Navy
I was on a one year engineering course at a secret location near Gosport. There were 12 of us on the course, all junior Officers getting ready to join our first ships. As I'm sure you can imagine, it was all very polite and well mannered stuff. Rah, rah, rah!

Finding things all a bit easy, after a couple of months, we had perfected a routine where we would get lunch over and done with as fast as possible to give ourselves maximum time for chucking beer down our throats and playing snooker, before going off to play with some rotating machinery in the afternoon. Clearly, this plan depended on getting into lunch early before the queues built up. This meant that anything delaying the end of the last morning lecture was unwelcome - to put it politely

Anyway, it was approaching lunchtime one day and a long and boring lecture on diesel engines was coming to and end.

Sat at the front were the two girls on our course. The 12 of us all got on fine, but this was the days when a lot of the older blokes in the Navy were not terribly used to working with women. And the lecturer that day was one of them. On reaching the end of his notes, he asked if there were any questions - as his Instructional Technique training had taught him.

Well, one of the girls (the ginger one) had a question. Oh dear.

The bloke sat next to me was so utterly bewildered and outraged that the beer plan was under threat that before the question was asked he blurted out 'OH SHUT UP, YOU STUPID GINGER BITCH'.

Brilliant! The old boy lecturing didn't know what to do. How should he react, the poor sod had spent most of the previous 20 years at sea and was just stood there looking bewildered. Naturally, we were all laughing our heads off.

He dismissed the class and asked Ginge to stay behind, where he asked her if she was alright. Bless.

Yes, she was fine, but as a result was late for lunch and missed her beer and snooker. That'll learn her - the Stupid Ginger Bitch.

Length? Your mum. Or something.
(Juan - King of Donkeys shut the fuck up on, Mon 8 Oct 2007, 5:16, Reply)

My Best Friend...
has a drunken uncle who loves nothing more than to start drunken fights. One of his favourite lines to say to the other drunk men is

"Shut up or I will kick you in the pussy"
(twuntysomething, Mon 8 Oct 2007, 5:09, Reply)

Nice one i used the other day
Prolly bindun

'Is your birth cert an apology letter from the condom factory?'
(TheNumpty last touched you at, Mon 8 Oct 2007, 4:59, Reply)

Another 'Not an insult as such'
Another version -

'I'd crawl 20 miles over broken glass in the blazing mid-day sun just to enter a lottery to lick piss off her shadow'.

Which is along the same lines but is a lot less gay!
(Juan - King of Donkeys shut the fuck up on, Mon 8 Oct 2007, 4:23, Reply)

yo mama's labia
A few years ago I was in a supermarket listening to a council slag mum berate her kid who was about 10 for playing up and throwing bags of crisps on the floor.

He turned around and said 'shut up you fucking bucketcunt'
(drshipman iz in yr shower killing yr nan, Mon 8 Oct 2007, 3:43, Reply)

Say this to a Pokemon fan:
"Yo mamma's so fat that when she jumps she makes an Earthquake that OHKOs Snorlax!"

This copypasta works for everyone:

"So's your mum's mum's face's mummified mum, who faces, in a face-to-face face-off, the face of a face-down mummer whose face keeps mum while making a two-faced face at your mum's face to save face."
(SpiffyBalak, Mon 8 Oct 2007, 3:08, Reply)

Not an insult as such
but something that stuck in my head the minute I heard it. I was working in a call centre as a backpacker in Sydney. One of the other teamleaders (the only Asutralian who worked for the company) was talking about one of the girls on my team. It would appear he fancied her when he came out with the following phrase in a management meeting:

"I'd swim through a river of piss and shit with my mouth open just to suck on the dick of the last guy who fucked her."

Quite the compliment really.
(Creamy Discharge Freeze Motherstickers, this is a fuck up, Mon 8 Oct 2007, 2:43, Reply)

Where to start..?
Asshat is good, but overused.
Called a mate a Flid- got back Bifid. Harsh.
Driving always involves a Bunch of Cunts, all around. Although after being tailgated for about 20 miles down the M62/60 I just stopped myself blurting out as soon as I got into work- "I've just had the biggest prick in the world stuck right up my arse all the way here..." luckily I listened to it in my mind's outbox first.
Dismal Teat. Nice.
Scrotal-faced Git.
I may go on, but there are more to catch up on first!
( hplasm, Mon 8 Oct 2007, 2:39, Reply)

My dad
is quite found of saying, that someone is as welcome like Hitler at a Bar Mitzvah.
(Subway Riding the rails underground, Mon 8 Oct 2007, 1:22, Reply)

A little off topic, but a good line nonetheless...
Yonks and yonks ago when I was at college, me and a mate used to try and out-embarrass each other. This generally took the form of loud unexpected exclamations in public.

A particular corker came about when we were in Smiths (best described to merkins or other foreigners as a newsagent-cum-bookshop) perusing PC mags. It was the 90s, that sort of thing was allowed back then.

There we were, in a packed shop at lunchtime, when my friend decided to up the ante on our little competition by (literally) throwing her magazine down on to the floor, declaiming at the top of her voice 'Well, it's not my fault you infected me!', and storming out of the shop.

I'm not normally given to worrying about being the centre of attention, but at that point, I really wanted the ground to swallow me up. I never did get her back properly for that...
( moogthedog, Sun 7 Oct 2007, 23:59, Reply)

Quite liked Martin Durkin's response to claims that his documentary was scientifcally inaccurate
"You're a big daft cock." Such excellent reasoning skills he shows there.

What was even better was Marcus Brigstocke's (my favourite ranty comedian ever) description of said Martin Durkin.

"...like the big fat Durkin he is."
(Daktar can't fit his desired text in here., Sun 7 Oct 2007, 23:36, Reply)

insult me, oh go on then....
I am quite partial to a " you were just a wank till your mum got in the way"

Been used many a time while trading insults with mates..
(swifthips, Sun 7 Oct 2007, 23:31, Reply)

Not so much an insult as a glorious comeback...
"YOU DON'T SCARE ME! I'VE BEEN RAPED"
Argument pretty much ended after that.
(Vadge is new to all this, Sun 7 Oct 2007, 22:46, Reply)

Maybe its cos i'm a massive Scrubs fan
but i love Dr Cox's rants...

my favourite insult of his being

"And if you feel the need to consult the Chief of Medicine over some quasi-offensive insult, you need to replace the Captain of your brain-ship, 'cos he's clearly drunk at the wheel"

/edit - heard a chav tell another chav during an argument... "shut the fuck up, your mum still owes my dog fuck-money" - liking that one
( Mister B is eating an icanhazcheezburger with lmaonaise, Sun 7 Oct 2007, 22:33, Reply)

So Proud
My eldest brother is 41; quite a large age gap between him and me. One sunny afternoon last year, we were playing football in his back garden, when the ball - as it always does - ended up making a bid for freedom over the fence and into a neighbour's garden.

A very irritating neighbour.

Just the past week, this neighbour had claimed that a stray football had hit his wife on the head. The week prior to that, he said another ball had killed one of his goldfish by landing in the pond. Oh, how I wish the ball had done that. And killed them both. He was due to go on holiday in a week's time - imagine the fun we'd have playing football without him.

Anyway, the latest indiscretion lead to the neighbour beginning an argument with my brother. Various banter ensued, none of which I can remember, until my brother - who I previously couldn't imagine having a set-to - ended it with one of the finest comments I've ever heard.

Gimp: "If that ball comes over once more, it's not coming back!"
Brother: "I wish I could say the same about you and your holiday!"

The gimp neighbour was lost for words. His face contorted in rage and confusion, before his head disappeared behind his fence with a sense of finality. He knew he had been defeated. That was the cue for me to nearly collapse with laughter - and pride.
(Gammon Rod A not-so-distant relative of the Crimson Helm, Sun 7 Oct 2007, 22:24, Reply)