19 (11 years ago)
Started talking to a girl on Yahoo! Messenger... It turned out we went to the
same college. She was studying in the building which housed the vocation studies and... well... special needs...

So I had to work out if this girl was doing something like Hospitality Management or Colouring In 101... I wracked my brain for hours on how to ask without missing out on getting my leg over (which if I'm honest, was all I was interested in)... so I asked "How many GCSEs do you have?"

pause... long pause...

she replied, she wasn't a spastic, we met up... was alright...
(likeajackhammer, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 11:00, 7 replies)

SiL's WoW Adventures. (Or "A Good Husband and his money are Soon Parted")
Elements of a pearoast here.
My sister-in-law met some Merkin (we're in Oz) playing World of Warcraft. This was after she'd split up with her bf and they'd sold their house for a moderate chunk of change - I'm pretty sure there was no crossover (maybe just had him waiting in the wings). They gazzed lots and liked each other.
Apparently his circumstances were "complicated" - he still lived with his missus but they weren't "together anymore" just living together till their kid was old enough and the house was sold... Can anyone hear that bell ringing or is it just my tinnitus kicking in again?
Lots more gazzing & then she takes some time off work and goes for a holiday to Merkin-land. All goes swimmingly.
She comes back and after a few months quits her well-paid-pozzie in the public service to go & live with him in Merkin-land. Off she sails into the sunset with her tidy bank account figure (this becomes relevant later).
They appear to cohabit happily for several months (my missus misses her sister so they regularly chat on gmail).They even get married. Things going swimmingly but the treasure chest was slowly dwindling.
Then things soured. Don't know what went on but it seemed to culminate in him physically threatening her.
She gazzes She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed and then rings early in the morning with a frantic "Help me, I need to come home and have no money".
AUD$2500 later I've got her a flight. We pick her up from the airport, open our house to her - muggins gave up her toyroom, get her on the car insurance so she can use the missus car etc. She spends a week in her room (gazzing with him)then ups and leaves literally without a goodbye (the missus asked me "Was that (Sil's name) going?") to sleep on the couch of the Monster-in-Law. FTR, there was no agro, recrimination, stress-festing or anything like that - we were on eggshells that week to make sure that she was ok and didn't feel stressed. But she literally walked out the door without so much as a by-your-leave.
Then comes the frantic request for money for a ticket back to the States to "work things out". $800 later she's off.
A couple of months go by and her beau feels the need to go on a date with a woman a few towns away whom he had met (wait for it...) on WoW. He stays out all night and comes home the following morning swearing that "nothing happened" (Fuck me either this tinnitus is getting worse or they've built a fire-station next door!).
On the day that my missus gazzes her to tell her about the miscarriage she's just had my SiL manages to slip in a request for some money to get her home. To a flat and resounding "No".
She got home (on a friend of her's dime - & that's a whole other tale). The last time we heard from her was when she rang up asking if we could give her $180 to get a haircut. I lol'd.
Apologies for length? About how long it took her to pack up all her shit, put it in her mums car & leave without even saying goodbye to her sister.
EDIT: The missus just reminded me that SiL is currently looking for love with a bloke from Northern Europe who has ass-burgers.
& so it begins. Again.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Fri 21 Oct 2011, 10:53, Reply)

People I have met of the internet
The folk on Scottish Elises - top bunch, some of which I now call friends. yes we talk about brake pads and tyres a lot and maybe that isn't everyone's idea of fun but a nicer bunch you couldn't hope to meet. But we have done a few track days, some camping trips etc alas I can't afford to do a French frolic :( but I did manage a "tut towers" - WOO

I went to a Towel Day meet in Edinburgh once, I add this as my mate knew them from H2G2 and I tagged along because I wasn't doing anything that day, met some wonderfully weird people including a hot Goth.

A MSN chat meet, this was in the evening after the towel day meet even though I am from a rough area I felt like the posh guy so slinked off offering a woman a run home - big mistake, not the best looking and we made the beast with 2 backs.

There was another long term relationship that came off the back of a MSN meet but I was an arse so I won't go into detail.

A Canadian, lovely girl who had massive norks and this was after a reduction flew all the way over to Scotland to meet me and we spent a couple of weeks together, Once she went home my roving eye ruined any chance of a successful long distance relationship.
(BiggestNizzy your company name here pm for rates., Fri 21 Oct 2011, 10:07, 2 replies)

I have a passing interest in ornithology, so you can imagine how pleased I was when Bill Oddie sent me a letter inviting me to his garden party.
No doubt, I thought, he will have some examples of rare British birds to show us. Maybe captive ones. Although that would be a bit cruel. So I hoped it was not captive ones. I hoped he'd just have a slide show or something. I knew he had been taking a keen interest in the reintroduction of the Great Bustard to Salisbury Plains. Perhaps he would have some news about this. Interestingly, the Bustards were being shipped over from Romania. "What, no orphans!" I joked with myself.
The invite was printed on the kind of cardboard that you normally find invites printed on. But it was embossed with the image of a red kite. I'm not a big fan of birds of prey. I tend to prefer small garden song birds, finches, wrens and so forth. But even I have a soft spot for the red kite. As do most human beings who don't deny the holocaust.
The holocaust is the popular name for the attempted genocide of the Jews during World War Two in Nazi Germany. Other people were killed as well, but people tend to focus on the Jews because of the connection between Jack The Ripper and Judaism.
Anyone who has investigated the Jack The Ripper case first hand knows exactly who he was. Unfortunately that doesn't make for good books, so the mystery is perpetuated. For what it is worth, he was Aaron Kosminski. However, he was not responsible for all the murders attributed to Jack The Ripper. The press lumped a couple more in unnecessarily. The police knew it was him but he was committed before he could be arrested. The way the law was at the time, this meant charges could not be brought against him. It's a shame; I prefer the story about the king getting a whore up the duff and the masons killing them all up.
Bill Oddie's invite stated that I should wear a suit. I got my suit from Moss Bros. It was a nice suit. It was grey and had lapels. I like lapels.
The shoes I wore were black. They laced up. I put them on my feet.
When I got to the party Bill Oddie was stood in front of his barbecue. It was one of those disposable ones you get in a pack of three from Poundland. He'd propped it up on a couple of bricks to stop it burning his mum's lawn. The bricks were those ones with holes all the way through that you sometimes find snails in. I hoped that Bill had checked for snails before he lit the barbecue, otherwise they would be roasted alive inside their shells, which can't be very nice. But then, Bill is something of a conservationist, so I doubt he would have done.
The majority of snails in Britain were brought over as food by the Romans. Not the Romanians though! They aren't bustards! So, yeah, as well as subjugating the Celts, the Romans also subjugated the native snails. Not so impressive I suppose; but they still did it.
On the barbecue were two sausages, a hamburger patty and some slices of corned beef.
Corned beef, incidently, orinally came from a method of curing beef to stop it going off. Nowadays, of course, it comes in tins. Much of the corned beef in the UK actually comes from Uraguay. Which is interesting because Bill Oddie once went to Uraguay.
Anyway, it was pouring with rain, so Bill's mum was having no luck lighting the barbecue. And the Great Bustard he had on display in a hutch at the other end of the garden was pretty distressed.
The whole thing was a massive washout. We ended up going to McDonalds instead. Interestingly, the Happy Meal toy was a book about the true identity of Jack The Ripper.
I went to a bash once. 95% of the people there were pricks. Not amusingly so. Pathetically so. Depressing.
I'm willing to bet sandwiches existed for ages before the Earl Of Sandwich "invented" them. The prick.
(PERSONALITY HORSE Graham Tapes - free download album - coming soon, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 10:06, 4 replies)

When I worked in a marshmallow factory I met Armando Ianucci.
He has a wikipedia page.
FIRST!
(PERSONALITY HORSE Graham Tapes - free download album - coming soon, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 9:33, 3 replies)

Amanda
I know a lot of people joke about how all teenage girls on the internet are actually men but I thought it was just an urban myth until I met one.
To be fair he was pretending to be a girl because he was a transvestite and was hoping to have a sex change in the near future. He/she was actually a really nice person and once you got over the whole man-in-a-dress thing, you could almost imagine he was a bubbly, fun-loving, deeply confused girl.
So Amanda, wherever you are now, I hope you finally got your boobs.
( Mellicious is made of candy, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 9:19, 2 replies)

I met a lovely lady from the internet once. We went back to myspace and she had me googling all night at her funny jokes. I gave her a quick server using a winsock of course and managed to get away without getting a virus. We updated at her adobe the next weekend.

Unfortunately she had a bebo that cried all the time. Torrents of tears in fact but we shared Wine and I crashed at hers, after an embarrassing download in her powder room I might add. The next morning she sure looked a lot more pixelated up close, so much so that I threw up on my hairy self, full sickbeard.

I decided to collect my belonging and grab all my documents and go but thought it might not be very PC to rush off, and anyway it was raining and I didn’t have my mac. So quick as a flash I grabbed my floppy and tweaked it. My harddrive sprang into life and after a bit of ram from me and some handheld from her I came over her facebook before she could byte me.

That was the start of a beautiful relationship with an understanding that allowed hot swapping and portal abuse. Unfortunately last year she 404’d. Never mind, I’m untethered now.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 8:29, 4 replies)

I was supposed to meet someone from the internet
but Rick Astley turned up.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 6:56, Reply)

About 150 people over the years
None of them were scary or (particularly) weird. The Internet is too mainstream now.

If you'd asked this quetsion before about 1998 there would be a higher percentage of 50-year old men pretending to be hot Swedish blondes and smelly, Doom-playing troglodytes.
(rogerzilla, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 6:21, 2 replies)

Once, and it was brilliant
I was planning to study in Idaho, in America, for a while... Sadly that lasted only a few months, and my ongoing depression stuck with me around that date.

During my time at the high school, I had befriended someone who was being pushed around, which I wasn't too fond of. We had a few chats and really got along, and stayed in contact ever since (coming up to 6 years ago).
After I had left, this friend introduced me to another friend, and we started chatting online.

Funnily, despite me and this person going to the same school, we never spoke until 'after' I came back to London.
We became really good friends online, and earlier this year I went to visit them both in Washington state.

One person I hadn't met in over 5 years, and another whom I had never met until that one day.
We really hit it off, and we became even stronger friends in real life. While I haven't seen them since, we're actually quite close - and honestly speaking, it makes me that much happier knowing that despite my experience and living conditions at the time being, well, not what one would expect, some people are out there who genuinely care, and will make you feel better: whether it's coping with a death of one of the closest person in my life, to generally feeling blue.

I'm still trying to deal with my depression, though my friends and close family are really upsides to an otherwise complicated, and sad reality that I'm facing currently.
( PoshMurder <goat head>, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 2:22, 5 replies)

This
www.watoday.com.au/victoria/alleged-kidnapper-dug-grave-after-online-date-20111021-1mawg.html

is what meeting people from the internet will bring you. Every time.
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Fri 21 Oct 2011, 1:39, 2 replies)

Does Medal of Honour count?
A female taxi driver, locally called Boris because she looked like Boris Yeltsin but often referred to as babs cabs, once found love through Medal of honour. Boris told me that 'the bastard shot me in the back and I'm marrying him in six weeks'. And she did.
( Steerable_forehead Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration,don't fail me now, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 23:27, Reply)

We're planning our wedding and have a colour coded spreadsheet.


Pink for her family, blue for mine.
Purple for her friends, red for mine.
Yellow for mutual friends from university.
And the green at the bottom there is for internet folk.
WINNERS.
( Malchick, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 23:20, 5 replies)

Vodka and Vaseline
He was my best friend's secret lesbian lover's boyfriend. We met over the internet because we got lumped into an IM conversation organising a party together and found we had a lot in common. We talked online for weeks, and discovered we lived practically in sight of each other's houses: score! So we drank together for most of our remaining teenage years, laughing at each other's failings with women and academia in a haze of cigarette smoke, and then out of nowhere he tried to forcefully bum me while I was sat on his bed playing Halo while shithoused.

And that's why I don't like Halo.
(a gun that fires other, smaller guns full of jizz, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 22:11, 4 replies)

Yes.
I got my current job through twitter. I've met some b3tans who I consider good real life friends. I was introduced to my girlfriend via a mutual facebook friend. I organised a conference for 2000 political activists from around Europe, through online connections, and two years down the road still regularly collaborate with many of them.
But yeah, at the last tweet up I went to there was this one guy I didn't get on with.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 22:03, Reply)

Yeah right
Like anyone on b3ta has met people through the internet.
(ElGranto, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 21:58, Reply)

I haven't washed for a week.
I fucking stink.
(PERSONALITY HORSE Graham Tapes - free download album - coming soon, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 21:15, 9 replies)

I once met a person/some people off the internet,
and they confirmed every stereotype/completely defied every stereotype.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 21:07, 3 replies)

What is
the problem with PERSHITALITY WHORE'S?

He's not right in the head, that one...
(Rumbling Bear rumbled on, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 21:06, 10 replies)

My missus...
Lor love her has just released a foul smelling, rubbery fart that reverberated and flolloped around like a dying walrus.

I met her on the internet.
(Chickenwire social lubricator extraordinaire, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 20:53, 2 replies)

FIRST!

(PERSONALITY HORSE Graham Tapes - free download album - coming soon, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 20:43, 2 replies)

Not sure if this counts...
..But I tried internet dating, met this lovely lass called Maria about 6 years ago, and right now we're packing our bags because were flying out to Las Vegas (from the UK) tomorrow morning, and getting married on Tuesday.

I'd say that internet meeting went quite well, really.
( Kung_Fu_Russ ran out of amusing signatures on, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 20:38, 7 replies)

Yes
When I graduated and moved somewhere new I spent ages trying to find out if there were any cycling clubs in the area. Google didn't come up with anything, however I saw someone spamming Facebook with something about a new mountain biking club they were setting up.

I took a look and signed up for the website. There wasn't much happening apart from people trying to arrange to go (bike) riding with other people.

I put my name down for the next ride they organised - up and down Snowdon. Work colleagues spent the next week or two asking if I was taking protection or any bum lube seeing as I was meeting up with random men off the internet.

They turned out to be a really good lot and I still go out (bike) riding with most of them 4 years on.

After joining I found out they had been advertising in the mens toilets as well as on Facebook...
( thistle, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 20:11, 1 reply)

Does XBox Live count as Internet?
A bunch of my XBL buddies who were regulars on Gears of War decided to get together in 'Real Life', so we had a night on the lash in Birmingham.

While driving there I was vaugely uncomfortable about meeting up with 'people from the internet'. However, to be fair it was pretty much the same as a night on the XBox. We had the same banter, someone drank too much and did a sick. The Locust were replaced by bouncers and we had a scuffle with a crowd of them outside a trendy pub. Finally we got told off for having a piss in a taxi and toddled off to bed.

Turns out weirdos from the internet are just regular people.
(Bad Monkey hasn't had an abusive gaz since, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 20:04, Reply)

The racist grandparents one was better.
Mine used to say "black is the colour of the devil's waistcoat."

Tell us yours, or don't. Whatever.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 19:51, 3 replies)

No
Can I have another question please?
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 19:48, 2 replies)

I met Mr Spakkaman once.
His cock doesn't do that pre cum thing.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 19:19, 5 replies)

Yes, the second Mrs Afinkawan
We met on the 80snostalgia.com message board.
( Afinkawan Yes I can hear you Clem Fandango, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 19:16, 1 reply)

hmmm
only person i've really met off the internet was clansoul. he was in liverpool and we met up to say hi and have a drink. unfortunately, he wasn't very well and only stayed a few hours, before getting a train home.
yep, that's me, full of fucking interest.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 18:45, Reply)

I met that Rick Astley once.
He stole my fucking lighter.
(square go, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 18:42, 1 reply)