she told me she'd been grounded for smoking
I found out that she'd actually been shagging some dirty spide behind some bushes and her mum had found the box for the morning after pill in her bedroom
( VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 17:03, Reply)

I knew it was over..
..when she said to her husband, "Steve, I think there's someone taking photos through the window."
(kna has forgotten everything., Thu 21 Jul 2005, 17:00, Reply)

I
knew it was over with the (now...and recent ex) when I shagged the IT guy from work.

Did me a great favour too.

Thanks Sexybutt.
(Oops....did I say that out loud cos I really bloody want to., Thu 21 Jul 2005, 16:55, Reply)

When i got dumped for
the umpteenth time two days before glastonbury, so didnt end up going. She did. Unfortunately she didnt drown. Fucking women? Snakes with tits.
Bitter moi?
( DumbMonkey The penis mightier than the sword, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 16:53, Reply)

LOOGABAROOGA
LOOGABAROOGA LOOGABAROOGA LOOGABAROOGA LOOGABAROOGA

Im I being ironic and funny yet?
( The BrownHaze, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 16:50, Reply)

Man-fat stains and vodka breath
I decided it was over when my (now ex) fiancee arrived home pissed at 3am on a Tuesday morning, stinking like a vat of vodka and covered in the salty white stains of her infidelity.

It wasn't so much that she'd been shagging around behind my back...
It wasn't even that she'd been refusing to screw me for the previous six months while I remained blindly devoted to her...
It wasn't that she seemed to think that it'd be okay to come back to our house and get into our bed while sticky from some other bloke's excitement...

No - it was that, as I dragged her by the hair into the bathroom and blasted her with the shower when she trhrew up on me and the bed, I felt not one iota of pity or compassion.

Tuesday night, after work, she'd gone. Thank fuck for that.
( no cake for the impuritay Patrick Stewart hasn't aged since, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 16:47, Reply)

I remember the day........
way back when when you knew when it was over, as someone would tell you. Not now though, oh no, you have to work it out on your own. As if life isn't hard enough already.

Can someone please let me know when this QOTW is over?
(myohmy, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 16:47, Reply)

When I had to take a trip to the clinic...
after my so called best mate advised me that he'd caught a dose of the clap. I wondered why he was telling me when he admitted to having slept with my girlfriend and thought he may have caught it from her. Fortunately he had caught it from a previous conquest. Even more fortunately, he'd given it to my swiftly ditched ex. Every cloud and all that.
(lardyboy Next stop, Fissplap Central, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 16:41, Reply)

Over
When the ice cream van went past with the music on and he wouldnt accept my scottish tenner for a can of coke as he used to work in a club and i had trainers on- the bastard moved to Loogabaroooooga with his retarded american tourist wife

boom fucking boom
(Keyser Soze, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 16:41, Reply)

the game
I knew it was over between me and my ex when started working as a prostitute.

She was so innocent when I met her, too. Policeman's daughter, virginal, you know the story. I like to think I was just so good that she had to take to whoring to be satisfied after having me...

;-)
( no cake for the impuritay Patrick Stewart hasn't aged since, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 16:35, Reply)

I picked up a couple of hitchhikers once...
...they asked me if i was going any where LOOGABAROOGA.

Turned out they were Australian and meant Loughborough.

It was at this point that I knew that the anecdote was definitely out of milk.
( darth munki is flipping livid, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 16:34, Reply)

Dr_Fonz
It sounds like we've both known the same girl...
(BeerPoweredNoiseFrenzy, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 16:31, Reply)

psychotic police
Finally spilt up with ex but decided to remain "friends" (yeah.. like that ever actually works!) few weeks later she took the number out of my phone of a girl I was seeing and text her "I'm going to rip the throat out of your pretty blonde head" I think i decided that it was probably a good idea never to speak to her again. Scary thing is she now works for the police!
(simpson, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 16:28, Reply)

my time readin QOTW
damn this is maudlin...

impressed by the strength a lot of you are showing. and the worrying amount of nutters you've gone out with... eep!
(unlawful odour i dunno..., Thu 21 Jul 2005, 16:22, Reply)

Hmm... When did I realise it was over?
Was it when she caused a massive scene for no reason, at a party, in front of all of my friends, for the tenth time? Nope.

When she caused a massive scene for no reason at my friend's wedding? Erm, nope.

When she had a huge row with my mother, for absolutely no reason at all, and then refused to see or speak to any member of my family again, because they were all "against her"? Umm, nope.

When I was chatting to some friends, one of whom happened to be female, and she accused me of having an affair? ...Nope.

When she got really upset because she found out that some of my colleagues were actually female, and insisted that I "don't work with them"? Erm, no, still nope.

When she accused me of spending hours on my computer having a long-distance affair, even though she knew full well I DIDN'T HAVE AN INTERNET CONNECTION? Umm, err.... Nope.

When she spent an entire journey across London screaming at the top of her lungs that I was gay (I'm not, just in case you were wondering) then continued in the same vein back at our flat, then accused me of hitting her, called the police, put the phone down and when they rang back told them she'd "dialled a wrong number" - all in front of my best friend? Yes? You would think so... but still nope.

When I realised I was spending every evening sitting in the local woods with a sharp knife rather than going home to her? Nope, just going through a bad patch

It was only when my friends told me categorically they didn't want to ever be in the same room as her that I finally decided to pull the plug. What can I say, I'm stubborn.

Dumb bitch got engaged three months after I finally ditched her. I pity the poor guy.

Obligatory length/girth wisecrack
( dr_fonz, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 16:15, Reply)

when
she said she was in love with my oldest friend, not me. ever feel the timeline of you life split down the middle leaving you on the shit side? oops


Edit: Still, that was years ago and surely I'll meet someone else I feel like that about, and stop feeling it about her. (checks watch)



this will not be the funniest QOTW ever, I tell thee now...
(bloodyHassocks, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 16:15, Reply)

I THOUGHT it was over...
After comsuming vast quantities of coke (the liquid kind), I went to see the third Lord of the Rings film at the cinema. Seeing Frodo throw the ring into Mount Doom, i breathed a sigh of relief, I could pee soon. But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Another God-only-knows-how-long later, the film finally finishes, and as the first name appears on the credits, I KNEW it was over, when my two equally weak-bladdered companions ran straight past me, down the stairs and into the toilets.
(Wibbly Pig, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 16:07, Reply)

I knew it was all over....
when that fat bird started singing...
(Danster, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 16:07, Reply)

In the evening
I sat and wept,
For Simon,
The cat, was cleft

In two
By you
And your vicious penchant for thowing knives.

I knew it was over
When your body went limp
And your head stopped struggling
In the toilet bowl.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 16:07, Reply)

I knew
it was over when my bloody rucksack exploded on the tube at lunch time. I legged it down whitehall but they nicked me.

/too soon? But topical. And short.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 15:56, Reply)

Makes me feel sick to think about this.
I was an idiot!

A few years back I was going out with a stunning girl who worked at the same place as me. Stupidly I was still knocking off my mentally imbalanced ex who was a bar maid at my local.
One day I got a phone call off my missus asking if I'd meet her at my office for a chat.
I knew it was over when she said 'Your ex's mum has just been put through to me on the phone...........'

The nutter had got her mum to phone my current missus and had told her all. I was caught. I couldn't lie to her, she deserved better. I still kick myself about that to this day. Even though it was years ago and I've been happilly living with my current missus for over a year.
( Evil Bastardo, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 15:47, Reply)

Infatuation over
I had been a little bit infatuated (read loved talking to and snogged whenever possible - sadly only a few times a year) with a certain young man for a period of about 2 years. It was great, he was funny, I was bloody hilarious and we had several drunken and dirty snogs with extras.

Roll the clock forward to my last outing in London before I fucked off to the Big Apple - there was much drinking and not talking to anyone else and (I am reliably informed by my then flatmates) much classy snogging outside MacDonalds. All back to ours and I think why not take this to its logical crotch-snogging conclusion. So we head to my room and this is the point that he informs me that we can't do anything of the sort, as he has a girlfriend and has had for the last 3 years. He just has never mentioned this to anyone (not entirely out of characted for him to be fair).

This is not the bit that cured my like of him - fair enough the man is taken, but I am quite happy to leave things as they are as its not like I wanted to date him from overseas. The thing that cured me was when he told my flatmate I should be 'ashamed and embarrassed' of throwing myself at him and being turned down. That was like a bucket of cold water to the nether regions, and I suddenly realised that he looked like Daniel Beddingfield and was in fact just as much of a twat.

Apologies for the use of the phrase 'crotch-snogging', but never for lenght.
(kitteny_goodness, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 15:44, Reply)

another unhappy QOTW
You know its over when.....

I was married and at some point decided I had had enough of his overbearing ways and proceeded to inform the husband of six years, that I was going to leave and that I was going to rent a house on my own and we would see where we could go from there - all very grown up and reasonable

cue husband throwing a glass of water me, pining me up by the throat and threatening to kill me, followed by ramming a ruck sack full of clothes and dragging me by my hair backwards down the stairs before forcably booting me out the house (literaly)

Still I can laugh about it now
(fluffy, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 15:42, Reply)

Gutted...
I was going out with a nurse 5 years my senior and not only was she an absolute nymphomaniac but she also had her own car – I didn’t even have a licence.One night when picking me up to out clubbing I noticed a new car sticker on her car – “The Rio, Didcot”.
I casually asked when she had got it as I knew it was a new style and she replied that it came in the post with her membership renewal. Without much thought I said that I hadn’t received a car sticker with my membership and she replied “Well you don’t have a car”.
Thought for a second and said “Yeah, but they don’t know that!”

There seemed to be a sudden change in her demenour - she looked very tense - so I jokingly added “Come on, my mate Bammy saw you there last night with that bloke!”
She went pale and was very, very quiet.
I knew it was over and I was gutted. My “joke” had been uncannily accurate.
She had indeed been there the night before; picked up a bloke she knew and let him shag her in the back of her car.


*The Twist*
Several years later I was going out with a girl from Marlow and became quite chummy with her next door neighbour.
He was into the same music, clubs etc and we even found we had a few mutual friends...
...one of which turned out to be a nurse that he shagged in the back of her car outside The Rio several years back.
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 15:27, Reply)

... when she told me
that she wanted to watch me fuck my best (male) friend.

just to make matters worse, she told me this in a busy pub, on a friday night, while my mate was listening

we dont talk to her anymore
( lo, the Greebo Warrior - Est. 2002, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 15:22, Reply)

Mabel DelTaco
i have a B-TEC 1st Certificate in Construction Technology.
(robotrobotROBOT, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 15:10, Reply)

lets just say.....
that when she catches an EXTREMELY drunk yours truly looking through the keyhole of her sisters bedroom, at her sister getting undressed, whilst interfereing with himself, that your 2 year relationship is well and truly over
( bigmeuprudeboy is using powerpoint or paint...have MERCY, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 15:00, Reply)

F2F: end of an e-mail romance
A couple years ago my Dad set me up with an intern that used to work for him. We started emailing, and it was magic! That led to phone calls, even more magic. This is it! I thought. Tons of chemistry, tons in common. Except that she lived 1000 miles away (literally). So for the next 3-day weekend, I booked a flight and she met me at the airport. Checked into my hotel (I was going to be a perfect gentleman about it) and we went to dinner.

Halfway through dinner, uh-oh. We don't got it. The wry sarcasm of emails turns into tedious negativity in person, nothing is good enough and everyone is so stupid. She was attractive enough, no problems there, but what happened to the chemistry? I quickly realized it was going to be a VERY long weekend.

We did make the most of it, going to the mega-mall, gift shopping, etc (no shagging, sadly). BTW, "Down with Love" is not the movie to see on a failed romantic weekend. We're not really friends now, just lessons learned.
( setimret likes his metaphors mixed, not stirred, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 14:50, Reply)

And I knew it was over when...
...I threatened to blow myself up outside Shepherd's Bush tube, then got frightened, and had to run off, tail between my legs, to be sacked from my local violent jihad cell.
(And I don't agree with that in the workplace, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 14:45, Reply)

Relationship
Come down from Uni on a Friday for a bank holiday weekend and she's already agreed to see her mates so I wont see her Friday night

Jump back on a train Friday evening back to University.

I get a text 'where are you?'

I reply, 'On a train back to Uni. Lifes too short for this shit.'
(wiltsteve, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 14:42, Reply)