A fella
I used to work with also worked behind the bar of the pub his folks owned.
He left our work claiming that he got talking to some bloke in the pub. The bloke offered him a job as a games reviewer on the strength of this conversation. Apparently the games magazine were going to give him a new HD TV and all the current consoles!

Bull I think.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Thu 29 Nov 2007, 22:14, Reply)

A Gentleman
That I once knew, and by gentleman I mean true twat of the highest order, claimed that he worked as a bouncer at a club somewhere. Those that have read my previous posts will know somewhere = Dundee.

This twunt then tries to convince my friend and I that in this job he is given a nightstick and is allowed to use whatever force deemed necessary. However this whopper isn't his biggest fib to date, nay it is but a piece of corn in the gargantuan shitstorm of lies this man tells.

His latest cracker is that a man regularly comes into this club with his wife, a midget of a woman. This man will then proceed to sink ten, wait no twenty, wait wait, thirty pints of Guinness. In one evening. His wife also keeps up with him in this feat. However, and this is a big however, this isn't his final coup de grace. No, for you see, this pillock spent nigh on thirty minutes trying to convince me that after sinking this copious amount of the creature, this man would then (Quite routinely) throw puggies (bandits) around the club. Puggies full of pound coins.

Naturally I bought not a word because I don't have ear AID's.
(TheVomitingCavalier entered one image challenge and failed miserably, Thu 29 Nov 2007, 22:04, 4 replies)

Oh no Doctor
No more than two maybe three a day. Yes I am trying to cut down. Yes I really want to stop. No I hadn't thought about that before. Yes of course I'll try to quit. Really this time. Units per week? Oh, not many. I'm not really a big drinker, maybe the odd pint here and there, not regularly though.
(quicksort, Thu 29 Nov 2007, 21:52, 1 reply)

We had a temporary member of staff
at our place of work called Rob. Rob Claimed that he was a Kung Fu expert in his younger years and used to take part in those Shao Lin combat shows. Despite being a wheezing chain smoker he did thirty hours training per week and once, on a night out, he beat up five bouncers in a club in Leeds, don't you know.

He later went on to say that Maxine Carr of the Soham Murders fame had been moved next door to his mother under her new secret identity and he was getting an army of protesters together (presumably with placards and spelling mistakes) to oust the evil incarnate.

Twat!
(Taunting Lunatics Belming at you since, Thu 29 Nov 2007, 21:41, Reply)

I also once met a man named Yannick through a few friends,
they seemed to be a bit put off by his tall stories.

He got drunk and told us he once shot bear whilst working in the navy (which apparently also is false). I responded with, 'How many men have you killed?' jokingly. At which point he pulled me to one side and whispered in my ear, 'I'm not allowed to answer that'. I still kind of thought he was joking, being slightly unaware of his delusons, and responded 'About 100?'. He looked at me and spoke softly again, 'Nearer 20.'

The next time I saw him the pub I was in was flooding, and the water was dripping through a couple of lightbulb. His friend looking at it commented, 'Need to take them out but I might get electrocuted.'
Yannick stepped in front, looked at the light and scoffed, 'Nah, I've held much more electrical stuff in much wetter conditions.'
This conjured the perfect imaged of him testing toasters and televisions while strapped in a bath tub.
( Sunshine Elephant, Thu 29 Nov 2007, 21:35, 2 replies)

once knew a guy
who claimed to have nicked a pool table
on his own
from the 5th floor of the BT tower in london
by pushing it out the window

when i showed him a picture of the BT tower he decided against elaborating on how he managed it
( wjh31, Thu 29 Nov 2007, 21:32, Reply)

This is a great question,
as I can actually answer it.


My computing teacher during my AS-Levels was a chap named Mr Nield, who I had heard rumours of his impressive false resumé which apparently included teaching rugby player Austin Healy to side step, and swimming the channel (less believable when reminded of his near 20 stone weight).

I kind of expected to hear one or two stories within my first year with him, but in the space of one term some of his life stories he told me included:

-Staying at a small hotel with five other men called Peter Nield.
-Becoming World Tiddlywinks Champion
-Becoming World Ludo Champion (not too sure on the skill/luck ratio in Ludo)
-Going to the White House and finding a secret passage to the Oval Office, and greeting the president (best not tell the terrorists that gem)
-Designing Brian May's swimming pool in the shape of a bass guitar (at which point we reminded him that Brian May didn't play bass - his response 'He must have got it wrong')
( Sunshine Elephant, Thu 29 Nov 2007, 21:28, 3 replies)

Ever heard of that band
Thirteen Senses?

Well my mate said his new girlfriends brother played the drums for them.

Bullshit I thought.

Went down the pub to meet her and sitting next to her was the drummer from thirteen senses.

Hmmmmm not really any lying going on there.
( Peej, Thu 29 Nov 2007, 21:15, 5 replies)

Must be someting about science...
...that attracts pathological liars.

I used to work in a lab. Among the people working there was Liar#1. Amongst his many, many jumbo-sized porkies:

1- His mate in Uni was the hall monitor, or whatever the fuck they're called, in charge of booking live acts for the Hall End-Of-year party. A band sent a demo tape in which was almost unlistenable, and they got turned down. The band turned out to be the Police. You know them, fronted by some Geordie called Sting. The guy is now 30, which would make him a foetus when the Police were hawking their demo tape around.

2- A workmate's birthday was a few days after September 11th. Liar#1 claimed he couldn't drink at the do as he was "the TA's 2nd best sniper and was waiting for the call to ship out to Afganistan make the shot to take Bin Laden out". Needless to say, his mobile didn't ring and he was in work the next day as normal.

3- He'd invented a game called "Brockian Ultra Cricket". Funny, I thought it was Douglas Adams.

4- He was a fireman in his free time.

5- He was a qualified racecar driver.

6- He was a British Korfball champion (he was in fact mates with the guy who drove the Uni team's coach).

7- He invented the Carlsberg-ripoff car sticker "XXXXX: Probably The Best University In The World".

8- He invented the comedy underpants slogan "Warning: may contain nuts".

9- He's since moved to NY where, if emails are to be believed, he's appeared in Spiderman2 and has married a model. Indeed.

After Liar#1, there was Liar#2. Amongst his porkies were:

1- a mate who ate his own body weight in roast chicken every day. How did he cook them, you cry? Simple. He had a catering oven in his house. A necessity if your daily diet is 12 stone of poultry.

2- He was a vampire

3- He couldn't hand his dissertation in because, during this year's flooding, his computer got wet and the folder the dissertation was in was erased. Must've been very localised flooding - no-one else in that county was affected. Fortunately, the rest of the files on the computer weren't affected. Phew! What luck.
(Chuffdog, Thu 29 Nov 2007, 21:13, 1 reply)

SAS - The Biggest Regiment In The World
Everyone from pimply ATC nobs to random craphats have been in the SAS.

BOLLOCKS.

If someone says they have or are rumored to have been in the SAS there's a 99% probability that they were not.

They were just craphats.
(sham-il-eer-tak-tak noes better but still can't give a fuck at, Thu 29 Nov 2007, 21:05, 4 replies)

My scout leader....
was a jolly ol' fella with a big bushy beard and more than a hint of a Brian Blessed look about him. He was also missing his left hand ring finger. In the four years I was in scouts he had lost his finger.....

In a shark attack,
When a car door slammed on it,
When it was shot off in the gulf,
When a croc bit him,
By cutting it off with a meat carver,
When he wrapped it in cheese wire and a mate pulled,
and about one hundred other stories depending on what day of the week it was.

The thing is the truth was far more interesting. My (now deceased) father loved diving and went diving with my old scout leader on the fateful day he lost his finger. Many years after I left scouts and told my father about the missing finger stories my dad couldn't believe he never actually told the truth as it was quite hardcore. Truth was they were diving and something under the water slipped and trapped his finger by the wedding ring between two metal pipes. They tried for ages to get his finger free but the air in his tanks was running low. My old scout master and bullshitter pulled out his divers knife and sliced off his own finger so he could save his own life.

Sometimes the truth is better than the lies
( Peej, Thu 29 Nov 2007, 20:56, 5 replies)

I knew a guy at school who claimed that he played Simon...
in 'Simon and the Witch'!!! why bother even making up that lie, I ask you?!
( darth munki is flipping livid, Thu 29 Nov 2007, 20:52, Reply)

Don't die of ignorance.
It was the early to mid 1980's. We had a kid in our class at school called Keith. Keith was, in no uncertain terms, a lying bastard. Not a malicious liar but one who must have thought that everybody was born yesterday. At the time, AIDS had just come to the public's attention, being reported on the news amidst a spate of mysterious deaths amongst the gay community.

Now Keith had been off school for nearly two weeks and upon his return we asked "Keith, what's been wrong with you? Wagging it were you?"

To our astonishment, he replied "Oh, er, yeah, I've had that AIDS thing!"

In our complete ignorance, we all pointed at him, laughed and shouted "Haaaaa! Gaylord!"

Prior to this, I believe he was the first boy in our class to start his periods.

Yeah, I know.
(Taunting Lunatics Belming at you since, Thu 29 Nov 2007, 20:46, Reply)

Karl. He could break a donkey's rib with his punch.
Name: Karl

Age: 19

Identities: Navy Seal, CIA radio operator and Seattle Police Officer, and was willing to show everyone his Navy Seal, CIA and Police ID to prove it.

Boasts: As a cop, he had once kicked a man to death. But his partner just told him to "Walk away man. Just walk away."

So strong that his punch could "Break a donkey's rib from three inches away."



He produced no donkeys to prove it.
(TommyShanks, Thu 29 Nov 2007, 20:37, 1 reply)

oooook a long one
I work for a company who deal with car insurance claims. We had a guy work in the call centre who had one normal, one very short arm (half a thalidomide if you like!). He also walked with a limp... that later turned out to be because he also had two false legs. Now on the face of things this doesn't sound like the funniest of stories... more of one of great sorry... however it get's rather amusing!

This guy lied about everything you could possibly think of... he claimed to be a race driver, a member of mensa... you name it! The final straw came when he told everyone around the company pool table that he was training to be a UFC fighter. Clearly this was something we needed to persue and find out more about! He claimed to have kicked someone so hard in the head he knocked them CLEAN OUT unconscious. So amazed by his claim we asked him to demonstrate said kick... which he did... and his leg came off... right accross the busy dining room... in front of around 80 staff... then lost ballance and fell on his face.

Horrible horrible turn of events obviously and I'd be hellbound if I dare titter never mind post it on a busy forum somewhere.
( GeordieSteve, Thu 29 Nov 2007, 20:26, Reply)

I seem to attract them...
Oh God where to start... now I'm a fairly trusting individual, and, especially when I was younger, tended to believe what people told me (within reason, obviously!)

Okay so there was the guy who told me he:
1. Spent 2 weeks when we were in 6th form in a tent in a field, coming to school every day.. from the tent?! (no he didn't)
2. Worked in the army (no he didn't, more on this later)
3. Worked in Macdonalds (god he even lied about that!)
4. Was pyschic and could find out where things were just by hypnotising himself
5. Was a witch and wrote spells
6. Went on a 'routine' trip to (location) with his 'squadron' and was given a dog tag on the way (meaning imminent death).. where there was a bomb. Whilst someone else disabled it, he took out the terrorist with th butt of his gun. Hence the bandage round his wrist.
7. Later told me he'd tried to kill himself, hence the (same) bandage round his wrist.
THIS IS JUST SOME OF THE CRAP HE TOLD ME.
8. He's now a policeman. Well.. actually a community support officer. And he's engaged. To who- nobody knows. When someone tells you they're off to 'snuggle with their other half' on msn, you know they're lying, because who the hell says that?!

Other guy pretended to work in HMV. He didn't. We went in every day for a week to try to catch him. We even asked the guys working there where he was. His response? 'They don't know me as *abbreviation to name*, they know me as *full name*. Plus I work in the back.
NO HE DIDN'T. Why the hell would you pretend to work in HMV? At least he could have picked somewhere more exotic.

Humm.. what else.
Oh yeh, a girl who told us the following tale:
She was engaged to a 38 year old Muslim pharmacist, when the went to Madrid for the day to pick out hotels. She slept with the ex-geography teacher. Currently now she is engaged. Again. To a guy she cheats on with her flatmates. Apparently? This story was told to me by a girl who is/was in love with her and talks a load of carp, too.

OH YES and the crowning glory.
Another 'witch'.
A guy who woke up in the morning having given birth to Phoenix egg in the night. Basically, a stone in his PJ bottoms. He brought this into school and told everyone its name was Khan, and it lived with his guinea-pig. We humoured him, but in the end he said he killed it with the power of his mind. Oh, and he could change the colour of his eyes.

Actually, I'm not sure if he goes in the pathological liar section, or the complete fooking loon section!

Length? I think girth would be more of a problem if you don't have a birth canal and end up with a massive rock in your pants.
( d3gu thinks you should buy a Dinohoodie., Thu 29 Nov 2007, 20:13, 1 reply)

Still don't know about this one...
My grandmother was not a liar in any way, as far as I know- she was one of those formidable old women that scare the hell out of people, a force to be reckoned with, like Margaret Thatcher, Janet Reno, Susan B. Anthony and Catherine the Great rolled up into one. For a fact she was one of the earliest female MDs- I have her diploma on my wall at home. Definitely a remarkable woman by any estimation.

Grandma also happened to come from a family that lives practically forever- despite having eaten eggs every morning as far as I can remember, smoking for 50 years and drinking coffee with every meal, she lived to be 102. Unfortunately the last ten years or so of her life her mind deteriorated badly and she became increasingly senile- heartbreaking to see someone with a mind like that gradually lose it and become increasingly vegetative...

Anyway, when she was in her mid 90s and still had lucid times she related the following story to my sister:

During the 1930s my grandparents lived in NYC. Grandpa was a hotshot pathologist working for NYU at the time- he was one of the people who discovered the West Coxsackie virus- and Grandma was working as a General Practitioner. Apparently Grandma got involved with the orphanage there, and one of the people who helped direct the orphanage- although she had to do so quietly- was Eleanor Roosevelt. So Grandma used to spend a lot of time with Eleanor.

Apparently Eleanor was a terrible driver, but had a convertible and was very fond of driving around in it. One day she and Grandma were going somewhere and discussing something about the orphanage and Eleanor got very agitated and excited and kept turning to look at Grandma as she was talking- and ran off the road into a ditch. In the crash her front teeth were knocked out, so she had to get dentures- and as she had been terribly buck-toothed, the nice straight dentures improved her smile quite a lot.

Grandma concluded this story by commenting, "Well, I did my part for the Beautification of America."

My sister asked Mom if this was true, and Mom replied that she had never heard this story before, so later she asked Grandma about it, and Grandma repeated the whole story to her as well.

Since then I've found out that Eleanor was indeed involved with an orphanage in NYC, had had a car crash and gotten dentures, and that there was a passenger in the car at the time.

I don't know if it really was Grandma or not, but either way it still makes me grin...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 29 Nov 2007, 20:07, Reply)

Films
I'm not sure why, but whenever a friend asks me if I've seen a film, or a TV series, or whatever, I will instinctively reply with 'Yeah...', and, if I haven't, then append that with 'but it was ages ago and I was really drunk/stoned/tired so I can't remember it'.

I will even go as far as to nod along and pretend I actually know the bits of the film they're talking about. And I have no idea why I do this, I just can't seem to help it.
(Pavlov'sDog is all out of pavlova, Thu 29 Nov 2007, 20:05, 7 replies)

Me!
I had a student nurse on placement once, lovely chap but a wee bit naive.
Now me and my colleague Pete are very into military history/wargaming etc - weve made 3 pilgrimages to Bovington tank museum this year, and will prolly go again in the new year. We talk tanks and guns and planes etc etc all the time. Pete was in the TA for a bit, never saw active service but had a few tales to tell, mainly involving being cold/wet/tired/hungry/shouted at. I have no military background at all, just an ineterst. The student (whos name I forget) overhears us yapping one day and between us we make up, on the spot, a yarn about how we both served in the first Gulf War (It's where we met). Pete was a tank driver (believable) and I was a crack sniper in the Marines (SAS was tempting but a bit obvious, SBS was a bit obscure to a layman). Well, there I was, in Baghdad, with Sadam Hussein IN MY SIGHTS...when my gun jammed ! Of all the luck ! So i had to get helicoptered out pronto.

And he believed us !

Nice chap though. He passed his placement.
(kitescreech still here, Thu 29 Nov 2007, 20:04, Reply)

This will make me angry, I'm sure
A lot of these stories remind me of my ex, who generally lazed about and bullshitted for England, despite his many talents, qualifications and achievements (of course), such as:
Joining the Royal Marine Commandoes (does this even exist?) at the age of 16 and being promoted to 'officer's rank' but leaving before he actually had to do anything so 'he could go to uni', which he never did, because...

UCAS wouldn't let him go to any universities, because they "didn't count IT and Computer science as seperate A levels, and to please never apply again", so naturally instead of doing another A level he sat at home and ate maltesers and sulked.

Being qualified as an IT tech and telling me all sorts of amazing hacking stuff he's done, even though he could barely install windows on the PC I'm using now, weirdly...

Doing a sort of mercenary mission in Africa shortly after leaving the Marines, which involved 'being shouted at a lot and blowing up a shed'...that one wasn't even entertaining...

Being in a ninja clan who did all sorts of good things, like beating up rapists and the like, the cool sounding made-up name of which is now my screenname, heh.

Doing illegal street racing in some ridiculously modified fancy-ass car that I can't remember the name of right now (probably something unlikely like a vectra), again at the age of 15 or something ridiculous like that,

Being able to fly a helicopter (what?),

Being a saxophonist/drummer in some band for a while, only quitting because "sometimes I ran out of hands and used my head to bash the cymbals" Hmm, thats probably one of the most pathetic...

Having some ridiculous car crash in which everyone in the car nearly died, only his heroism saved the day (this was corroborated by the others who were supposedly in the car actually, but they were pretty much in a dream world too)

Knowing some absolute psychopaths from school/the marines/the bus stop, including a dwarf who carried a big battleaxe around and a guy who plucked his own eye out and now has a steel plate riveted over the socket,

Having got it on with his french teacher in her office in school during his GCSE french oral (not what it sounds like) because she locked the door and said she'd pass him if he did,

Having sucked off a David Boreanaz lookalike in the toilets of a non-existent goth club with dwarves as bar staff (and this stuff was supposed to impress me?),

Being shat and pissed on by an equally insane ex (he claimed to hate this but it didn't stop him asking me to do it - I said no, btw), before she left him for his best friend...All I can confirm is that these people are actually real,

and my favourite:

"I got talked into taking LSD by [ex-stealing friend above] and I had a really bad trip...must have been really bad stuff, one guy who did it is still in a coma now...anyway, I had such a terribly bad, super-realistic hallucination that I've never really recovered from...I got raped by a giant banana (sob)."

Yeah, writing this kind of pissed me off...not because I believed him, I just kind of ignored his daft stories, but because I was with such a pathetic loser for so long!
(Ryuken-Kai, Thu 29 Nov 2007, 20:02, 2 replies)

It's amazing
the amount of ex SAS members you meet in the pub, usually afternoons, and tehy insist on telling you how many peeps they've killed, or how to kill someone with your little finger. Or maybe, I just attract loons.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 29 Nov 2007, 19:55, Reply)

This could take a while...
My ex girlfriend was a sociopath (still is for that matter...). Frankly I don't care whether she's reading this or not so I'll go ahead and say her name is Sarah Gaffey, avoid her like the plague.
The first few days of our relationship were lovely, I was happy to have found someone who really seemed to like me. Then it all went downhill. It started with her claims that she was a 'Gypsy Princess', that should have been a warning signal but I'm just too damn open-minded... Then she started claiming to have magical powers and apparently she was locked in a war with her ex boyfriend Craig who was a Warlock... And yet I still didn't end it :/ He tried to kill her with scissors and when that didn't work he killed her Luthier Grandfather who was in the process of building me a custom guitar. At least that's what she says. I'd eventually had enough of the bullshit and our relationship was not only taking it's toll on me, but all the friendships I had going at the time. I let her down gently but still made it clear I wanted nothing more to do with her. Which is why I was surprised when she showed up at my doorstep the next day. She had it in her head that I still wanted to be friends, she didn't even get the oh-so-subtle signals such as never saying a word to her and avoiding all eye-contact... Eventually she made too many enemies at our school and had to leave (yay!), thus balance was restored. Or was it? (no, no it was not).
Months after she had gone I found out about some rumours involving me and her. I had apparently raped her and made two attempts against her life, which is why she ended it with me... It went absolutely bat shit when I heard this but luckily the only people who knew this crap were people who really knew me.

It doesn't even end there...
Now I'm in college and I keep seeing her around town, one thing that bugged me was that her friends would always give me scathing, hate-filled looks. I found out why about a month ago when I met and befriended someone who went to school with her after me. She's been going around telling everyone that I got her pregnant (keep in mind we never got past kissing...) and I regularly abused her. Now a quarter of Nottingham's teenage population think I'm a psycho rapist, all becuase of one girls inabilty to make friends normally.
She's left me with some emotional issues and I find it very hard to approach girls or to trust anyone. Everyone know's I'm a nice guy but whenever I see her I'm filled with rage, to think that one person could be so selfish as to try and ruin another persons life.

So yeah, thanks to someone else's compulsive lying I'm a psychopath...

I could go on about how she tried to convince everyone that her Dad is in Type-O-Negative and regularly sends her large bundles of money, even though I really know that her mum (who is lovely by the way) is a single-parent and her dad left her family behind just like mine did, but I've gone on long enough.

Apologies for lack of humour, I just don't find it very funny :/
(Badgers wear Corpsepaint it's true, I've seen them..., Thu 29 Nov 2007, 19:54, 3 replies)

Ahh...Mike the Marine
Back in my younger days we would go to the local Denny's and sit around smoking cigs, drinking coffee and talking about whatever may come up. Then we met Mike (as that was his etc., etc.) he was a large man, probably about 6'4" and at least 350 pounds.

He claimed he had been a US Marine Corps Special forces operative, and had an ID to prove it. (Later turned out he went to USMC boot camp and washed out within a week, but he did get the ID). He loved to tell us stories from his "mission" which while all fabricated, were pretty entertaining, as he was an excellent story teller...here are a couple of high lights.

While on a training mission, their Master Chief had been harassing them especially hard, and they wanted to get him back. So, Mike called up a friend in Hollywood, and called in a favor to get one of the remote control Velocoraptors from Jurassic Park...which he then used to torment his master chief all through the woods.

While on assignment in Russia, they snuck into the Moscow Zoo one night, and persuaded an ape to come with them. As, their commanding officer had a dislike for the Russian military and referred to them as "apes", they dressed this ape in a Russian Officers uniform (they had lying around...) and it went to sleep next to the CO, which of course led to hilarity. Afterwords as a thank you they brought the ape to Moscow, and sat on a bench eating chocolate bars with it, before bringing it back to the zoo... where it was charged admission to get back in....right.

One more involves him at a teenager, where he blew up some cop cars in a police parking lot with a home made bomb. SInce they were cars that had been taken out of service, the Police Chief saw the humor in it, and dropped all charges, instead taking him to the beach with his family for the 4th of July, to blow off all the confiscated fire works from the county.

So that was Mike, there are more stories, but I wont get into them here...they were all wonderfully told with lots of descriptive hand gestures.

Length...like a gorilla.
(I_Live_In_Antarctica No...really...I do.www.travbuddy.com/mtfd528/blogs, Thu 29 Nov 2007, 19:40, Reply)

I know
A girl who's lost her virginity 16 times.
One was to her brother's best mate who was subsequently beaten up by her brother. (She's an only child.)
One was when she was molested when she was younger.
One was when she was raped.
One was when she was raped and got pregnant and had an abortion.
One was when she was drunk and was too inebriated to defend herself.
One was when she tried to overdose on paracetemol (if at first you don't succeed...) and was out of her mind on painkillers.
One was when she was playing doctors and nurses with an older boy when she was 6.
One was with her dad who pinned her down daily for 4 months before he was arrested and sent to prison.

She's fat, greasy, 4ft tall and ginger.

The most recent one involved saving the world from alien invasion by forcing the mothership up her vagina and destroying it at the cost of her innocence.

Bloody ovaries, making women crazy an' tha'.

(The one about the aliens was made up.)

Length? A combined distance of 568ft and one mothership.
(Good Looking Deity Grew a magnificent beard on, Thu 29 Nov 2007, 19:40, Reply)

bit of a nerdy one this....
...I used to work in a computer games shop and had a plethora of odd customers. One such guy looked like a cross between Jimmy Nail and Rod Hull (by christ, it's hideous!)...a very weird guy who would always complain about various games on his Playstation.
So Rod Nail went through a phase of nagging us about when "Final Fantasy 7" was coming out. I couldn't give a shit as I had it on import and already clocked it (the US version was out about 6 months before the UK edition was released), but Rod would continually ring up and nag for it.

The day came and he was first in the store. He legs it upto the counter, throws his pennies at us then legs it out again. That's the end of that we all think. Unfortunately not. He comes back down to us a few hours later, saying it's rubbish. I say "Well it's not your normal run of the mill type of game, as we've been telling you for months mate. Sorry". He answers "And it's bloody easy too, I did the first disk in an hour and a half."

To which all us nerds replied "YOU FUCKING LIAR!" and laughed in his face, much to the amusement of other customers in the store at the time. He said "What did you call me?", and I quite happily explained that it takes a good 9-12 hours to finish the 1st disk, and there's no way on earth he could've done that. He grumbled and then said "Ok, well I don't like it then." Sulking twat, NEVER START AN ARGUEMENT WITH A NERD.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Thu 29 Nov 2007, 19:32, 4 replies)

This was a lengthy tale about a mad lad in a fantasy world of his own that I know,
but recent events have made me re-evaluate the man as mis-understood by most and quite possibly I have wronged him with my sarcy tale, so I have decided to remove it and post summat else less defamatory.

Instead I will replace it with this story of my own humongous lying youth:

When I was very young and on a holiday with the family to Reaton Gap, I convinced a similarly young lad there that I was a robot! I even went so far as to tell him I had an off switch! Cue said lad immediately pressing the off switch, and I had to feign turning myself back on with my 'residual energy charge', but I think maybe he was trying to tell me something...

That is all...
( ..wil, Thu 29 Nov 2007, 19:19, Reply)

My daughter
when she was about 6, believed me and her mum when we told her that we knew when the fairies were coming out to play. What we showed her were the predictable Iridium sattelites, the ISS (space station) and the shuttle, we once saw 3 sattellites and the ISS being 'chased' by the shuttle, all within 6 minutes of each other.
(lordy lordy, Thu 29 Nov 2007, 19:10, 1 reply)

friend of mine
mate at school once told us how he and his family were moving to greece due to that fact that his dad was starting up a pickle factory

understandibly i kicked him in the bollocks

a pickle factory ffs!

tara
(apo-dap, Thu 29 Nov 2007, 19:06, Reply)