my oakleys
i think they were stolen.

bastards

insurance didnt pay up
still cant affor a new pair
( SiX and his hat, Sun 5 Dec 2004, 1:15, Reply)

Not me...but still
Woman phones up her bank (the one I work for).

We've call centres in the UK and in India. The routing system puts her to an Indian rep.

She proceeds to tell him she has 'lost' her husband.

He asks her where was the last place you had him, and put her through to lost and stolen...
( Halk, Sun 5 Dec 2004, 0:45, Reply)

has anyone seen my...
laughter, I didn't laugh at any of the several lost virginity posts. Or maybe that was because they weren't funny in the first place, and certainly aren't now.

Apologies for being an arse.
(mister smang, Sun 5 Dec 2004, 0:41, Reply)

Not me a friend
Had lost her rabbit, in a pub she over heard someone talking about how foxes had left a mangled mass of blood and fur at the end of their garden... Turns out it was the rabbit and its head was just about all you could recognise.
(deathphoiadeath, Sat 4 Dec 2004, 23:11, Reply)

what did I lose?
Has anybody seen my virginity
(alwaysallways, Sat 4 Dec 2004, 21:31, Reply)

Swimming.
I got out the wrong side of the river and dried in the sun while my clothes sat on the other side. Being a girly girl, when my clothes were surrounded by the farmers cows I decided not to go and fetch them. While this seemed rational in my own head, my Dad had trouble grasping why I'd walked all the way home in just a pair of shorts.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sat 4 Dec 2004, 21:13, Reply)

damn vodka...
Another drinking related story...

There's a club in Nottingham (Isis) that's renowned for being truly shit, and as such you have to get absolutly shit-faced to go. Cue a bottle of export strength smirnoff, I remember making one of my usual 50:50 vodka:lemonade concoctions. I went to the bar, had a pint, remember spilling it a bit and getting quite drunk.

Next thing I rememeber I'm being woken up by the hall secretary, after she found a cash card of mine. I knocked on my friends room, "Did I go out last night?", "Yes, you did.". I then noticed the bottle of vodka was empty (a 0.7l one). Then I realised I had lost my wallet and phone. A trip to the Natwest revealed some pikey fucker had also stolen £250 out of my account.

Apparently I had to be propped up to get into the club, and nobody saw me for most of the night. I don't remember going to or coming back from the club, and it took me bloody 17months to get my money back from the natwest (fucker had walked into the bank and faked my signiture).
(gerg, Sat 4 Dec 2004, 21:09, Reply)

not me
but i was once on a bus in which the jamaican driver managed to lose wales and take us to liverpool

We then befriended a gang of gypsies and got drunk.

It was a very odd trip
(Calmallama Is keeping this short and sweet, Sat 4 Dec 2004, 21:04, Reply)

Another Hamster
Bought a hamster - went for a female one because my daughter wanted a girl hamster (I couldn't tell the difference anyway). Trouble was it was mental. Would do backflips for no reason - it bit anything that came within 'fang' distance. It was a complete b*tch of a hell-hamster.

Then it went missing. Somehow the cage got left open and the mental rodent made a run for it. We searched high and low - no hamster. Gone.
Two nights later, bottle of wine and a film on the T.V, I kept hearing this scratching. Muted the sound and tried to follow the noise. Turns out the thing is in the wall, between two sheets of plasterboard. So I grabbed a stanley knife and cut a hole for it to escape. It just went even more mental and ran further along the wall (I suppose being trapped is scarey for a hamster, but being trapped and huge stanley blades cutting into a wall just above your head is scarier). Cue an even bigger hole. Eventually got the thing out with the help of a carrot. The smelly plaster covered rodent still bit me.

So we went back to the pet shop and replaced it with another hamster.
( HSDriver was probably still at work on, Sat 4 Dec 2004, 19:55, Reply)

Pants
Henley 1992, my uni crew was knocked out in the first round - cue 9 alcohol starved students (and groupies) hitting the booze. Last thing I remember was being thrown out of a pub with a crewmate for excessive vomiting. Woke up in a very large tent with about a dozen people in, wearing every article of clothing from the previous day - except the grundies. Never worked out where they went.

So I went and sat in the shower until the hot water ran out, trying to keep my brain from exploding.
( randompunter, Sat 4 Dec 2004, 16:24, Reply)

Not me but my dad
Said fool is having a mid life crisis and to cure it he has bought a 1965 Lambretta silver special to relive the joys of when he was 16.

Anyhow meets up with the guy selling it in hull (who just came on the ferry from holland) Starts it, loves it, buys it. After itts long journey from Holland to Hull to Manchester with scooter and key joined (in the ignition) everything is fine. Between the distance of the front of our house and the garage that he put the scooter in he has LOST the key. Utter penis
( Gaz, Sat 4 Dec 2004, 15:45, Reply)

I lost my curly wurly
at the Reading festival this year. I say lost. I mean threw. At the specialised security. Twatted him on the head. Well fucking funny.

Then I lost my wellies. 'Wellies for sale' I heard all night. Makes sense now. Fuck sake.

Then The Darkness came on and I lost the will to live. No really.
(lost_monkey, Sat 4 Dec 2004, 15:35, Reply)

My first pet
(EDIT: actually not my first pet. Entertain me for a moment if you will. My first pets are goldfish, named Eric and Peter [top nameage]. I got them when I was 13, as it when i was deemed old enough to have a pet. In the small sized tank in which the dynamic duo were to reside, thier life expectancy was about 1, maybe 2 years if i was lucky said the nice man in the pet shop. Lucky? LUCKY? So what does that make me when the same fish are STILL alive 9 years later!!!! Shame is the novelty of having them wore off after about 6 months. Little bastards. I swear they stay alive just cos they resent me; little slimy gits. Anyway.....)

First OTHER pet was a little hamster, named Snowdon curiously enough. After the mountain in North Wales we visted on a family holiday. Anyway; I had one of those devious moments (I was 14) were I decided, as the hamster was quite adapt at climbing around his little cage (possibly a motive for the name?) would he be able to get out if I left the latch off of the little door on top of the cage (he would have had to have climbed up, and pushed it open like a little skylight)?

Answer?

Yes.

Came downstairs the next day so find cage open and sans hamster. Was quite upset actually. Anyway; my folks were going away that night, so I came home from school, they had been looking the whole day to no availe. Off they went aftr dinner; and I was home alone.

Anyway; wasn't sure if it was just me or...

scratch scratch...

I could hear something. It was getting late, so if the hamster was still about; he would have been waking up about now. My house isn't exactly massive, but I was having real trouble pinpointing where it was coming from.

Cue me, sat up untill 3am in the dark (to make him more active) and silence (so I could hear better).

Eventally I found him. Hidden underneath the central heating boiler. Fuck knows how he got in there, but there he was, the little dusty ball of fluff.

Not exacxtly easy to reach, and as I tried to get him, the little git bit me.

He knew...he knew

So he was found! Stories with happy endings make me smile...

Apologies for length!
(Smoking Joe, Sat 4 Dec 2004, 15:25, Reply)

I lost the lovely head-scarf-hair-band-multi-use-purple-thing
I have only worn a few times last night, and I got into a fluster and was hunting for it whilst my friends were all laughing at me

I was wearing it :(
( stevierar, Sat 4 Dec 2004, 15:03, Reply)

Lost my respect for the males of our species,
after noticing that with the promise of a trivial amount of sex, their entire belief systems, moral values, loyaties, freindships, promises and empathies can be over ridden. Poor fellers you really are such a bunch of retards.
(rattus, Sat 4 Dec 2004, 13:53, Reply)

I lost my christmas spirit....
...a few years back. Didnt feel christmassy at all. Not one bit.
The next year, i got it back. Unfortunately, it was mid-august, and everyone thought i was a twat.
Damn.
(PAMPAMPAM, Sat 4 Dec 2004, 12:57, Reply)

My shoe :(
I lost a shoe in Birmingham, while being a drunken groupie.

It's a gold platform sandal, with a Jesus figure embedded into the clear perspex heel if anyone's seen it.

(I had to spend the next week of the tour barefoot)
(cookiemonster, Sat 4 Dec 2004, 12:57, Reply)

Lost things
Imagine my disappointment when as I was tossing myself off in my bedroom with my headphones on, my mother walked in with a cup of tea and immediatly I lost my cock!
(justjuice, Sat 4 Dec 2004, 12:03, Reply)

Best phone ever...
It must have been about 7 or 8 years ago, when GSM mobile phones were still pretty new in the UK that I decided to bite the bullet and "invest" in a fancy "cutting edge" Nokia 1610 handset on a Vodafone contract... anyway, after owning the phone for a couple of months (and hardly daring to use it because of the ridiculous call costs back then) I realised that I still hadn't recieved a bill from them, more time passed, and after six months I came to the conclusion that Vodafone had "lost" my account on their system, and so I started to let all my mates use it as much as they wanted. Two years later, and the phone was almost constantly in use - even up to the point that I was "renting" it for a fiver a night to the Indian students next door so they could phone their families in India for hours on end. Then one day the inevitable happened, whilst trying to climb into a boat, and with the "magic" mobile precariously sitting in my shirt pocket, I leaned forward, and with a sickening "plop" the phone dissapeared into the unsanitary depths of the wharf in the centre of Lincoln (to the obvious amusement of the group of tramps and booze-hounds that were sitting on the bank drinking cider), Anyway, after hours of wading about in the filthy water I still couldn't find it, and had to resign myself to paying for phone calls again... at least they never did bill me for the calls.
( C, Sat 4 Dec 2004, 11:16, Reply)

I lost
my mind. I hate....... Thats it. Thats all I do. Is something wrong? I'm not sure. Oh well.
(manicbranic, Sat 4 Dec 2004, 8:29, Reply)

We were in Hawaii,
staying in a large hotel. It was our first trip there, so I was very young--nine or something. We were out by the pools, and I wanted to go back to the suite. My mom told me I was to go straight to the room--no wandering. Which I thought I did. But when I got to what I thought should have been our suite, the key wouldn't work. I tried to get back to the pools, but got lost. I started wandering around the hotel, getting more and more frightened. Finally, my mom found me. I had gone to the wrong, but identical, tower.
(ladycat, Sat 4 Dec 2004, 8:13, Reply)

LOST...
my virginity in the shadowy underground world of the sadomasochistic homosexual community.
(The-Prosecutor, Sat 4 Dec 2004, 5:49, Reply)

Underwear
A few weeks ago, I was using the pool in my school's recreation center. I swear I had thrown all of my clothes into the locker and made a point to make sure the lock was secure.

But I cam back to my locker an hour later to change back into normal clothes, and my panties were gone. They had totally disappeared. Maybe I had forgotten to put them in the locker, or maybe someone stole them. But thinking about it that way, maybe I'm better off not having them returned.
(pk, Sat 4 Dec 2004, 4:55, Reply)

Don't know why I forgot about this but
I once lost myself on the beach. As a matter of fact it was about a month ago. We were staying with a friend for my dad's birthday, and I felt like a walk on the beach, despite it being about 11pm. I didn't expect it to be very cold, so I didn't wear a jacket. I went across the street from the house to a public access and ran around for an hour, and noticed that it was ABSOLUTELY DARK except for the light from the lighthouse, which didn't really help. I spent another hour looking for an access to no avail. I was in a really long stretch where there weren't any houses, and the dunes were full of sharp rocks and plants and feral cats and foxes etc. so my only choice was to keep walking in pitch black until I found a house. I had to climb over a pointy gate and risk setting off a security system to get back to the road, and then walked all the way back to the house. I finally got back about 2am. Lovely.
( trintrin has jam for blood, Sat 4 Dec 2004, 4:43, Reply)

One last one--
lost the big topaz out of my favorite ring in a patient's shitty bed. Decided not to paw through diarrhea filled linens to find it.


Sorry, I'll stop now.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Sat 4 Dec 2004, 4:22, Reply)

Once
I was fooling around on a merry-go-round in the park, with a camera in my pocket. Well, when I got off, it was gone. I was pretty pissed off, and I looked around for it, but it was dark so I gave up and came back to look for it the next day. Still couldn't find it. I gave up and bought a new camera.
About a year and a half later, I was sitting in the same park, where they were installing a new merry-go-round. I was watching the fat hairy workers digging where the old one was to make room for a bigger one, when I saw one pick up a camera, try to turn it on, and throw it to the side. I didn't pay it any mind for a few minutes, because I'd forgotten about it, but after a bit I realized it was MY camera.
I rushed over there to pick it up. It was caked in dirt and stuff, but I took it home to poke at it. Out of curiousity I took the batteries out, cleaned the contacts and put a new set in, and amazingly, it worked! All the pics were still there. Yaaay.
( trintrin has jam for blood, Sat 4 Dec 2004, 4:20, Reply)

Oh yeah and
a snake. My children were playing with the family snake and I looked up from the newspaper just in time to see James staring at the ass end of the snake as it disappeared under the carpet in the family room. Couldn't find him (Syrup, not James) anywhere. Assumed after a few months he was dead.

Sixteen months later, husband was moving a pile of firewood and picked up the very last log to find Syrup looking at him, pissed off and wanting his year late dinner. Husband jumped a mile and screamed like a little girl.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Sat 4 Dec 2004, 4:18, Reply)

I lost a patient once
No, not like that. It was Thanksgiving, 1988 and I was making my 10 o'clock rounds and oh my god, Mrs. Harris has disappeared! She was a senile little old lady who couldn't walk, peed herself with some regularity and was tied to the bed in a sort of restraint vest. (That's illegal in the States nowadays)

She was nowhere to be found. I was running from bed to bed, all my other nurse friends searching franically for her. No dice. I was in tears, trying to figure out how to break it to the family I'd somehow lost their 99 year old granny when someone shouted.

I ran over and SHE WAS HANGING UNDER THE DAMN BED! I have no idea how, but she had climbed over the siderails, still tied to the bed by her vest and was hanging from the underside of the frame. She had pissed everywhere and her hair was dabbing in the pool of urine on the floor.

I had to lie on the floor, try to wipe up the piss, then scooch under the bed and catch her when my friend untied her. Then I wiggled out from under the bed with a stinky old lady in my arms, my face lashed with wee-soaked stringy hair, wiping the floor with my back.

My relief was in direct proportion to my filth.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Sat 4 Dec 2004, 4:13, Reply)

While
enjoying an evening in Jakarta in the company of a lady of dubious fiscal attachments I'd met in a bar earlier I suffered a pang of conscience and stepped outside for a cig to consider what I was doing, had V serious girlfriend at time. Couple of mins of fag smokin contemplation later realised I'm utterly lost in the back streets of a foreign city and my trousers containing wallet, passport, plane ticket back to work, everything are in my trousers in this fine lady's apartment and I'm standin on the pavement in my shorts. Fucksocks!!
Eventually turned out ok tho, she came back to the bar I met her in, where i was drownin my sorrows to give me my stuff back and demand to be paid, bless her! restored my faith in human spirit
(stuwads, Sat 4 Dec 2004, 2:43, Reply)

Halls of residence.
Went to stay with "friend" in cunthole Luton. She pulled and fucked off somewhere in the Union. Me left on my own ended up walking through luton at 2am with zero idea of where the halls were, what they were called or anything. Wandered around marvelling at how fucking disgusting Luton is and being scared of everyone. Somehow actually found the place, not only blagged my way past the security guard but convinced him to look up my friends room number and let me in. Had to sneak in and sleep on the freezing cold tile floor curled up like a shivering baby. She can fuck off anyway.

Have i mentioned that Luton is a shit hole. Everyone who lives there is a cunt. If you do, and you reckon you're not a cunt, then you are because you live in Luton. Its a cunts town. A town full of cunts. A cunt town. Cunty cunty cunty cunty cunty town full of cunty cunts.

Grr. Argh. Angry now. Cunts
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Sat 4 Dec 2004, 2:04, Reply)