Not me, but..
First time Dad took Mum home to meet his parents. Dad's an accountant, and Mum took that to mean that his parents were quite posh, so she was scared shitless. Until they walked through the door and my Nan (all 4 foot 6 of her) said "Sit yer bleedin' self down, and if you want a cup of tea in this 'ouse you need to bleedin' well get it yerself".

Apparently Mum didn't quite know what to do with herself...she's never quite recovered from that one :)
(krytenk, Mon 23 May 2005, 14:44, Reply)

Hospital meeting
A strange place to meet my ex gf dad, sister and hubby was at the hospital. She was in bed and he reached out and we shook hands over her busted leg!
(Axe murderer, Mon 23 May 2005, 14:07, Reply)

Not quite parents
The G/F's first stay at my place and she had to meet my pride and joy. My beloved cat was not happy about this. It had been just us for the year previous since I got her. Now my little pussums loves her daddy and as a result felt very threatened.

The result? Well Mrs Paws marked her territory on the G/Fs bag. Cat got extra cuddles and G/F got a piss ridden bag.

That was four years ago and I still have them both. It seems strange but they seem to prefer each other to me. FLAMIN women.
(Taco Tickler, Mon 23 May 2005, 13:54, Reply)

"Do you know what I like about you?"
... her dad asked me.
"What's that then?"
"Absolutely nothing."
( teedyay, Mon 23 May 2005, 13:21, Reply)

The Devil Son-In-Law
Not me, but my Dad. My Mums family is Polish, and my Great Gran was VERY Catholic. Mum invited my Dad round for dinner, cue the Vodka coming out. Halfway through dinner, imagine the family politely eating and drinking, and my Dad passed out under the table snoring no doubt rather loudly, and my mad Great Gran thinking he was the devil-hissing and making signs of the cross at him.

Not much has really changed, last Christmas he ended up passed out behind the sofa while the rest of the family opened their presents. Oh how I admire him!!!!
(audreyforbes audreyforbes, Mon 23 May 2005, 13:13, Reply)

honest, this is a true story
A friend of mine met his girlfriends parents for the first time, he was invited round for dinner. The family had a pet dog, a small yappy thing. After the meal was finished he tried to be helpful by clearing the plates away, he moved his chair back and put the back legs down through the dogs skull, needless to say his relationship lasted about as long as the dogs life... (about three seconds!)
(HelloTeeth, Mon 23 May 2005, 13:08, Reply)

My Mate...
His missus' dad got really drunk, put on some classical music really loud and shouted "I used to fuck Amys Mum on that couch to this music!"
(beatpig understands subliminalesbianmessagaying., Mon 23 May 2005, 12:16, Reply)

First time I met the g/f parents
was at a bbq. Her dad poisoned me, which led to me puking my guts out all night. It wasn't the beer, honest.
(manky dog, Mon 23 May 2005, 12:04, Reply)

First time I met my wife's parents...
I didn't speak any Italian.

They did.

They didn't speak any English.

Mamma Mia!
(FluffyPanda, Mon 23 May 2005, 11:47, Reply)

Not me, but my parents...
My Dad had been going out for a bit with my Mum, and she'd met his family before (being Irish there were a lot of them). However, they'd decided to call it a day for some reason, and they spent a couple of months apart (and alone). However they got back together again, and when my Dad walked into his house with Mum in tow, he shouted "I've brought my new girlfriend home!"

My Uncle replied, "I hope she's much better than that last one!"
( Lightguy hail satan, Mon 23 May 2005, 11:40, Reply)

just say no
Heading to a friend of mine. She'd been on holiday for two weeks, so me and a mate went to the train station to meet her. Decided we'd both eat some hash brownies before.

So we get to the station, and we're fucked off our tits. Fair enough. Girl then rings saying she's going to be about an hour late. Ok.

'Hello, fancy seeing you here!'

The parents. Oh lord. I mumbled some sort of greeting and they insisted on taking us both for a drink. We were sat there for an hour tripping like god knows what, talking about random shite. It was terrifying.

Girl finally turned up, we got in the car home, I told her what we'd done and she pissed herself laughing for about three minutes.

Got back to her's, still forked beyond belief, and her parents gave us a glass of wine each, looked at us funny, then I collapsed in bed while she fucked off to watch a film for hours.

They still like me.
(sporky, Mon 23 May 2005, 11:24, Reply)

Poo 'Joke'
It was actually the second time I'd met them, but the first time I'd been invited round to theirs for Sunday dinner.

All was very nice, but felt very much like a BIG THING so I was relieved that my fella's sister was around to provide some comic relief by taking the piss out of their parents for 'showing off' - 'Ha! What you bothering with napkins for Dad?' - that kind of thing.

Anyway, after the meal we headed into the living room where Dad immediately hands me the photo albums - bonus!

Both parents wandered off to tidy up whilst my fella, his sister and I looked through pics of them as little children. We came to a picture of him wearing a top with a big 2 on it. We'd been taking the piss out of most of the pictures we'd seen, so I said in my most stupid, childlike voice, 'Number 2, like a poo' and he and his sister collapsed into giggles, and set me off too, which would have been fine had their father not come back into the room at that point, wanting to know what he'd missed.

My fella tried to brush it off with 'oh, Kitty made a poo joke' but when Dad said, 'Oh, go on then...' and demanded it was explained to him, I quickly stopped being amused and my face froze in abject horror and went a marvellous purple as the 'joke' (which was all in the delivery) was explained.

He looked at me for a minute, then said 'oh' with a puzzled look on his face, and walked out again.

Still, I've been invited back so it can't have been that bad!
( kitty_cat, Mon 23 May 2005, 11:23, Reply)

cubboard
Mary was a wonderful girl, and all the more wonderful when she finally invited me home. Her parents, who I'd never met, were out and not expected back, and we retired to her bedroom. One thing led to another, and we ended up in her bed. Things were just getting fun when we heard the door slam downstairs.
"Shit" said Mary, "Hide."
"Fucking where?" I grunted, hopping naked out of bed with my cock waving around like a drunken loon. I hobbled into her wardrobe, pulled the door closed, and attempted to conceal myself behind Mary's small collection of frocks.

I heard footsteps up the stairs, the bedroom door open, the light click on, and then with no hesitation at all the wardrobe door swung open and there was Mary's mum staring at my pale naked form.

To her credit, her only words were, "I think you'd better leave."
(wowthatsgreat, Mon 23 May 2005, 11:03, Reply)

Sprung!
First time i met current boy's parents (well one half, his mother) was when we were embroiled in an illicit dually adulterous affair and aforementioned mother walked in on us naked in the shower. Cue 6 years on and the boy and i finally get it back on, legitimately this time i might add, i get to meet the parents (both this time) hoping i wouldn't be remembered (new barnet and all to disguise me), on my absolute best behaviour giving it all the lovey "so nice to meet you" palaver. sadly i was met cold stares and the old "we've met before" line....oh the shame.

almost as shameful as when i turned up to my (other)new boyfriends farm in the country dressed in head to toe(faux)zebra skin catsuit and platform shoes....not the most down to earth country girl their boy was hoping for!
(firesnake, Mon 23 May 2005, 11:00, Reply)

When I met the parents
I'd been seeing this Irish bird for about 6 months and had never met her parents. Now I'm not white but being born and brought up in London you could never tell on the phone. Her old man, Larry, and me used to have great chats on the phone and were getting on really well. Then the bird asked me to go round to meet her folks. I walked into the front room and poor old Larry almost went into cardiac arrest. "Quick. There's a darkie in the house! Call the police". Our first meeting but not the last, unfortunately. After that, she was banned from my house, if I went to see her we had to sit in her parents front room drinking tea. Her mum even had one of their neighbours follow us for a few weeks to make sure we weren't getting up to anything. Well you pair of miserable fuckers, not only was I her 'first', but I nailed her in the Planeterium on Baker Street, Kew Gardens, in a boat on the Ally Pally boating lake and in my Cortina MKIII. Hah! Bitch left me for a copper.
(Arty Morty, Mon 23 May 2005, 10:43, Reply)

Theatres are dangerous places
Was working down at my local theatre when a random bloke came up to me and demanded I take him to see his daughter, me being in a bad mood anyway said "sorry mate, but im a bit busy at the moment" he starts ranting on at me about being polite and needing to respect my elders, que me turning around saying "With all due respect sir, FUCK OFF BEFORE I'M FORCED TO RAM YOUR HEAD UP YOUR ARSE"
Next day meet the girlfriends parents, get a very dodgy look from her dad then remember he's the fuckwit from the theatre.
We split up after that!
Apols for length and so on.
(quagarr, Mon 23 May 2005, 10:35, Reply)

been married 5 years now and her folks think i'm ace
First time I met the wifes mother I was a scrufy looking 18 year old. Myself and the other half were in her bedroom watching tv (her folks were cool with stuff like that) when her mother shouted up the stairs. "I think someones stood in dogs mess". Sure enough I checked my shoe to see a small amount of said mess. The reason it was a small amount was because the bulk of it was all through the hall and trailed up the stairs. Still gets brought up at gatherings...
(bluebiscuit, Mon 23 May 2005, 10:32, Reply)

Not quite a meeting.....
When I was 17 I was going out with a girl in my school. One night she told me her parents were going away for an evening and I should come up to watch some videos. We messed around for a bit then watched a video, kinda hoping for other stuff to happen after the video, however we finished the first video and heard a car. Strange we thought, her parents weren't due back for another hour at least, looked out the window and saw a car, and she tells me I have to make a quick escape due to her parents over protectiveness. I start heading to the back door when I realise my shoes are at the front door. I quickly sprinted to the front door and saw an outline of a very big man. At the time I had bright red hair so I was shitting myself that he'd quickly burst through the door and "have words". Turned and bolted to the back door hearing his keys enter the lock I then kissed her goodbye before hiding behind a bush for 10 minutes until I was sure the coast was clear. Turned out he wasn't very observant and failed to notice a red headed boy running about the house then sneaking around his back garden!



Another time I got the "you better take good care of my daughter" speech from a girls dad. Wouldn't have minded if I was actually going out with her but we were just friends. Much to my disapointment. Probably my fault, always take too long over these matters!
( bobzarkoff, Mon 23 May 2005, 9:44, Reply)

My girlfriend's dad..
..attempted the old 'Look after my daughter' speach the other day.

She and I have been together for over 12 months and he met me before we were together! Slightly odd timing. (Also, I say attempted because he was as drunk as me and it was after my birthday night out where I discovered double JD and coke was too easy to drink).
( beefandcheese, Mon 23 May 2005, 9:30, Reply)

Cheeky Wink
Well meeting the parents was fine, her dad was 76! and i thought that he would be very strict, me being the randy lad i am back in the day, netime i was round my gf's dad's house i was trying to get my leg over. after sitting round there for what seemed an eternity of chatting about the war me and my ex slept downstairs in the living room, so she straddled on top in her birthday suit and her dad walked in dont mind me just gotta get "me tobacco" in and out in a flash

the horror of this story is in the morning her dad says to me "morning you have a good night last night?" followed by a cheeky wink

oh the shame i was expecting a right bollocking
(mcgillp2k, Mon 23 May 2005, 9:26, Reply)

Taxi!
I'd been seeing my then girlfriend for some months and had managed to avoid meeting her parents. We were alone in the house and had been getting up to some teenage fumblings when it was time to go home.

I went to call a cab but the missus insisted she did. Got in the cab and was asked the usual small talk by mr driver such as what you been up to, did you have a nice time.

Of course I answered 'fucking right' and went into detail of how dirty she was, how I was only using her for sex (I was an obnoxious arse) and even offered 'you can have a sniff if you like!' (A very obnoxious arse)

Finally got home and asked him how much do I owe you and he said 'nothing, just keep the fuck away from my daughter, as I now know where you live.'

How I was I to know her dad was a cabbie?
(Let's all have an asbo, Mon 23 May 2005, 8:51, Reply)

Lucky me
I met another ex's mum one sunny saturday morning he had buggared off to work and left me asleep in his bed when there was a knock knock knocking at the front door so I pulled on a t-shirt (one of his not mine so it completely covered me to the knees as I am vertically challenged) and went down to see who it was, opened the door to his mother with all her belongings as she had left her bf and had heard that her son had a spare room going so decided she should move in with him, couldn't really refuse her entry could I even tho he told me later that I should of :o( I knew it was doomed when she bought me a wedding dress and we weren't even engaged.
(DWF, Mon 23 May 2005, 4:14, Reply)

when i first met the parents, i was wrenching my way out of the mom's vaginal crevace. it was a rather painful experience for her, judging from the sounds of the screams, but i thinks she got used to me after a while. then, i was slapped on my bum and i met my dad. good times....
( droogii why stay still when you can roll, Mon 23 May 2005, 1:13, Reply)

Back in the day
when i was going out with my first (and now sadly deceased) girlfriend, we ended up at her house one day. We were both a bit mashed and sex in the bathroom seemed like a wonderful idea. Afterwards she wandered off to get some towels (a shower also seemed like a wonderful idea) and I waited. Seeing her shadow outside the door I said "Hey baby, oyu want me to wash your hair? I'm liking the idea of your tits covered in foam" (corny? nah.) only to discover that the person opening the door was in fact her mother, who didn't even know i was there. I was never really welcome after that, although her brother did leer at me whenever we met.
(visceralvixen, Mon 23 May 2005, 1:06, Reply)

When I first went home with my current boyfriend
It was very embarrasing... I still get on with his mother very well though. Just as well as when I was going out with his younger brother in fact. We were going out for ages before I dared go and speak to his mother... she's a lovely lady though and they don't seem to mind. Also his folks haven't called me a whore (yet) so it's all good.
(BlackCat, Mon 23 May 2005, 0:20, Reply)

My ex-girlfriend
When my ex-girlfriend came to meet the parents, she brought the gift of a plastic ostrich that whistled and danced when you clapped your hands. When my mum found out that we had split up, even before I got home, the ostrich had been taken to a charity shop.

Don't blame her. Mort and the whistling ostrich never got on.
( giant_squid, Mon 23 May 2005, 0:15, Reply)

Vandross
"What's this shit?" I asked on hearing some crime against music coming out of the speakers at my future in-laws' place.

"My mother's favourite album."

Ah.

"So, where is the old trout then?"

"Behind you."

Ah.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Mon 23 May 2005, 0:13, Reply)

current girlfreind
i met new years eve

but the problem was she hooked me up with her sister, them me and jess hooked up instead - her parnts now only talk to me with bribes of wine - and short visits - they chased me out the house when they found out were engaged
( hooker1uk Filth monger of the lowest degree!, Sun 22 May 2005, 23:53, Reply)

well
while dating an ex she requested i meet her parents, which was good as i wanted to meet them. then it kinda went tits up, ' meet me at 7, usualt place can you drive me home' was the messgage i got, i arrived and waited, ten minuites later a bmw pulled up in car park, her dad, godfather and another nutter bolted out of the car. it turned out her old man had heard rumors about my family, and decided to warn me away, one torched car, a broken arm and 3 busted ribs later i never waw her again - the bitch even borrowed £20 off me the night before
( hooker1uk Filth monger of the lowest degree!, Sun 22 May 2005, 23:34, Reply)

Shaggin
My missus has two kids from a previous chap. First time I went to see her parents, we took the kids aswell. Dan, the little lad, was about 8 or so. We were all just sitting down at the dinner table when my missus gave me a peck on the cheek, a little kiss.

Dan pipes up to me, in a nice loud voice:
"Whenever I see you, you're either reading the paper or shagging my mum"

He meant 'kissing', and then only pecks, you know, we didn't make out in front of the kids or anything. But I've never been so embarrrassed.
(Vlad, Sun 22 May 2005, 23:11, Reply)