near death...i think
It was the middle of winter (about -25 degrees Celcius),and I fell in a creek. I was about 4 feet tall, the water was about 6 feet deep, and I couldnt swim. The only thing keeping me from drowning was my wool mits, which froze to the ice block i tried to hold on to. I was so terrified, and I was FREEZING! All of a sudden I started to feel warm, and then I couldnt hear much around me except for the current. My blue wool mitts looked as if they were glowing, and i heard this weird bubbling sound. For some reason I felt like laughing, and I felt like I was floating. I looked up the hill and saw a group of people waving at me, but they all had smiles on their faces, and they were wearing summer clothes. I felt somebody grab me, and I must have passed out, because the next thing I knew, I was lying on a hospital bed with a needle stuck in my ass.
I'm still not sure if it was a near-death experience or hypothermia.
(taltiu, Fri 3 Dec 2004, 6:17, Reply)

I was a stupid little boy..
I was on vacation with my parents in Egypt. There were a swiming pool there and it's water source was a sort of small waterfall, so i thought, "Hey, why don't i go up there, and jump down! that would be so cool". My friend sat and watched as i went up and he was still sitting and watching when i was in mid-air and remembered: "Hey, i don't know how to swim.. crap." and still he was sitting and watching as i was screaming for help while drowning. Some friend he is.. didn't even move from his seat. I was willing to give up when somehow from nowhere came my dad running and pulled me out. That was one of my many near death drowning experiences.
( My Ass Is On Fire due to constant gas leak, Fri 3 Dec 2004, 3:58, Reply)

Yet another bloody light bulb story
I was putting in a light, as you do, and it wasn't 'allowed' to just hang down from the ceiling spot where the architect had decided a light should be. No, it had to be halfway across the ceiling, with a big long wire connected to the ceiling socket and running across the ceiling to the 'right' place.
Can you tell this wasn't my idea?
Anyway, I connected the blue and brown wires to the appropriate ones in the extension wire I had and sealed the ceiling connection bit up nicely. Then I went over to where the light was going to hang and got ready to wire it in.
No idea what I was thinking, but I think it was this . . "It is dark, the light is off, therefore it is switched off"
So, the wire was too long and what did I do, totally unthinkingly? Grabbed a bloody modelling knife and cut the blimmin' end off!!
"BANG!!" went the wire in my hand, out went every other light in the house, "ARG!!" went I as I fell off my chair in shock. It certainly woke me up. I dread to think what might have happened if the chair had not happened to have rubber caps on the feet. The knife blade was broken off and scorched to all hell, the plastic bits were melted round it too. Yikes.
(foolish_child, Fri 3 Dec 2004, 2:23, Reply)

Nearly, a bit.
I got crushed at Hillsborough, both my mates I was with died but I was fine. I was in Manchester centre when the bomb went off. I rearranged a flight so that I came out of JFK early hours 911 instead of 912. I OD'd on ketamine but got revived by paramedics.

I think that's it.
(crunt, Fri 3 Dec 2004, 0:35, Reply)

The stupidity of youth...
About 10 years ago, a roomate of mine gave me a medium sized pill bottle containing a variety of shapes and sizes of narcotic painkillers, mostly Vicodin. Being a binge sort of person, I immediately began eating pills from the bottle, at one point, I wasn't even swallowing them with water, I was just chewing them up.

It never occured to me that these pills also contained Tylenol, which will kill you from liver failure, and who knows what else...I ended up laying on my bed, unable to control my muscles, I remember my tongue "shaking" in my mouth and sort of flowing in and out of conciousness.

I look back on that day with utter embarassment and dread, I could have easily poisoned myself, and I am lucky to have lived.
(local_weather rarely posts anything, Thu 2 Dec 2004, 22:58, Reply)

well,
i managed to choke on an exteremely large marmite flavour crisp yesterday.


*shame*
(can't think.... is not dave, Thu 2 Dec 2004, 22:38, Reply)

Impressive cycling gymnastics (not my near death experience, someone else's near death experience of me)
When I was about 10, me & a friend went cycling to the local Sainsbury's (as you do) to get a balloon each, one of those helium ones; I borrowed his bike. So I got the balloon, tied it onto the handlebars, and set off back. Entering his road, my friend shouted, "Look, a fox!" at which point I slammed on the brakes to look at it. I was used to my bike's crappy brakes, but his stopped immediately. I flew over the handlebars, did a full somersault in the air and landed gracefully on my knees. The bike fell over at the same time, popping the balloon. My friend turned round immediately, thinking that that was my head popping.

I never saw the fox, either...
(mickeymoose fewest posts per day?, Thu 2 Dec 2004, 20:10, Reply)

My closest brush with death
was, believe it or not, on that bloody pirate ship ride at Chessington. I was about 12, and a tiny bugger as well, and I was shoved into the back row (the one that puts you at a total right-angle at the peak) with a bunch of gigantic men. I got pushed right to the edge so far that the rail only covered a single knee...

Needless to say, I held on for dear life, cried after I'd gotten off, and never ever went on the cursed ride again.
(Sparkytus is obviously not a golfer, Thu 2 Dec 2004, 19:49, Reply)

mm near death but of my own making
i have clinical manic deppresion and have tried to kill myself 3 times - mi closest was when i did the old razor wrist trick dont realise how much blood there is. got taken to hospital and was stitched up tho i had lost 1 1/2 pints of blood. Close to death? - i had better bloody hope so. The catch? - i am 14
woo first post for me i am a manic lurker!!
(rabid spong in catatonia, Thu 2 Dec 2004, 19:03, Reply)

Plastic Pig
I was saved by my brother from being run over and mangled by a reliant robin when crossing on a pelican crossing. The little green man was indicating it was perfectly safe to cross and the lights for the cars were red, indicating they should stop. Obviously, this is not how the world works for drivers of plastic pigs. To this day I am embarrassed by the fact I was nearly killed in this ignominious way and I thank my brother for the near strangling I received from his timely actions instead. Incidently, having come way too close to drowning several times, receiving multitudinous mains shocks and falling almost 50 foot out of a tree, I can honestly say that nothing of near death interest has happened. Oh well, maybe next time.
(Bus Turd, Thu 2 Dec 2004, 18:27, Reply)

Swim, Drive, Cycle
Swimming
I think I was about seven years old, mucking about with my younger brother on a boat jetty in Hullbridge, Essex. Next thing I know I'm in the water flailing around. Next next thing I know some 14 year old girl is giving me the kiss of life.

I was so mortified I ran to my nan who was coming down the slope and didn't even say sorry. What? A GIRL KISSED ME! O the horror!

That episode prompted me to learn to swim while I had the chance!




Driving
Nipping home the back way (narrow country lanes) between my friends place in the Maltings, Sawbridgeworth and my parents place in Old Harlow. A car came around a bend in the road, so I slowed down and pulled in. The wheels went over a patch of wet leaves and (in slow motion for the next minute) the steering wheel jerked to the left, the car went slowly up the bank, flipped to one side, and rolled onto its roof. Cue me dangling upside down in my seat, scrabbling with the seatbelt.

After getting out I ended up standing next to the woman in the car that rounded the corner. We both looked at my car, which was on its roof, side on, blocking the road. She said "Are you okay?". I said "Do you have a mobile phone?". I called my parents and my friend (the one I was just coming home from). I then checked myself for injury - a banged up ankle where it rattled between the pedals, and that was all. Lucky.

After a while we ended up with traffic backed up on both sides. Two guys and I managed to turn my car around and flip it onto its wheels. A policeman was in the queue, so he came forward with a broom and swept all the glass up, then offered me an escort home. That was quite breezy, driving without a front windscreen.

Next day, checking out the car, if I had a passenger with me they would have karked it. It was a write-off, and I was only doing about 10MPH when it happened. Nightmare.


There was another time at a set of traffic lights in Sawbridgeworth where I was stopped in a queue and saw a car crest a hill behind me, Dukes of Hazard-stylee, before plowing into my rear. Because I saw it, I clenched up and ripped all the muscles in the sheet across my back. Very sore, but not near death.


Last car related one - a few years ago, driving to work from our village through back roads to Hemel Hempstead. I had just left a village that had installed traffic calming devices on the roads in - huge signs and road narrowing devices that told the cars coming IN to the village that they had to give priority to people leaving the village. Makes sense, really.

I approached this forest of signs as a guy drew up to it. He slowed and stopped. I continued. At the last moment he went for it, and I think our combined head on collision speed was 60MPH. The resulting BANG meant lots of people in dressing gowns and slippers came out to look at the wreckage.

I'm wheezing because of the seatbelt pain. My glasses are not on my face - I later found them on the seat behind me. Fucktard comes over and says "Are you okay?!" and of course I tell him no. Later, as the cars are taken away by tow trucks, I ask a policeman if I'll have any trouble with the insurance. He looks at me, then at a HUGE sign that says "RIGHT OF WAY" on my side of the road, and just laughs.

Ended up with two weeks off work because of whiplash - back muscles supporting my neck, so typing was only possible for about half an hour before it became agony. Stupid fucker, some people just piss me off.




Biking
Two years ago here in Edmonton I was cycling to work. I started down the slope of the High Level Bridge, on the multi-use trail. Cars on the road are going by, with a big fence between us. Two cyclists are a fair distance behind me.

Next thing I know someone is asking me about medical insurance and I realise I'm in the back of an ambulance as the other paramedic is lifting my mangled wreck of a bike into the back.

I have no recollection of what happened, and I lost about half an hour of my life. At the time I didn't think to ask anyone else, because I was concussed. Evidence (the bike, my face) hints that the wheel taco'd into a U shape and I went over the handlebars and used my face as a brake, but I have no idea WHY.

In the hospital I called my wife and got a bed in E.R. very quickly - head injuries do that, it seems - where a comedy duo of doctors told me that someone else had an accident on the bridge a week before.

"Yes, he was a Doctor, you know", said the first.
"A friend of mine", said the second.
"He wasn't wearing a helmet, you know"
"He died afterwards"
"I treated him - he died on me"
"Oh but you had a helmet, good for you"

Thanks a bunch, you morbid fucks. That helped!

My better half had to wake me every hour that night to see if I was concussed. She would try to confuse me, the minx, "Susan! Wake up! What's your name?". I was too clever for her, though!


Of course, a year later, cycling home on that same bridge, I clipped the edge of the handlebars on the fence and shot across the cycle path to stop my forward progress using a bridge stanchion and my face. As I flew out of control towards the huge metal girder I thought "Here we go again" and then POW. Mortally embarassing but at least I stayed conscious... Wrecked the nail on one big toe and had a great nosebleed but apart from that I got off lightly...




Never going to apologise for length because the whole point of these questions is to provide answers, so stop it!
(kiwanotree Meh, Thu 2 Dec 2004, 18:08, Reply)

Fire
while buring things in an old dustbin round my friends house I threw in a lighter to watch it explode. When an explosion failed to occur i went over to the bin with the intention of leaning over and poking the lighter. When I was about a foot away a massive fireball burst out of the top of the bin. My mate nearly pissed himself laughing, witch I thought was only fair as the previous week I'd nearly immolated him by over petrolling a bonfire before he took a match to it.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 2 Dec 2004, 17:07, Reply)

Don't work for my old man...
My father, being a self-employed builder, generally spends most days just trying to avoid killing himself in ingenious ways - or in this case someone else.
One day, the old man is removing the mortar from a brick wall with his weapon of choice - the angle-grinder (All safety features removed, obviously). As he gets to the corner of the wall, he's unable to reach into the corner with the 9 inch disc, so thinks "Fuck-this" and slaps the 12 inch bad-boy on it. Now it's worth reminding ourselves that the angle-grinder revolves at several hundred rpm.
While all this is going on, he's got a young labourer behind him cutting bricks in half. All of a sudden, the old man hits a snag in the wall and the massive torque rips the angle-grinder out of his hands and flying behind him. Cue father, turning round to see his young employee doubled up in agony on the floor.
"Oh shit" he thinks to himself and rushes to help the young fellow, who as it turns out was very, very, very lucky indeed. Fortunately it was the middle of winter and the seventeen layers of clothing he was wearing had stopped the blade enough to just nick his skin. If it was summer, the old man would have turned round to see the poor fella sliced in half, or at least with his guts hanging out.

Being a kind and generous employer, he gave him the afternoon off work.
(Roy Horn, Thu 2 Dec 2004, 16:38, Reply)

Well
I too have a bike story. As I was going off a 10" ramp, i fell. but before i went off that fatal jump, i yelled to my friend videotaping to "keep recording if I fall" irocic huh, anyways, i was in t3h hospital over night, and out of school for a week.

I'll post t3h vid when i get home.
(Bob Bobinson, feel's unloved, Thu 2 Dec 2004, 16:27, Reply)

Tree Climbing:
The irresponsible activity of choice in my household some years back.

We had a truly gigantic motherfucker - great fun to climb, and at about 20, 30m great for looking all around town.

Was down there on my own one evening, about 25 feet up, when I unfortunately fell, back first. Body landed on the nice soft leafy ground - phew.

Head, of course, decided to go for the concrete slab lying near the base of the tree. I remember the fuckingest pain ever, then just blankness.

Not sure how much later I came to, though it was dark by then. Very dark. Ran indoors and just pretended to have been messing around for hours, before going to my room to nurse the most enormous lump on the back of my swede....
(unholysmoke, Thu 2 Dec 2004, 15:35, Reply)

SiX:-
its more fun to play with the insides of a disposable camera (as long as its someone else you use it on)

its not half so powerful but still makes your workmates yelp
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 2 Dec 2004, 15:33, Reply)

Nice electricution!
I rememebr when my dad got us a computer he made out of bits and bobs. when the plug was switched on sparks were flying out. 'Thats not right' I said. 'Naaa, its supossed to do that, pull it out then'
Got a bit of a shock.
You know those electric ball plasma lamps? put a ring ontop of the ball and touch it, lighting comes off the ring (oh yeah, it may hurt ab bit as it burns the skin nd your teeth)
( Blobcat Less Jaffacakes this year, Thu 2 Dec 2004, 15:09, Reply)

Face Electrocution
I've been run over twice, nearly broke my neck skiing, nearly drowned at sea as a baby, and was in hospital for two weeks, full of tubes, when I had Meningitis. But the funniest one was the following:

6 years old, I decided to become a dentist. I took a small make up mirror of my mother's, and a night light that I had cause I was scared of the dark. The mission was to light up my mouth so I could see inside it with the mirror. To do this the night light had to be pluged into the wall, but for me to get my mouth round it it had to be sticking out a little. Cue to me sticking the bulb in my mouth, flicking the switch, tongue touching the plug, big spark, head shoots back, prickles all over my mouth, and no power in the house. I just sat for two minutes, looking stastled, but too scared to say anything to my mother.
(sinboy, Thu 2 Dec 2004, 13:42, Reply)

Fell 50ft.........
.....from the 4th storey of a balcony whilst on a ski trip (on the last night luckily), although no snow on the ground at resort level for cushioned comedy landing- Very drunk. Reason I fell? Thought it would be a good idea to climb into my neighbours balcony "For a better view". All I remember is thinking "Oh Shiiiii...*Thudump* as my head hit the next balcony below and I fell rag dolled and unconscious to the ground below. Friends freaked out - Apparrently I just got up and started running about so they had to restrain me.
No breaks though, and for some reason no ski insurance (???) so had to hobble home the next day in agony to go to A&E back home...Tore ligaments from neck to base of back... and a nasty bruise on my leg where I had a stolen stashed glass ashtray in my combat trooser pockets.
So no - No white light, no visions of the pearly gates, Just a feeling of dread......Morbid dread

Girth & Length is what makes the world a better place.
( -:Coop:-, Thu 2 Dec 2004, 13:18, Reply)

heed my words
do not play with the internals of a camera flash - I whited out for about 30 seconds after accidently touching a full capacitor (was meant to have not been used for a month - balls) i had a blister the size of a golfball on my hand and after the first initial buzz of increased mental capacity came the four hour headache
( SiX and his hat, Thu 2 Dec 2004, 13:12, Reply)

Miraculously saved!
This guy I knew took a load of drugs (no idea what sort as I don't do them - they're all the same to me!) and drove home along one of the interstates in New Jersey. At some point he simply lost the plot completely and headed straight at the central reservation. Sadly, this wasn't the UK crash barrier type, and basically when he hit it he took off like an airplane.

After turning upside down in midair, he landed on the other side of the highway. Luckily there was another car there to cushion his fall. Amazingly he survived.

In the other car, the woman driving it (my cousin) lost most of her face, and had many other injuries, but lived. Her husband was killed outright. One of her children in the back died shortly afterwards. The other child was completely unhurt.

So, that was an amazingly close scrape for this guy I knew who drove and took drugs! Talk about a luckily turn of events!

I hope all you dope smoking drivers are listening. Funnily enough I vaguely know someone else who was killed on a zebra crossing in London by a dope smoking bike courier (as if there was another kind).
(steer, Thu 2 Dec 2004, 12:52, Reply)

White box : WHITE BOX!!!!!!!!!!!!
4:30 am one Monday morning, M1 southbound near Rotherham. It's pissing down, so I am actually (for once) doing around 70-75 max. Notice a lorry stationary in the inside lane - not the hard shoulder. Pulls out, slows down a bit more, overtakes him, only to encounter a white box in the middle of "lane 2". WHITE BOX !!! WHITE BOX!!! First thoughts: washing machine, second thought, hope it's a white cardboard box. Nope. It's.....wait for it. An air conditioning unit (like in offices/shops). Hit this and destroy the bloody thing. Near death ? as it turns out no, but my very last thought before I hit it was - "Shit, I won't get to see Pete Hammill on Friday after all......"

Imagine that, my last words would have been "WHITE BOX, WHITE BOX !!!!!" in a perplexed tone of voice...

(The policeman asked "anybody hurt" - my reply ? "only if you count shitting yourself...")
(The real vlad the impala, Thu 2 Dec 2004, 11:49, Reply)

Death by chairlift
I was skiing at Sunshine resort in eastern British Columbia a couple of years ago, and I had an "incident" involving one of their chairlifts. It was rather old and rickety, and a lot of the seats were loose. I was riding the lift with my father, and when we got to the top, he slid forward and up off the lift before I did. This caused the seat to shift, trapping my jacket. I didn't realise this, however, until I felt myself being towed backwards towards an extremely high ledge with trees and rocks at the bottom. My Dad was screaming at the attendant to stop the lift. My jacket started to tear, and tore up the side of the zipper until it reached my neck: it stopped there for some reason, so I was suspended by my neck from the damned chairlift. Everything seemed like it was in slow motion: no lights or tunnels here either though. Luckily, they did stop the chairlift before I made it to the edge,and I was helped down. I felt rather shaky for the rest of the day, not surprisingly.

Edited to add: As compensation, they loaned me a jacket to replace mine (loaned, not replaced, the cheap buggers) and paid to have mine repaired. About a year later, chatting to a former employee at the resort, she told me that the chairlift regularly "eats" jackets. Well, that's all right then. I should have sued while I had the chance.
(BlackArmadillo Avoided writing that article on, Thu 2 Dec 2004, 10:54, Reply)

Closer than a close call and not exactly a "near-death" experience.
Many years ago i was working at a lighting warehouse nr. Redhill. One day whilst on our fag break we watched a large Fosters lorry reversing up to the door of the opposite warehouse. Unbeknown to the driver there was a chap sitting in his fork lift behind the lorry. Instead of trying to drive his forklift out of the way, the forklifter pretty much sat and watched as the lorry slowly bore down on him. It caught the forklift and started to tip it. I still dream about what happened next. The forklift driver tried to get out of the cab as it was tipping over and instead of escaping by the skin of his teeth, ended up with his head crushed between the ground and the edge of his cab roof. Dead. So i suppose i was near death, which sort of validates my story. We all couldn't believe that the poor chap had pretty much sat and watched it happen to himself. Weird. But not as weird as what happened three years later. I was working for Surrey County Council and part of my job involved scanning in road accident images. Lovely. Just when i thought i could put the incident behind me. There it appeared on my desk one day, in full glossy 10" by 5" technicolour. I puked.
(inactionman, Thu 2 Dec 2004, 10:42, Reply)