Tuesday morning
Dobre rano, dame a panove, tady je dum sladky dum!

(good morning, ladies and gentlemen, here is home sweet home)
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 6:44, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Tomorrow (Tuesday) would have been my mum's 60th birthday
You lot might think I bang on too much about her on here, but I have nowhere to go visit or anything apart from when I get to go home. So, fellow b3tans, I'm asking you if you're going to the pub to raise a glass to my mum!
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 6:06, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Postcards!
Ok, all postcards are written and addressed! Having major issues with my server at work (we had to re-build it today) so haven't yet had chance to go to the post office, but they will all be sent out this week :D
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 5:05, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

So my youngest's new favorite website is Cakewrecks.
And we were browsing it as per the usual when we came across this disaster:





What the shuddering fuck?

And are those man-boobs under the chest-hair-scribbles?


Thankfully it was his eyes that she focused on as the most creepy bit.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Tue 2 Jun 2009, 4:32, Reply)

FFS
I actually had to stop myself kicking my bloody 2yo in the fucking ribs.

"Don't do that. It won't achieve anything other than a small child howling even louder in GENUINE distress instead of just pissed that she can't have another apple juice popper." Thought I.

And possibly a trip to A&E. And an interview with the kiddie fiddlers/snatchers.

Oh how I envy you fellow b3tan. Sitting there at work, bored out of your skull. Or avoiding studying for your exams.

Trust me, being stuck at home with a sick and stroppy toddler is a circle of Hell to make Dante himself blanch.
(Que?, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 2:13, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

New Comic
For your viewing P-leisure:



Comments welcome.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 1:05, Reply)

I've been tinkering...because I can
In the past when I turned on my netbook I was greeted with
this boring old screen.

After wasting huge amounts of time dicking about with paint (I really need to learn to use GIMP properly...) I'm now greeted by by favourite Mon Calmari Admiral Akbar!

The BIOS I upgraded to in the process of changing the image seems to load up much quicker. I might downgrade again so that Akbar is on screen for longer.

There's no need to tell me how sad I am.
( Captain V, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 23:40, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Because L3oN demanded it
Well, asked at any rate... here's what happens when you quaff too much free champagne at a wedding...

Pic in reply as it may be a bit on the large side (oo-er missus)
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 23:10, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Another pointless question
Why the fuck has nobody yet invented beer flavoured mouthwash?
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 22:42, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

FFS
Is anyone else being bombarded with moths? I've chucked five of the bastards out of the window tonight already, and that's a small number for a night based on the last two weeks.

Getting slightly annoyed with the fluttering little bastards.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 22:28, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So, why is it, when you start looking
for new business premises, all the really ideal places get snapped up the week before you started looking.
(cheeses swept kissed a dog and he liked it., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 20:52, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What's your favourite opening line of a book?
Mine is

It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on earth has ever produced the expression "As pretty as an airport."

from Douglas Adams's "The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul"
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 20:51, 19 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Ladies and gentlemen, please help me unpick a debate
I've been having with a young lady with whom I live.

If a clean plate slides out of the cupboard and on to the floor, is it better to

a. Blow on it
or
b. Wipe it on your sleeve/trousers

on its way home?
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 20:14, 32 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Holy Shit
My class were absolute fuckers today.
The day ended with one getting another in a headlock on the floor FFS.

So, how were your days?
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 19:19, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Who else wants to smash Alastair Darlings fucking smug cunt face in
every time the cunt opens his cunty little cunt mouth.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 19:01, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

There's a giant bee on my landing
And it keeps butting against the window that doesn't open.

I remember reading that flies will take an essentially random path and hence eventually find their way back to an open window, whereas bees are just that little bit smarter and will keep plugging away at a non-working option.

Any suggestions on how to persuade him to head for a different lightsource - i.e. the open bedroom window?

Without getting stung.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 18:18, 25 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Fuck me, what an arrogant twat...
I originally had a rant about this chap during the "Bastard Colleagues" QotW, b3ta.com/questions/bastardcolleagues/post115932
and, as I'm sure you'll agree, he sounds like an irritating cockdonkey. Since we graduated and started doing research in different bits of the department, I don't see him very often, just the occasional polite "hello" in the corridor.

And the last time I had a conversation with him, I honestly thought he'd mellowed and become a likeable person.

Just now, however, he reaffirmed to me what a pillock he could be. I was putting up posters for a talk being given by an external speaker tomorrow. It's about icebergs breaking off from the poles and the effect they have as they travel South (or North) and melt.

"Oh, that looks boring," he remarked after taking a glance at the title

I was flabbergasted. I even tried to reassure myself that he wasn't just being fucking rude - was he suggesting that it wouldn't be that interesting to my group (atmospheric physics) on account of it being more ocean-related? I suspect he was, in fact, reverting to his old ways, which assumed that anything outside of his navel-gazing theoretical physics was trivial, boring and easily soluble.

I tried to assume the former, and then tried words other than "fuck off, you arrogant prick."
"...well, actually, it looks quite interesting. It's nice to have a diverse range of speakers in, and it tends to draw a broader audience."
He shrugged.
"You dump a load of cold water into the oceans, thermohaline circulation shuts off, we freeze. That's about all there is to it, isn't there?"
Christ on a fucking jet-propelled hairdryer, you smug, arrogant heap of festering badgerflaps. You've read a couple of articles and you honestly think you know it all, don't you?
Through gritted teeth, I ventured,
"Well, it's really not quite that simple..."
i.e., did it ever occur to you that there's a reason people are still working on these things?

Did he ask me to elaborate? Did he seem interested? Did he fuck. What a twat. Grrrrr.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 17:58, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Cancer winner
www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/5417557/Cancer-sufferer-wins-another-5000-after-bet-to-stay-alive.html
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 16:49, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hmmm...
I just read the following about a man going to prison for spiking an omelette...

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/8077341.stm

Made me worry a little...
www.b3ta.com/questions/foodsabotage/post250194
( Cawl, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 16:11, 52 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Did anyone else see this earlier link
www.b3ta.com/links/322163

Well I live in the town in question and got one of the leaflets. I let Anna know that I found it funny and it wouldn't stop me voting for her.

I got a reply saying.............

Hi Phil,

The leaflet in question was not authorised by me or the Lib Dems. It was delivered to two streets in Camborne, and we have now reacalled the leaflets. My agent is going to launch an investigation. Meanwhile, we have apologised to Stuart for any embarrassment caused, and to the local residents who received the unauthorised leaflet. However I'm shocked that you would actually vote for someone if their election leaflets used bad language and were irrespectful to other politicians. Phil - you need to seriously examine your own values.

Anna

So screw her then, I'll vote for the Greasy haired twat instead. Miserable bitch.
( Peej, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:58, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Is it just me, or is this a fucking snotty email?
I dropped off my cv and covering letter to a place near my college two weeks ago and this is what he said.

thank you for your application which I believe we received by post. I
prefer to manage recruits selection by email, so I would be grateful if
we could communicate by e-mail from now on.
I have received a covering letter and CV from you. Many of the things
which you mention in your covering letter do not appear on your CV.
Could you please fill in missing information from your CV.
What is your current job, responsibilities salary and benefits.
Please fill in dates for which month and year you started and finished
each position (whether that position was training or experience or
work) on your CV. In addition, please fill in what you were doing in
between positions.
For education positions, please record which hours and days you were
at college during that period. For employment positions please record
which hours and days you worked, whether the position was full or part
time, and whether this was a temporary permanent or work
experience/voluntary position.
Please fill in grades for each of your GCSEs and other qualifications.
Could you please also provide a few sentences as to your aspirations
for your career in the next one or two years.
Thank you very much
Yours sincerely
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:52, 22 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The totally bald guy in our office
Has a huge bright-red zit in the exact centre of the back of his neck.

I have used the Dymo label maker to make a little "RESET" label.

What an I offered?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:51, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I had a job interview this morning
forgot that the lady said it was in the middle of a pet shop, so here's some pics for you lot.

In replies
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:13, 25 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Just spotted this on /talk
www.dailysport.com/view.asp?ID=552

It's pretty horrific stuff.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:01, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

O2 Advert Fail


What a bunch of sillies!
(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:25, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I have just had to leave the office
This was because the twunt who got my job has just come back from a training course so that he can actually do the job, and he is boasting about the fact that he now knows some of the keyboard shortcuts for Excel.

WTF, he's only been using it for the last 10 years.

I went out, had a smoke, and a damn good laugh.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:16, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Is it just me
Or does Susan Boyle look like a complete mong?

What're your thoughts on this?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:52, 30 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm getting a new fridge for my birthday.
I've been going through cucumbers like you wouldn't believe. Yay!
( girlinthehole, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:41, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)