A lovely person has just cheered me up immensely.
I commend him with my seal of approval.

Who/what do you want to show appreciation for this evening?
( Maladicta, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 22:25, 85 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The mammoth in Ice age reminds me of Al
While Buckminster reminds me of Bert.

What fictional characters remind you of b3tans or their meat puppets?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 21:23, 30 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I has an idea!
One-line story. I'll start.

Many years ago when Jacko was black and not dead,
( Maladicta, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 19:52, 31 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

One for the manly men (and manly women) of b3ta...
How many of these can you do? I count 13 that I can do competently, but I'd have no idea of how to change a tire shamefully enough.

www.bspcn.com/2009/07/08/14-basic-skills-all-men-should-possess/

For some reason it's only showing the comments, so you have to MTFU and scroll up.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 19:36, 39 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My feet huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurt
but I had a lovely afternoon walking the banks of the canals. This evening I shall mostly be watching Ice age 3 and not studying because I don't have an exam tomorrow.

What will you mostly be doing?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 19:10, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Ok, which joker gazzed me this.
@ Hello my dear

[email protected]
Hello,
My name is stephani i saw your profile at (www.b3ta.com) and i love it i think we can click so please i will like you to email me back through my email address thus:([email protected]).so that i will tell you more about me and where i from and also send you my picture for you to know me to well.
Awaiting to see your lovely reply soonest.
Miss stephanie.
(I'm new! stephanielove, Thu 9 Jul, 16:14, ignore, delete, archive, reply)
( girlinthehole, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 18:43, 24 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Today I have been laughing at:
I'm amused by the news that the ‘helmet cameras’ tested by the Metropolitan Police have been catching fire, but utterly in awe of the statement from the Police Federation’s chairman Peter Smyth. "We're not against them," said Smyth. "But a couple of them have caught fire, which isn't ideal."

I don't have a question to ask, so, umm, yeah. I shall shortly be going home, too. Huzzah.
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 18:35, Reply)

Din din times.
A small roasting thinggy filled with tiny baby potatos and baked beens.

Some times I look at my life, at what I'm doing, and I look up at the moon, wondering what a big big world we live in. And then I wonder if Al is doing the exact same thing, and it doesn't seem quite as so big anymore.

YES ! I've added some emintile to that too.

//edit//
YES AGAIN ! I've added some jelopinos to it.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 17:49, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Your predictions for the new question 'Gyms'?

( WormuIus, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 16:19, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Ever had cause to measure your head?
the circumference of mine is 61cm. I have a fucking big head.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:20, 78 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

21st Century Rudeness
Rudeness is a human condition that changes with the fashions of the day.

Present day cuntery reaches its zenith with vacuous arsecandles who will sit and text away while you are having a 'conversation' with them. Now, i tried this, once, and i can assure you, it is impossible to text AND listen with any sort of interest to the person who you are with. the usual mumbling of 'mm', 'uh-uh', 'yip', are about as much as they can manage.

Obviously if a person is waiting on a message or has to return a message that is important, then fair enough....but this idle, tap tap tap, uh-uh, yeah, yip, mm-h drives me to distraction, even when i'm not directly involved. It's just totally fucking obnoxious.

.....and no, its not because i'm a boring twat...the main offenders are serial texters who send up to and beyong 100 texts a day, that contain about as much 'useful' information as a pube.

What other new fangled ways to be rude boils YOUR piss?
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:07, 24 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hate-filled gazzes
Anyone ever get one?

Mine, courtesy of the long-since departed conzo21:

"You just think your intelligent really your just a very sad individual with nothing better to do. How does that one strike you, think about it! You are “intelligent" after all. Thank you for replying."

And then another one saying

"I really dont like you [sic]".

Has me down pat, I think.

What do you have?
( jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:04, 25 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

YAY and WHOO!!!
I win, I win, I win!!!

I think that's the 1st time I've won anything, ever!
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:31, 44 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm pretty sure that one of the guys who works in my office is Kingpin
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kingpin_(comics)

which supervillains do you know?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:04, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Becky's leaving
is it too soon to start singing "Ding dong the witch is dead!"??
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 13:21, 45 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

In honour of Becky leaving us...


How are we all today?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:41, 44 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So my great search begins...
As you should all know by now, I will be leaving these shores for pastures new and mixing metaphors as I go. Today is my last full day on OT because I'll be at college tomorrow and I'm not sad enough to come on here on the weekend.

Over the last three months or so, I and I alone have changed the face of Off Topic from a sweet, loving place of fluff and kittums to the hate filled cavern of vengeance that it now resembles. I am proud of this accomplishment because in doing so I have received many hateful gazzes, some containing tears of sadness, others promises of pints - dubious bodily fluids noted - and others were indistinguishable due to chubby fingers mashing keyboards in angst.

So whom to bequeath my crown as Queen of Off topic to now that I am stepping back into the world of full time employment? Tell me why you, OT underling should be promoted to this tenuous status and make it good. Or alternately MTFU and fuck off to a cookery forum.

Candidates are to produce a cv in hyperlinks of their biggest achievement on OT - other boards don't count and provide proof of the best meme's they have created. CHCB gets points for this suggestion.

EDIT: Poor show by all of you. So poor infact that I'm going out now for a wander in Little Venice.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:25, 129 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Whassup motherfluffers?
I'm at work. I normally have to wear a suit, but today, because I don't have to go to any important meetings to stare out of the window, or have any other appointments, I have rebelled and am wearing jeans and a jumper.

What employment-based conventions have you rebelled against today, dear people?

Non employment-based rebellion is good, too.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:17, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My Billionaire Idea.
Strips of hair-pulling sticky stuff, or fake tan, or henna, which are in a decorative pattern, like a tatto, that you can put on your legs or arms to get a cool pattern.

What's your Billionaire Idea?

//edit//

Or even with sunblock/enhancer for when you sit out in the sun.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 11:55, 22 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

An outstanding battle
is taking place on this weekds QOTW for 1st and 2nd place:

www.b3ta.com/questions/tramps/all

I've not won anything for years, please help me win - just once!
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 11:02, 33 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

For those of you who've been on the moon recently:
ALTHEGEORDIE HAS GOT A NEW BIKE!
Where should he go on it?
Points for huge distances or places with high risk factor.
( thealternativefact, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:45, 33 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

the singer from my band and I have been invited on the radio
to play some acoustic songs and be interviewed.

my conclusion from this is that local radio is really really short on content.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:01, 31 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Following on from TLIC's thread yesterday...
about bands that shouldn't appear alongside each other, how about...

BANDS COVERING INAPPROPRIATE SONGS i.e:

Status Quo singing anything from Love's "Forever Changes" album
Happy Mondays singing "Sunday Bloody Sunday" or "Saturday Night"
Faith No More performing "Personal Jesus"
( chart cat has an itch, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:51, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Fucking stupid technology
I got the bluescreen of doom last night and this morning my router's being a cunt.

What's pissing you off today?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:46, 79 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

need a new car
Got 10K. Got a baby, and a wife. I like a big boot. What car should I get. Would like some mod-cons, mainly an aux port on the stereo, and decent cup holders. Thats about it. I would consider a mondeo. What do you think? If it helps, I will also, erm, probably paint a cock on the side.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:19, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Ooh, look, a b3ta stats board
www.b3ta.com/board_stats/

Unfortunately, nothing for the ginger-haired stepchild QOTW or OT (as usual)
( chart cat has an itch, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 8:51, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Here's one from FML
Today, my 14 year old sister deleted my entire iTunes library, which had every song by The Doors, The Beatles, The Grateful Dead and the Rolling Stones, because she thought my music was "weird." She replaced it with Britney Spears, Panic at the Disco and the Jonas Brothers. FML

Am I the only one who thinks murder is justified in those circumstances?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 8:43, 35 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Unlucky dude..
but what a way to go!

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/8141612.stm

if you could pick a way to shuffle off the mortal coil, what would it be? Points for creativity and/or filth.
(berk, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 8:31, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I am so pissed off
One of the guys in my department is on holiday this week and
a) Hasn't set up his out of office
b)hasn't done anything in the last week

This means I keep getting angry phone calls from people wanting to know why stuff isn't done

The other person in my department is off "sick" AGAIN. Must have clocked up about 20+ days in the last 7 months.

My boss is working from home as she doesn't like coming in on Royal Show week and everyone else who normally sits here is either on holiday or working from home.

So I am having to deal with everything myself, most of which is stuff George hasn't shown me how to do so I am making most of it up. Oh and to cap it all off I am always the person my boss bitches to that no one is ever in the office, even though I am always the one in by myself :(

So yeah I'm gonna bitch about it on the internet and invite you all to bitch about stuff as well.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 8:31, 29 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Poo. I didn't get to go shopping.
It's 10pm and I've spent most of the evening shopping alright, photoshopping 300 pictures for my boss.
*hates the clone tool*
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 6:07, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)