Hello All!
EDIT: Seen as one person decided they'd rather help first, deride me later, I figure there's no need for this simple request anymore.

In other news, Am I the only one who thinks this could be genius? - news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/northern_ireland/8163272.stm
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 23 Jul 2009, 9:07, 22 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Today's plan of action
Arrive at work (done)
Set fire to something (pending)
Leave (pending).

What is yours?
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Thu 23 Jul 2009, 8:40, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I love Twitter
I know many people think it's a pile of donkey poo and in fact, so did I until I really gave a try properly by reposting people's links and so on.

Anyway, I've just been 'followed' (like the Friends and Fans thing on here) by Hans van der Klink (Dirrty Hans) whose bio says

"I make the groovy dvd. With the happy finish & the plumber "

I can die happy now.

EDIT

If you're on Twitter who is your favourite follower or to follow.
If not why have you decided against doing the whole Twitter thing?
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 23 Jul 2009, 8:26, 20 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

TGB immortalised in song
I have to admit, I did not anticipate the words to the chorus.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5U-YT-mRmI

Now to extract the audio and set it as my ringtone.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 23 Jul 2009, 7:32, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'M GONNA FUCK YOU...softly
I'M GONNA SCREW YOU gently
I'M GONNA HUMP YOU sweetly
I'M GONNA BALL YOU DISCREEEEEETLY
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 22:47, 77 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I know it ain't links, but:
Aldrin Violence! Plus, some Mythbusters to boot.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 22:38, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Today, I purchased more pairs of cufflinks that one man should ever have to buy in his life, ever.
What things have you bought in bulk that were almost entirely pointless?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 22:11, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

MOAR BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER
That is all.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 20:57, 51 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Wednesday Evening's thread
Marks the first anniversary of me meeting another b3tan in the real world. Champagne's on me!


( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 19:20, 94 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

How do I stop
a PS3 from overheating? It keeps spazzing out in the middle of a game and freezing up.
( Maladicta, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 19:13, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Quick question
What's the office gossip at your workplace atm? Doesn't matter how trivial it is.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 18:14, 27 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Any ideas?
After about a year of using it the scroll wheel on my wireless mouse has stopped working all the time. Works intermittently, seemingly at random. Everything else works fine, and changing the batteries doesn't help. Drivers are up to date.

Suggestions on how/if I can sort it out without buying a new mouse would be appreciated.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 17:56, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Sex Buffet
All you can fuck, for just 70 euros

Flat rate for brothels

now, that IS civilised
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 17:03, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The best cartoon ever?
Crazy Cartoons

You can read the other 9 if you like, but the Number 1 spot looks like pure brilliance.

Also have some line breaks.

Mmmm

line breaks
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 16:17, 41 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Stasi Germany, TODAY
Where do i start? Not at the beginning, because that would be too harrowing, so how about today...I work for a company that likes to control its employees and they like to think they have the capacity to control what we think. They have NO idea as to what makes a happy employee, none at all. Even winning the 'employee of the month' ends in humilation for the winner. AND please don't get me started on their 'conferences', sweet vibrating Jesus please don't...I would need a whole day to expel that from my system.

So, earlier today we received this lovely little e-mail, none if this has been altered incidentally.

"YOUR FUTURE IS IN YOUR OWN HANDS
SCOTTISH JOBLESS HIGHEST IN UK
JOBLESS FIGURES WILL BE WORSE NEXT YEAR

The majority of our consultants are doing a good job

BUT!!

Some are not. They are putting your financial future at risk as well as theirs. You MUST name and shame those who do not give good service, who do not help clients with admin issues etc.Next year is forecast to be tougher than this year principally due to unemployment being even higher than this year with higher taxes, higher fuel bills and less disposable income. Hard as it is especially in the heat we must try everything to convert and especially give good service.

You must name and shame. Report in confidence to your manager. If someone is under performing we won't be giving them a hard time we will put in extra training.

PLEASE HELP WE MUST ACT NOW TO PROTECT NEXT YEAR'S BUSINESS
THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR HARD WORK TO DATE
PEOPLE AND DEPARTMENTS MUST PULL TOGETHER"


Yes, it really does mean that we should grass up our fellow employees if they aren't doing as they should.....so, on that note, they then send out this fucking 'order'......


"As the Company grows it is difficult to maintain a small company ethos.

The nights that we have arranged are to thank you for all your hard work and dedication. It allows Departments and Branches to mix and mingle and get to know each other. The larger the Company grows, branches in particular can feel isolated and it is important that everyone can come together to celebrate the success of xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx. Therefore it is important that we have a large turnout otherwise it defeats the purpose. We want these occasions to be an enjoyable and entertaining experience and create a general feeling of well being.

We have grown rapidly however we would still like to think that we can maintain close ties between all our departments and branches. So we would ask that you give serious consideration to attending these functions. Come along meet your colleagues and enjoy the fun."

ENJOY THE FUN, don't make me laugh...the last few nights out have been cancelled due to no cunt wanting to go. For the love of all things holy please get me out of here, i try, i really do, to find other jobs, an escape route, if you will, but so far my attempts have been fruitless. The whole atmopshere is like being back at school, on a bad day, on acid.

When i leave here, i will phone trading standards on the way out the door, to report their illegal software use, and probably throw a few frozen shits into the roofspace, cat turds as well, yes, lots of them.

Sorry for length, but i do feel a little better, just a little though.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 16:03, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Say you died, right
You go to heaven and you get to ask God one question... What would it be?


I'd go for "what you been up to the last 2000 years then?"
(Is this a good idea? ... Yes this is definitely a good idea, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 15:40, 50 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Sweet!
After Apple announced their earnings yesterday, 15% over their projected earnings, my stock has jumped mightily and has actually put me back in the green on all my stocks. I love Apple.

That has made my day!
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 15:07, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hurrah!
There are so many dolescums on b3ta now that hopefully this will help them get back to work.
( thealternativefact, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 12:28, 45 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Lolz! We Haz Broked Kat

A couple of weeks ago we adopted a couple of rescue kittens from the RSPCA here in Oz. A black and white one and a pure white ball of fluff. It took us a couple of days to figure out that the white one is stone deaf. Which makes it a problem finding her when she falls asleep somewhere as she can't here us calling her.

So tonight, I'd lost her again and went on the hunt. This is where I found her.

Big pic in the reply.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 12:09, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Pay rise,
for too long now, i have been doing the work of people on more money than me, just found out that one of the others doing the same job is on 7k more, which i could really do with..

so... whats the best way to ask for a pay rise?
(Grahamey Lagroin For Its a grand old team to play for..., Wed 22 Jul 2009, 11:08, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What's for breakfast?
Cold pizza - tuna, prawns, anchovies and pineapple!

Is everybody having fun?
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 10:39, 23 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Amusing yourself at work
I support bank computer systems. Big UNIX ones. One of those computer systems has the acronym 'PIRATE', although I can't remember what it means.

So there's the exposition. I received an alert earlier today telling me that the filesystem '/var' had filled up. Turned out to be some user log files, or something. To let the owner of the files know about this, I sent this message:

"Please delete some of your old log files from PIRATE's /vaaaaaarrrrrrrr filesystem :-)"

He replied, quite sternly with:

"Done. btw I've just noticed that PIRATE has not been updated to the latest patch release. Patch releases 'A' through to 'H' have been applied, but I think we're currently on 'I'

Please apply an 'I' patch to PIRATE as soon as possible."

In a truly bizarre twist, he was correct too. I am literally applying an 'I' patch to PIRATE right now. I have no idea if his brilliant (and relevant) riposte was accidental due to a total lack of acknowledgment of the original japery.
( chart cat has an itch, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 9:29, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

There is a french exchange student in my year,
long story short, he knows monty python. And quotes it. Correctly.
It made my day feel a lot better(?) (happier?) somehow.
It's nice to have someone to talk Monty Python with.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 22 Jul 2009, 9:10, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've just had to explain the meaning of belming to my bemused work colleagues
What other b3ta words shall I introduce them to?
( jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 22 Jul 2009, 8:44, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

FUCK FUCK AND FUCK!
So, Saturday we were supposed to do a surf fishing tournament (my fishing club), which we've all been looking forward to for MONTHS! Today, the forecast for the next few days is incredibly high surf and vicious undertow thingy, so we had to postpone it. It would have been my first time fishing the surf, and now I'm pissed off.

What's disappointed you lately?
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Wed 22 Jul 2009, 6:31, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

TWO FUCKING PEOPLE WITH MASKS ON IN MY CARRIAGE EARLIER THIS EVENING
FFS if you're sick then you should be at home. If you're trying to ward off flu then those masks are only effective for 20 minutes. All they do is put the fear up others and make me want to punch you for being a twat.

Angry ONLINE. On the internet.

What really grinds your gears at the moment? Other that the expression grinds my gears as it's said with intent to annoy.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 21 Jul 2009, 22:18, 66 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I had an idea
A film night on links. Middle of the week its not really a good idea to go clubbing, why not post some films on /links. Being b3ta I bet we have much better taste than those fuckwits down the local odeon.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Tue 21 Jul 2009, 21:17, 23 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

John Dunne wrote that "no man is an island"...
except for...
the Isle of Man...
or Barry Island...
or perhaps even Ray Mil-land...(thanks TD)

any more?
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Tue 21 Jul 2009, 21:12, Reply)

Okay, expermental time.
I'm going to ask you, the internet, to give me one of your favorite recepys, and tomorow I'm going to go shopping for the bits'n'pieces and cook it (I might even document the whole thing for bloglolz).

If it works out well, i'll do it a few times a week.

I'll have to lay down a few rules though
- Nothing too 'hot' (spicy hot, rather than temprature)
- I have cirtain things in my store-cupboard, but I won't spend more than, say, a tenner?
- The more interesting; the better.

I'ld rather not have left overs for a month if I can help it.

So, part of my favrinet, inspire meee !
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 21 Jul 2009, 20:45, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)