When you crunch bones....
Until I was in my early 20's I had been lucky and not broken many of my bones, but then I discovered I really wasn't quite as supple as in the past, I wouldn't bounce, and therefore snapped a few bones, and my back.

Now, I am NHS, whenever I was xrayed they would keep the xrays, for storage but also to reclaim the silver, is this even possible? How do you reclaim a silver salt (silver nitrate) from cellulose?

On another note, I nearly shagged a dwarf.
(feedingtimeatthezoo day 1 of his bikini diet started, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 15:28, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Evening folks
I have a slight problem. Form input buttons- they just won't display right in IE!!

They do work quite nicely in Firefox though. It's the mailing list bit on the bottom row- in FF, they'll happily show normally, with the correct height attributes, perfectly.

In IE, they'll appear somewhat stunted- that is, roughly about 3px high. And the submit button has the same problem.

Site link is here: onlineworldradiotest.110mb.com/index.php

If anyone can help it would be much appreciated...

/Edit

Sorted!!
( jim_bob can herd cats., Sun 25 Oct 2009, 15:20, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

A Love Story...
First of all, I know full well that 90% of you have no idea who I am and the other 10% aren't really that bothered. But those of you who may remember, I stopped posting here in December after Spimf took umbrage to a post I put up on QOTW and went on a hate campaign normally reserved for BNP members and Jan Moir. Well apparently the poor fella still hasn't gotten over it and a year later is still sending me abusive gaz's. Since I really can't be bothered with the whole internet message board argument thing, I'll post my reply here - not because I think you'll care about it, but because I want to prove that nobody in the entire world who has ever existed in the world ever gives 2 shits about an angry man on a website who hates a fat man who posted an apparently offensive story. Oh, and to add to the apathy pile, I really can't be bothered with b3ta anymore.

"Actually, I'll tell you what I'll do. Since you are so desperate for my attention, almost to the point I think it could in some circles qualify as a fetish, I'll send you a nice long email to gnaw on, then I'll block you, but not before explaining why harrassing me under any kind of alias will be a bit pointless.

First up, you should get your "perceptive internet user of the year" award in the post within 5 to 10 working days. Only you and a select group of people - namely those who can open jpegs on a computer and who know me - have noticed that I'm fat. In addition to your award, I have sent your details to the British Army to recommend you as a sniper, should they ever need a large land mass assassinated.

What bothers me is not your particularly unpleasant brand of vitriol. It's the fact that after a year you are still seemingly obsessed with hurling abuse at someone you barely know who made a post that you took umbrage to on an internet site (which by the way, I could have even made up for all you know). There is so much wrong with that I'm legitimately struggling on where to start. I think I'll start by humoring you before getting onto the blindingly obvious:

1. Yes, in my youth I did some horrible, bad and selfish things. At no point have I ever said I was a good and honest person; I'm not. I'm a bit older and a lot wiser these days and you will be pleased to hear that all people in that post (from what I remember of it) are all alive, well, happy and prosperous, and we all talk regularly, and all debts have been sorted. This makes it all the more creepy that you, a stranger on the internet, are still so worked up about it.

2. Exactly how much spare time do you have to archive a stranger's posts and threaten to re-post them - even though anybody could go and view them at any time, and only you and one other person actually cared?

3. I barely use b3ta these days anyway. Yes, your utter obnoxiousness made me decide that being on here was more annoyance than I really needed and I left, but in that time I have a lot more to occupy my time with. Just finished my first book, taken an amazing new job and have a lovely circle of friends I now socialise with. I pop on here every now and again as there are a few folks I still like to talk to, and for the most part, the posts on here do make me chuckle on a slow workday afternoon. Oh, and if you want to find my posts, I'll occasionally stick a video up on the links board. That's about as involved as I get with b3ta now.

4. You can post whatever you like about me - I don't care what people on here think about me and what amuses me the most is that you fail to realise is that I doubt ANYBODY cares about me *or* you on here. It's just a fun little website where people tell stories and post pictures. That's it. End of. Seriously, cup your ear and lean to the left. Do you hear that? Yep, that's right. It's the sound of nobody caring. And if you wish to go on a crusade to make people care and hate me then go right ahead - I'm actually kinda jealous that you have enough spare time to do it.

I honestly don't know what you're hoping will be the end result of this. Are you hoping this will follow the cyber bullying pattern and I'll move to Wales and hang myself on webcam? Are you hoping I will be ousted as an evil bastard like Nick Griffin or Abu Hamza? Seriously, I'm a boring fat bloke who lives by the seaside who once did something a bit selfish and has since made amends. I think in these times of bigotry, terrorism, recession and Cheryl Cole's solo career, people really aren't going to care.

But I want to finish on my most important point. Whatever you say or do in response to this, please understand that nobody cares. It means nothing. Please, go and spend your time doing something more constructive. Go pick on someone else who uses this site enough for your bullying to actually become a problem to them. And finally, please don't think I dislike you, or even that I feel sorry for you. You are simply words on a screen. You don't matter. T'ra chuck x"
(Tiny Blindfolded Horse Kitten sound car horns would end road rage, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 14:23, 21 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

morning folks
I need your help. We're having a halloween party, and to create some atmosphere I'm going to put about 500 square feet of fake spider web up, get some red lightbulbs and chalk strange symbols on the walls and floors (in the undecorated parts of the house).

This is where you come in. I need ideas for symbols to draw. It basically needs to look like some mad evil bastard has gone crazy in my house with a big stick of chalk.

Pentagrams and stuff like that is what I'm after. Any ideas?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 11:56, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Home Sweet Home!

So what will you be doing with your extra hour?
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 25 Oct 2009, 7:41, 20 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I
am extraordinarily drunk, however the clocks went back as of 11 minutes ago, so no "oh sorry I was an hour late / early" bollocks please
(Halfy By light alone, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 1:12, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Wanna know just how evil Swindon is?
www.thisiswiltshire.co.uk/news/4701696.BREAKING_NEWS__Morrissey_collapses_on_stage_in_Swindon/

Swindon is now so evil and emanates raw evil power that it causes the great whinging one to collapse on stage.

I'm not sure if I should congratulate and thank the evilness that is Swindon, or whether to feel guilty. Any thoughts, OT?
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Sat 24 Oct 2009, 23:28, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Today is going from bad to worse
Ended up in bed with one of my ex's, who ripped my cock to shreds.

Came home, walking like John Wayne, with blood-soaked boxers, to have all my housemates laugh at me for walking like I'd shat myself.

Came online to talk to a few people, only to have one of my best mates say that she needed to "get out of here" and disappear offline two seconds later.

Have just started bleeding gently again.

How has your Saturday gone from bad to worse?
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Sat 24 Oct 2009, 23:08, 30 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Having found Russell Howard's sponteneity amusing on Mock The Week
I've just watched half an hour of his show on BBC3 and not laughed once. What comedians that people laugh at do you think suck monkey cock?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Sat 24 Oct 2009, 21:39, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Tales of the unexpected
Well, it seems the weather has put in one last burst of effort. It's a sunny day and I just went for a wander in a Tshirt. Didn't see that one coming.
On top of that the stuff I ordered on Amazon arrived this morning, less than 48 hours after I ordered it. Congrats to the Royal Mail, you got something right for once!
Also, my manager, bizarrely, confessed that she didn't like Parma Violets, and she gave me a packet of them. This is actually true.
So: tales of the unexpected. What unexpected yet joyous things have happened to you lately, people?
(Paolo Nutini's Bikini Better than Frederick Fleet's optometrist, Sat 24 Oct 2009, 16:18, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Oi, you lot
Name some songs I could look up the tabs for and learn to play, I'm bored and you're all well ugly
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Sat 24 Oct 2009, 15:09, 56 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Well this is nothing short of awkward
Just lying in bed at the mo, as you do. With my 'boyfriend' on the floor.

With the guy who he slept with last night. Hmm.

Whats the most ridiculous situation you've ever been in? And where should i stab him 1st? Hes got some explaining to do.
(i should have joined myspace, Sat 24 Oct 2009, 12:39, 32 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Just enjoyed the breakfast of smug champions
croissants with bacon, cheese and chives.

Awesomeness
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Sat 24 Oct 2009, 10:45, 76 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The Misanthrope
There was a man. He approached and began to speak.

As he spoke, I found myself listening, and, in doing so, my brain was receiving electrical impulses from my ears, impulses which were generated by sound waves stimulating my ear drums.

The arbitrarily ascribed units of meaning transcribed into assimilable sounds had me transfixed.

My brain translated and the meaning became clear.

He wanted me to accompany him to the woods and hunt for a misanthrope. I suggested that he might be wrong, but the man was insistent.

A misanthrope, he told me, was like an antelope, but extremely bad tempered and prone to wind.

Why did he want one? I asked. The response was quick, calculated and chilling in the extreme.

Because he wanted to explore the nature of misanthropy. He wanted to see its fetid, maggoty heart and learn what unbridled fear and hatred could do to a man's soul.

I gave him my last pound, pointed him toward Spar and told him to buy a Daily Mail.

He went on his way and I never saw him again. I made my own way sadly home and thought about what had taken place that day.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 24 Oct 2009, 0:10, Reply)

Wahey my boss gave me a snail! It's currently residing in a cup until I get off work.
I thought it was dead but I just picked it up and it moved!
Best day evah!

Why is today the best day evah for you?
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 19:34, 35 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My new job
It's all going rather well, I'm working with a half-decent mix of nerds who are just about bearable, and some nice sexy temps, but I have one little complaint.

This is the first job I've had where we get to have the radio on at work, and if I have to listen to 'These girls fall like dominoes, dominoes, dominoes' or any other indie shite again, I'm going to force the radio down my manager's throat.

What's pissing you off at work today?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 15:45, 74 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Buffets
A nice, inexpensive way to experiment with various dishes or a trough based pig out for fat cunts everywhere?

I went for a chinese one last week and a family with a 5/6 year old son came in and sat beside us...the only item that the wee boy got, or was given, was prawn crackers, a big fucking plateful of them...and he ate them all, and then went up for more.

Tell us about your buffet based experiences.....
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:49, 24 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
Happy Bert?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 13:54, 70 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The B3ta Support Group For Cunts
Are you a cunt? Are you dissatisfied with the appalling lack of humour on B3ta at the moment? Do you become ENRAGED at mongs on the internet?
Do you sometimes have a little cry to yourself at night because actually, you're not really a cunt at all?

You pathetic retard, join the Support Group for cunts, our three step programme will have you right as rain in no time.

Step 1: Admit that you're a cunt.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 11:59, 223 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've just heard a trailer on Radio 2. It was Paul O'Grady announcing that "Friday Night is Bassey Night".
I heard it as "Friday Night is Batty Night".
(WillI'mNot logs in twice a year, every year, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 11:24, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

TFIF
It's Friday, I managed to get away from work after doing 4 hours and for the first time in absolutely ages, I'm off on Sat AND Sun.

Apart from getting mashed tonight - what's happening for you this weekend?

Also - I need suggestions for films to rent, as lovefilm keep sending me emails telling me my list is running out....
( HSDriver was probably still at work on, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 9:46, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's Friday
thank christ.

I was thinking only yesterday how good it has been that this really annoying contract guy hadn't been in work for a couple of months. What do I see when I arrive this morning? The very same tosser's gay hairdressers car parked in the car park.

This day was already shaping up to be dull and long, now it's going to be shit as well.

I didn't watch question time last night cos I was at band practice. I've read some views on it below, but I need to hear more from people with more ridiculous viewpoints.

also, how are you?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 9:19, 91 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Gah!
I just had a very weird experience.

A number of years ago I was joking around with Richard and I commented that I should make my online persona a rapper named Tucatz (because I have two cats), only have it be a nerdy clueless white guy (like me) pretending to be a hiphop homie in order to be cool (not so much like me). It got to be something of a joke, with me doing gangsta finger signs and the whole bit.

Well, over time I've used the name Tucatz on a lot of places, just as a simple but unusual name. It's sort of my default name to use, a remnant of an old inside joke that I doubt Richard even remembers anymore.

I just did a Google search for that, and found that most of the hits I got were NOT me. Apparently others have taken that name and run with it.

Just when you think that you're utterly obscure and not noteworthy in any way, something like that comes along and reminds you what a small place the Internet can actually be...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 23 Oct 2009, 4:37, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

nothing to do all day
but stuck at work. And the bloody QOTW topic will definately have some images embedded, bah. Why can't people put links instead, so I can read all your filth without getting fired?
(knackerz is skinning up, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 2:49, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

i'm just watching QT which i recorded earlier...
WOW!
Apparently I'm a racist, not nick griffin.

every day's a fucking schoolday.

btw Bonnie Greere rocks.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Fri 23 Oct 2009, 0:02, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Fucking hell. Americans!
I just got asked which part of London I'm from. When I responded that I'm from Yorkshire, not London, he said that's weird as I sound English.....*facepalms*
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 20:40, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Question Time
Discuss.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 20:40, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Home Sweet Home

( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 19:40, 59 replies, latest was 16 years ago)