Enough idle chit-chat.
'Definately', 'loose' (meaning 'lose'), 'centres around', 'different to/than' etc - which popular misspellings and grammatical nonsenses make your blood boil and despair for the future of humanity?

Alt Q: Which current 'buzz-words' (*belms*) or phrases (or 'indispensable technological must-haves') will still be here in five years' time? Will every cunt still be 'tweeting' or will that nonsense go the same way as that Google document sharing thing that just quietly died? Will people still be having 'staycations' (*belms HARD*), or will common sense prevail and will we once again be 'taking a holiday but not going away' like we used to?

Alt alt: Do you want a fucking smack in the fucking mouth?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 8:56, 258 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I don't know and I don't care.
I want a hug Monty.
( girlinthehole, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:02, Reply)

Why?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:03, Reply)

Because he's lovely and I want a hug off someone.
I'm feeling a bit girly today.
( girlinthehole, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:05, Reply)

Fair enough

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:09, Reply)

*envelops in a manly embrace*


*gets a semi*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:10, Reply)

*ignores semi and feels comforted*

( girlinthehole, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:11, Reply)

Fat old-man hugs not good enough any more?
Well fuck you Blousy, FUCK YOU!!!!


*Goes to corner. Rocks and cries*
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:45, Reply)

You weren't around.
Now MTFU and come here.
( girlinthehole, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:52, Reply)

*HUGS*
And motorboats for good measure.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 14 Dec 2010, 13:54, Reply)

Good question Mein Herr
loose is the current murder inducing one. There/their is a personal "favourite" as is droppin the g from words

Alt Q:
One of the chaps here in work has a bullshit bingo vocabulary with "blue sky", "productise", etc. What? English mother fucker, do you speak it?

Alt Alt Q:
Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:02, Reply)

We've done this one so many times
I'M BORED OF IT
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:05, Reply)

Should we talk about you getting your pole-ass handed to you last night instead?

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:07, Reply)

no
_{I don't want to talk about that any more}
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:11, Reply)

Does Kitty have a selection of interchangable "asses" then?
That would be handy.
A big comfy one for sitting around, a small well rounded one for going out, etc.
(Cave Duck, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:11, Reply)

I lost the others
there's only the big comfy one left.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:12, Reply)

*is sure that the above statement is erroneous*

(Cave Duck, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:14, Reply)

no it is quite a big bum
but like a black woman more than a fatty.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:15, Reply)

I like big butts and I cannot lie

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:09, Reply)

Absolutely.
When a girl walks in with an itty-bitty waist and a round thing in your face you get sprung.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:14, Reply)

I've asked THREE* FUCKING QUESTIONS
you 'Broken Britain' dole-bludging PARASITE**.


**who's not even as good at swinging around pointlessly on a piece of metal as her own students

*actually, there are FIVE
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:12, Reply)

you've upset me now so I'm leaving
*FLOUNCE*
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:14, Reply)

oh but before I do I'll just say I really hate it when the media adds 'gate' to whatever they feel like

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:14, Reply)

Hahahahah me too

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:15, Reply)

I'll pass on the smack in the mouth, but I could use a bang on the head, delivered in the style of a Dad attempting to correct the vertical hold on a 1970s television.

(Cave Duck, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:05, Reply)

but I'll still join in
could of would of should of
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:06, Reply)

Something-tivst
Such as 'mac', 'hack' or anything else somethink that someone might enjoy,

It's almost as bad as something-vangelist
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:12, Reply)

God yes.
'Eco-vangelist'????

FACK ORF.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:21, Reply)

'their' and 'they're' being confused
also the surprisingly common misspelling of weird as 'wierd'
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:14, Reply)

^that will be me then.
I always get weird wrong.
( girlinthehole, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:17, Reply)

*irony-ometer explodes*

I must point out that I'm in a slighty cheeky mood today, and don't actually mean this
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:19, Reply)

It's ok. I like cheeky Monty.

( girlinthehole, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:20, Reply)

I just spotted this on facebook
and realised it looked like a dig at you. It really wasn't :)
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:46, Reply)

Incorrect use of awesome and literally.

(Cave Duck, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:16, Reply)

*shakes hands*
'Awesome' in particular is a major problem around these parts.

It 'literally' makes me vomit blood out of my eyeballs.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:20, Reply)

Ouch

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:24, Reply)

Oh, and "really unique" or "quite unique"

(Cave Duck, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:19, Reply)

Quantum leap
Oh, a really really small one then?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:24, Reply)

It's not a grammatical or spelling quibble but
when people say "You don't want to know" in response to a direct question it does bring murder to mind.

Alt Q: I really hope the word 'blog' disappears, Jon Snow keeps using it on the Channel 4 news and it's horrible.

Alt alt Q: No.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:24, Reply)

When's the next episode of Stargate Universe out?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:28, Reply)

Also
www.thepoke.co.uk/index.php/2010/12/08/bad-santa-sends-xmas-message-to-harrods/
(PsychoChomp, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:30, Reply)

*day is made*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:33, Reply)

I can see you doing something like that.
God forbid.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:50, Reply)

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:35, Reply)

I'm not even wearing a tie today
/more details of what I'm wearing available via gaz request ladies.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:41, Reply)

I'm not even wearing a tie today
/more details of what I'm wearing available via gaz request ladies.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:41, Reply)

I'm not even wearing a tie today
/more details of what I'm wearing available via gaz request ladies.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:41, Reply)

saying it three times
is not going to get you three times the number of gazzes. well, it might. what is three times zero again?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:42, Reply)

It's zero.
That's really very basic maths rachel.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:43, Reply)

*waits for pic*
Thats the joke
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:51, Reply)

i think even you
know that even i knew that.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:53, Reply)

I'm going to leave these there to point out the trouble I'm having with b3ta this morning

(PsychoChomp, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:42, Reply)

Fuck this - I'm off to The Phil.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:58, Reply)

You got good tickets?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:17, Reply)

Oh ffs Monty, use your imagination

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:40, Reply)

*uses imagination*

*revolts self*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:03, Reply)

i'm so anal about spelling and grammar
i can spot a "definate" or a missing comma at 200 yards. i also hate principal when it should be principle, effect/affect being mixed up, morons who try to argue that "premises" is a singular word, american spellings of words like judgment (the courts do not say judgEment, therefore neither can you), people who simply cannot use apostrophes, and smileys.

/breathe
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:41, Reply)

Capitalisation of I?

(Cave Duck, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:46, Reply)

Hung by her own petard.

( girlinthehole, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:47, Reply)

lack of caps is (i) lazy and (ii) informal
if you get a message from me with proper caps, you know i am sulking about SOMETHING.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 9:52, Reply)

Hoist.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:00, Reply)

I'm glad you said that.
I'd have felt an awful pedant.
If I could 'of' found one. Ho ho.
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:03, Reply)

Tard

(PsychoChomp, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:04, Reply)

if we are being really anal
pictures are hung, people are hanged.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:08, Reply)

I think we are.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:10, Reply)

I think we are.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:10, Reply)

And not in a good way.

( girlinthehole, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:12, Reply)

is there a good way?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:30, Reply)

Ask Lampers.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:39, Reply)

What are the seats like over there, Phil?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:00, Reply)

GREAT.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:06, Reply)

*proposes*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:03, Reply)

*accepts*
NOT *excepts*
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:03, Reply)

Superbly,
I've been seeing a lot of mongs calling each other "retarted" recently.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:09, Reply)

There, their and they're
To, too and two. Basically, go for any of these types of words, and you'll find that misuse of them irritates me.

There's a woman I work with who simply cannot speak English properly. This is bad, when you discover she's lived in England all her life, and she's '55' (we actually estimate her age to be in the millions, but we can't prove anything). She can't spell, she can't read properly, she's simply stupid. She will misspell words 3 different times on the same page. She also has a habit of changing words round to suit her. We deal with a customer called Warrant, according to her they are called Warrants (You'd be amazed how quickly that becomes annoying), and if she wants something doing quickly, she'll say she wants it ASP.

*holds head in hands*

Alt Alt: Bring it, bitch.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:09, Reply)

I gave a non-facetious reply to your WWII post 'back there', if you care.
EDIT which you have clearly seen
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:11, Reply)

I know, i replied

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:13, Reply)

PIN number, ATM Machine
Unless the ATM refers to Ass To Mouth...
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:11, Reply)

did anyone ever tell you
that you are a total pervert?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:12, Reply)

Many times
Just because I know of a lot of perverse acts doesn't mean I indulge in them!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:12, Reply)

That's just because Peter Noone will let you
you Gunga Chin bastard.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:16, Reply)

Still, at least I have plenty of time ahead of me
*sings* Tiiiiiime is on my side, yes it is!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:23, Reply)

Obesity is a killer.

That's all I'm saying.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:25, Reply)

As the great Winston Churchill once said
"I can diet, but you're old and will die soon, you monumental cock farm."
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:28, Reply)

Cock farm?
Is it pick-your-own or does he rely on migrant labour?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:30, Reply)

The crop shoots up in April, May and June

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:32, Reply)

As the great (and not-at-all late) Ian Kilmister sings nightly
'That's the way I like it baby, I don't wanna live forever.....apparently I am'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:32, Reply)

Especially for those already suffering from a dicky hip.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:29, Reply)

why do i find this
so very very hard to believe?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:19, Reply)

And PIN stands for Penis In Next
It's the number that ladies get from supermarket deli counter ticket dispenser that Lab has by his front door. The smooth fucker.
(Cave Duck, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:18, Reply)

That is where I bought mine too

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:20, Reply)

I like this

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:24, Reply)

The word "pacific" refers either to a large body of water, or describes peace. Some people seem to be unaware of this fact.
Specifically, those who misuse it to refer to something described in explicit detail.
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:18, Reply)

People who say 'haitch'.
I want them all to fuck off.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:24, Reply)

Have you been deleting Roota? : )

( girlinthehole, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:35, Reply)

Yups, realised I was talking about my place of work too much *taps nose*

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:37, Reply)

*nods and winks*

( girlinthehole, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:38, Reply)

I do this to annoy my boss

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:37, Reply)

How COULD you!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:38, Reply)

As do I.
One of my staff does this. He also thinks certain words that start with the letter H have it as silent, and I am not talking about contentious ones like 'historic' - I mean 'human' or 'Hughes'.

'can I have your name please? 'Youse'? Haitch You Gee Haitch Ee Ess?'

*STAB STAB STAB*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:38, Reply)

It makes me ill with rage.
It's also difficult for me to lead by example, because people assume I am saying 'aitch' because I'm common, and that therefore they know better.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:39, Reply)

they couldn't be more wrong
people who say haitch should be peeled and coated in a cajun spice mix
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:45, Reply)

Oh, I just saw this.
What a wonderful idea.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:53, Reply)

There is a song out at the moment, Monty,
of which I am sure you will share my dislike. There is a young, urban MC gentleman on it and during the course of the tune he says "they be ackin like they drunk" ie "they're acting as if they're drunk".

Even taking into account the current state of the English education system, he really ought to be ashamed of himself.
( Kroney, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:36, Reply)

I hope the iPad
fucks off pronto. That thing pisses me off.

I don't particularly mind tweeting and similar. It's natural progression of communication.

/Hello everyone.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:37, Reply)

How was the bumathon?
Walking again yet?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:38, Reply)

Your a looser what's wrong wiv there grammer Monty?
I'll tell you what annoys me: the fact that my husband of three days has another wife. They've been getting envelopes addressed to the pair of them: "Mr and Mrs HisInitial HisSurname".

Let's start with the fact that I kept my own surname. Then add the fact that I have my own initial. Oh, and I'm Dr, not Mrs.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:40, Reply)

But you have also lied about your real first name
That's what you get.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:41, Reply)

Oh yes! I heard about this.

( girlinthehole, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:43, Reply)

I blame the parents.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:46, Reply)

I bet Monty will blame the Jews.

( girlinthehole, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:52, Reply)

Psh, bra burner.
You should making his lunch, not going through his mail.
( Kroney, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:41, Reply)

You're a Dr?
Well you have a lovely bedside manner. Thanks again for looking after me on Sunday.
( girlinthehole, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:43, Reply)

and on this note
thanks again for the Piriton
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:44, Reply)

No-one cares about your feeble attempts
to defy social convention with your waki name-keeping shit.

You are now "Mr and Mrs HisInitial HisSurname" whether you like it or not. You lesbian.

EDIT Sorry, 'Dr Lesbian'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:46, Reply)

Wrong. Debretts will back me up.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:47, Reply)

I am being deliberately argumentative
despite knowing nothing about the subject.

'Debrett's' 'definately' has an apostrophe, though.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:53, Reply)

Debretts can suck my cock.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:54, Reply)

Spoken like a true lesbian.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:57, Reply)

Did you get the happy couple matching daungarees as a wedding gift., Monty?

(Cave Duck, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:00, Reply)

Nah, edible floor coverings

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:07, Reply)

Haha!

( girlinthehole, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:09, Reply)

The fact that this catface person, whomever he may be,
impregnated her, must really chafe. That he has the ability to take over her body and grow his child within her is a real display of the natural superiority of the male gender.

Why they can't just be satisfied with sitting around and looking pretty, I'll never know.
( Kroney, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:49, Reply)

I can't even manage the sitting around and looking pretty bit.
*fails at being a woman*
( girlinthehole, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:51, Reply)

There, there, dear.
I'm sure you've got a lovely personality.
( Kroney, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:52, Reply)

You better believe it sunshine.

( girlinthehole, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:53, Reply)

You "had"

( Kroney, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:54, Reply)

You can believe it in whatever time frame you desire.

( girlinthehole, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:54, Reply)

Heh.

(Cave Duck, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:56, Reply)

"pwned"

( Kroney, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:01, Reply)

Ouch.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:05, Reply)

*does shoots from the hip movement*

( girlinthehole, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:06, Reply)

I'm satisfied with sitting around and looking pretty
every day I ask Wiggy if I can be a stay-at-home Kitty, since I've been practicing so hard for the last few weeks, but he keeps saying no. Damn feminist he is.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:21, Reply)

get up the duff?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:26, Reply)

Yeah,
but that's because you're a lazy, high-maintenance shitehawk. Not because you're a Fifties housewife type.
( Kroney, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:29, Reply)

perfect summary

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:35, Reply)

Oh this has made me chortle

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:02, Reply)

Why would you give up your own name?
Especially as a professional
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:06, Reply)

Professionally I guess it's not worth the bother
But in personal life it's kind of snuggly, isn't it?
Although I think my dad would rather I didn't let our name die out.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:16, Reply)

I don't think I could do it
I don't like double-barrelled names generally, but I quite like my last name. Why shouldn't he change his name and become part of my domicile rather than the other way round?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:18, Reply)

Looking at it that way,
why do you have your father's name and not your mother's?
You have a male's name imposed upon you now anyway because of convention.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:21, Reply)

Yeah but that's because my mother
didn't like her surname! I'm half my dad anyway. But since I don't intend to have children, why on earth would I want to take someone else's name? My name is me after all.

Edit: though I acknowledge the unliklihood of me ever marrying haha
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:25, Reply)

I think that when you get married you should choose another surname that neither of you have.
Might be fun.
( girlinthehole, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:27, Reply)

there's nothing stopping you
my mrs is taking my surname, but that's because hers is shit.

I'd like to change it to Mr and Mrs Awesome.

and if we were to have kids they'd be called Totally and Freaking
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:36, Reply)

'I like this'

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:39, Reply)

I liek the Scandinavian convention
where the males keep the father's name and the daughters the mother's. They've also got a "daughter" suffix as well as the more common "son" one.
( Kroney, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:26, Reply)

Aw, like Bjork Gudmundsdottir

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:31, Reply)

I like that

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:33, Reply)

Me too

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:35, Reply)

That's the kiddie right there.
Scandinavian names are pretty cool. If it weren't for the frigid temperatures, ridiculous cost of living and the habit of eating rotten fish, I could stand to be one, I think.
( Kroney, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:39, Reply)

I agree
But I think there's something odd they're not telling us.
I'd like some of that like that hygge shit that the Danes have.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:44, Reply)

I shouldn't ask them about it
a good half of them look like they're one funny look shy of going a-Viking again.
( Kroney, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:45, Reply)

Oh I know

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:50, Reply)

Me and my sister did get my Mum's surname
Yay for feminism and rare surnames
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:39, Reply)

my mum had two really ordinary ones double-barrelled
was probably a relief to get my dad's classy surname
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:41, Reply)

my mother's was not good
and I'd rather have my dad's because I like my surname
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:46, Reply)

My Mum had to double-barrell my half sister's surname
But my half-sister's Dad has a surname that's also a man's name.

Now people think we've just given her a really mean middle name.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:52, Reply)

Pubert?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:52, Reply)

Melvin :(
She's only 6, and all long blonde hair and sweetness. People think we're monsters.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:55, Reply)

I like this

( Kroney, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 12:00, Reply)

So, she either has a massive afro, or her underwear on her head?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 12:00, Reply)

No, she has a stupid cheb-end of a Dad
Who is more concerned with stamping his, quite frankly, stupid surname all over his progeny than his progeny having to live with said stupid surname.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 14 Dec 2010, 12:06, Reply)

Is Rambo her Mum?
If so, be thankful for the ace surname!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:52, Reply)

I hope you're not referring to my nana there
But yeah!
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:57, Reply)

You were the one who told me that's what she's called!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:59, Reply)

I told you what my mates call her
It is with good cause though, the woman's a fucking loony. Awesome though.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 14 Dec 2010, 12:07, Reply)

"Is OK, is a scratch"

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 12:23, Reply)

Aye, all my publications are in my name and future ones will be too.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:19, Reply)

But your sig says Mrs Catface not Dr Catface.
Dr Catface sounds weirdly sinister
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:50, Reply)

Hello gorgeous!
Back to your tomboy ways?
( girlinthehole, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:52, Reply)

Shouldn't you be doing ace honeymoon stuff rather than posting on here?

(Cave Duck, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:54, Reply)

a.k.a. Dr Crackhouseceilidhband?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:03, Reply)

Yep.
a.k.a. Dr crackhouseceilidhband, lesbian.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:06, Reply)

'lesbian to the stars'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:10, Reply)

It's a better programme idea than Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman.

(Cave Duck, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:12, Reply)

Dr Quim
Non-medical woman
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:15, Reply)

ha!

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:22, Reply)

"A-quim-oh-weh, a quim-oh-weh
In the jungle, the mighty jungle..."

That could be the theme tune.
(Cave Duck, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:30, Reply)

I wouldn't mind a go on her* 'mighty jungle'


*Seymour, to clarify
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:33, Reply)

Jane Seymour would GET. IT.
until her fillings rattled. Probably still now, the GrILF.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:19, Reply)

Absolute agreement here.
Also, Susan Sarandon.
( Kroney, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:24, Reply)

News reports
Saying something/ somewhere has been decimated. Has a tenth of it been destroyed?
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 10:56, Reply)

The stupid N Dubz sayings I hear kids coming out really grinds my gears.
na na nee etc, fuck off before I take a shotgun to your nana's knees just to spite you, you little fucktard!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:06, Reply)

In answer to the alt Q
I sincerely hope that a programme quietly weeding out any member of population who uses the word 'simples' or 'creeper' is soon introduced
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:08, Reply)

Creeper?
In what context?
( girlinthehole, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:10, Reply)

someone strange
rather than a nice bit of ivy
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:16, Reply)

Creep-er
Noun, a person or thing that creeps.
Usage: "Met that guy off b3ta the other night, he's a total creeper."
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:17, Reply)

Didn't we used to just say 'creep'?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:18, Reply)

Indeed
But the Youf of today wanted their own word I suppose. Or they're all a bit dim and say "err" at the end of every sentence.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:20, Reply)

I'd go with the latter
they are fucking morons

alright?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:38, Reply)

I'm grand thanks
How are you? Was a pleasure to meet you Sunday.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:42, Reply)

likewise, very good to meet you
I'm good. Everything seems to be going rather well at the moment.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:43, Reply)

Even the secondement?
I've been very busy of late, really ought to get some Christmas shopping done...
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:48, Reply)

yeah, am there now and having some success with stuff
it's pretty laid back as well which is good and it means that I'm more focussed when I'm back in my office.

I need to get some christmas shopping done as well. Got a number of things to buy for my mrs. No one else is getting any presents which makes life easier.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:50, Reply)

I've already sorted my mates here with gifts
Thanks to the addictaballs link Gonz posted up last week. I know what to get the parents and sister, just need to get to some shops.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:52, Reply)

what did you decide to buy her in the end?
did you go for the stocking idea?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:55, Reply)

the stocking idea was what I had in mind to start with
just didn't know what to put in it.

so far I've got an Addictaball (thanks gonz) and a plan to buy her some designer pants, if I can find some appropriate ones. Rachel has sent me a long list of makeup tips for her and some recommendations, similar to the stuff you recommended. She also recommended a makeup book, but I can't find it cheap enough unfortunately.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:59, Reply)

do you know the designer type you want?

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 12:11, Reply)

I was going to get her some CK ones, but the ones I had my eye on are apparently stupid size
Large equating to size 6-8. which is silly.

I'd appreciate recommendations though. Not looking for lacy type things as she has loads of those, but some really nice everyday type ones.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 12:17, Reply)

been very busy of late purchased the new World of Warcraft expansion
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:59, Reply)

That and drinking with Internet People

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 12:19, Reply)

'creeper'?
I knoweth notte this arcane terme.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:12, Reply)

You should watch Gardeners world.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:15, Reply)

I have heard the youth
use it. It's an Americanism denoting someone who is creepy or a bit weird. They're a 'creeper.' It's crawled over here slowly, heard someone use it on the bus the other day
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:16, Reply)

i work around the corner from dr johnson's house
strikes me you might have gotten on quite well with him too.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:27, Reply)

GOTTEN???????
(I am sure that was deliberate goading, but still...)
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:30, Reply)

ahh monty
i am going to take away your question mark key if you are going to abuse it... i'll hide it in my bra, you'll have to come and take it if you want it back. (you might find several other victims who got lost in there too.)
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:39, Reply)

Give over,
you and your exclamation mark habit are fine ones to talk.
( Kroney, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:41, Reply)

firstly i was being ironic
secondly i was just hoping monty would take the bait and come and rummage in my bra. i'm only human.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:45, Reply)

Really? "Rummage"?

( Kroney, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:47, Reply)

it would still demonstrate more finesse than i have experienced in the past
then again, so would "blowtorching" and "butcher-hacking".
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:51, Reply)

Even so, I'd have thought that a word expressing some sort of tittilation
rather than one that expressed some sort of lost sock.

Still, who am I to judge?
( Kroney, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:55, Reply)

Arcane is a great word.

Roota probably uses it when telling her little nephew/cousin bible stories.

"And then Abel said "Calm down, calm down ar Cain"
(Cave Duck, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:43, Reply)

I will too

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:45, Reply)

"sneak a peak"
Unless you're smuggling a hill, piss off.

Alt alt: Go on. You might knock the ill out of me.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:19, Reply)

so just peek spelt wrong then?

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:20, Reply)

Pretty much
but it's becoming almost endemic.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:25, Reply)

1. "Deffo."
I know a lot of people use this because (a) they're too lazy to type "definitely" or (b) they're too afraid of the repercussions of spelling "definitely" incorrectly, but have you tried saying "deffo" out loud? It makes you sound like a complete fucking bell-end.

2. "Random."
No it isn't. If we actually studied your "kerr-azy" friend's "random" behaviour, I think you'd soon realise it was, in fact, tiresomely predictable.

3. "Gotten."
I nearly put down a book and refused to read any further after encountering the word "gotten" in the foreword. I'm glad I gave it the benefit of the doubt and overlooked this affront to me eyes, as it has turned out to be a very interesting book, but it was touch and go for a few minutes.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:48, Reply)

God, I hate the misuse of the word "random".
"He randomly shouted at me"

No, he didn't randomly shout at you. He shouted at you because you're an insufferable little prick. That's not random behaviour, it's entirely justified.

Hate, hate, hate.
( Kroney, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:52, Reply)

Exactly. Behaving like a "zany" helmet is not "random," it's just "behaving like a helmet."
A sudden onset of multiple sclerosis, now that might make your behaviour a little closer to being "random." And I'd probably find it far funnier.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:56, Reply)

I can spell 'definitely', but I'm Scouse, and we like to say "deffo kidda".

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:52, Reply)

Ah, fair enough - most of the people I've seen use it have been distinctly Southern
And therefore their (hypothetically) saying it out loud would make them sound like objectionable rugger-buggers discussing a trip to the biscuit tin.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:54, Reply)

Deffo is fine, loads of people use it now. Language changes just accept it before you
become one of those twunts who writes into the paper whinging.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 12:01, Reply)

language changing is fine
but saying "deffo" makes you sound like a penis.

so does using twitter

I hope these things go away and do it soon.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 12:03, Reply)

just because loads of people use it
doesn't mean it's right. Simples for example- lots of people use it, doesn't mean I don't want to committ violent assault on each and every one of them
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 12:06, Reply)

I'm with you there
things naturally entering the language are ok (within reason) but having something fucking shoehorned by wanker advertising people is not fucking on.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 12:07, Reply)

Loads of people can't spell "definitely."
Loads of people watch the X-factor and Jeremy cunting Kyle.
Loads of people believe Cheryl Cole's marital status is a matter of national importance.
Loads of people believe that the next fad diet will be the one to shift their excessive weight, despite the previous twelve not having worked.

Basically,. 'loads of people' do loads-upon-myriad-loads of tremendously fucktarded things. Should I bow to the masses?
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 12:06, Reply)

Not on all things no, but the language issue yes.
Things like 'simples' etc are just fads and won't hang around forever.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 12:13, Reply)

Won't they? You still use a "hoover" to clean your flat, don't you?
It's probably safer not to underestimate the insidious power of branding and advertising and batter that meerkat and its creators to death whilst we have the chance.

As for the language issue: there has to be a point at which you say "no more." Granted, our language in its present state, its various idioms and even its spellings, have shifted quite considerably over the last couple of hundred years.

However, when these changes are down to people being incapable of spelling a word, or even using it correctly, there is naturally going to be a resistance to this change. If we let every little variation become "standard," and just lay back to accept it, as your badly-punctuated reply suggests, the meanings and spellings of words could very quickly be corrupted to different extents in different regions of the country until we no longer had a standard, accepted language.

It is a triumph of a society and its culture that, whatever regional variations you might apply to your own speech, if you have at least learnt the accepted form of the language, you can communicate with anybody who has learnt the same. This is why we resist these changes: because although language does indeed evolve, each change must be carefully evaluated for the threat it poses to this achievement in communication.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 12:23, Reply)

well said

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 12:27, Reply)

tl:dr
But for the record, no, I use the vacuum cleaner.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 12:30, Reply)

sellotape

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 12:32, Reply)

Sticky back plastic mate. Other brands are available.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 12:42, Reply)

Ahh, but what about the fridge?

(Cave Duck, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 12:35, Reply)

I really do wonder who or what has showered such acrid piss on your chips recently...

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 13:36, Reply)

I hate 'random' people
Surely 'spontaneous' would be more accurate, if they were actually being 'random', rather than planning what they do.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:59, Reply)

"Like" as a form of punctuation.
It is, if anything, even more annoying when said in its original Californian intonation.

In fact, the Californian accent in general. I would be more than happy if that state and all its shallow inhabitants mysteriously sank into the ocean.
( Kroney, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:59, Reply)

Me and my brother do this
We're not sure why, as we've never shown this behaviour with anyone else...
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 12:02, Reply)

Worse still,
"Like" as a substitute for "said," or any of the other myriad alternatives that our beautifully rich language offers. Your protagonist could have "replied", "retorted", "cried", "yelled", "exclaimed", "ejaculated" (fnar fnar), "shouted", "suggested", or one of many other possibilities, and yet all you can muster is,
"So yeah, he was, like, 'No way, man!'
And I was, like, 'Fuck you, man!'"
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 12:02, Reply)

Know worra mean, like?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 12:04, Reply)

*shudders*
"No, actually I don't know what you mean because you are talking incomprehensible shit," is an honest response that sadly doesn't win you many friends.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 12:14, Reply)

I hate this too

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 12:05, Reply)

"I turned around and said..."
"then he turned around"

If the girl I heard having one particular conversation was to be believed she and the person about whom she was speaking were revolving at quite a rate.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 12:05, Reply)

I saw a Jeremy Kyle show full of that once
There were several people in rotation at once, and the violence really couldn't get off to a start.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 12:06, Reply)

They should have stuck their arms out while they were spinning around

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 14 Dec 2010, 12:09, Reply)

...and this is why swivel chairs are so common in offices these days.

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 12:07, Reply)

LOL
I absolutely hate it when people use "lol" as punctuation, and take great delight in aggressively inquiring whether they are actually laughing out loud every time they say something. Are their minds so easily pleased that every slight action elicits rapturous laughter?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 12:08, Reply)

It's their colleagues you have to feel sorry for.
It must be like having a spastic hyena in the office.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 12:09, Reply)

I know someone who says that in actual conversations
Thankfully she no longer dares to speak to me.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 14 Dec 2010, 12:11, Reply)

on the way home from Bristol on sunday
I saw a car with LOL on the numberplate. It was obviously a private one because it was an X plate, and the car was a heap of shit Corsa or something.

We rammed them off the road and into the abutments of a bridge.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 12:21, Reply)

I like this

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 12:21, Reply)

I like this.

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 14 Dec 2010, 12:22, Reply)

Can we have another post now?
Or are you all still to busy looking down on "the people" from your ivory towers.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 12:20, Reply)

I do like my ivory tower
very desirable location
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 12:30, Reply)