Starting threads with 'Right that's over 100 replies' or whatever is fucking bent.
You're bent. Horribly bent.

Q: what do you say to THAT, EH?

Alt: EH?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:17, 125 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

WELL?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:18, Reply)

I'm glad everyone's jumping on my bandwagon
only took 15 news links.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:19, Reply)

I'm not impressed. It's bent.
Bent, I tell you.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:22, Reply)

You're just jealous.
Still coming to oxford? What time are you getting there?
(PsychoChomp, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:24, Reply)

I'm unsure.
I'm taking my daughter to a birthday party in the early afternoon so if I make it, it'll be early evening when I get there.

I haven't two fucking pennies to rub together so if I was sensible I would hide at home. I am not sensible, though, so we shall see.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:27, Reply)

I have to leave about 10pm I'm afraid
so I'll be going in the early afternoon.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:30, Reply)

It's looking less like I'm going by the second.
Much as I'd like a steamy sex marathon with all of the /OT beeyotches, I was hoping for a beer and a chat as well.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:31, Reply)

I'll have a look around, my mate jo lives just south of Oxford so I could probably crash at his
and stay later I'll let you know.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:34, Reply)

If you have a mate called 'Jo' who spells his name without an 'e'
I would think very seriously about not staying the night round his. He may well get 'confused' in the middle of the night and try to get into bed with you 'by mistake'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:41, Reply)

YOUR FACE IS BENT

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:19, Reply)

Your nipples are bent!
(because of the piercing)
(Bazongaloid, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:24, Reply)

Only til I get the other one done.
Your cock is bent!
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:25, Reply)

Yeah, it's perfectly normal for it to lean to one side.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:30, Reply)

I don't know if it's just because I don't pay that much attention,
But I don't think anyone I've been with has had a bent one.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:46, Reply)

If it's properly bent double
then that isn't normal, but leaning one way or the other is fine.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:48, Reply)

Al's is like a shepherd's crook.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:55, Reply)

There was a truly fantastic bit of trolling
on some sort of mothers advice forum where this woman was asking for help about her sons penis that was severely bent and the doctor recommended getting an erection and then manually bending it back every day. She went on to say that her sons didn't have the patience and that she had been doing it for him, and after he ejaculated once or twice she would continue for about 30 minutes.

The replies were hilarious.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:59, Reply)

I saw that. Proper 'what the...?' stuff wasn't it?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:01, Reply)

The replies were spaced over a year or so too
people properly took the bait.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:04, Reply)

There was also one
About a mother who used her sons' spunk as face cream. Never directly from the source, just gave them both a jar to catch their emissions in.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:04, Reply)

I scored a spectacular own goal with Lusty yesterday.
She called me a bender and quick as a flash I came zinging back with 'I only fancy you BECAUSE YOU LOOK LIKE A MAN'.

'So you are a bender, then'

Oh.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:24, Reply)

hahahahahahaha

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:25, Reply)

Back of the net!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:27, Reply)

She said when she came 'round the other day that she couldn't be arsed to make the journey home, so I suggest she dumps you and stays at mine for the night, but she declined my offer this time.
Which is a good thing really because my bedroom is a bit untidy at the moment and it wouldn't make a very good impression.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:28, Reply)

Beautifully done.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:30, Reply)

Seems his hearing's going
Still, he had a good innings, I guess. Someone take him out to the barn, the rest of you start claiming his stuff.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:20, Reply)

Bagsy Lusty.

( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:22, Reply)

Yay!
And no-one is fighting me for her.
( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:37, Reply)

'cos you'd knack us!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:43, Reply)

Can we share her?
At the same time
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:56, Reply)

It's all fucking bent Monty.
All of it.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:20, Reply)

That's just what I was saying, Jeff.
Bent, it is.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:25, Reply)

Do you remember those bendy drinking straws that were popular in the 70s?
Well it's like that. Only MORE BENT.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:27, Reply)

It's like Spaghetti fucking Junction in here, Jeff.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:37, Reply)

Turn your hearing aid to 'T'
That should help.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:23, Reply)

Are you high on drugs again? Can't you just have a nice cold glass of Yop instead?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:25, Reply)

No, I'm not.
I'm just incensed by the horrific bentness of it all.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:28, Reply)

You do you know you don't have to shoot up smack between your toes to enjoy a nice cold glass of Yop though, don't you?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:33, Reply)

But it makes the Yop go down sooooo smooothly when you do.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:35, Reply)

It is a "touch" moreish too

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:36, Reply)

Really? Maybe I should try it, I love Yop.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:40, Reply)

you're more bent than a bending bent thing
alt: YEAH
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:27, Reply)

I'm as bent as a Roman Road such as the Via Sacra in Rome.
IE NOT BENT AT ALL.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:29, Reply)

Not bent? Appia Pipe.

(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:31, Reply)

Et tu, you fackin' cant.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:34, Reply)

But over 2000 years old

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:32, Reply)

haaaaaaaaaaaaa

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:33, Reply)

Bugger.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:34, Reply)

I was quite proud of that one
*prouds*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:35, Reply)

*concedes graciously*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:36, Reply)

Monty, you are the man Benedict Cumberbatch is talking to in this comic
cheezcomixed.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/6fda8e60-b8d1-47a3-9f20-0e90351b20f4.jpg
(Bazongaloid, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:33, Reply)

No I'm not. You are.


(I am fucking pleased with this ZINGING comeback)
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:36, Reply)

*zing*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:37, Reply)

That was the worst zing in the history of zing.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:38, Reply)

Agreed

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:39, Reply)

Aii, gwan an' try mek a bad zing good.

(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:39, Reply)

RACIST

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:40, Reply)

AAIST

(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:42, Reply)

No Brian, not Rastamouse, :
these fellows
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:45, Reply)

DJ Loose?
Loose, as in stools? But, less of your impending condition ...
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:51, Reply)

Hahha
I can definitely sense a 'rumble in the jungle' a-brewin'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:54, Reply)

it's like that guy that can never figure out the right time for a slow clap

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:40, Reply)

*zing*
oh wait....
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:41, Reply)

i say that i just got the most gorgeous bunch of red roses
i am beginning to think that fate is taking the piss, except that it's a rather expensive thing to do. also my trainee clearly thinks i sent them to myself.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:31, Reply)

We are all of a similar mindset to your trainee.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:33, Reply)

ha
i might have done if i could have afforded it this week. it's been a salutory lesson in how much i have gotten used to spending on shit like lunch/taxis/blow-drying without even thinking about it.

a lesson which i can't WAIT to forget on pay day.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:35, Reply)

So who sent you your roses?
Or is it a mystery?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:37, Reply)

i have a vague idea

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:56, Reply)

Because your latest bank statement shows a purchase made by you to Interflora?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:01, Reply)

Awww!
Rswipes got an admirer!
( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:34, Reply)

are you bragging or something

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:35, Reply)

yes
yes i am.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:35, Reply)

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:54, Reply)

The sad thing is
she DID send them to herself, just so she could go on the internet and tell people that she's never met that she got them. Now, if you or I were to do something like that, we wouldn't actually bother sending the flowers, but Swipey couldn't get her head around the double lie this would involve.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:37, Reply)

I'm nipping 'round ASDA tommorow when it's all half priced so I can clean up all the leftovers.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:47, Reply)

By 'leftovers', I mean, the unloved and unwanted, rather than the food sense.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:48, Reply)

Just make a beeline
for the ladies with the smudged masscara standing in front of the half empty "cards and chocolates" display.

They'll be vulnerable and therefore easy
(Bazongaloid, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:50, Reply)

*Gets a few v-day gifts (about £11 worth) and takes them up the pretty girl on the counter*
"Please, my girlfriend is going to kill me, I've only got £10 but I really need these, can you please sort me out, you'll be a life saver, just this once."
* After a bit of begging and pleeding *
"Oh thanks, by the way, these are for you....."
*Hands over the stuff *

OH MAN, I should totally write a book.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:57, Reply)

Or a blog...

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:02, Reply)

Oh man, I'll write up one tonight about all the smooth things I would do if I wasn't cripplingly shy.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:05, Reply)

Bloody hell
what's your tally for today already then? It's barely even the afternoon!
(berk, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:35, Reply)

it makes up for the last 3 years
3 cards, 1 cupid gaz and 2 bunches of flowers. but 1 was from the ex, and therefore doesn't count, as he is a married stinking sack of shit who just wants to cheat on his wife!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:36, Reply)

Pffft
Do you want a side order of croissants with that?

I received today exactly the same thing as I have received for the last *counts* 4 years: A gert big fuck all.
(berk, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:39, Reply)

i've been in 3 and 4 year relationships where i got fuckall
this is why today is so surprising!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:57, Reply)

Sensible question time
if Valentines means a lot to you, why didn't you say something after the first time?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:02, Reply)

the first time around we were at uni
and it never occurred to me.

the second time, if you want me to be brutally honest.... i didn't want another black eye/split lip!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:16, Reply)

My tally is: 2 wanks
1 little cry, 1 lord's prayer,1 big cry, 1 session of self harm and some self loathing poetry.

Later I'm making cupcakes...WITH MY BLOOD!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:44, Reply)

Only 2?
Have you got little flid arms or something?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:45, Reply)

My mother died of little flid arms, you bastard!


She couldn't get the Lemon curd open and starved to death
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:46, Reply)

She could get it open?
EDIT - sneaky ninja
(Bazongaloid, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:47, Reply)

Proper officelol!!
Now with added golf clap
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:47, Reply)

I had a wank fantasising over the Valentines card I received earlier.
Then I looked at it again and recognised my mum's handwriting.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:51, Reply)

and decided to fist myself instead, for old times sake

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:51, Reply)

how much did they cost you?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:38, Reply)

Her self respect

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:42, Reply)

I like this

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:44, Reply)

i don't care what any of you say
for once i am smug and totally open to the idea of romance and there is no such thing as a bastard-man on the entire planet, you're all lovely and sweet... lalalala...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:55, Reply)

*wipes on curtains*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:56, Reply)

+ beef

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:59, Reply)

It is slightly bent, I agree
I say FUCK IT! I am in a good mood today after attending an excellent wedding on Friday and getting quite remarkably drunk. I was actually scared for my stomach on Saturday as I consumed so much food I thought it may split.
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:34, Reply)

Everyone knows that you are as gay as a cunt!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:41, Reply)

You would say that.
Just the typical sort of smokescreen attempt to distract everyone's attention from your filthy chutney-ferreting ways. No-one is buying it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:47, Reply)

No one is buying it as they have spent all of their money paying you to drink other men's ejaculate

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:48, Reply)

All of
what, sorry?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:50, Reply)

Don't know what you're talking about

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:51, Reply)

The money that is over there.
"there money"
(Bazongaloid, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:51, Reply)

Ah, now explain it, it makes perfect sense.
Thanks Al!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:53, Reply)

I wouldn't deny it Monty
But I'd modify it to 'a bit bent'
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:54, Reply)

Like you after a few gin and tonics
and you look over and think "You know, that Lampito, for all her obsession with anal sex, I wonder if she's ever considered what it would be like to be with a woman. I wonder if she might fancy giving it a try tonight?"
(Bazongaloid, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:56, Reply)

Oh Man
You should have seen Amberl and Lusty when they were at our apartment in Bristol. Pure FILTH it was.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:02, Reply)

Why was Amberl in Bristol?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:03, Reply)

For the bash the following evening
Do keep up, al.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:06, Reply)

Oh of course
I didn't go to that so I had forgotten.

I have to say, I'm a little jealous I didn't get to see that.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:08, Reply)

It's all on film Al.
ALL OF IT.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:09, Reply)

Shh keep that quiet please

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:15, Reply)

I got a youporn account if you wanna make a few bob.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:19, Reply)

You try keeping up when you're 25 stone of wheezing flab, Lab.
You have?

Oh.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:08, Reply)

It was all in the chins though, and those I propped up on a vintage rollerskate

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:11, Reply)

Is this something else I was asleep for?!

(berk, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:10, Reply)

Probably
Your loss if you were, they did things that I hadn't even dreamt of before.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:12, Reply)

she sleeps through all the good stuff

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:16, Reply)

I do :(
tenner says I'll be asleep before any of the rest of you next weekend.
(berk, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:16, Reply)

It won't stop them having their way with you though.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:17, Reply)

I probably would sleep through that actually
I can forsee that someone, at some future bash, is almost certainly going to draw on me in marker pen.
(berk, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:20, Reply)

I'm going to bring several colours to Blousies bash especially.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:25, Reply)