Merseyside Deviant of the Day
This should win an award for the most complicated headline too.

Better than dogfucking gran
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:04, 180 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Haha!
She wears jeans with an elasticated waistband!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:08, Reply)

I think you have been desensitised

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:09, Reply)

At times I think that
Then a case will come along to remind me I'm not. Not necessarily a kiddy case, there was one rape case I'll remember to my dying day.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:10, Reply)

Sensible question
Why so?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:16, Reply)

It was the chat log between the suspect and victim after the act
Edited because I don't wanna be a killjoy!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:25, Reply)

bloody hell

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:26, Reply)

you have my respect for dealing with it so well

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:17, Reply)

Thanks mate

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:26, Reply)

You should see the pregnancy jeans in Latvia...

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:09, Reply)

Eastern bloc is where its at

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:16, Reply)

Not as bad as lads who wear jeans with elasticated cuffs.
*waves fist menacingly*
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:20, Reply)

It's all happening in the pool.
I sometimes look at the local papers to link anything interesting but I haven't got a hope in hell.
( girlinthehole, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:10, Reply)

It's all go in MK
www.miltonkeynes.co.uk/news/local/youth_cafe_is_a_popular_choice_for_teenagers_1_2413189
(PsychoChomp, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:18, Reply)

do you know the guy at the front?
at the risk of sounding like you, he's quite hot.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:21, Reply)

shame he's being rogered by the kid behind him

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:25, Reply)

he's still the hottest thing ever to come out of milton keynes
apart from the m1, obviously.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:26, Reply)

He voluteers in a childrens cafe: nonce.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:31, Reply)

now hang on a minute, mr teen-queen-fetishist
hey, we could go together. i can show him a much better use of his time than volunteering with children, and whilst his back is turned, you can make your move on all the female students
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:39, Reply)

I like the hoodie in the background
outh oaf
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:25, Reply)

haha
my uncle is forever sending my dad clippings from the tod rag. usually because someone they were at school with a million years ago has just carked it.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:19, Reply)

I think I'm going to have to do something myself to create a fantastic headline for the Tod rag.

( girlinthehole, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:21, Reply)

Blouse Wearing Woman In Bridges Sex Slave Uproar

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:22, Reply)

Give them a call and tell them about when your cat went on holiday and stayed with another family for a bit.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:22, Reply)

Hell yeah!
That's going to make front page for sure.
( girlinthehole, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:23, Reply)

the worst thing
is how unattractive these people seem to be. elasticated jeans do not scream "rape me", and his face is like a tangible piece of contraception.

i hate the liverpool echo. they would inevitably misprint my adverts and scousers would ring up saying "i saw your ad in the echhhhhhhhho. you've got a 3 bed flat for £15 a week?"

"no. you cannot be so stupid as to think that is the actual rent. clearly it's a typo."

"well you've got to gimme it for that rent now haven't you?"

"no. the advert was an invitation to treat, not an offer that is binding and capable of acceptance."

"well you've got to gimme it for that rent now haven't you?"

multiply this by 100 times for every erroneous advert. fucking echo.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:13, Reply)

Fucking scousers

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:16, Reply)

Exactly

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:17, Reply)

Gerrof!

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:18, Reply)

It was meant in both the
Accccccccccrington Stanley context and the fact that the story is about fucking scousers
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:22, Reply)

Accrington Stanley?
Ooo the 'el are they?
( Peej, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:52, Reply)

Exaccccccccccccccccccccctly

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:54, Reply)

i'm from manchester so i am allowed to hate scousers
except roota, naturally.

but i will say genuinely that i had 4000 tenants, 150 of whom were in liverpool. and i was in liverpool county court chasing arrears more often with that 150 than with the remainder in manchester/cheshire!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:19, Reply)

4000 tenants?
how big was the flat!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:21, Reply)

jeff-like joke is jeff-like

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:21, Reply)

oh man
I have reached a new low
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:22, Reply)

Haha!

( girlinthehole, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:23, Reply)

Allow me

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:23, Reply)

just don't let it happen again!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:26, Reply)

Whilst this is very amusing, it's not helping me pick a new sig
You lazy shites
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:29, Reply)

vipros' comment up there
"oh man, i have reached a new low" is appropriate for most of the people, most of the time?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:31, Reply)

My ability to constantly plumb new depths suggests you're right
I do try to better myself, but you keep turning me down.

You know, for sex.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:39, Reply)

i don't think i'd noticed you were asking
:(
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:15, Reply)

How about:
Uniform Charlie Kilo
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:31, Reply)

Or Tango something?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:32, Reply)

....Tango Alpha Romeo Delta

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:33, Reply)

Or this

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:34, Reply)

This is very amusing
but too long. A problem I have all too frequently
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:36, Reply)

'Dinner's in the dog, love'?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:32, Reply)

you ignored my suggestion

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:32, Reply)

And have already forgotten it

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:32, Reply)

animal, vegetable or mineral, I'll do anything to anything

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:34, Reply)

That's quite good actually
If it fits

It does make me sound like an enormous sexual pervert though
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:37, Reply)

enormous sexual pervert East Anglian
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:38, Reply)

FOR THE LAST TIME I AM NOT FROM NORFOLK
LAST TIME who am I fucking kidding
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:42, Reply)

I didn't say you were
I said it made you sound like one

Put the fucking handbag down!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:45, Reply)

Shan't
*flounces*

You're right. I apologise for the shouty.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:50, Reply)

hehe

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:53, Reply)

"you see Blackadder, I am a colossal pervert...."

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:38, Reply)

I do so love that line
or anything the Bishop says, actually. Even "to visit the last poor fool who... LOST HIS WALLET!"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:41, Reply)

Can we all do 'Withnail' quotes next please?


Actually, can we not?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:44, Reply)

But you are a terrible cunt
And a spherical shirt-lifter.
Incidentally, Richard Griffiths lived in Stratford, and is a right miserable twat.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:47, Reply)

So
there are two fat cunts that I hate, living in Stratford?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:49, Reply)

No, al was only passing through.

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:50, Reply)

*fist bumps*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:51, Reply)

Up with the cock---eral

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:39, Reply)

I have a lump of purest green

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:42, Reply)

Skin up, then.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:43, Reply)

I thought you were opposed to all the Blackadder quotes?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:45, Reply)

'Opposed' is rather strong.
For some reason Partridge quotes are fine, for me. I realise this is inconsistent.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:48, Reply)

Partridge is just about the most quotable programme I've ever seen

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:49, Reply)

I want to say
that your annoyance with your missus last night really brought back some bad memories for me. I hope she doesn't make a habit of it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:56, Reply)

Rest assured if she does I won't mention it in this forum
My apologies for dredging up old demons
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:58, Reply)

She was only half an hour late.
HALF AN HOUR.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:59, Reply)

For a meal
Without letting him know. Without her or her friends replying to his texts.
It's very fucking rude, Roota!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:01, Reply)

Maybe they were gassing so much they didn't check their phones.
And after how long did he text?
If it was when she was only ten minutes late and I were her, I'd have then deliberately sat in the car another twenty just so he stopped his nancy pants sleeping-with-the-enemy stalking of everyone in the car.
He wasn't worried, he was taking umbrage.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:03, Reply)

I was worried, actually
I never suspect her of shagging anyone else but I do fret that she's been horribly murdered when she's late, because she's generally like clockwork. And she knows this, which is why she apologised.

I did take umbrage when it turned out that my worry could have been averted by a quick text
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:06, Reply)

She's like clockwork because you beat her at 7.01pm every night.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:14, Reply)

Me? Hit someone?
Really?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:19, Reply)

Yes.
You beat her with her own shoes!
(I've no idea where this is going.)
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:22, Reply)

Does using your own shoes make it worse?
Even if hers are dainty ballet pumps and his are whacking great workboots? Is that why hitting your wife with an iron is so frowned upon?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:24, Reply)

As if I don't also have Ballet shoes

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:30, Reply)

I wasn't talking about your case specifically, you mincing tart.
It was a general enquiry.

Would Saddam Hussein's statue have been more upset if that old fella had beat it with its own slipper?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:35, Reply)

I can assure you that is the last thing I would beat her with
Her vengeance would be twice as terrible if I damaged any of her shoes
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:26, Reply)

Half an hour late for a meal is extremely rude.
What if he'd cooked a souffle? The fucker would have been in the bin.

Late = rude.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:07, Reply)

Whilst this is a good point,
the idea that I'd have the first fucking clue how to make a souffle is nothing short of hilarious.

In Ms Foxtrot's defence, two weeks ago I aimed to have dinner ready for when she got back from teaching and got the timing spectacularly wrong. Although on that occasion she didn't know I was cooking
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:11, Reply)

the fact that she knew you were cooking a special meal makes it even worse

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:13, Reply)

She didn't know it'd be SPECIAL
That ambition of my cooking was a last-minute thing
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:14, Reply)

not quite so bad then
but still, I'd be miffed.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:16, Reply)

Oh she was late for tea
It wasn't a date and she didn't know it was special.
What's rude abotu being late home? They live together. She hardly missed the first act of La Boheme.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:15, Reply)

I was under the impression that it was a special occasion

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:16, Reply)

I see your point, in principle
but we always let each other know if we're going to be late. Trust me, I'd have got it in the neck if things had been the other way round
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:22, Reply)

life's too short to get cross with someone you love over stuff like that.
And tell her the same, the drunken harridan.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:23, Reply)

This is possibly the truest thing anyone has ever said on the internet
With the obvious exception of Lab's masterwork
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:28, Reply)

You mean that 'roll' thing he does with his chins?
Like Chunk does with his tummy?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:32, Reply)

I was actually referring to "Men are shit, women are crazy"
but I would LOVE to see that!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:33, Reply)

-:((((((((

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:35, Reply)

Every time I see that I am going to have to respond with
mrrrgllgrglllrg
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:38, Reply)

It did make me chortle last time
It has made me guffaw today.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:39, Reply)

I have to agree

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:12, Reply)

I'm genuinely appreciative to know that most of you agree with me
but I'm never introducing her to you lot now, she'd likely be mortified to know I'd made a thing of it on the internet
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:13, Reply)

I think partners are off limits as far as that sort of stuff goes
until they make themselves a target of their own accord
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:15, Reply)

I imagine she'd be targeted with a hell of a lot of
"are you REALLY his girlfriend?" queries
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:21, Reply)

More along the lines of "which agency did he get you from?"
"How much to outbid him?"
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:23, Reply)

Hahaha
Can't help you with the agency thing, but she has four sisters
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:27, Reply)

+they all got ass
one of them...eyes as big as Jolly Ranchers
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:35, Reply)

FUCK
I cannot remember where this is from
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:36, Reply)

:-D

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:37, Reply)

TELL ME YOU BASTARD

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:48, Reply)

DJ Shadow

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:51, Reply)

beautiful girl ...
she's a beautiful girl ...
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:37, Reply)

5 minutes early is 5 minutes late

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:02, Reply)

I am aware that I overreacted and apologised to her as such
When I did so she told me not to be silly and that she was in the wrong. You heard that right - a woman, and a southerner at that, admitted she was wrong.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:04, Reply)

that's because she doesn't want another black eye

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:05, Reply)

You must be fucking joking
The woman could scare the shit out of Chuck Norris at twenty paces
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:07, Reply)

From Darth?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:07, Reply)

It's the only way she'll learn, Rootz

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:10, Reply)

You mis-heard her
She said you were wrong
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:05, Reply)

I wish, instead I shall create an enormous spreadsheet of annual plans and revenue streams

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:46, Reply)

Much the same, in many ways.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:48, Reply)

Try saying the headline
whilst rubbing you stomach and patting your head.

IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!!1!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:31, Reply)

And then eat a jam doughnut without licking your lips.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:33, Reply)

...followed by a handful of Cream Crackers and no drink.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:36, Reply)

She shells shea shells on the shea shore

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:37, Reply)

Schteve?

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:50, Reply)

Yesh?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:52, Reply)

Schkin up, we're off to der schex musheum shortly.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:56, Reply)

I am shinking it ish my turn to shtretch your anush, yesh?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:58, Reply)

juscht let me finisch thisch game of dominoesch....

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:59, Reply)

I will never tire of Dutching up my schpeech.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:01, Reply)

Thish

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:03, Reply)

schame here
I'm scho glad I work for a dutch company
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:07, Reply)

Abscholutely.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:19, Reply)

...and a Roundtrees Fruit Pastel without chewing it.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:37, Reply)

i hate that one where you have to try describing a figure of 8 with your hand
whilst rotating your ankle counterclockwise. it messes with my head.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:36, Reply)

I find it easier to decribe a figure of 8 using my mouth, tongue and vocal cords

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:39, Reply)

Mrs V is a lucky lady

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:40, Reply)

Vocal cords though?
He must have to stick his entire lower jaw into her.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:43, Reply)

when i read that the first time around
i had a most bizarre image of you moving your head around like a numerical mong. i got it the second time around.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:40, Reply)

So saying it then?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:44, Reply)

Why not pay someone to rotate their ankle counterclockwise
And then pay someone else to make the figure of 8?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:40, Reply)

You are like a dog with a bone-r

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:42, Reply)

haha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:42, Reply)

surprise surprise
it's another question from the quizmaster!

now then. what DID you have for breakfast? was your mother good to you as a child? do you like your middle name? which newspaper do you read?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:45, Reply)

His middle name is 'Thedog' - it's not great.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:02, Reply)

Witha last name of fucker, that's the least of his worries

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:04, Reply)

Nothing yet
Absolutely
Not even a little bit, it's even worse than my first name
I don't, unless you count Charlie Brooker's column on the Guardian website

Keep 'em coming. I love quizzes.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:08, Reply)

i NEED to know your middle name now
is it phineas?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:14, Reply)

Phineas is an AWESOME middle name.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:17, Reply)

No, that would at least be interesting
I'm not telling you without some equally closely-guarded piece of information from you
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:17, Reply)

Closely-guarded info?
Good luck, Discretion is most certainly NOT Ms Swipe's middle name.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:19, Reply)

I'll settle for her bra size if I'm honest

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:23, Reply)

Chompy? This is your cue to do that search thingy and link all the times she's announced it.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:29, Reply)

eeow
it's never his cue to search my bra, wookie.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:35, Reply)

I am surpised that he's nowhere to be seen the one and only time his presence is requested.
Maybe if a girl were to ask...
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:36, Reply)

well that depends on which shop the bra is from
they are all different
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:34, Reply)

Give me a list
and I'll compile a graph to find out the median
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:37, Reply)

OMG Darth's been hacked.
THAT's where he went.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:38, Reply)

Curses
It's not working anyway, I thought girls were supposed to be comfortable discussing intimate stuff with bumders
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:44, Reply)

Yeah but if I remember right, you're supposed to respond with horror and fear rather than lechery and creepiness.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:46, Reply)

You seem to know what you're about
Can you teach me?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:47, Reply)

Right, it's settled, until I get bored or someone thinks of something better
Thank you all for your suggestions, especially Sportscow and Monty.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:54, Reply)

I like it!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:55, Reply)

We make a great team.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:57, Reply)

Team SportsBoyce!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:58, Reply)

I am going to register this at Companies House forthwith.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:59, Reply)

But you hate sports and love to eat cows
Therefore you should really beat Sports cow to death then eat him
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:01, Reply)

Who said I'm not also going to do that?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:02, Reply)

Hostile takeover eh?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:03, Reply)

But I am "Bovine Master"
It says so just there .... points
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:04, Reply)

Then you'll grill up a fucking treat, won't you?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:12, Reply)

I am utterly miserable today
but a small ray of sunshine has speared my black cloud of emoity. At long last this has arrived.

It's a beautiful artifact and I cannot wait to bore my neighbours with it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:19, Reply)

What did you end up doing in the end last night?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:22, Reply)

I am embarrassed to admit
that I went home and went straight to bed because being awake was upsetting me so much.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:23, Reply)

That's fair enough.
Feeling any brighter today?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:24, Reply)

Nope.
Been turned down for a consolidation loan this morning, to add to my joys.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:26, Reply)

I feel even worse about gazzing you that link now.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:27, Reply)

Haha it's not your fault I am a financial train-wreck, Jeff

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:29, Reply)

You'd better start eating Ferrero Rocher with the rest of us peasants then Mont.
The only reason they're not giving you a consolidation loan at the moment is because the interest rate is so low, and they were intended as a 'punishment loan'. I should know because I have one. When the rates go back up they'll be giving them away again.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:29, Reply)

no need to be embarrassed
it must have brought you pretty low to have that effect.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:26, Reply)

Been there brother.
To pass the time I sleep as much as possible, that's how boring my current existence is. I slept for a grand total of eighteen hours yesterday.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:27, Reply)