Good day, peasants.
Hope you had a pleasant weekend. Mine was a mixture of fantastic and utterly miserable.

Anything good happening to you this week?
Alt: High point of the weekend?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 8:43, 127 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I slept and ate a lot and put three pounds on.
Alt: Seeing my dad.
( girlinthehole, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 8:55, Reply)

I could do with putting about thirty thousand pounds on.
Alt: My daughter and I had the time of our lives at my friend's kid's birthday party.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:01, Reply)

What were you NOMing on?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:02, Reply)

Morning!
Only thing to look forward to this week is payday.

Alt Q: I spent the night with the girl I have a thing for. I also said goodbye to a friend who is moving away, and met a couple of her (rather attractive) friends. Also, I had a few friends over last night, who complimented me on my weight loss. Pretty damn good weekend, I'd say.

Me and the girl had a kiss and a cuddle, it was rather fantastic.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:02, Reply)

fuck yeah
600 overdrawn and looking forward to some money coming in for a change
( zulu eh?, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:34, Reply)

Mixed week ahead for me
Tuesday off on holiday to spend some time with the kids
Wednesday and Thursday out on customer sites so meh
New starter starting on Wednesday which hopefully will mean we aren't at 100mph constantly

Weekend was good - down to the in-laws to be force fed massive quantities of food and beer, returning to pizzathon last night. I feel rather rotund this morning *burp*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:06, Reply)

Oxford's weird
The whole town feels like a campus, far too many stereotypical Oxford students walking around. Also my 'fixie' rage was kept topped up over the weekend.
That said I had a thoroughly lovely weekend in glorious company.

Alt: Getting a belated birthday present from a kind b3tan.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:12, Reply)

I'm sorry I couldn't make it.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:17, Reply)

How is your hip anyway?
Best take it easy, replacement hips only last 16 years.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:18, Reply)

Financially
this may have been for the best!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:18, Reply)

you have a fixie hatred?
they are strange, have you seen the twunts who put postcards in the spokes?
( zulu eh?, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:35, Reply)

Yes, I have walked through Shoreditch
Bellends, the lot of them.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:36, Reply)

alright, you obstreperous old goat?
High point- mogwai last night. Xmas Steps and Glasgow Mega Snake were great, the new stuff not so much. Luke Sutherland is back with them too.

Nothing from Young Team, and no Helicon. 8 out or 10.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:19, Reply)

Nothing good happening this week as far as I know
but then again, nothing bad.

High point of the weekend was 13:56 on Sunday when I was hugged by a jubilant elderly gentleman.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:24, Reply)

What had happened at 13:55?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:28, Reply)

LiC found the old man's prostate

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:30, Reply)

This too
It was the only way to make him release me, like a pitbull.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:58, Reply)

Carlos Vela equalised in the second minute of injury time
So we got a draw.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:57, Reply)

Nah, I believe Labs.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:58, Reply)

Highlight was everyone hearing about your broken hip
and being worried while I was lolling.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:32, Reply)

What the juddering fuck?
How was Oxford, anyway?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:34, Reply)

Lusty texted Amberl to say that she couldn't make it
As Monty had fallen and broken his hip. My reaction was "That sounds quite likely" and carried on into the pub.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:35, Reply)

If I ever break a bone,
I'll text someone fucking else for sympathy

Someone whose number I've got, for starters
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:41, Reply)

I don't recommend breaking a bone
It's rather inconveniencing.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:45, Reply)

So I'm told
What did you break? And who on?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:50, Reply)

Double spiral fracture of tib/fib, about an inch from the knee
On a brick barbecue.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:53, Reply)

oooffffooooyafuckaya

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:55, Reply)

It didn't start to hurt until I got to hospital
Then it fucking caned until I had morphine.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:58, Reply)

My leg hurts just reading it!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:02, Reply)

Mine now aches whenever the weather changes dramatically
Stupid barbecue.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:06, Reply)

I dont think barbeques are historically correct
LARP fail
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:10, Reply)

Pretty sure people have been cooking outside with fire for a while
But I take your point. Stupid scout sites...
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:13, Reply)

Fucking hell
I consider it something of a miracle that a combination of my innate clumsiness and Ballroom habit are yet to generate anything worse than a sprained ankle
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:58, Reply)

Much happen after I left?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:45, Reply)

More of the same
We stayed in that pub for a few hours longer, then went back to Amberl's for gin and chat.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:46, Reply)

I was basically asking who's got an appointment at the clinic today.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:47, Reply)

I didn't AIDS punch anyone
And no one who was crashing at Annie's had sex, unless they're very sneaky.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:49, Reply)

Me and apple were super sneaky

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:28, Reply)

is this why it's now gone quiet on here
as all the boys have screengrabbed this comment and taken it to the gents?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:33, Reply)

She was wearing a cow 'onesie'
So only Maxi will find that hot.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:34, Reply)

looking around at the perverts on here
this is utterly untrue
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:39, Reply)

I try to not look around at the perverts on here

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:43, Reply)

as it puts you right off your stroke

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:45, Reply)

*rubs thighs*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:45, Reply)

Stop it
You'll make Happybara jealous.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:45, Reply)

Sorry,
*Rubs longer than average thighs*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:46, Reply)

You had some gin (50ml)?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:48, Reply)

I'm the one who forces memes around here.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:49, Reply)

Morning Chompy (5'10")

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:49, Reply)

Ooh keep this going until Apple turns up her boyfriend's about 4'6"

(PsychoChomp, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:51, Reply)

Really? Hahahahaha
Do you reckon his thighs are too short for, you know....
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:52, Reply)

He would be at tit height though
convenient
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:53, Reply)

I brought up the phrase musky arsehole once that night, I got "looks" so I stopped.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:53, Reply)

I like this

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:54, Reply)

Was it in the context of
'fucking hell Apples, that midget you're shagging's a right musky arsehole'?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:57, Reply)

I dont see any problems with this statement

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:59, Reply)

Pretty much.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:10, Reply)

jealousy is an ugly emotion, you know
it causes wrinkles
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:16, Reply)

if he has tamed her
then he must have some excellent points.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:55, Reply)

Yes Monty (56, male, 48-52-46, heteroflexible, 96% organic 4% man-made)

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:52, Reply)

*wolf whistles*
Good measurements there for the Boyce
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:53, Reply)

It was good, lusty told us Monty had broken his hip
but he hadn't it was typical Qotw lies.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:35, Reply)

Hang about
QOTW lies... OFF the internet?! This is a dangerous precedent. We're through the looking glass, people.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:39, Reply)

Glad to hear you enjoyed at least part of your weekend, sir
I went to Bristol with Ms Foxtrot to visit her sister (the 6'0" blonde one), with her other sister (5'9") and their 10-year-old brother. The weekend itself was excellent, the two 250-mile drives less so. Ms 5'9" is the most stressful driver I've ever known. I wasn't allowed to nod off as I had to be an extra set of eyes at every roundabout, junction and road merge, and anyone who speaks over the SatNav gets yelled at. Plus the little brother discovered Cut The Rope this weekend, so I scarcely saw my iPhone for 48 hours.

Alt: a garlic, chilli, keema naan at Joy Raj in Bristol. Best bread ever. Kicked the arse off Longleat Safari Park. Even the vandalising monkeys.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:33, Reply)

This sounds like a good naan
So it gets the Fonz thumbs from me
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:38, Reply)

It was fucking amazing
I was worried it couldn't live up to expectations, but if anything it was better than expected. I also had a chilli hot chocolate at Zwinky's yesterday which blew my mouth clean off. It was like that Listerine advert
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:40, Reply)

Is it normal to list the heights of everyone you encounter now?
I'm going to my brother's (5'11") on Friday. My daughter (3'? Fuck knows) had a nice weekend.

I'm just off for a piss (500ml).
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:47, Reply)

haha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:49, Reply)

I'm not even sure why I did that
I haven't had any coffee yet, my judgement is even less reliable than usual at this stage. Funnily enough I just had a dump and feel at least 2lbs lighter
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:50, Reply)

I had a lovely sleep and some whisky
That's about all I've been asking from life lately, so I'd rate it as a pretty good weekend.
( Hdjejjwsjdjjf LOOK, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:34, Reply)

You mean 'some whisky (25ml or whatever)'?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:47, Reply)

Some whisky
(Whatever fits in a pint glass with a bit of coke for mixer)
( Hdjejjwsjdjjf LOOK, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:57, Reply)

Highlight was going out Saturday.
And not having to worry about how much I spent for the first time in months. I also bought a Playstation and am buying a flat screen today if I can find one for a reasonable amount of money.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:38, Reply)

Is this money not for food and rent and stuff like that?

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:00, Reply)

Yeah, but.
I haven't had anything since September because Student Finance are useless, it finally came through on Friday so I've got September's and January's in one lump sum. It's the grant (for low income families) rather than the loan as well, my loan's gone on rent etc and the rest is for me to live on. I've paid off my credit card in full and still have about 3 grand to last until April when I get my next one.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:05, Reply)

i had a brilliant if ridiculously drunken weekend with rakky down in bristol
however, last night i was woken up at regular intervals by my friend, who was on a first date. texts started with "i like him", progressed through angst about whether it was ok to shag on a first date, and culminated in "woohoo fucking amazing sex for 3 hours straight".

then this morning my other best friend has sent me loads of pictures of her, husband and baby on the beach in barbados where they have been for 3 weeks.

at what point are you too old to be seriously jealous...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:41, Reply)

Never
How the fuck dare you go to Bristol at the same time as me without telling me so that I could respond "that's nice, I doubt I'll have any spare time to meet up though"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:42, Reply)

i'm just wild and independently-minded like that

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:43, Reply)

I'm not sure I can keep up with this sort of behaviour
It's over, Rachel. I'm sorry, but this sort of hellraising absolutely will not do.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:49, Reply)

Morning RSwipe (32DD)

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:50, Reply)

hey
that's only my height if i lie down.

which i never do on a first date. it guarantees fumbly painful sex.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:54, Reply)

Your thighs are too long, then.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:04, Reply)

i wish
i don't mind being 5'6, it's only annoying in sales when all the normal length trousers/jeans/skirts have already been sold because it's so average. but i would like to have longer legs please. can you stretch them?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:10, Reply)

yes Dopey, yes you can.
arstechnica.com/civis/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=2941
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:12, Reply)

Yeah, cos it's really easy to find trousers when you're 6' and female
I've spent longer than I care to recount in Long Tall Sally, feeling positively Liliputian by comparison to all the shoppers, waiting for Ms Foxtrot and her sisters to find clothes that fit them
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:12, Reply)

I'll have a good time trying.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:12, Reply)

this is the best answer
/swoons
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:15, Reply)

But how tall is your friend?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:51, Reply)

rakky (6') is on great form
annoyingly she IS 6' and blonde. but i got over it.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:53, Reply)

Am I the only one who doesn't like tall women?
Being a measly five foot nine/ten it makes me look even more of a shortarse by comparison.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:56, Reply)

You are Tom de Sarkozy
AICMFP
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:58, Reply)

Yes, it's just you.
(and Happybara 5'2")
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:58, Reply)

and 5' of that is torso

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:59, Reply)

Hahahahah actual 'lol' from me there

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:04, Reply)

This presents a disturbing mental image
of a Happybara penguin type, waddling along
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:07, Reply)

i'm only 5'6
the thing about being 6' is that you have amazing long legs.

bitch. i don't know why i like her so much.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:59, Reply)

NakedApe (6' 3"): morning to you all
Bad news - my tiler is still tiling the bathroom and the bog is still broken.

Good news - The keyboard on my laptop lights up when I type! Simple pleasures.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 9:58, Reply)

Loving your sig you lanky shite

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:03, Reply)

Thanks you inbred gay lord, 43 from Norwich, anal analyst
;)
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:05, Reply)

FAIL
You didn't say how tall he was

Sportcow (6'1")
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:06, Reply)

dammit!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:07, Reply)

Well he's hardly going to admit to knowing that much about me, is he

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:11, Reply)

He got the rest spot on

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:12, Reply)

Exactly
He has info above and beyond my TV LIES. People will talk
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:18, Reply)

Seeing how many you cunts were in Bristol
I'm glad I (5'10) spent mine in Wales. Highlight - punching my friend (5'8) in the face.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:06, Reply)

Any reason for this punch?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:07, Reply)

he was being an utter arse and embarrassing himself
so I playfully twatted him, he was fine about it on Sunday morning.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:09, Reply)

Acceptable then

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:09, Reply)

official b3tan seal of approval.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:10, Reply)

Alright shitbag
How's this for shite luck, having been to Bristol twice to visit the sister-in-law and loved it both times, it looks like she and her fella are moving away. To fucking LIVERPOOL. From the sublime to the ridiculous.

Worse for her, of course, she has to live there
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:14, Reply)

haha gutted, although Roota is scouse so it can't be all bad.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:16, Reply)

I'm not a fan of the 'Pool
but it's been a long time since I went, and I'm assured that like any city there are good bits and bad bits. And there's no way my sister-in-law will live in a bad bit.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:22, Reply)

I think Liverpool is a beautiful city, in parts.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:24, Reply)

From what I hear of Macclesfield
You would say the same about Basra
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:26, Reply)

Macclesfield is not a beautiful area.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:31, Reply)

When google claimed to have street view everywhere I thoughth I'd look at some povvos in liverpool
Except large swathes of minging estates hadn't been photographed! I guess the cars were attacked.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:19, Reply)

More likely they never dared enter said estates
until Google get a tank
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:27, Reply)

Well, they photographed Fazakerley, so I don't think it will have been that bad

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:31, Reply)

Nope, no idea
Sorry mate

I shouldn't point fingers, I'm from Nottingham. Where the guns come from
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:35, Reply)

Blousie 5'10" and feeling 6'6" is now fed up and I've only been at work since 8am.

( girlinthehole, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:07, Reply)

5'10" is a good height
My ex was 6' tall and she wasn't worried about her height at all.
Another ex was 5' and this was a cause of musk related woe
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:11, Reply)

Because her nose was at the same height as your arse?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:13, Reply)

yes

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:14, Reply)

It's not a good height if you're built like a brick shithouse.
Musk related woe? lols
( girlinthehole, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:13, Reply)

Best of all the shithouses

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:21, Reply)

Hello Monters
News of worth this week includes birthday bash for friend (31, 5'6" or thereabouts), that involve consuming food and booze. The missus (25, 5'10") gets her first wage slip from her new job this weekend, thus potentially resulting in presents.

Highlight of the week so far was sleeping for 10 hours straight after the work bash. I sincerly believe that I'm getting too old for partying until 5am.
( Kroney, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:55, Reply)

I'm seeing my best friend who I haven't seen since before I came over to Britain.
And my highpoint of the weekend was hiking in the local wildlife reserve. :D
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 21 Feb 2011, 10:55, Reply)