Good morning.
I feel a little delicate following a liquid dinner and rather late night last night. Today shall be a little 'challenging', I fear.

Tell me about the biggest idiot you know and why you consider them to be so. Zero points for 'you are' or a self-pitying 'I am'. I don't want to hear it - I'm looking for comical anecdotes about stupid people, please.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 8:51, 251 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

GORDON CLOWN

morning, I'm knackered today
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 8:55, Reply)

Listen Nakers - only women give birth so only they know anything about the PAIN AND SUFFERING
of parenting. You only THINK you're knackered but really you're just OPPRESSING WOMEN.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 8:58, Reply)

it's fine, i let her pole dance between breast feeds

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:00, Reply)

Ah, that's alright then.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:02, Reply)

A girl I was friendly with when I was a teenager thought that
if you cut off a chicken's head it would grow back.

She now has a child, this thought scares me slightly.
( wanderlust, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 8:59, Reply)

Poultry decapitation;
best of all the decaptitations. Apart from "McIntyre", obviously.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:05, Reply)

I know someone who wrote an essay at school on "Youth in Asia"
unfortunately for her the topic was Euthanasia
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:01, Reply)

Hahaha that's not actually true is it?
It reminds me of that 'Toy Yoda' story.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:03, Reply)

True story...she only realised in the car on the way in when she was telling people about Japanese teenagers

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:05, Reply)

The token special in our class once brought a cauliflower in for a cookery lesson instead of cornflour.
We were making biscuits. What's most worrying is that his mum did the shopping for him and didn't see anything wrong with the ingredient list.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:13, Reply)

hahahaha

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:14, Reply)

Same happened in my class.
She called it an 'S.A.' though...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:13, Reply)

Youth in South Africa?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:14, Reply)

Worse.
She thought essay was S.A. and called it 'Religious S.A. on Youth in Asia'.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:17, Reply)

Are you sure she wasn't ironically casting aspersions on the validity of religion as a concept?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:25, Reply)

How we wish.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:27, Reply)

Expanding on the theme slightly;
Seeing as how "Jedi" is an officially recognised religion, would it not be fair to say that Star Wars Study is just as valid a lesson concept as is Religious Education?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:29, Reply)

I know this guy, right
Who thinks Temple of Doom is better than Last Crusade! OMLG!!!

He's into film.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:03, Reply)

'HEY INDY'
i would happily rip out that child's heart
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:06, Reply)

DOTTA DONZ! DOTTA DONZ!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:08, Reply)

he is also shit in the Goonies, which incidentally is a shit film

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:10, Reply)

God he sounds SUCH an IDIOT!!!
I bet he can't even name 15 interminable black and white French films! God I hate people like that.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:07, Reply)

I NO RITE
Once I challenged him to rank the collaborative work of Akira Kurosawa and Toshiro Mifune and he placed Kagemusha AHEAD of Seven Samurai!!!

Obviously he was shunned at the next Bergman marathon.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:10, Reply)

mar wank
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:22, Reply)

I pity the man who doesn't get a semi at the very least during Persona

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:24, Reply)

Crystal Skull is the only one of that franchise worth watching.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:10, Reply)

*sharp intake of breath*
I'm afraid I'm going to have to remove your name from the guest list for my forthcoming cosplay Superman marathon
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:14, Reply)

Awww shit.
And I've shaved my head already.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:21, Reply)

I suggest you find a Kojak party to go to
They're all over the place these days
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:24, Reply)

Who loves ya, baby?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:26, Reply)

I'll get in there before any other wag has chance;
whoever reads my graffiti in the gents' loos in the Bent Rainbow, Norwich, and meets me there at 10.30 on a Wednesday night.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:28, Reply)

One of the Feebles on qftw got terribly miffed with me
and started sending me hate mail hoping me and my kids would die. He obviously forgot that one of the things he was miffed about was that I knew who he was and who he worked for.

I'd like to say "oh I hope he doesn't get the sack or anything" but fuck it ... there are plenty of unemployed people who aren't such dicks.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:09, Reply)

Internet, Shambles. Seriz Bizness.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:14, Reply)

I NO RITE?
There's some genuine anger out there in the 'tubes.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:19, Reply)

I'm getting particularly fucking irate with the BBC today, Monters
For posting that self-publicising PR horseshit about browser users and IQ as "news", somehow implying the study has some worth and isn't just completely made up.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:14, Reply)

Internet, Mighters. Seriz Bizness.
As such your complaint is invalid if you can't back it up with a link.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:15, Reply)

I'm not fucking spreading that shit. I'm also not chompy
check 10 most read on BBC news.

It claims, across 100,000 people surveyed, IE users have an average IQ of 80 and Opera users an average of 120. Even if you gloss over the fact that a group with an average IQ of 80 would struggle to use a spoon let alone a computer, a variation of 40 points across groups of that size is impossible since IQ is scored on statistical deviation.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:18, Reply)

That is ridiculous
No-one uses IE any more, do they? It's SO four years ago
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:23, Reply)

I probably am at the moment.
As I rather regard concerning yourself about what browser you use as being akin to worrying about what type of van the postman uses to deliver your letters.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:25, Reply)

A quick glance up to the corner of my screen reveals I am too
The fact that I've used this computer for a year without realising that does sort of validate your statement.

You're welcome.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:26, Reply)

I tell my old dears
the difference is the same as whether you're watching ITV on a Sony or a Panasonic.
Yes, I teach people who watch ITV.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:28, Reply)

I'll be honest, I don't know most of the time.
Well, I assume the two PCs in my office use IE since I've never touched the software on them except to install a couple of maths and data analysis packages. I guess my macs must run Safari? And I've got an Ubuntu thing running my AFM and your guess is as good as mine there.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:32, Reply)

I watched ITV the other night
Friends of mine were on a programme called Born to Shine. I felt dirty for a week afterwards. Sent them my water bill.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:36, Reply)

I'm real life facepalming here.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:25, Reply)

I NO RITE.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:27, Reply)

Made up science or news is hardly anything new, just let it wash over you in the knowledge that you are superior in every way
to the morons that take the news at face value
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:16, Reply)

This is a new low, because usually this stuff is usually just "misrepresented"
or "misunderstood" or "exaggerated". This is just "completely made up"
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:19, Reply)

That's getting right up my stinger at the moment as well.
The BBC aren't even the worst of them. Most "news" websites will publish any old "press release" shite that PR firms send to them without even proof reading it.

I don't even resent the PR firms. If the meedja are foolish enough to reprint the stuff then fair play for sending it to them. Cheaper than taking out a half page advert.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:24, Reply)

I need to go back to my old approach
which is only getting my news from the Daily Mash.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:26, Reply)

Customer in the duty free shop in Bristol airport
Stupid bint: So I can only take duty free alcohol if I'm travelling outside the EU? But I don't know if where I'm going is outside the EU!

My Colleague: Where are you travelling to?

Stupid bint: Newcastle.


Morning boys and girls. I have to go see the dentist this morning. That should be fun.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:26, Reply)

Did you shake your teeth lose during your DeathJump?
Am still genuinely in awe of you for that, btw
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:27, Reply)

That would be why you haven't spoken to me since, then?
Cos you're so in awe and that.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:28, Reply)

Yes
The level of my awe dictates I shut up now
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:35, Reply)

Ha!
She's got a point though. The EU was only formed in the '90s and Newcastle still lives in the 1970s.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:28, Reply)

This is true

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:29, Reply)

My halfwit cow-orker
she was panicking this morning because all her desktop icons were gone until I pointed out she had RDPed into the server!

How we laughed.

Sorry, I have a ton of "my co-worker is an idiot" stories - because she is - but they're all technical. Given she is an IT developer the depth of her inability is mindboggling.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:31, Reply)

There was one girl I went to school with
Very bright, high grades, ZERO common sense. We used to collect phrases in a book of stupid things she said.

However, the one that springs to mind happened in History, whilst we were watching a documentary on Hitler's speeches. She turns to the lad sat next to hear, and in a stage whisper, enquires 'Why is he speaking German?'

*facepalm*
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:35, Reply)

You went to school with Swipe?
I thought you were young
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:37, Reply)

In comparison to you.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:54, Reply)

fuck off chompy

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:57, Reply)

Ooooooooooooh... harsh

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:07, Reply)

sorry to be so rude, dude
it's something about the facial resemblance
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:10, Reply)

Are you saying I look like Chompy?
That would be... unforgiveable.

*prepares duelling pistols*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:13, Reply)

i just thought it was the insult that you would find most insulting, is all

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Second most insulting
after "you have the same personality as him"

Nonetheless I must demand satisfaction. Or chocolate.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:24, Reply)

how about the same level of success with teh ladiez?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:24, Reply)

That wouldn't bother me owing to it being blatantly factually inaccurate
The others are matters of opinion, not fact.

SATISFACTION/CHOCOLATE
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:27, Reply)

i am going to the staff restaurant in a minute
but for diet coke only, sorry.

hotel chocolate mississippi mud pie and lemon chocolate cheesecake mini-slabs. that's what you want.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:30, Reply)

*makes notes*
*plans trip up town at lunch*

I'm not going to forget the above slight
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:31, Reply)

pfffft
one melting creamy tangy lemony biscuity mouthful of that hotel chocolat special and you'll be so grateful i told you about it that you'll be agreeing you look just like the bespectacled gimp!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:32, Reply)

Never
I will have satisfaction. In this life or the next.

Assuming I'm reincarnated as a particularly unhelpful Bravissimo employee. Otherwise, this life.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:36, Reply)

I don't have any stories about idiots today,
but then I've only been at work five minutes. I'm sure somebody will be along shortly.
( Kroney, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:37, Reply)

This is why I lock my office door and shun human contact until after lunch.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:39, Reply)

until after lunch
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:41, Reply)

I have to talk to the fuckers occasionally
Or I'd never get any research done.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:43, Reply)

Oh wait a minute, there's a girl that works in the office. Very, very attractive, albeit rather common.
She comes into work with two black eyes the other day. Now I don't know how many things you know that can give a person two black eyes at the same time, but I can only think of the one.

Turns out, though, that her boyfriend had actually thrown a mobile phone at her head, instead of punching her. A few days later, she appears to got in the way of another playful, airborne mobile.

Oh what a silly goose. Duck, woman!
( Kroney, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:39, Reply)

Get the telephone number of a boxing gym
and leave it on her desk.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:43, Reply)

No, she just need to try and not make him mad
you know, because he loves her so much it makes him crazy.
( Kroney, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:50, Reply)

I meant so she could learn to duck and weave

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:01, Reply)

That's a good point.
It would seem that her footwork is sadly lacking.
( Kroney, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:03, Reply)

I can help her there

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:19, Reply)

*nips inside the line of a bouncer, hooks ball for 6 high over square leg*
Me too.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:53, Reply)

You may have heard these before,
but I recently resigned from a band who were all perfectly nice people, but who just occasionally had some slightly, erm, 'special' moments. Of note:

1. The guitarist couldn't work out how to connect an amplifier to a speaker. After turning the amplifier on and fiddling around with the knobs and getting no sound, he looked over to me and said,
"Man," (I was always addressed as "Man" for some reason, as though they were West Coast Hippies or something. Two of them were former boarding school lads from West London)
"Man, do you know how to work these things?"
I went round the back of the amplifier and looked at the connection. He'd managed to work out that one end of the cable went into the lone socket on the back of the speaker cabinet, but there were a lot of sockets on the back of the amplifier. Granted, this made it harder to choose the correct socket, but you know what? Conveniently, Marshall Amplification Ltd were good enough to label them all! Now, surely only a complete cretin would just feel for a random socket and shove the cable in, hoping for the best? Surely? It does not take a great leap of the imagination to look for the one labelled "SPEAKER OUT."

2. I arrived first at a venue one night and the singer followed about ten minutes later. He proffered his leather jacket to me and asked,
"Man, do you think you can fix this?"
It was one of those annoying occasions where the zip's toggle had started to go up its travel but the teeth weren't meshing behind it, and now it was stuck about halfway up the jacket, with the zip open either side of it. Such tragedy.

I did what any sensible person would do, straightened the zip, pulled firmly on the toggle and returned it to its original starting point. Tragedy averted.
"Aww, thanks man. I was worried I was going to have to cut it off or something, but then I thought, 'I'll give it to Crow - he's practical.'"

More to follow if anyone gives an airborne fornication.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:53, Reply)

Thing is
neither of those stories were about the drummer, so I think you're making them up. Or are you saving the one about where you have to give him a rubber bone to stop him gnawing on his hi-hat?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:03, Reply)

Oh dear.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:04, Reply)

so many fucking idiots
so little time

how about anybody who votes in x-factor, big brother etc. there should not be a scandal about them being ripped off by the tv companies. anyone who is dumb enough to waste their money that way should simply not be allowed to have any.

like my friend, who voted for both will young and gareth gates back in the day. when it was pointed out to her just how useless this was on every level, she was most embarrassed.

she went to oxford.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:54, Reply)

I've no idea why you think
going to Oxford is any indicator of lack of retardness.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:59, Reply)

it's all relative
i would think someone who went to oxford would be guaranteed to be a lot less retarded than anyone who works for TFL, for example. like last night:

"this tube is suddenly changing its destination to one that doesn't suit any of the people who got on it thinking they were going home because it is running AN HOUR EARLY."

how? and why does it matter? it's the fucking tube, not the once a day train on a tiny branch line service in outer wales...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:02, Reply)

because I suspect it matters where the tube is later
when it's needed for something else. Rolling stock management is actually fairly complex.

Not, however, that it makes that any less annoying, I agree.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:07, Reply)

it is sweet that you think TFL is capable of concepts such as "rolling stock management"
virgin, maybe. south-eastern trains, maybe. silverlink, maybe.

TFL?

ROFL more like.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:09, Reply)

Oh, they are.
the tube would be even more fucked if they weren't. Considering what it has to handle, LU is really a remarkable piece of mass transport. Of course, it's fucking horrible to use, but all the money and intelligence in the world can't change that, becuase the problems are almost entirely associated with the vast number of people that use it.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:13, Reply)

You don't understand.
Occasionally it puts her out and isn't convenient.

I hope this helps.
( Kroney, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:14, Reply)

I know, but it's like training a puppy
one day she'll get it and we'll all be over the moon.

And we can stop putting newspaper down on the carpet.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:15, Reply)

No, that's her roommate

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:24, Reply)

oh go and turn yourself off and on again
IT-boy.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:21, Reply)

Firstly, excellent comeback. 10/10 there.
Secondly, why are you getting irritated that I'm pointing out the truth?
( Kroney, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:27, Reply)

i'm not irritated
i did laugh at my comeback though, glad you enjoyed it.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:32, Reply)

so what you're saying is......
............ we should cull the stinking povvy masses?

yeah, i can get on board with that. monty? badger wants your sword...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:21, Reply)

I more meant "it's your own fault for living in London"
but, yeah, whatever.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:22, Reply)

then you should have said that
however, i accept that i have finally worn you down to not bothering to argue, which i will take in the spirit of the glorious victory for me that you clearly intended it to be.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:25, Reply)

I never argue, my sweet, I banter.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:29, Reply)

oh is that what we're doing?
hang on then, i need to undo a couple more buttons for that.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:30, Reply)

ah, edgy banter
best of all the banter.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:43, Reply)

yes
we are separated only by these two flimsy top buttons.

and our computer screens.

and about 300 miles.

and the fact that we've never met.

but still. it's very edgy and very spicy.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:46, Reply)

hey, you started it.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:54, Reply)

sounds like something i would do, yes

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:55, Reply)

Works for me, anyway
*fwaps*
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:56, Reply)

Is it worth me pointing out that going to Oxbridge doesn't necessarily denote how intelligent you are
but just how well you go through the examination process, how rich your parents are or, occasionally, how desperate your financial circumstances that they have to grudgingly take you due to Government imposed quotas?

No, so instead I shall point out the worrying nature of your statement that people who choose to spend their money in ways you do not feel appropriate, should be forced to live in grinding poverty and perpetual, enforced indenture.
( Kroney, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:59, Reply)

*throws a phone at swipe*

( Kroney, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 9:59, Reply)

was that to stop you from casting further votes for dancing on ice?
probably very wise.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:02, Reply)

Spoken like a man who didn't go :)

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:50, Reply)

Nothing can beat my Kate Moss story for idiocy, though.
I don't care how many times I've posted it.

Kate Moss was doing an ‘edgy’ photo shoot in a derelict house in Shoreditch, and needed the loo. The helpful stylist warned her there isn’t actually a door on the lavatory.

‘How will I get in, then?’
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:10, Reply)

Anyone else, I'd accuse of employing hearsay
Knowing you, I imagine you were that "helpful stylist"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:21, Reply)

An ex-employee's girlfriend is the stylist in question.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:23, Reply)

In my book that counts as hearsay
but as it's about Kate Moss, a totally vapid bint who has no business being a model with that face, I'm happy to not only believe but distribute said story
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:25, Reply)

You're a wrong'un

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:50, Reply)

No he's quite right.
She really is a proper troll of a woman.
( Kroney, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:53, Reply)

Afraid I'll have to disagree on that

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:55, Reply)

and me
she is about number 3 on my "would sell soul to look like for a day" list
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:56, Reply)

There's too many people on that list for me

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:57, Reply)

She looks like a cross between a cat
and Cletus the yokel.
( Kroney, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:57, Reply)

This is the best description of her I've ever heard
I can understand why Swipe would want to look like her though.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:07, Reply)

Really? I can't.

( Kroney, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:08, Reply)

I'm being mean to Swipe
in return for saying I look like Chompy
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:09, Reply)

Ah right, gotcha.

( Kroney, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:10, Reply)

You can keep your soul
just take up smoking and smack and you'll be there in 6 months or so. Although you'll probably need setting on fire and putting out with the ugly bat, too, come to think of it.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:07, Reply)

I've basically stated here that Rswipe is considerably more attractive than Kate Moss
and she hasn't even noticed. Stop the Internet, ladies and gentlemen, I think I've won!
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:52, Reply)

haha i just saw this
i am too busy preening myself right now to think of a witty riposte...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:59, Reply)

She's horrendous
I wouldn't touch her with Monty's
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:59, Reply)

Isn't it peculiar, the difference between what men find attractive
and what women find attractive? No wonder women all think they're fat and ugly.
( Kroney, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:01, Reply)

Good point
Between her and Naomi Campbell it's amazing that fashion houses didn't shun Britain altogether
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:08, Reply)

Mind you, quite a lot of women actually are fat and ugly.
I'm talking of the roughly 10% of women who are actually quite attractive, but don't think they are.
( Kroney, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:10, Reply)

I wouldn't touch her with yours
and Kroney pushing.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:06, Reply)

I can categorically state, that were I ever in the position
of being in the same room as one man grasping anothers penis, I would not be doing any pushing of any description.
( Kroney, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:12, Reply)

it's more meant to be just you and Darth
The introduction of you absolves me of even having to be in the room with the awful bint.

Although I can see how the description might be misconstrued.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:22, Reply)

I am finding this sub thread
extremely distressing.
( Kroney, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:23, Reply)

He is simple, but far from pure

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:28, Reply)

Oh well done
VERY well done. I like this so much that I was actually clapping with my free hand while the other was clicking "I like this"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:30, Reply)

I was watching this program yesterday for a bit
about a couple who earn around £2000/month and spend £2400/month (mainly in booze); so the woman's parents were trying to help them manage their money. The mother suggested (and forced) her daughter to pick all the stuff they didn't use anymore and take it to a car boot market thingy. In less than 2h, and selling stuff at ridiculos prices (50p or less) she'd made £20; and still had tons of things to sell. However, she got tired, decided to go home, and to avoid her mother having brilliants ideas anymore, gave everything to charity.

I think the biggest idiots are those who are in trouble, can see they are in trouble, know how to get out of trouble, and still don't do it.

She was as well very fat, lived on pizza and beer and wouldn't move from the chair.

I had to change channel after a few minutes because she was really upsetting me.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:11, Reply)

She should have all her money taken away
and be made to live as a slave. It's the only rational course of action.
( Kroney, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:13, Reply)

Instead of giving them benefit money
they should be given the things they need, like food and electricity etc. Or vouchers for them, anyway. Or have that sort of stuff taken care of by someone who can actually handle doing it.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:16, Reply)

Yeah, this I agree with.
And obviously people on the voucher system shouldn't be able to secure loans, or overdrafts or credit etc.
( Kroney, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:17, Reply)

True
But these two weren't on benefits, they were working, so she thought they could do whatever they wanted because it was their money. She failed to understand that she was spending the bank's money, not theirs.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:18, Reply)

ohhhh so much this
and there should be a stigma for having to claim it to shame people into not wanting to have to do so.

however, if you work but don't earn very much, you can have money to top up your salary. assistance is no problem at all. totally supporting you to do nothing is infuriating.

just don't be an IDLE CUNT. as you will have nothing interesting to do and no self-esteem and you will just get more and more idle and more and more cuntish. thank you.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:20, Reply)

Just for your info
I was made redundant in November and spend an average of 4-5 hours per day searching out work. I am fairly newly living alone after living with my ex for 20 years and worked very hard to pay of the 6k of debts I was left with - I had a reasonably well paid job and so took out a loan to cover this over 5 years. Sadly my car blew up and had to be replaced meaning further borrowing as I could not come up with a lump sum. Now since the ex left I have managed to find cheaper ways to do things meaning that I have greatly reduced my outgoings e.g. energy bills down from £220 to £60 per month, remortgage to reduce rate etc.......however I am perfectly able to budget and have demonstrated this very well in the 20 odd years since I departed the family home and really take umbrage to folk saying that I should be able to manage on £67.50 a a week. Granted a small part of the mortgage is covered and I have no council tax liability but there is still the shortfall of about £800 per month to find and that is before eating, feeding the dog, petrol in car for interviews etc. And having to attend the job centre is demeaning enough without the idea that vouchers should be given to aid budgeting skills for us thicko benefit claimants. As I said I have excellent budgeting skills but am not a bloody miracle worker so if one of you would be so kind as to tell me how to make £67.50 pay my bills I'd be most delighted to hear it.
End of rant, whats for lunch?
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 12:30, Reply)

Rswipe should be treated as a troll whenever the subject veers onto money

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 12:36, Reply)

Thank you
Support is always appreciated. It's so bloody hard to get by knowing that the debts I was left with would have been clear in a couple of years - likelihood is that I will have to take a lower paid job and spend the bulk of my salary on debt repayment through no fault of my own
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:20, Reply)

They did that
and she went around, asking her brother for more. They always find a way. How people like that can have 6 credit cards and I'm allowed only to 1, I don't know.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:17, Reply)

because if you have 6 credit cards and only earn 2K a month
you end up like them. Think of it as a blessing.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:21, Reply)

Yeah
But I've applied to credit cards only for the cash back thing, and even paying mine each month in full still can't get them. Not fair.

Now, I'm glad I'm not like them. I'm glad I was taught to save and then spend, rather than the other way round.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:24, Reply)

It's because you pay them off in full each month
that they don't want to give you more. They make money off interest and late payments etc. They know they can milk this fat, useless bitch all day long.

You, they can't.

Welcome to capitalism.
( Kroney, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:26, Reply)

It's so unfair
But you're probably right. A friend of mine never had a credit card because she would save before buying, and she had a lot of trouble to get a mortgage as she had no credit history, despite putting a lot for the first payment. Then, her boyfriend joined the application; he owns tons of money on cards and loans; so they gave them the mortgage straight away.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:28, Reply)

Yup, I am right. They're out to make money, that's all it is.
My mum has the same problem, pays all her debts off promptly and in full, bank doesn't want to loan her any more money.
( Kroney, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:31, Reply)

this is hardly extreme capitalism
it's common sense. Why on earth should they provide a service to someone who is going to cost them money rather than making them money? They aren't a charity.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:28, Reply)

I didn't say extreme capitalism
I said "capitalism", because that is what it is.
( Kroney, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:30, Reply)

yeah, granted, but you meant it as a criticism of capitalism, surely?
when there is no other way this could work. It's this way, or no credit cards.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:33, Reply)

Why surely? People seem to have terrible trouble figuring out when I'm being sarcastic or not.
I must be very subtle in my use of it.

It was just an observation.
( Kroney, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:35, Reply)

maybe your ramblings are just unclear
and Wrong?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:37, Reply)

Three words have caused so much fuss.
Also, your face is wrong.
( Kroney, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:42, Reply)

that's not what you gasp and pant and moan
when you wank frenetically over pictures of it every night.

EVERY NIGHT.

and some mornings too.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:44, Reply)

What an extraordinary imagination you have.

( Kroney, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:46, Reply)

hmmm
no comment from me, right here, right now.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:49, Reply)

fair enough, point taken.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:42, Reply)

you won't get them if you pay everything off all the time.
Why would a company give you something that's going to cost them money rather than make them money? they aren't idiots.

Also, if you apply for one and don't get it, there's absolutely no point applying for another for at least 1-2 years, as the credit check shows up on your records and you'd most likely just be declined automatically because of that.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:27, Reply)

I know
I was told that after applying for 3 in a year. Now I have to wait a lot for another.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:29, Reply)

I admit that thing is quite, quite stupid
I fell foul of that earlier this year getting a loan to cover an overlap in owning two cars. I applied for one, was offered it but they didn't tell me the interest rate until AFTER the application (sneaky but standard practice) so I decided I could get a far better rate and applied for another. Which was declined instantly, purely becuase they saw two credit checks in the space of a day. Really quite annoying, that.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:32, Reply)

That's why
if you pay them in full every month they're not making any money, so why give you another one? These people on the other hand ARE, so they get lots of cards.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:28, Reply)

Mine's punchier and more ragey

( Kroney, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:29, Reply)

I think the point is, you were taught.
They weren't. And if they have kids, they won't teach them. That's why we're in the state we're in. Parents aren't teaching their kids the stuff they need to know.
You know, stuff like manners, work ethics, common sense...
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:28, Reply)

Agree with you
I'm now very grateful that my parents didn't spoil me and made me believe I could have whatever I wanted. Still, I look at the numbers in my mortgage and get really upset that I own so much money to the bank.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:30, Reply)

don't worry
you'll pay it off just in time for your funeral... :(
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:37, Reply)

Oh, well
I hope it's earlier than that. With a bit of luck Mark will sell his house and buy half of my flat, so we could be sorted a lot sooner.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:38, Reply)

I still can't work out why they dont' teach kids in school how to tally up monthly expenses and home-budget themselves.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:14, Reply)

They could call the subject 'Home Economics'.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:43, Reply)

teaching them about taxes and stuff as well
I was woefully ignorant of all that stuff when I left school
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:50, Reply)

Programs like that make me want to Vote for Monty.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:14, Reply)

there is a simple solution
don't fucking watch them in the first place.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:16, Reply)

It's good to know your enemy
No, you're right, can't stand those programs. Or those of fat people that are too massive to move and still keep eating crap.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:19, Reply)

I don't.
I avoid as much reality TV as I can. I quite like the second half of Secret Millionaire, so I can avoid all the awkward 'getting to know people' bits, and just so I can see the big reveals.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:21, Reply)

I can reveal that it's shit.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:34, Reply)

I disagree
Secret Millionaire is superb.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:35, Reply)

Sounds like that program could have been ABOUT Monty.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:36, Reply)

You may have noticed I have not contributed to this subthread with my usual bile.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:46, Reply)

Fat people should be gassed

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:24, Reply)

Just feed them lentils, beans and chilli, then lock them in an airtight room
They'll do it for you.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:25, Reply)

How fat?
It seems I'm overweight at the moment. Are you going to gass me too? What type of gass? Will it smell nice?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:25, Reply)

Like almonds

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:28, Reply)

Rotten almonds?

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:31, Reply)

Nah, more bitter.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:33, Reply)

Let me see now...
+ Mark
a A
+ '
+ jizz

Nah, not really worth it.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:00, Reply)

Yes
Not worth it.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:02, Reply)

Zyklon B.
I'm pretty sure it doesn't smell that nice.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:28, Reply)

Then I don't support you
If you're going to gass me I want a nice smeling gas.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:31, Reply)

There's a gap in the market here
"New Purity gas by Calvin Klein. Ethnic Cleansing... with style"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:34, Reply)

Once the little un arrives, just have about 5 pints of Doom Bar.
That should set you off.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:34, Reply)

if you are lucky
it might smell of almonds
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:31, Reply)

Or nommy mustard.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:33, Reply)

Some people who worked in my cab office.
- Insisted that his buisness of installing Windows on people's machines, using the same lisance key, was a surefire way to make a shitload of money. When I explained to him that it's actually piracy and iligal to hack the security and use the same keys, he wouldn't accept it, and proceded to call me a fucking idiot who knows fuck all about computers because of it.
- He would buy every combination of lottery tickets using 9 numbers (I think about £100 or soo) every week. If he got 3 numbers, he would get his money back, it happened 3 times in about 6 months. Again, I was a fucking idiot for not going 50/50 with him.
- He would reguarly, like twice a month, over a weekend, put £2k into the online roulette. At one point he was £50k down on about 10 credit cards.
- He's constantly asking me to work for him again, even though I got no real break time (only fag time, every couple of hours), never got a penny above my below minimum wage £5/hour, eg, no sick time, no holiday pay, no nothing. I hated it there but I thought to myself that I wasn't worth anything more than that.
- He proudly talked about how he was on a cruise when some old lady pinched his bum, so he did the same thing back to her, except he "Rammed his finger right up there, really got in there", when she had a go at him he said he shouted at her so loudly so that she wouldn't tell the guards.
- One of the managers there, despite owning 2 night clubs, about 100 houses (no exasoration), and countless other buisnesses, didn't pay tax for 10 years.
- Constant calls from people saying they can't pay their debts, "What debts?", "I owe [name] money".... he was loansharking. I told them it's nothing to do with me.
- Two drivers borrowed money, couldn't pay it back, so dobbed him into the police for all his buisnesses. I don't know what's happened to them, but I wouldn't stay in the city if I was them.
- Someone didn't fill out some kind of paperwork and the company was operating iligally for a year.
- Quite a few referances to my mum being single when my dad just died, not loljokey way eaither.
- Lots of drivers were taking coke while on the job.
- Everyone came to me to ask where to get porn on the internet, I took it as a jokey way and didn't mind, until the few drivers I did respect asked me in private to download it for them. Grim.
- I took my laptop in to piss about while working, all they wanted was for me to put porn on it. Like I want to watch porn with a bunch of dirty fucking disgusting old men.
- Constantly asking to borrow money from me.
- A guy who got me to get that greek dragon's den guy's office numbers, took me two days to track it all down, because he had a buisness idea that would make billions. He wouldn't tell anyone though incase they stole it. He also got me to look up the whole copywrite and patient proccess. I still have no idea what it was, but if I invested, then it would guarntee to make me rich.

///edit///
"He's greek, he'll understand and has to give me the money"
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:48, Reply)

that's not stupidity
the guy is just a cunt, Gonz.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:53, Reply)

I thought he sounded quite cool.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:57, Reply)

So you would gass me
and wouldn't gass him?

You're so unfair. I'm not voting for you.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:58, Reply)

Yes but he's got some amazing business ideas.
What have YOU got? I'll tell you - NOTHING.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 10:59, Reply)

I have amazing business ideas too
that I'm not saying because I don't want you to steal them; but they're food related. Food is always good business. People has to eat.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:01, Reply)

Meth-heads don't. So you're already wrong.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:02, Reply)

The ratio of
meth-heads/non-meath-heads is so low, they don't count as part of the population for this study.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:03, Reply)

The thing about meth-heads is there often in places you least suspect.
Look at Andre Agassi, for example.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:04, Reply)

I think a lot of them truly are scum, not all of them, I'd say about 40%, but actual scum.
Oh, and they don't stop asking me about my sex life.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:02, Reply)

Why would you work for them?
Were you really that desperate? They sound awful.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:03, Reply)

Because I thought myself as unemployeable by regular jobs because of my illness, and I was very very good at it (when I still get cabs from them, the drivers all say I was the best by such a long shot)...
...and despite working with real scum, it felt good being the best.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:08, Reply)

I went to visit my brother and found his house mate in a heated argument with his girlfriend
Him : You're supposed to be a vegitarian!

Her : I fucking am!

Him : You're eating meat!

Her : For fucks sake Luke, baked beans are not meat!
( Peej, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:09, Reply)

A girl who worked for me until recently maintained that saveloys are made from fish.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:14, Reply)

Well of course they are
Why else would they sell them at FISH and chip shops?
( Peej, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:17, Reply)

That was her actual rationale.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:19, Reply)

See also: beef burgers

( Kroney, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:20, Reply)

Also see Beef curtains, which do smell like fish

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:27, Reply)

yeah, but do vegetarians have Quorn curtains?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:35, Reply)

No, but when you ask politely for a shag you could say "Lettuce in."

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 3 Aug 2011, 12:03, Reply)

More ignorance than stupidity
Two girls that I know.
One couldn't point out Russia on a map of the world. Graduated with a 2:1 in Chemistry from Oxford.
The other didn't know who the Prime Minister was. Holds a doctorate in Neuroscience.
( WormuIus, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:19, Reply)

Stupidest person I know is a bloke from Coventry
stupidest thing he ever said was during a conversation about China's economy he piped up with:

'is another super-powa innit, I reckon soon we'll all be eatin in Mcsushi'
( WormuIus, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:21, Reply)

Haha
That's actually quite funny.
( Kroney, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:21, Reply)

Christ or my mate's housemate
They were playing scrabble and Mark played the word 'two', she said 'What's this word? t-woah?'
( WormuIus, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:22, Reply)

Fucking hell.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:26, Reply)

Another classic from that house
A housemate, lets call him 'C', comes home and says that he's just come from a party where there were, and I quote 'lots of scampily clad ladies' Mark asks sarcastically whether they were dressed as prawns to which'C' replies:

'No mate, "SCAMPILY" clad'
( WormuIus, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:30, Reply)

Have you tried not being housemates with idiots?

( Kroney, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:33, Reply)

Where's the fun in that?
Also if you're not friends with any idiots, you're the idiot.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:34, Reply)

I have no answer to this.

( Kroney, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:35, Reply)

that's because you are an idiot

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:48, Reply)

They are my friend Mark's housemates.
I just hang out there quite a lot.
( WormuIus, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:58, Reply)

Sounds like a good place to go if you want to feel good about yourself.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 12:02, Reply)

Oh dear.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:35, Reply)

I know, right? Prawns and scampi are different things.
Sne sne sne
( Kroney, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:36, Reply)

Ha ha

(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:29, Reply)

Lies damned lies
you don't know any girls
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:21, Reply)

I know what your sig is a reference to
It was fucking awful, I got about half-way through before I could take no more of the aimless waffle.
( WormuIus, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:23, Reply)

I agree sadly
But I was a bit pissed and laughed at the idea of a negative fish
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:27, Reply)

I'm not sure the second one is that much ignorance
maybe she just couldn't give a shit?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:23, Reply)

If you avoided all news and genuinely didn't care you could probably manage it.

( WormuIus, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:24, Reply)

I think its quite hard to not accidentally know.

( WormuIus, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:24, Reply)

granted.
I just meant that if she'd put the effort into not knowing we shouldn't treat it as a bad thing.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:32, Reply)

This morning I managed to break a glass with my penis,
that's pretty idiotic.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:43, Reply)

You did what?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:44, Reply)

I broke a glass with my penis,
knocked it off my desk while coming into my room. I managed to wedge my shoe behind the door so had to sort of squeeze through after having a shower.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:49, Reply)

then you broke the glass with the floor, you tool.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:50, Reply)

Context stops it being funny.
I'm sticking with broke a glass with my schlong.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:52, Reply)

BONGLE

( Kroney, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:53, Reply)

I was hoping that it had emitted a high-frequency sound which shattered the glass.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:53, Reply)

that was my first thought

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:56, Reply)

a skin flute, if you will?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 12:02, Reply)

he broke the glass with the tool, you floor.

( WormuIus, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:59, Reply)

now you're thinking about his tool?
how sick and wrong are you?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 12:02, Reply)

In case of emergency, break glass with tool.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 3 Aug 2011, 12:05, Reply)