Too many MDs
'Regrets, I've had a few'...what do you regret doing/not doing?

What do you still really, really want to do before your blobbly pile of fatty flesh gives up and rots down into the ground?

ALT: Best spread.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:14, 213 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Alt: Scotch eggs sliced into quarters
slices of gala pork pie (the one with the egg in the middle)

Honey roasted ham

Stotty Cake.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:19, Reply)

That's quite a meaty spread you've got there Al
*titters*
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:26, Reply)

Regret - Not doing better at school and more sex.
I don't regret my tattoos and the arseholes I've ended up with. They just make you realise who the good guys are.

Anal

Alt: Veggie pate
( girlinthehole, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:20, Reply)

Surely you've done anal before?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:21, Reply)

Why? have you?

( girlinthehole, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:21, Reply)

I've had things up my bottom
I can't say I really enjoyed it.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:22, Reply)

A doctor's finger doesn't count.

( girlinthehole, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:22, Reply)

Doc's finger? Pah', we're talking a proper colon tickling wire-cam here.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:49, Reply)

*stays conspicuously silent*

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:23, Reply)

Lol

( girlinthehole, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:23, Reply)

Tell you what Blousie
if my mrs doesn't come to the BGBBBB next year, I'll promise to put my willy up your bumhole.

Can't say fairer than that can you.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:32, Reply)

And if my missus doesn't come to the same?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:34, Reply)

she already text me saying that she wants to fuck me and doesn't care what you do
you horrible little quender

(her words, not mine)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:38, Reply)

She's way out your league sunshine

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:48, Reply)

as if
I'm a catch
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:50, Reply)

No diggity
That doesn't put you in her league
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:51, Reply)

well, seeing as her league would appear to be the "helping the terminally homosexual pretend they aren't"
you are probably right
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:52, Reply)

:-)))

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:58, Reply)

what has Lab got to do with this?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:58, Reply)

What's Lab but a second hand emotion.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:01, Reply)

Pffft.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:01, Reply)

+c

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:11, Reply)

that's how I read it first
it's appropriate
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:14, Reply)

I don't get it?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:22, Reply)

emoticon
I suspect you don't get it, because it's not insulting
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:24, Reply)

What emoticon is that?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:25, Reply)

It should read
'what's Lab but a secondhand emoticon' in reference to :)))
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:29, Reply)

Oh I see.
Sorry, I really did not understand that.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:35, Reply)

Tina Turner's less successful follow-up single.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:01, Reply)

Then you can spend the whole evening in the basement lying under the leaky soil pipe.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:38, Reply)

Best of all the soil pipes
and I would know
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:48, Reply)

Oh grim oh grim oh grim, I am NEVER eating Veggie Pate again.
I actually feel ill at the thought of eating veggie pate at the moment, imagining it spread out on toast and noshed up.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:50, Reply)

Oh I'm not getting started on a regrets thread...
I'll get all maudlin and shit.
I'm off on holiday soon. Be good /ot and remember to water the plants.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:20, Reply)

Are you a man or a woman?
I had it in my head you were a bird, but then you said something earlier which made me question my assumption.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:21, Reply)

It's a bloke innit.

( girlinthehole, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:22, Reply)

Quite clearly
Just very in touch with my feminine side.
/darthlols
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:25, Reply)

Although this does explain all the cock-gazzes from Al...
Bye all.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:31, Reply)

Have a good time mate

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:24, Reply)

Cheers mate

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:25, Reply)

where are you going?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:24, Reply)

La belle France

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:25, Reply)

bon!

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:28, Reply)

I regret not being around for the MDs thread
until I remember I was downing cold pints and watching the cricket :-)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:22, Reply)

cricket is shit

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:24, Reply)

You're an utter cunt.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:25, Reply)

What he ^^ said

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:29, Reply)

You both loves it

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:30, Reply)

I have to make do with the BBC Website text commentary
And TMS on the radio on the way home.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:39, Reply)

I'm the same for all but 45 minutes of my day mate

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:41, Reply)

It's looking promising isn't it
I reckon it'll be a draw though, because of the weather.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:26, Reply)

Unfortunately you're likely right mate
England could easily get to 600 by tea tomorrow and stick the Indians in, expecting to force the follow-on, but if we lose a day over the weekend it's a draw for certain
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:31, Reply)

this is why cricket is shit

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:33, Reply)

It's supposed to rain tomorrow afternoon
then a little bit on sunday, so it's a bit touch and go. I hope Strauss goes all out for the win rather than playing it safe to ensure the draw.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:33, Reply)

No reason to go for the draw is there
A whitewash is on, let's fucking go for it. I say stick them in when we get to 500, based on recent form they'll struggle to make even that
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:34, Reply)

it'll probably be a draw regardless
because cricket is shit
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:35, Reply)

I keep feeling that there's an underlying theme to your posts, but I'm buggered if I can work it out.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:40, Reply)

I'm taking a different approach this week
by amusing myself discussing cricket with my mate, while actually hating it and telling him as much, he has got the mistaken belief that I like cricket.

I'm having to be particularly vehement about my dislike.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:42, Reply)

Too subtle for the likes of us Reverend

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:42, Reply)

not being a fat fucker in my teens
and getting more sex would've been good, but aside from that I'd struggle to see how I could have enjoyed myself more, and I've ended up in a good place.

I want to see the Northern Lights, preferably while smoking Northern Lights. I also want to not have to work every fucking day in an office.

alt: marmite, no question.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:23, Reply)

This man is correct.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:25, Reply)

I look at photos of me in my teens and twenties and the fat ugly moose I thought I was isn't looking back.
There's some hot chick looking at me. When did that happen?
( girlinthehole, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:26, Reply)

You've always been a hot chick.
You still are.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:26, Reply)

Thanks petal!
But it's a shift in perception that's made me regret a lot of things.
( girlinthehole, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:28, Reply)

^this.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:37, Reply)

43 years ago, roughly.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:26, Reply)

I was definitely a fat fucker
with glorious long blonde hair

I knew I kind of looked like Meatloaf, that's why I hated people saying it so much.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:27, Reply)

You must also realise that you look a bit like Justin Bieber now.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:30, Reply)

I take solace in the fact that while may hair may be similar
Justin Bieber isn't 6'2 and broad-shouldered with a big beard and sideburns

you can understand why I don't mind being told I look like the Bieb when I spent years being called Meatloaf
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:31, Reply)

Meatloaf can sing though

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:33, Reply)

I'm not actually Justin Bieber
and I wasn't actually Meatloaf
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:33, Reply)

My point is that there one comparison is much cooler than the other
I used to get annoyed when I went through an unfortunate "curtains" phase with my hair and people compared me to Hugh Grant. Now I have a fauxhawk and idiotic morons call me Jedward.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:41, Reply)

I'm just happy not to be fat
people can call me whatever the hell they want
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:45, Reply)

That's ridiculous
they should call you Gok.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:45, Reply)

haha

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:46, Reply)

Oh, they do
I don't mind that so much. At least he always looks good and isn't an excellent example of why we should nuke Ireland back to the Stone Age
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:47, Reply)

Least you weren't carrying round your wank tissue, like he does.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:33, Reply)

that is true

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:34, Reply)

When someone switched your photos


*runs like hell*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:26, Reply)

Northern Lights is nice *remanisisses*
Marmite is also the correct answer.

lets see a fatty picture then.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:36, Reply)

Regrets: Girls, mostly.
Also not realising earlier that I could be more successful at girls than I had hitherto been.
( Kroney, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:24, Reply)

Finally, the judiciary sees some sense.
www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2011/aug/19/riots-mother-looted-shorts-freed
(Bazongaloid, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:25, Reply)

Burn the witch!

( girlinthehole, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:27, Reply)

For some reason your ignore button is purple
I must have hit it by accident.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:29, Reply)

first one - i could just give you a list of names
and not getting into oxford the first time round

i still really really want to go travelling. i am quite tempted just to let the flat and fuck off for 12 months on the proceeds. we'll see.

my legs, natch.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:28, Reply)

Must be lovely when someone else buys you a huge flat in central london
so you can just rent it out without having to worry about covering the mortgage.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:30, Reply)

just getting some assistance from someone else must be quite nice frankly

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:30, Reply)

the honest non-flippant non-b3ta truth?
when it's your inheritance from losing a parent at just 27, it is still a lovely thing to have... but you'd pull the place down brick by brick just to have one more phone call with them.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:36, Reply)

stop ruining our fun

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:37, Reply)

al LIKES mocking people's grief though, vipros
it makes him feel more secure about himself, for some reason.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:39, Reply)

It balances the grief he feels for the loss of his hair

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:42, Reply)

and his anal virginity

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:42, Reply)

and sphincter control

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:43, Reply)

If my hair had left me hundreds of thousands of pounds
I'd be happy to let it go.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:43, Reply)

Do you disagree with inheritance?
i know in America, for example they take a very different view to leaving money to children etc
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:45, Reply)

do they?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:45, Reply)

I have heard that rich Americans
are less likely to leave their entire estates to their children, due to their "new money" attitude ie you make it yourself.

I'm positive that this is in no way universal
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:47, Reply)

that's just stupid
and I can say this from a position of never going to get an inheritance
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:48, Reply)

Do your parents hate you?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:50, Reply)

no, they just like squandering their money on stuff
which I can totally appreciate.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:52, Reply)

Difficult to get cross with them, I mean they don't 'owe' you anything

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:53, Reply)

not in the least bit cross, that would be weird.
we openly discuss it in a half-jokey manner. Their paintings and clocks have practically got mine and my brother's names on them. My parents started it though!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:55, Reply)

I'm sure they'll leave him enough for a packet of monster munch
and a pint of stella after the funeral.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:55, Reply)

The place I go for a pub quiz on Mondays does a fantastic pint of Stella
I'm so glad I've been skint recently, or I'd just end up bankrupting myself there.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:05, Reply)

I have no problem with inheritance.
Ideally I would like to be in a position to help out any progeny of mine while I am alive, whilst hopefully not causing them to actually rely on me, but I would also like to leave them stuff when I finally shuffle off this mortal coil.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:50, Reply)

with a bit of luck the rancid little cunts will be stillborn
and your wife will leave you for a man with real spunk. then you can look around you for the kind of love and support that you give out so generously to everyone else.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:10, Reply)

When the two of you finally have sex
it's going to cause earthquakes.
( Kroney, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:39, Reply)

clearly it didn't love you enough

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:50, Reply)

If yours had loved you more, she might have tried a bit harder to still be here.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:51, Reply)

new level of lameness here
you're losing it
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:06, Reply)

Swings and roundabouts
I used my inheritance from my dad's death to put an extension on my house.

I used my inheritance from my mum's death to buy the aforementioned screaming harridan out of said house.

I suspect as a result, I've paid for the extension 1 and a half times.

Sad times all round.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:44, Reply)

And your cock is still only 3 inches long

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:48, Reply)

tenants rent. landlords let.
you ignorant little mess.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:34, Reply)

meh, semantics
possibly important in your job. Of no importance outside it.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:35, Reply)

it's also important when people are being pricks

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:38, Reply)

, and s
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:30, Reply)

HA!
I couldn't work this out at first.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:31, Reply)

striking through a comma doesn't work too well

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:32, Reply)

Lucky that Al and I are so very fucking clever then

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:36, Reply)

so very
clever

I fail to see what that has to do with it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:38, Reply)

hahahaha
i approve
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:40, Reply)

You're some kind of badass strikethrough ninja today

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:46, Reply)

Who siad they were dead eh?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:46, Reply)

Swipe and the reverend both did, up there ^
you insensitive bastard.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:47, Reply)

Yeah, but they both probably deserved it.

Or one of them at least.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:48, Reply)

ouch
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:51, Reply)

I got told off yesterday
for suggesting that you and DJ might have anything other than a gentlemanly platonic relationship.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:08, Reply)

it's not controversial when you've done it soooo many times before
then again, i might be bitter and repetitive too if i worked my arse off but still only got to exist in a shithole.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:09, Reply)

sometimes there just seem to be better setups for it

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:47, Reply)

Hang about
Is that... MODESTY?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:07, Reply)

I can be modest you know
I do believe in credit where it's due however, and that includes blowing my own trumpet (so to speak) sometimes
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:08, Reply)

Yes, yes, I know that REALLY mate
For god's sake play up to the meme, it's Friday and we need our bread and circuses
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:10, Reply)

sorry, my work ethic is tugging at my attention somewhat
I'm not going to actually do any work, but I can't stop feeling like I should...
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:11, Reply)

Hahaha
Played
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:32, Reply)

No regrets whatsoever,
Yes I was once married, but if I hadn't met the screaming harridan then I wouldn't have had my 2 great kids.

Could probably have done with an awful lot more shagging before I got married to the aforementioned dragon.

Alt: Apricot jam. On Swipey's thighs.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:32, Reply)

ha
how did i only just see that??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:20, Reply)

Regret eating a cream tea when I was 18
and being a lazy arse.

There's too many things I want to do, but doing something fun and a little bit creative would be good
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:34, Reply)

What?! Cream teas are god's own food!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:40, Reply)

It gave me food poisoning that resulted in 6 months of hospital
I could've done without that
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:42, Reply)

Ok fair do's
I got food poisoning from some cupcakes once and didn't eat them for years. I also can't eat omelettes for the same reason.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:43, Reply)

I don't get why a bad cupcake would put you off omlettes?

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:54, Reply)

It was a food experiment that went badly wrong.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:04, Reply)

Seriously?
Fucking hell.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:54, Reply)

This will probably sound incredibly emo
but I regret not realising as a young'un that I could actually have been out there having all teh sex. Or indeed any of it.

I'd love to own a cabrio and get a tattoo. This is definitely a midlife crisis.

Alt: Nutella.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:35, Reply)

Way more in the way of "wish I hadn't done that" than of the "wish I had" variety
Obviously I wish I'd discovered girls earlier, and am tempted to say I should have spent my Uni years shagging multitudinous women instead of wasting my weekends on an ultimately doomed long-distance relationship, but had that panned out I wouldn't have developed the AWESOME BOYFRIEND SKILLS that allow me to punch so far above my weight now.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:38, Reply)

darling
you don't help the whole gay thing sometimes....... xx
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:40, Reply)

Allow me to clarify
I was repellent to women until I was 18, when I met a very intelligent girl with spectacularly low standards to whom I felt indebted.

I hope this resolves the "discovered women" and "was this long-distance relationship even with a girl?" questions.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:45, Reply)

Oh sweetie, you're *still* repellent to women.
but not, apparently, male bank tellers.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:49, Reply)

*digs out edifying texts from b3th*

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:53, Reply)

Alt: your mum's pissflaps, of course.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:43, Reply)

Do you like to use the rings or the speculum?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:43, Reply)

I just did a little sick

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:46, Reply)

I regret loads and loads of things - this shit keeps me awake at night. I am tormented by my shortcomings.
Turning down Winchester College was cretinous and has had a major (but I suppose not necessarily detrimental) effect on my subsequent life, I fear. Stupid liberal 'you decide' parent cunts.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:46, Reply)

People that go to Winchester College are arrogant little turds though

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:48, Reply)

Not all of them.
I knew some lovely chaps who were pupils there. One's dead from smack now, unfortunately.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:49, Reply)

I never liked any i met
Public schools can be quite territorial though at the time
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:51, Reply)

Too right
This extends to the parents too (often old boys themselves I suppose) - our garden was open to the public for Eton Match every couple of years and the sniping that went on was fucking pathetic.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:06, Reply)

no one managed to get any headshots eh?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:07, Reply)

as such Monty would have fit in perfectly

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:49, Reply)

If someone is doing something impressive for charity
but you happen not to particularly like the charity they are doing it for, is it acceptable to donate some money to another charity that you do like, and then tell them that you did that?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:47, Reply)

I think so
but then my views on charity differ to most 'right-minded' people
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:48, Reply)

Which charity do you disapprove of?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:49, Reply)

Musical instruments for plankton.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:52, Reply)

Countryside Alliance, I expect

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:53, Reply)

Well, I don't exactly dissaprove of it
It's "Help for Heroes". I think what they do is good, but mainly I don't like the name.

I don't think there should be a need for charities to help injured servicemen since I reckon if you're sending people out to get blown up, the least you can do is look after them if they get badly hurt.

I guess you could argue that with any charity, ideally they wouldn't need to do what they do, but it's good that they do.

I just don't like the idea that anyone who joins the army is automatically a hero and deserving of some respect above someone who isn't in the army.

I'm sure other people have strong views so I'm happy to be told i'm being an awful person, I just have an overall negative view of it.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:54, Reply)

I feel rather that way about all charity*, as I am a cunt and very skint.
The government spends millions on aid - that's paid for by tax. So an (admittedly small) amount of every pound I earn goes to charity whether I like it or not.


*the 'I don't think there should be a need for charities' bit
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:58, Reply)

I'm with you on this one Al
I don't personally see how getting injured fighting a war that most of us never wanted and many even protested against makes one a hero. There's also the spectacularly obvious matter of "if you join the army you might get shot at".
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:00, Reply)

I don't think anyone joins under the illusion that they won't get shot at
Apart from that retard who joined the navy but refused to learn to shoot as he was a pacifist. He got jailed I believe.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:02, Reply)

that twat

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:05, Reply)

I assume he thought it was all about the bumming
My point is that there doesn't need to be a charity to support people who do get shot. Accidents which may occur in the workplace are the domain of Claims Direct.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:07, Reply)

You're right, there shouldn't be
but the government doesn't do enough to help these people so the charity steps in, which is commendable.

There shouldn't be a need for a charity to provide soup kitchens and warm blankets to stop people starving and freezing to death on britains streets, but they do a great job.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:12, Reply)

if you applaud the sentiment but not rthe choice of charity
why not do something yourself, for the charity of your choice. You sponsoring your friend, and him sponsoring you, would cancel each other out, and you could do something nice for somebody you do approve of.

I recommend flinging yourself off a crane. It's fab.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:15, Reply)

I don't like doing sponsored events
it's too much fucking hassle getting the money off people. I just give my own money to my own charities of choice by direct debit.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:16, Reply)

I dislike other people doing sponsored things too really
I don't like being obliged to do things. I give to the charities I choose to (and I do actually give them money) and resent being almost forced to do it because some cunt is doing something.

yes, I am aware that I have got some of you to sponsor me in the past. But that was the only sponsored thing I've done in 20 years.

I think it's mainly because I don't like feeling obliged to do something, not because it's for charity.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:19, Reply)

then stop whinging about it, you miserable twat.
Unless he's actively collecting the money himself, donate to whatever charity you like, tell him you've donated on his behalf, and slap him manfully on teh shoulder.

But I would still recommend you flinging yourself off something ;-)
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:20, Reply)

I've already done a parachute jump
And I think I might, I just wondered if I were to do that, woudl it be considered rude or not?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:22, Reply)

I think it depends on the person
and particularly whether they have a personal reason for choosing that charity
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:23, Reply)

This is an excellent point, well put

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:28, Reply)

In my opinion, and I inherited this from my grandfather as he had a similar view,
is that a hero is somebody who goes above and beyond the call of duty. A civilian getting into a shooting in order to rescue somebody would be a hero. A soldier doing the same would not. A soldier is trained and equipped to do that. It is his duty to do so. A soldier would have to go further to be a hero, which is why the VC is mostly awarded post-humously, whilst the civilian equivalent isn't.

My grandfather was in the Army, incidentally. This is probably an important thing to mention.
( Kroney, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:06, Reply)

You are a bender
This is probably a less important thing to mention.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:07, Reply)

Did your grandfather have an unhealthy obsession with poo too?
Because that would also be an important thing to mention.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:11, Reply)

I think it makes the charity even _more_ important if the goverment should be doing it by default.
Personally, I won't give anything that goes to africa.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:24, Reply)

In 2003 I decided against buying a pack of Flamin' Hot Monster Munch,
I wish I could stop living in the past but this has consumed me ever since.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:51, Reply)

Did you get the onion ones?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:53, Reply)

I can't even remember
such is the depth of my pain.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:55, Reply)

There are support groups, you know.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:58, Reply)

I think the experience has broken me on such a fundamental level
that I am beyond all repair and I must live out my days forever in regret.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:16, Reply)

I regret not taking a stance with those who bullied me, and not giving them the kicking they fucking deserved
Granted, it would have gone against me several times, but at least then I wouldn't have been as nervous everytime they walked past me, knowing I could give a good account of myself.

I'd like to raise a family, with 3 kids at least. Incredibly gay, I know, but I already know one of the names I'd like for a daughter.

Alt: Marmite.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:03, Reply)

Marmite is a shit name for a daughter.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:12, Reply)

So is Beth

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:16, Reply)

My parents are in agreement.
They hate the name, and used to actively wince when they heard people call me that.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:17, Reply)

Could be worse
Could be Beatrice
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:21, Reply)

Is that your real name?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:25, Reply)

Nope
With the only person I know IRL called Beth, it's short for Beatrice
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:26, Reply)

I thought Beth was short for Elizabeth.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:34, Reply)

It can be short for either, I believe

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:35, Reply)

Bert would be more appropriate for Beatrice.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:38, Reply)

It'd be more appropriate for her too.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:47, Reply)

In my case, it is.
I've never heard it as a version of Beatrice. These days it's more likely to be short for Bethany.

Then again, I never understood how Daisy was short for Margaret, Sally was short for Sarah, and Dick was short for Richard.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:39, Reply)

There is no way Daisy is short for Margaret
or Sally for Sarah, that's just stupid
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:57, Reply)

No, they are, traditionally.
The Daisy thing comes from the fact that there is a flower called a marguerite which is a big daisy type flower.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 19 Aug 2011, 17:04, Reply)

pah
that's not short for. That'd be like calling me Cat.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 17:07, Reply)

You want 3 kids?
People like you are a drain on the planet. You should be sterilised with an apple corer.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:13, Reply)

Well, I'm the youngest of 6
And I loved growing up with several brothers and sisters, although I don't want THAT many.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:15, Reply)

If you were the one pushing them out
I can imagine you wouldn't want any.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:16, Reply)

my mate's girlfriend is one of twelve
TWELVE

I really want to give her mum the "Vagina: it's not a fucking clown car" poster
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:17, Reply)

that explains it all
by the time you came along they didn't care what sex the baby was. This led to your latent cross-dressing tendencies, and also to your emo-ness
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:16, Reply)

Meh, I was an unwanted child anyway.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:22, Reply)

unplanned, not unwanted - that's my mum's explanation
/also one of six and not planned
(DeeDee, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:42, Reply)

a "whoops baby"
is the technical term, i believe
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:43, Reply)

Haha
I like it!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:45, Reply)

I'm going to send Bella an apple corer
and tell her to do the honorable thing.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:17, Reply)

You'd have more luck sending it to someone who actually lives near me.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:22, Reply)

We know she's in your pants
more often than the smell of knob cheese.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:23, Reply)

Wish someone had told me that.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:27, Reply)

Why the fuck is David Cameron on TMS?
Fucking cunt.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:21, Reply)

I don't have any major regrets.
I'm a believer that every mistake I've ever made was always going to happen, and I'd rather get it out the way sooner rather than later. Then I move forward and learn from it.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:59, Reply)

Non, Je ne regrette rien
Well, no. I regret not getting a 2i, it would have made my life a lot easier and probably better. But that's about it.

I'm going to go travelling round south east Asia.

Don't know but it has to feature cocktail sausages and pineapple and cheese on sticks.
(berk, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 17:16, Reply)