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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Vipros has MeningitAIDS, but what is the worst illness/disease you've ever hadand did hilarity ensue?
ALT: Animal, mineral or vegetable?
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 13:34,
190 replies,
latest was 15 years ago)
Asthmagot me into A&E a couple of times, which was fun,mostly OK these days.
Alt: Mineral please.
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CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 25 Aug 2011, 13:35,
Reply)
I prefered Detritus but Bauxite was OKso I'll take him.
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CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 25 Aug 2011, 13:38,
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Awesome, I'm pitching it just right then.(
CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 25 Aug 2011, 13:40,
Reply)
Haaaaa Ha!join us Kroney, join us. Cavey's doing a Firefly LARP and I'm totally joining in. You could too. J
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CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 25 Aug 2011, 13:42,
Reply)
Apparently that is an uncool thing too doand if it isn't I beat you to it.
you're supposed to make up your own characters, not recycle ones from the show, which is just no fun.
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CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 25 Aug 2011, 13:49,
Reply)
Oh well, I don't know how LARPing's supposed to workI'm not completely hopeless.
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Kroney, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 13:53,
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but you can learn.It's basically improvised method acting.
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CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 25 Aug 2011, 13:58,
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I fucking KNEW it!Waited about ten minutes for a new thread, gave up and joined the last one, then a new one starts. Fuck you, Ape!
The worst illness I ever had was a nice case of kidney infection which nearly saw me off. The a year later, I had an anaphylactic reaction to an anaesthetic and had to be brought round mid operation. Which was nice.
Alt: mineral. Diamonds, preferably. Thanks.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 25 Aug 2011, 13:39,
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Happy to helpWhat operation did you make up in?
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 13:42,
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It was keyhole ablationLuckily they hadn't actually done any cutting at that point, but waking up on the table is still quite scary.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 25 Aug 2011, 13:44,
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Just another Ker-razy night out with Monty(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 13:46,
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Had the flu once.Have I told you all about my awesome immune system?
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Kroney, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 13:40,
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All that shit sucking must have helped to build it up(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 13:42,
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I seem to have gAIDSWas just in Sainsbury's getting some ingredients for dinner tonight, and flowers as I plan to make the place look nice for when Ms Foxtrot gets home from teaching. The cashier spots the theme and enquires;
"Romantic evening planned?"
"Yes", I reply, "I'm going to a festival for three days so thought I'd cook the better half a romantic meal"
She smiles and says "Well, he's very lucky"
Fucks sakes.
(, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 13:46, Reply)
I can't tell you how much I enjoyed reading that.Are you looking particularly fabulous today?
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 25 Aug 2011, 13:49,
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Dunno about thatWhite and purple striped YSL shirt. Matching piercings, obv. That might be what did it
(, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 13:50, Reply)
true actually.in London you'd pass for straight. I mean, fucksake Barry seems to get away with it.
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CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 25 Aug 2011, 13:53,
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In Norwichanyone demonstrating any taste, class, elan, verve or style is labelled bent.
(, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 13:55, Reply)
No-one thinks the missus is bentAnd before you say it, she does have class, elan, verve and style. If not taste.
(, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 13:56, Reply)
yes, but she's a girl, it's allowed.(
CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 25 Aug 2011, 13:57,
Reply)
She must stand out thoughbecause the rest of the birds your way look like bull dyke lesbians!
(, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 13:58, Reply)
There's a fair few hotties in NorwichShe does stand out, but I would say that, wouldn't I
(, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:02, Reply)
That you did, I was most surprised, good result for your boysNot that I care, seeing as how I'm not a Norwich fan
(, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:43, Reply)
yes.this is his problem. Move to London or Brighton and he'll be fine.
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CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 25 Aug 2011, 13:57,
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are you kiddingyou'll look butch in Brighton.
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CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:04,
Reply)
About three weeks after making friends I'll be worrying more about my appearance and on-trend fashion(, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:12, Reply)
oh real life lol.(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 13:50,
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If I'd known it'd be this well receivedI'd have saved it for a QOTW entry
(, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 13:51, Reply)
It's the first time I've ever shown a mate at work this place, she laughed too.(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 13:53,
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Oh yeah', 'cus there is going to be a right awnser to that now I've showed the link and it's now blatent what user I am.(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 13:57,
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HELLO GONZ'S FEMALE COLLEAGUE!!!!!!!!!he thinks you are well mingin', innit, but he'd still stick it up you, so let him so he can tell us all about it, it'll be fun.
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CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:01,
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If you're reading this you should totally sign up and join in. we're really nice and stuff.
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CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:10,
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I think you have to say Yes dude.or you'll never get to put your finger in her bot bot.
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CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 25 Aug 2011, 13:59,
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The answer is always "yes"Unless she's well minging and you're worried she's desperate enough to take the "yes" as "omfg I love her despite her warts and tyres and weeping bed sores" in which case the answer's "no". If she's that bad her self-esteem will be wrecked anyway and you're statistically unlikely to be the one that finally drives her to suicide.
Hope this helps.
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Kroney, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 13:59,
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Did you read about the womanwho hung herself from a tree after her fiancee broke off the engagement? How bad does he feel?
(, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:01, Reply)
If her self-esteem was so completely dependent on him staying with herI imagine he feels the most relaxed he has in years
(, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:02, Reply)
Not bad I'd imaginefunerals are shorter than weddings
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:03,
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You are probably right. He was pictured in the paper with a new bird on the firm.
(, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:05, Reply)
I heard he was well hung and she got jelous of that.(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:15,
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The correct answer is "she's in a different league to me"which sounds like a compliment but is non commital.
(, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:41, Reply)
Everyone's in a different league to youNot better, not worse... just different
(, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:44, Reply)
Best thing I've read all day.(
Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:06,
Reply)
I was about ready to leaveso I just smiled and fucked off. If we'd been halfway through the scanning process I'd have corrected her, but in my (considerable) experience this is a highly flustered, embarrassed experience
(, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:14, Reply)
I have to say mate that's pretty embarrassingShe now has you down as a raving woofter. You will be forever referred to in the staff locker room as 'that gay bloke with the funny ears'. Word will spread. Children will openly mock you in the street. The changing rooms at the swimming pool will empty as soon as you come in the door. You need to put this to bed now, but I fear that it might be too late.....
(, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:20, Reply)
You have to bone her.I appreciate that you're very happy with Ms Foxtrot, but you must chat the checkout girl up, ask her out, wine her, dine her, and then bang her in a way that only a completely straight man with no concerns over his sexuality can do.
Good luck. We're all counting on you.
(, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:23, Reply)
You didn't see herI'd rather be thought of as gay. In fact, I'd rather bang the last woman of her age to accuse me of bumderism. She might be ginger but at least she's rich
(, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:26, Reply)
Hang right the fuck on.Are you implying you'd actually 'do' Anne Robinson? Because that's really just .... disturbing.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:30,
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Gingers are grateful for whatever they can getRich + grateful = YACHT
(, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:31, Reply)
But - and I know I'm in no position to lecture - She's OLDHer face has been botoxed into submission, but I bet her fanny is wrinklier than your balls.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:34,
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I think what I originally said was that I'd rather shag her than the woman who accused me of being gay todayBut now that I'm thinking about it, I'm rather warming to the notion
(, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:35, Reply)
AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *dies**comes back to life again*
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:21,
Reply)
This response made me laugh almost as hard as mine did youAlmost.
(, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:26, Reply)
I seriously doubt I've ever had so many responses to a postI knew there'd be an upside
(, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:30, Reply)
This could only have been better if she'd got out a bullhorn and given a full "Bumder Alert" to warn the whole of the supermarket that she thought you were a bummer.Thank you for making my afternoon.
(, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:51, Reply)
My asthma was terrible when I was youngerWe once had to have a nebuliser brought to the house twice in two days, just to calm me down. It's still not great, but manageable.
Also, I had glandular fever and a nasty chest infection at the same time, that wasn't pleasant.
Alt: I am the very model of a modern Major General.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 13:48,
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Did you squeal and weeze like a pig being fucked by a horse(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 13:51,
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No!I thought it was chicken pox! How dangerous is that?
I haven't had anything too serious, apart from a few things that'll be with me forever and are mainly annoying, like the extra vertebrae, or the thalassemia, or the tonsilitis.
Edit: Sorry, I forgot. Animal.
(, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 13:52, Reply)
I doIn my lumbar area, which could be a problem for the epidural.
(, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 13:57, Reply)
it is chickenpoxthe main danger here is me wanting to rip the skin off my back at the moment, and there is a spot annoyingly close to one of my eyes.
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:05,
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use socks as mittens if you must(
Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:08,
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Because what grown adult possesses mittens?(
Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:09,
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I hve two pairs...But they are for snowboarding; warmer than gloves you see
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:12,
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Then throw the shit in it at others(
Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 15:02,
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believe it or notI knew not to scratch before I was told, and I haven't scratched myself once.
I've just discovered I can't wear my glasses because of spots locations.
and my face is so spotty and swollen I look like Hoggle from Labyrinth
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:11,
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no way I'm posting pictures of my face looking like thisI terrified the postman earlier
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:15,
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as long as it isn't as bulgy as Bowie's codpiece.That was seriously bizarre.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:13,
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I was once hiding behind a door to jump out on my friend and he slammed open the door and I was bare footed and it lifted my toe nail up and it went all black and manky and took 3 months for the black bit to grow out...... I still have a fobia about my toe nails and do a foot-cringe when I think about it (about once a month or soo).
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 13:56,
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It makes me cringe reading your storyI lost a couple of nails when being a kid... Ouch.
(, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 13:58, Reply)
I did something similar onceslipped on a wet bathroom floor, and my foot went unde rthe door but my nail didn't.
I went on to lose both big toenails again later in life. It does indeed hurt like a bitch.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:00,
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In terms of "5 minute wonder website"s that I wish I came up with and made.talkoclock.com/
This is pretty awesome.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 13:57,
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It's a great ideabut I hate talking in the morning, so no good for me.
(, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 13:59, Reply)
It's a very novel idea. And quite cute.But do you think it will catch on?
I can see it being ripe for abuse as well - surely I'm not the only person who'd be tempted, after maybe the third or fourth wake-up call, to tell the recipient something along the lines of "I know you wanted to wake up at 7am today, but the fact is you're the most god-awful sort of cunt and I'd advise you to stay in bed so that you don't inconvenience the rest of us with your existence."
(, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 15:00, Reply)
Serious answer;macular degeneration. Past tense is inappropriate, I have it now. Hilarity will ensue in around twnety years, for those watching me trying to find things at least.
(, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 13:58, Reply)
Don't answer the phone while ironing.And don't try to read the cheesegrater.
(, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:38, Reply)
Mine is shit and boringapart from that, probably asthma and some ongoing allergies.
Alt: animal, for the edible goodness
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 13:58,
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I had scabies as a child.The treatment consisted of my mother scrubbing us raw with some special cream using a bloody floor brush.
Alt: Animal. Cougar.
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girlinthehole, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 13:58,
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This was the early seventies.We didn't have all that fancy medicine you have now.
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girlinthehole, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:01,
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I seepoor you. Having said that, my grandma would wash your mouth with bleach if she heard you swearing.
(, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:04, Reply)
We were beaten senseless and appreciated it.As my mum used to say, when I accused her of being too strict/overprotective/naggy: "Would you rather I didn't care?"
How do mums know exactly how to cut you to the quick? Do they take a special course?
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:05,
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Oh, don't get me startedI used to be able to recite that whole sketch.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:09,
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Do so now, and I shall slay you.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:29,
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I like the way you change your name to make you seem popular.I had Salmonella, it was pretty bad, 2 weeks in hospital 3 stone lost, gave me a bunch of allergies for about 18months two years.
(, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:04, Reply)
Spanish bum AIDSit was a laugh a minute. Highlight, having a wizened Spanish gentleman in my front room telling me to drop my pants and show him my bottom.
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broadsword, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:08,
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Trudat.Luckily I have avoided the grape-y bum aids that EVERY chap I know seems to have got as soon as they hit 40.
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broadsword, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:26,
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Haha!I can see you're too excited to work today too.
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girlinthehole, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:14,
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It's a living room and that long soft seat in it is a sofa NOT a couch(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:29,
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What IS the difference between a living room and a lounge?(
broadsword, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:31,
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A lounge is where common people sit on their white leather sofas watching X-factor(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:31,
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Nothing.Both are wrong peasant terms for sitting room.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:31,
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I reckon I sit in every room in my flatsurely that makes every room a sitting room?
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broadsword, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:37,
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I live in all the rooms in my house at one time or another.I have also dined in my kitchen.
WHAT'S ALL THAT ABOUT EH?
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:40,
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Rooms should just be called roomsmaybe distinguished from each other by location - east room, west room, north south 1 room etc.
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broadsword, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:44,
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It's a sitting room you rancid prole.You are correct re: sofa though.
Don't even start on 'serviette'.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:31,
Reply)
For me 'sitting room' refers to the 'smart' room used for guests and at Chrsitmas'living room' is the more day to day room
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:33,
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All our rooms were smart.Even the garden shed was smart. It was the old stable block.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:34,
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Sure!If it's OK to belt you in the face with a claw hammer.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:44,
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Ugh. Neither term is acceptable in polite society.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:30,
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If your house mysteriously burns down today, it was ME.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:39,
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hahahaI thoiught that might touch a nerve.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:40,
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I believe the word is 'lavatory''Loo' might be accepted on occasion.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:41,
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The uptightedness of b3tans never fails to surprise mebrb, off to the bog
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broadsword, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:42,
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Don't forget to wipe your arse on newspaper.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:45,
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omg I can't BELIEVE you call a daily periodical a *spits* 'newspaper'(
broadsword, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:47,
Reply)
Now you're spitting everywhere.For shame, man.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:52,
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loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:41,
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Fine, but I couldn't be bothered to type that(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:44,
Reply)
When I'm at someone's house and need to goI ask for the 'loo'. 'Lavatory' or 'lav' sounds more common to me. Actually, a lot of U sounds rather impolite and common. 'what' instead of 'pardon', &c.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:45,
Reply)
You should ask where the "shitter" or "crapper" isbut if you really like them then ask for the cludge.
What?
(, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:49, Reply)
Ask where the 'council' is then start playing the spoons.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:50,
Reply)
That's because U is an outdated form of referralalso it shouldn't be what, I was always taught to say sorry, rather than pardon
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:51,
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That wouldn't feel right to me(
Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:55,
Reply)
Apparently I died when I was about 6 weeks oldI'm fine now though. Oh and I discovered I have a potentially fatal allergy to penicillin by...yes, you've guessed it...taking penicillin.
(, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:54, Reply)
Glad you made a full recovery. Did you not get to have any of that strawberry or banana antibiotic medicine when you were a kid?
(, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:56, Reply)
Apparently notwhen I suddenly became massively ill after taking the medication I rang my mum to ask her if I was allergic to penicillin and she told me I'd had it as a kid, so presumably not.
A few days later, after I'd been rushed to hospital, she rang me back and said 'oh actually, it was your sister that had the penicillin, not you. Are you feeling any better?'
Yeah. Thanks mum.
(, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 14:59, Reply)
your wish is my commandsorry it's a bit shit.
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CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 25 Aug 2011, 15:15,
Reply)
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