Tomorrow I am doing something I never thought I ever would.
I am going to South London.

I’ve got my passport ready, I’ve had my jabs and I’m ready to go. To be honest I’m shitting myself. What if the natives come at me with spears and put me in a big pot? What if I’m the next Damilola Taylor? And is it just me, but whenever I hear or read that boy’s name, a snippet of the Kinks’ classic ‘Lola’ plays in my head?

Do you have any hints and tips to keep me alive in ‘The Anus of the South East’?

Alt: What devil-may-care acts of derring-do are YOU up to this weekend?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 9:50, 18 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Will you be joining us during the day in Greenwich?
I shall be being very British and having a stiff upper lip about my life.
( girlinthehole, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 9:51, Reply)

Are you in London again and not telling me?
Seriously BGB, I know you think all this flirty talk is me just joshing around online, but if you were in London for a few hours and I could find a reason to ditch the wife, we could find a cheap hotel and I could rock your world.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 9:52, Reply)

Seriously, I may take you up on that soon.

( girlinthehole, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 9:53, Reply)

He is bringing his iPod and dick along for dancing
EDIT:
Freudianlols - I meant dock
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:00, Reply)

Not sure - depends on the weather and on what I'm doing with my daughter.
Is it supposed to rain?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:00, Reply)

Nope.
Well you have my number if you decide to come.
( girlinthehole, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:01, Reply)

I'd like to, for sure,
and seeing as I have to be in the badlands for the evening anyway it makes sense.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:03, Reply)

Let's face it you're going to need some culture and interesting conversation before you head of to SYFTS's house.

( girlinthehole, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:13, Reply)

I'm glad you asked, because I'm running a half marathon Monty.
I don't think I've mentioned it here before.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 9:51, Reply)

Makes a change from eating a whole Marathon I suppose.
Jesting aside, best of luck, hope you win. 'Just for fun and charity' my arse - I want you to cheat, push people over, that kind of thing. And get in the news for being a bad sportsman. AND wear your peach silk blouson.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 9:54, Reply)

^this
Spiked trainers FTW!
( girlinthehole, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 9:55, Reply)

If I win I get £1000
Considering it's only £30 to enter, that's a pretty good return on an investment. I don't understand why they don't make those rioters enter marathons before they are allowed benefits.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 9:56, Reply)

If you see somebody in one of those retarded costumes
push them in the river.
( Kroney, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 9:56, Reply)

'Retarded Costumes?'
That's the bloody wheelchair race, you fool.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:02, Reply)

YES? AND?

( Kroney, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:09, Reply)

Why on earth are you coming to my neck of the woods?!

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 9:56, Reply)

Dinner at Stunned poster's.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:01, Reply)

Stunned lives SotR?
My god. We're breeding faster than I thought.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:03, Reply)

Go further west, it is far more civilised

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:00, Reply)

300 miles north, more like

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:00, Reply)

200 miles west
and south
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:24, Reply)

Where are you heading?
I'm going to turn up and throw rocks at you.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:00, Reply)

Fucking LEWISHAM.
I'm doomed. I'm too pretty to die this young.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:01, Reply)

Yes that is beyond grim.
Although it's unfair to judge all of us on Lewisham, it'd be like judging west London on Shepard's Bush.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:03, Reply)

Good I hate Shepherd's Bush, utter utter shit hole

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:05, Reply)

It annoys me Shepard's Bush has the nerve to reside next to my lovely Hammersmith.
The cheeky bastard.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:07, Reply)

Mush

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:11, Reply)

*solidarity fist-bump*
I'm driving to Liverpool: the desolation at the centre of the grimness that is the northwest.

*shudders*
( djtrialprice, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:01, Reply)

Why don't you sod off
www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQ6Pkx80Fio
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:08, Reply)

That reminds me of a song Newcastle council made last year.
It's ten minutes long, and it's about the shit Metro transport system. My favourite line is an old woman singing "and the esssscalatoorrrs were the first I'd ever seeeeeen".
www.youtube.com/watch?v=V80Isj9JK1s
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:17, Reply)

Also there's a bloke rapping about buying a ticket to avoid the £20 fine.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:19, Reply)

My home county has you all beaten for shitness
www.youtube.com/watch?v=FkC8-LNnDuI
( djtrialprice, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:20, Reply)

"jesus,this advert basically confirms all my previous suspicions that we fifers are all a bunch of backward inbred wankstains. and now the rest of the world knows too, cheers kingdom fm"
Hahahaha.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:25, Reply)

True dat
Thankfully, Fife is just my home but not my genetic origin. I just noticed the American female singer is wearing a Coheed & Cambria t-shirt.
( djtrialprice, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:28, Reply)

Can't view the clip from work
but my ex-wife is from Fife. I can confirm everything, whatever it is.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:57, Reply)

Welcome Home

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:07, Reply)

THIS IS BEAUTIFUL

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:51, Reply)

I like the fat girl standing with her bloke
next to the train. Then a fitter bird comes into the shot and he shuffles towards her away from the fat bird.

Poor fat bird.
( djtrialprice, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:29, Reply)

You would notice that you fickle shallow bastard

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:31, Reply)

Ow ow ow
That cover is too shit to listen to.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=00NqE2mL_Bs
Much better.
( djtrialprice, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:18, Reply)

My thoughts are with you at this difficult time.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:09, Reply)

Saturday, trying to kill a giant triffid, aka convolvulus.
Sunday, seeing my mate's new kid. Apparently, it's very cute.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:02, Reply)

Convolvulus sounds like a 16th Century monk

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:24, Reply)

An rather strange thing has happened to us this week.
On tuesday night someone vandalised our car by spraying some kind of paint stripper on it, which has dissolved a lot of paint on the roof, passenger door, and the chassy under the door.

Bizzarely we actually saw it happen, but didn't realise, some guy was kicking off at the bus stp over the road and we were watching it when another car parked up over the road and our neighbour saw a guy get out, get something out of the boot of his car and empty it on the pavement and while doing that some sprayed on our car. Then he put the empty bottle back in the car and walked off.

So we reported it to the police and then last night, same car turns up over the road, so we call the police again. They send out an unmarked car and 2 plain clothes officers. The coppers have a look through the windows of the offenders vehicle, talk on their radios, then fuck off.

Then we get a call from one of them saying "It wasn't that car, that car is registered to a police officer. It wasn't that car" and was really abrupt and unhelpful, so we called 101 again and explained to the guy that it WAS the car and that we had a witness (who is also a police officer) that confirmed it was the right car. And the guy on the end of the phone said he would make a note of all this, but that there was some information he couldn't tell us. Then he said that he had to end the call as they also dealt with 999 calls and he couldn't talk anymore.

So, we're a bit stumped. Our neighbour told us to phone our local police station and make an official complaint to the duty inspector as this should prompt them to actually do something.

All in all, very odd.

Sorry, TL:DR. BORING CAR CRIME STUFF.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:03, Reply)

That's a bit fucking mental.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:04, Reply)

That's not boring at all,
So your car's been fucked up by a policeman? Shit Al, you are in SRS SH1T.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:05, Reply)

It's just left me feeling really confused.com

(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:07, Reply)

LOL

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:08, Reply)

Oh Soz, I forgot you don't like that.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:08, Reply)

He's just grouchy
'cos its nearly time to wake up.
( djtrialprice, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:10, Reply)

^hilarious subthread of the week.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:13, Reply)

Why don't you gocompare.com it to your face.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:15, Reply)

simples
/collective noun for offtopic.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:25, Reply)

Phone the station and shout your fucking heads off. Do you have the reg of the car, etc?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:06, Reply)

Yeah, I took photos of it last night too.
My first reaction was to want to go and slash his tyres. But I get the feeling I should tread a bit carefully.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:06, Reply)

Fuck 'em up

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:17, Reply)

Your use of the word tread makes me want to start a tyre pun subthread
but I honestly can't think of any.

It's a bit of a LETDOWN.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:17, Reply)

That's wheely bad.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:19, Reply)

My sides have just been punctured from mirth.

( Kroney, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:21, Reply)

Tracking this conversation has no bearing on mirth

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:22, Reply)

I'm putting this subthread in suspension

( Kroney, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:27, Reply)

Monty just told you.
it's SRS SH1T
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:07, Reply)

I like that attitude
Oh you must be wrong, that man is a policeman. They couldn't possibly be a lawbreaking cunt. You are wrong, leave it now, we know where you fucking live!
( djtrialprice, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:07, Reply)

Thing is, I'm not sure if it's that attitude because he's a copper and therefore above the law
or because he's an undercover officer who may or may not be investigating the gambling den that goes on down our road.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:08, Reply)

How would emptying chemicals into the road be anything to do with investigating a drugs den?

( girlinthehole, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:09, Reply)

MINDPISSING

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:11, Reply)

I would have thought that was just a stupid mistake which happened to have caused hundreds of pounds worth of damage to my car.
Apparently it wasn't like he actually aimed it at our car.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:12, Reply)

What the fuck is he doing dumping strange chemicals on the pavement then?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:11, Reply)

You mean you don't?

( Kroney, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:24, Reply)

I'm not sure pissing yourself in public counts as dumping strange chemicals on the pavement.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:27, Reply)

It's fine if it's against the kerbside rear wheel of a Hackney Carriage.

( Kroney, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:28, Reply)

When my dad was in the force, they'd close ranks over something like this.

( Kroney, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:09, Reply)

The police close ranks over whose turn it is to make the tea.
I know that as individuals they are doing a hard job under difficult circumstances, but I have no trust in them as an institution. The fact that no officers have ever been convicted of causing a death in custody says it all.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:14, Reply)

When my sister joined the police
I told her that a day would come when she would have to choose between lying to protect a colleague and eating her lunch on her own for the rest of her career. They’re probably less bent than they were in the 70s but I’ll bet it’s still rife.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:17, Reply)

I don't understand the implication here at all, people repeatedly bang their heads off of walls all the time.

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:18, Reply)

They're as bad as cons. You'll never get a copper to grass on another.
Their stock answer is "whatever my mate said happened, happened"

I can't blame them to some extent
( Kroney, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:18, Reply)

You should join up.
You'd be the archetypal 'bent copper'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:19, Reply)

Hah.
I thought about it for a while.
( Kroney, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:21, Reply)

I really don't know where I stand with the police.
Sometimes they've been utter, utter cunts with me, whereas on other occasions they've been nicer than you could possibly imagine. I guess it's the same with everything, judge them each individually.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:40, Reply)

More decisive commentary as it happens

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:41, Reply)

He was getting rid of the chemicals left over
from dissolving the body of the last person who died in a police cell
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:17, Reply)

car-paint-stripper-gate!
Sounds really dodgy
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:36, Reply)

You should call the IPC really
take it to the top, CALL THE MAYOR!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:38, Reply)

Sorry, never been there.
I'm off to Leeds this weekend, should be enjoyable!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:03, Reply)

Just walk softly and carry a big stick
Alt: Trying out a rowing machine. Not very exciting, but daring enough for me. And potentially being the voice for an audio-book.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:15, Reply)

That's pretty smart.
You have a rather melliflous voice, I'd give you the job.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:18, Reply)

It's for my mum
she's been told she might be Book of the Week in Ireland on radio, but she needs an English voice rather than Irish, and the people she's spoken to so far have been crap, so she suggested I have a go at reading it.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:26, Reply)

Book of the week in Ireland last week was the Cork bus timetable.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:29, Reply)

"Cocaine and its variants" by Paddy O'Shea

"It's great for the crack" Paul Ross, News of the World
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:31, Reply)

It's generally shit to be honest
but my mother's book is pretty good and it'd be amazing if she got it.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:31, Reply)

That would be fucking brilliant!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:32, Reply)

Indeed
she won't find out for a couple of weeks, but she wants to have a sample recorded to show it'll transcribe well to radio
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:35, Reply)

We needed a smooth voice for all our phone message so hijacked the posh old bird who works in HR to do them
She sounds like Joanna Lumley
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:37, Reply)

What's your number?
*unzips*
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:12, Reply)

Your mother is an author?

( girlinthehole, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:30, Reply)

Yeah, fiction
she's written one book, and is almost finished on her second.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:32, Reply)

Woo!

( girlinthehole, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:32, Reply)

:) no money in it though
unless you're a big name.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:33, Reply)

That is pretty exciting
What genre?
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:33, Reply)

Horse porn

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:34, Reply)

Best of all the porn

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:35, Reply)

Not really
They find it difficult to hold the book between their hooves.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:36, Reply)

Not a patch on donkey porn, but hey ho

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:35, Reply)

Quite hard to describe
It's fairly literary in style, but the content is more interesting than that would suggest. Drama I guess
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:35, Reply)

Awesome, when's it out?

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:36, Reply)

The book has been out a couple of years
if she gets this radio thing, then hopefully it'll be broadcast around Christmas/ the New Year
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:37, Reply)

What's the title? - I might have to investigate this further.

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:37, Reply)

gazzed :)

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:42, Reply)

:)

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:46, Reply)

Goldie Lookin' Chain's disappointingly 'vanilla' followup single.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:48, Reply)

I APPRECIATE THIS

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:06, Reply)

I used to do recording Newspapers for the blind.
Thouraghly enjoyed it after getting over the initial embarrasement. I think you'd be great.
( girlinthehole, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:25, Reply)

I used to sign porn for the deaf.
Not really.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:29, Reply)

I just found myself wondering what they would sign!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:32, Reply)

'Yes, yes, yes'
and 'I've come to fix your fridge.'
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:33, Reply)

Surely London as a whole is ‘The Anus of the South East’
and South London merely the sphincter?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:19, Reply)

out in Leeds tonight with my gay stepfather-in-law
staying in tomorrow and stuffing myself with Chinese food. Might do a bit of cleaning. Fun.
(DeeDee, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:23, Reply)

I just overheard a retard in my warehouse asking his colleague about a Beautiful South song,
‘you know, the one that goes ‘Jennifer Aniston, Philippa, Sue’.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:33, Reply)

HAHAHA!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:33, Reply)

"I forget your name"

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:34, Reply)

something something pencil case

( Kroney, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:36, Reply)

Hahaha!

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:34, Reply)

Hooray!

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:36, Reply)

FUCK YOU
for putting that fucking song in my head, my hatred for 'The Beautiful South' knows no bounds
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:44, Reply)

Nor mine.
That awful, awful 'frog in throat' singing style, and the wanker looks like Ron Dixon from Brookside.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:46, Reply)

The definition of Hull

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:49, Reply)

I am working tonight, tomorrow and Sunday.
I'll be running the show though which means they'll be nice, fun shifts where I can have a Bloody Mary.

Before work today though I am going to have a look around a pub my old boss now runs. She is trying to steal me and I just might let her.
( wanderlust, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:33, Reply)

Is she trying to steal you as hard as Gonz is?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:36, Reply)

Bless him.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:38, Reply)

I don't think anyone is trying to steal me as much as Gonz is.
She has't had to backpedal at any point though so she stands a better chance.
( wanderlust, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:39, Reply)

No sea-fishing analogies to make up for.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:45, Reply)

Would this be better work, more pay and less hours?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:45, Reply)

Yes.
I just checked my bank balance and living in BGB's cellar is really a better option at the moment.
( wanderlust, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:48, Reply)

Move into Monty's electric sex dungeon

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:50, Reply)

I'd rather not, thanks all the same.

( wanderlust, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:55, Reply)

Yeah', but is she open to involving urine during sexual relations?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:49, Reply)

You realise you'd have to talk to her when you called, though?

( Kroney, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:51, Reply)

Yeah', I've decided for the first time I'm going to beaker about lunch or something... I don't think I can fuck that up, I have so much practice talkign about lunch here.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:01, Reply)

Yes.

( girlinthehole, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:52, Reply)

Woh', got her number?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:01, Reply)

I might steal you and keep you in my cellar.

( girlinthehole, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:37, Reply)

It's a cellar Fritzl would be proud of.

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:38, Reply)

With a little work it could be quite the kidnapper's delight.

( girlinthehole, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:40, Reply)

A to the hip hop, the hibby the hibby to the.....

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:44, Reply)

*muffled sounds of rapping as BGB lowers her bosoms over Montys face*

(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:47, Reply)

They all like the booby suffocation thing.

( girlinthehole, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:50, Reply)

That's how I want to go

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:05, Reply)

It can be arranged.

( girlinthehole, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:06, Reply)

The Fred West remix

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:48, Reply)

*doesn't stop*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:48, Reply)

haha

( girlinthehole, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:48, Reply)

leave me with a pack of haribo and a copy of Love It
and I'll be happy enough.
( wanderlust, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:45, Reply)

You can have Pick me Up
and be grateful haha
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:49, Reply)

Even better.
Love it has changed.
( wanderlust, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:56, Reply)

Leave you with it? I'd leave you FOR it.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:06, Reply)

No, that's not true, please have an affair with me, I'm sorry, you can keep the haribo.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:06, Reply)

Where ya' from are ya' really from the ends? Well that depends, on what the fuck you mean by ends.
If ya' mean south of the thames then nah' I ain't from 'em ends, I'm from these ends they call it the east end my friend.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:40, Reply)

I bought insane purple high heel shoes and they arrived today. I am very happy.
I have to work tomorrow and then Sunday I may go for a walk if the weather is nice. Or stay curled up onthe sofa watchign the F1. I haven't decided yet. Man my life is rock and roll
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:42, Reply)

Needs MOAR boxes

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:42, Reply)

You are LiC AICMFP

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:43, Reply)

I now have a shoebox?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:44, Reply)

Alright TeeGee?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:43, Reply)

Pretty fucking good ta
Saw a very sexy lady for lunch on Wednesday which was nice.

How are you? Still moaning about everything?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:43, Reply)

No*.



*yes.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:45, Reply)

I sent you a facebook message ages ago.
Go and answer it.

Validate me!!!
( girlinthehole, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:49, Reply)

oh man I never go on Facebook
*trundles over*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:50, Reply)

ooh I've been invited to another wedding as well !
And I have replied
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:01, Reply)

On Faceboook? classy

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:10, Reply)

I wish I was as cool as you

(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:48, Reply)

cool thin
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:49, Reply)

+ you Bernard Manning
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:51, Reply)

Hey TGB. How are you?
stay on the sofa and watch F1. Walking is overrated.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:48, Reply)

Which race is it this weekend?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:50, Reply)

Hey you! I'm good thanks :)

Watched the first season of Californication a while back it was awesome! Think I may try Breaking Bad again soon!

How you? Audio book reading aside :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:50, Reply)

I'm alright cheers
been ill for a bit but better now. I've got hold of Californication, haven't watched it yet though.

How's the job?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:53, Reply)

Since you moved out the house has become haunted =(

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:50, Reply)

It was always haunted gonz
But they used to play cards with me in my room so I guess now they're lonely again.

They're a pretty nice bunch apart from arse raping Henry
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:51, Reply)

Oh man, is it haunted by ghosts or aliens? Because I watched that "The Forth Kind" movie, and now I'm not so sure.
Oh lordy, I just remembered that x-files episode where there was the ghost of an alien. I hope it's not that, that's even worst.

I've decided when I move, I'm _not_ moving to anywhere isolated, it has to be within sight of a 24 hour shop.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:00, Reply)

It's the ghost of TGBs vagina
Anything that large in the physical realm will always leave an impression on the spiritual realm.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:52, Reply)

And since it feeds on fear
it'll manifest as ghosts and poltergeists.
( Kroney, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:54, Reply)

Oh well at least it will be kept company by ghost of this then

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:05, Reply)

Remove the head or destroy the brain
Alt: I will be partaking of a beer-bong and some suspect looking multi-flavoured absinthe we brought back from holiday this weekend. In far better alcohol related news, a work colleague just gave me a bottle of rioja, which was nice.

I also have a £20 gift card to spend in HMV. I could do with some new music, any suggestions?
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:53, Reply)

What's your 'bag', daddio?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:54, Reply)

Did you watch 'when rock goes acoustic'?
I enjoyed it in parts, but that fat faced Welsh cunt from the manics ruined it for me.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:58, Reply)

I didn't.
But then I don't really like it when rock goes acoustic, you see.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:01, Reply)

Beautiful South Greatest hits

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:55, Reply)

The wife has this already
It's one of her lesser musical crimes unfortunately.
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:56, Reply)

Jesus Christ you poor cunt.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:58, Reply)

Her tastes balance out in the end
which is some feat when you consider she owns albums by Jimmy Nail, Robson & Jerome and Joe Longthorne.

*shits you not*
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:00, Reply)

Fucking hell.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:05, Reply)

Love is blind and deaf it seems.

( girlinthehole, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:09, Reply)

POTD

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:18, Reply)

Due to being brought up on them, I quite like Robson & Jerome.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:26, Reply)

What a strange upbringing you had
Although it might explain how you turned out the way you did.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:28, Reply)

I also had the New Seekers.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:29, Reply)

Train whistle blowing, makes a sleepy noise...

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:31, Reply)

The best of Bread.

( girlinthehole, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:55, Reply)

*grabs the world by the throat and shouts*

( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:57, Reply)

oo-eee-ooooo

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:08, Reply)

I imagine that show was like a fly-on-the-wall documentary to you

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:09, Reply)

Of course. We all wore leather pants and drove Jaguars.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:14, Reply)

This bread.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bread_(band)
( girlinthehole, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:16, Reply)

Yeah
www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zU3-_BjuX0
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:18, Reply)

Chris Rea's Road to Hell

( Kroney, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:56, Reply)

Now That's What I Call Music 467

( Kroney, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:56, Reply)

MC Miker G and DJ Sven - Holiday Rap

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:57, Reply)

I remember that one, brings back memories
HMV are bound to have it
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:59, Reply)

I think it could be the worst song ever.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:00, Reply)

That came up as a question at the pub quiz I go to last week.
I got it right worryingly.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:02, Reply)

Did you ringa ranga dong for a hollee-day at any point?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:05, Reply)

Beastie Boys - Hot Sauce Commitee part 2

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 10:59, Reply)

Their best tune is 33% God.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:00, Reply)

The Handsome Beasts and "Beastiality"
Freddie Gage with "All My Friends are Dead"

or maybe something lighter? Try

Paddy Roberts "Songs for Gay Dogs".
( Kroney, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:02, Reply)

10 days till this comes out
hmv.com/hmvweb/displayProductDetails.do?ctx=280;-1;-1;-1;-1&sku=255659
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:09, Reply)

I like 'Angles'...the only problem is that he can't really rap

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:10, Reply)

This is a new song from the new album, I <3 it.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_Gh8TWpQE8
( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:14, Reply)

Luckily the 'dirty beats' make up for it.

*belms*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:14, Reply)

Here's a good rapper then
www.youtube.com/watch?v=YbjyG6fvv3c
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:14, Reply)

Here's another:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ag9bSB1_YLE
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:15, Reply)

And another:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=R84IQjIlkT4
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:16, Reply)

Radiohead?
I shall assume you're taking the piss, as I can't actually listen at work.

Alternatively, here's another rapper - www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4o8TeqKhgY
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:19, Reply)

Oh I got a wrong link.
That appears to be a 'mash up' of radiohead with Edan's Rapperfection which was what I was after.

Link amended.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:20, Reply)

Ahh, good good

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:23, Reply)

I hate rappers who only talk about themselves or talk too fast to understand.

( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:19, Reply)

Well they speak very highly of you.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:22, Reply)

He can't understand them when they do though

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:24, Reply)

These are both excellent examples of the genre
www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PsnxDQvQpw

www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6H0i1RAdHk
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:22, Reply)

And another:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=rWsvkW6rKkQ
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:44, Reply)

Get the new Arch Enemy album

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:09, Reply)

Will do AA

( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:19, Reply)

Good man
The opening single is an absolute stormer - www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bwi5SJG3K5M
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:22, Reply)

I'll give that a listen to later
I'm guessing it's the type of music my eldest son listens to. I better get up to speed on this stuff as I'm planning to tag along with him to Download or Sonisphere next year. They have decent hotels on site there, yeah?
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:28, Reply)

Haha, no idea
But be aware that the singer of Arch Enemy is a woman. When you hear her sing, it's a bit confusing...
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:29, Reply)

Even braver than you Monts, moving to South Wales!

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:48, Reply)