Hidden Talents
What completely useless stuff are you good at?

Alt:
£15 to spend on a takeaway. What and why?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:05, 126 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

omg omg omg
anyone who works near chancery lane or holborn has GOT to get a takeaway from "leban eats" which has just replaced my beloved salad factory (RIP). the food is amazing. i just got all sorts for the team, as i couldn't choose, so we have crispy spicy lebanese bread with that chilli-nut dip, houmous, babaganoush, falafel balls, this amazing brown rice and lentil salad with crispy onions and creamy garlic sauce, haloumi and salad wraps with chilli and garlic, and then lots of roasted dead animal for those who like that sort of shit. it was about £25 though, so your budget is out.

and the mini-baklavas just made my mouth orgasm. oh and they have fresh orange that you can add your own twist to with fresh apple juice, ginger, lime etc.

that place is amazing!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:13, Reply)

I read that as Lesbian Eats on first glance
It all sounds good though. Also, baklava ftw.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:15, Reply)

Library lunches SORTED
Hola Swipe, wagwan?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:22, Reply)

hello stranger!!!
definitely, we can go for some next time you have a library day!

x
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:31, Reply)

WOW
It sounds so ETHNIC and AMAZING.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:28, Reply)

i guess if it's not deepfried mars bars/cat carcass you wouldn't think it had sufficient nutrition for your inbred little retard of a son.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:30, Reply)

Well it does actually
which is why I'm not going within a hundred miles of it
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:32, Reply)

you could always spend your time scamming money out of your local council instead
and then a few years later wonder why your shitty little brat didn't have any decent teachers or equipment at his school because they've run out of money after spunking it on benefit cheats. or even more likely, not give a flying fuck, because your own house has such BRILLIANT TECHNOLOGY and a REAL MAN'S DEN in the garden.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:34, Reply)

I'm sensing some unresolved anger issues here

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:35, Reply)

ha, not from me, just words innit
but it might liven up an afternoon of tedious drafting if he sticks around to come out with some more delicious pearls of cuntdom.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:41, Reply)

I don't even have a child

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:36, Reply)

what, you didn't get knocked up at university
and drag your child around to scam extra benefits?

god you stupid fool. you're wasting your life.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:41, Reply)

Maybe having a baby of your own, with someone who loved you would make you a happier person.
Then again, your fanny is probably broke and you prefer it up the shithole anyhow.

Good luck with the rest of your tedious life.

CIAO
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:49, Reply)

oh don't go yet

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:54, Reply)

No this is incorrect.
She doesn't prefer it up the shitpipe. Her BF would dearly love to take her up the OXO Tower - as he's a collossal shirtlifter in denial - but she has resisted so far.

Do try to keep up old boy.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:55, Reply)

i think he's gone
it's a shame, i've never come across such a bile-filled individual before. he's what al can only aspire to be.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 15:01, Reply)

So was I right?
Is he still your BF? Is he still remaining firmly wedged in the closet?

Have you considered a honey trap to test him? Darth might do the honours.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 13 Oct 2011, 15:15, Reply)

the closet thing is so deeply unfair...

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 15:35, Reply)

Yeah, he came out of that to everyone ages ago
just not to swipe

*cough* *beard*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 15:36, Reply)

Can anyone smell lavender?

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 13 Oct 2011, 15:55, Reply)

And I thought OT was full of ex mumsnet
This is better than the /talk /Qotw fracas.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 19:09, Reply)

Awwwwww
Does the wee diddums have something missing in her life?

More issues than the NME?

A gaping hole where happiness should be, that you fill with consumerism and pretend relationships?

Its gonna be Christmas soon, any plans?
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:45, Reply)

Don't get me wrong, you're a massive bellend.
But I love how you're the person Swipe has chosen to get all sanctimonious about.

Please keep up what you're doing.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:50, Reply)

I think you're confusing Swipe with me.
Lol
( girlinthehole, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:51, Reply)

me +anyone on b3ta
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:52, Reply)

how kind of you to take an interest
well, for the first part of the month i'm working in my swanky job that doesn't need a single handout from the taxpayer. and living in my city pad that was NEVER a council house. about the middle of the month, i am going to barbados with my family for 2 weeks. when i get back i have a few days up in cheshire with friends and wider family, before returning to london to see the boy and celebrate new year with more friends.

i would ask about your plans, but i couldn't give a fuck what thieving dullards who are too thick to use a condom get up to, so.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:53, Reply)

Your city pad that was bought for you entirely by your father?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:54, Reply)

And did your dad pay for this holiday too?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:55, Reply)

haha sorry al
this twat is so much more entertaining than you, you'll never get a rise out of me whilst he's around!

sadly part of me thinks he has to be a troll, because nobody could be THAT much of a cheesy bellsniffer.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:56, Reply)

Haha, I bet you go to Harrods just for the 'ethnic experiance'.
Not really, it was just something I said about someone once that made me laugh and this reminded me of it.

There is what looks like an amazing middle-easten place near farringdon station, a take-away, where they do wraps and all that, but I keep on neglecting it for japanese. I promise you tomo I'll try it though, and report back my findings.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 15:04, Reply)

Nothing hidden
If I'm good at stuff, I'll show it off.

Alt: A selection of dishes from here: www.indian-empress.co.uk/index.html - because it is the best food I have ever eaten anywhere.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:14, Reply)

I have a near encyclopedic knowledge of what to do on FF VII (it's a game)
Alt: The takeaway that burned down used to do a pizza offer, I'd get that.
14 inch Meat Feast special pizza, with a 12 inch cheesey garlic bread, and a 1.5L bottle of coke.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:23, Reply)

I can complete X-Com apocalypse on Superhuman.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:23, Reply)

Very nice!
I'm sure games are getting easier now, I completed Bioshock the other day, the final boss was easy.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:27, Reply)

I can fit my whole fist in my mouth
Kung Pau chicken!
(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:26, Reply)

mouth sister
(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:27, Reply)

Hahaha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:29, Reply)

I'm starting to hope you're ugly so I don't have to pander to you.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:27, Reply)

like Mariella Frostrup's leathery minge
that's me
(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:28, Reply)

With the voice?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:29, Reply)

sadly not, I don't smoke
besides, I'm fairly sure her leathery minge doesn't have a voice
(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:32, Reply)

It does
Sounds like Brian Blessed
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:34, Reply)

DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!
in
(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:36, Reply)

She sounds like someone burnt her vocal chords.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:30, Reply)

Alt: Chinese probably spend most the money on starter things because they're the best.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:26, Reply)

I do this too

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:30, Reply)

we
Should form a tiny tongue orchesatra.
(Catomiagi is in with a chance, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:58, Reply)

huh?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 15:04, Reply)

Despite everything
and my inability to jump etc, I am still weirdly good at gymnastics. Not at a super level, but I can still do basic stuff.

Alt: Too many to choose from. Probably Indian food though because that's my favourite takeaway. Or noodle nation in Oxford. Cheap and tasty
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:27, Reply)

You shouldn't have mentioned the gymnastics bit, I'm sure.
Gonzo will probably start asking how bendy you are.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:28, Reply)

The answer to that is: not very at all

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:30, Reply)

Is that the place we went to at the oxford bash,
I liked that place.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:28, Reply)

It is indeed
I miss it
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:30, Reply)

Lamb danksak, chicken tikka rice, three chapati's, sag aloo, popadoms.
All from Rupali's on Bigg Market. Although I had my bi-annual curry on Sunday so I won't be ordering it for another six months.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:28, Reply)

You tried the curry hell there?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:29, Reply)

Have I fuck.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 15:03, Reply)

Not been in the Rupali in yonks.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:33, Reply)

I'm gonna massive sadface myself and say I'm not very good at anything!
:O(

Alt:
I'll take a hot shot pizza from Holywell Pizza AND a king prawn sri lanka with keema naan from the Shiremoor Indians as they are too nice to choose between
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:28, Reply)

I can literally spend days playing Total War if you let me.
Not like those people who secretly do the washing up, and have showers, and eat, no, I will crawl out of bed at 10am, load it up, and then sit there until I absolutely have to take a shit, then I'll be back in front of the computer until my stomach tries to digest itself, when I'll quickly break to eat whatever biscuits are in the cupboard before ploughing on. By the time it gets dark again, I may give myself enough time to go and buy a kebab before I keep on playing until about 3am when tiredness eventually takes over.

That is about the most useless thing I can think of.

It's a good job I'm married and the wife rarely goes away on her own or I may never leave the house outside of work.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:29, Reply)

I just cannot get into a game enough to do this

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:30, Reply)

I can, and have done many times

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:32, Reply)

I am slightly addicted to Tower Defence on my phone, if that helps
I suppose back in the day it was Champ Manager
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:33, Reply)

Champ Manager 97-98 was the one that I was worst with
I think I once reached 2007 on it, or something.

Then, I'd get bored and start again.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:38, Reply)

don't start playing minecraft

(PsychoChomp, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:32, Reply)

Do you have to pay to play that?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:33, Reply)

Nah, it's free once you buy it.
If you want to play multiplayer you have to host the server yourself, but you can do it on the same pc no problem.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:36, Reply)

Alt.
I can make a whistle noise by curling my tongue and blowing throught it. My closest boss person is overly impressed by this tallent.
(Catomiagi is in with a chance, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:36, Reply)

I can whistle with my throat.
But not very loudly.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:38, Reply)

we shoud make a little orchestra.
Better than joining the army, and we could snack on Vocazone.
(Catomiagi is in with a chance, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 15:08, Reply)

Bye bye b3tans, I'll be back at Christmas! Don't get too upset.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:37, Reply)

I hope you suffer a massive coronary brought on by the fact that you are grossly obese.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:38, Reply)

I'm sure he loves you as well

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:39, Reply)

I don't think he does
which is stupid since it's all his own fault for being such a sensitive mary.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:40, Reply)

In all honesty I have no problem with you and am sure we will get on when we meet. I'm ace me.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:42, Reply)

I'm sure we will never meet
because I don't want to get trapped in your gravitational pull.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:43, Reply)

That's no moon

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:56, Reply)

Have you not seen my sig.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:41, Reply)

Have fun fella

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:38, Reply)

I hope a large american bloke dry fucks you up the arse, but hopefully the plane will crash first due to carrying your morbidly obese weight.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:42, Reply)

I can totally do links on offtopic.
www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2048476/Black-Death-genome-sequenced-14th-century-skeleton-DNA.html


I thought it was interesting.
( girlinthehole, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:39, Reply)

Oh and £15 worth of pizza.
Whereupon I shall make myself sick both physically and mentally.
( girlinthehole, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:42, Reply)

Carpentry. I don't know why but I am.

Alt: Thai red chicken curry, seasame prawn toast, pak choi and steamed rice.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:43, Reply)

Carpentry isn't useless.
I myself constructed a rather excellent garden gate using my carpentry skillZ. And my brother in law makes his living from it.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:49, Reply)

I like a man who knows his way around a piece of two by four.

( girlinthehole, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:50, Reply)

If you ever come and visit, I'll show you my collection of power tools.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:52, Reply)

*books train*

( girlinthehole, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:53, Reply)

I misread the question & just thought it was about hidden talents.
I really enjoy carpentry when I do it.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:51, Reply)

untying knots
Alt: £15 of onion bhajis and chicken pakora
(DeeDee, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:48, Reply)

My sister can untie balloon knots.
As a kid I was insanely jealous of that.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:51, Reply)

I think nimble fingers help a great deal.

( girlinthehole, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:52, Reply)

i think having longish nails helps
But don't grow yours. Men with long fingernails are gross
(DeeDee, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:57, Reply)

Darth must adore her.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 15:10, Reply)

I have an immense knowledge of absolute rubbish.
Watching the news this morning with my 14 year old son over brekkie, they were discussing the Royal Navy's latest anti-piracy operations off Somalia.

They showed footage of the RFA Fort Victoria, and the US Navy frigate that had assisted. As soon as I saw the USN ship I announced "That's an Oliver Hazard Perry class frigate." My lad looked at me like I'd just shat in his shoe. No, I have no idea at all why shit like that sticks in my head.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:50, Reply)

You know that thing Boris does with a pen in Goldeneye
where he all rolls it around his knuckles and that?

Yeah, that's me.
( Kroney, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:53, Reply)

I tought myself to flip a 50p piece aroud my knuckles.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:55, Reply)

I also can spend days playing computer games

( Kroney, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:56, Reply)

myself to flip 50p piece aroud my knuckles. I taw puddy tat.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:57, Reply)

I tawt dis too

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:58, Reply)

Spelling fail.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:59, Reply)

?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 15:01, Reply)

Me.
I was acknowledging my inability to spell taught.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 15:02, Reply)

Ahh

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 15:03, Reply)

Just remembered. I can make lotus shapes out of napkins.

( girlinthehole, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:54, Reply)

Can you make a swan?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:55, Reply)

No, only a lotus : (

( girlinthehole, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:57, Reply)

The famous Egyptian dam?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:58, Reply)

Yeah, I do it by cramming everyones napkins into one of the serving bowls.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:59, Reply)

I can make my own replica Morph
from just a reasonably solid jobbie.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:57, Reply)

I can draw a house with a cross in the middle in one line without going back over the line
I can affect the performances of 'hot favourite to win' football teams by the simple process of placing an accumulator on Saturday mornings.

Not entirely useless, but I can put spaghetti into the pan and make it splay out evenly in all directions. You wouldn't believe how many people this impresses*

*my children

Alt: A 1/4 cheeseburger with kebab meat and lots of chilli sauce with some spicy fries on the side. And a can of rubicon.
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 14:59, Reply)

Twist it don't you.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 15:00, Reply)

Get a bigger pan

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 15:02, Reply)

*chubby checkers*
Aye, it's a bit simple
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 15:02, Reply)

If indeed it is simple

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 15:03, Reply)

it's they're
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 15:03, Reply)

You're not wrong there
Two of them even support Liverpool
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 15:04, Reply)

I have no answer to this.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 15:07, Reply)

Only 1/4 pounder?
Pfft, you pansy.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 15:02, Reply)

A can of rubicon (which sounds like a drink for Transformers) must be £10

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 15:02, Reply)

I distrust Rubicon
it comes in weird flavours like Guava and Papaya and Mango and it all sounds like witchcraft.
( Kroney, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 15:04, Reply)

The mango one is fecking delicous
But there simply isn't enough of it.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 15:07, Reply)

witchcraft foreign muck
( girlinthehole, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 15:09, Reply)

I am in the top 5000 players in the world at Airline Manager on Facebook
Yes, I am a twat.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 13 Oct 2011, 15:09, Reply)

This thread is boring

(PsychoChomp, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 15:25, Reply)

Got any good BBC links?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 15:26, Reply)

Mine above was interesting IMHO

( girlinthehole, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 15:26, Reply)

Maybe, but it was Daily Mail
and I can't focus on any of their stories because of all of the pictures of boobies down the side of the page.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 15:28, Reply)