Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
(
rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
« Go Back | Popular
on man I missed my b3ta birthdayTell me how four years of me has changed your life for the better.
Alt: Suggest inventive ways for me to kill people who have started talking about Christmas
(
TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:07,
156 replies,
latest was 14 years ago)
I no longer feel like I'm the only weirdo in school.Alt: Make them choke on tinsel.
(
girlinthehole, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:09,
Reply)
Well, we adopted you for starters.I don't know, force feed them tinsel?
*Edit* mindpiss.
(
Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:10,
Reply)
ahahah Death by tinsel it is then.
I'm the luckiest girl in the world to have been adopted by you and Ma :D
(
TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:12,
Reply)
This reminds me that I dreamed about b3ta bashing last night.I was very excited to be meeting DG and Sweary, who turned out to be lovely.
I am assuming that this was accurate.
(
b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:20,
Reply)
DG's a frightful wanker so you are very wrong indeed.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:22,
Reply)
It's true.I wear a Leatherface mask whilst masturbating.
(
Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:29,
Reply)
Chainsaw dangerwanks make me cum so hard(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:36,
Reply)
(
Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:46,
Reply)
I've realised that just because you're a MASSIVE CUNT on the internet, doesn't mean you're that way IRLAlso, you were there for arguably one of the best nights in years.
Alt: Douse them in Brandy, set them alight, and ask them how they fucking like it.
(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:17,
Reply)
The half a pint of awesome night?Or the ruining of your shirt night?
(
TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:20,
Reply)
Ruining of my shirt nightThe half pint of awesome was an excellent night, sadly tainted by the end (after I'd left)
(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:21,
Reply)
Your shirts are ruined when they are made(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:28,
Reply)
You won't let it fucking lie will you?*pokes tongue out*
(
Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:33,
Reply)
I need the story on thisSTAT
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:35,
Reply)
I went to comedy spang AA with a frying pan after he'd cracked a groansome joke.I was holding a glass of red wine in the other hand, caught said glass in the spanging motion and the contents ended up all over him, ruining his t-shirt.
Bastard keeps going on about it.
(
Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:39,
Reply)
The only reason I do is because of that split second of you looking guilty, before you cracked upIt was very funny
(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:42,
Reply)
I was in a very merry mood that evening.Mind you, I had been on the sauce since three o'clock.
(
Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:43,
Reply)
I did my utmost to be careful that nightI tried not to get too pissed until quite late on. I didn't do hugely well, but still better than others.
(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:45,
Reply)
DG threw a glass of red wine over AA's sunset t shirtIt was an improvement. AA sulked
(
TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:39,
Reply)
Ummm.... I benefit from your reflected awesomeness?Alt: stick a xmas tree up their arse.
(
b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:18,
Reply)
omg I am excited about this :D*dances*
(
TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:19,
Reply)
Is 'abotu' the name of a Nigerian prince?(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:20,
Reply)
If I send him my bank details he says I can have a share in $8 billion(
TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:21,
Reply)
WICKED!Can I get involved in this, please? I really need money at the moment.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:23,
Reply)
It hasn't.Alt: ram an 8-foot Norwegain pine tree up their shitpipe until they start coughing up needles. Then pour brandy on their face and light it.
EDIT as my colleague AA suggests.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:19,
Reply)
Can't you drink the brandythen piss on their face and light it anyway with a big fucking flamethrower?
I hate to see people waste even the cheapest alcohol.
(
Peej, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:43,
Reply)
It made me realise that I'm here too muchalt: I ma looking forward to Christmas this year so I'll leave them be thanks
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:25,
Reply)
You need to be on here more oftenAlt:
Gobbled by a turkey
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:26,
Reply)
The 11th Commandment"Thou shalt have either chilli or garlic"
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:31,
Reply)
So's yer face.(
Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:39,
Reply)
trudatIt also pongs of garlic today too. King prawn Ku Bo last night - NOM!
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:39,
Reply)
Pretty sure Turkey didn't exist in the year of our Lord(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:33,
Reply)
BUT WHAT DID THEY EAT AT CHRISTMAS?(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:34,
Reply)
I NO RITEWhat would you do with all the leftover cranberry sauce?
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:39,
Reply)
I'd chuck it in the bin.Cranberry sauce is shit and wrong, it's like someone scraped out some menstrual clotting and put it in a jar.
(
Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:41,
Reply)
I think I just repulsed myself with that comparison.(
Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:45,
Reply)
No, she went of her own accord!(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:42,
Reply)
Alt: Try not to let it worry youPeople often talk about subjects of which I have no interest: football, what they watch on tv, etc. They are just making conversation, as stupid people are strangely terrified of silence and feel the urge to fill it with their inane thoughts.
This is fine, just don't participate, switch off and try to find your "happy place"
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:28,
Reply)
TGB's happy place is currently being rented out as a small fish restaurant(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:29,
Reply)
Waiter, this oyster is a bit chewy(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:31,
Reply)
This is both sickeningly wrong and hysterically funny at the same time.(
Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:31,
Reply)
I'm sorry I laughed.(
Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:42,
Reply)
would you have a table for two about 8.30?(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:41,
Reply)
I'll have the lobster ratatouille with 'erb french fries(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:43,
Reply)
We only have the table for 250 available, sorry(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:46,
Reply)
However,if you come back tomorrow lunchtime we do a special all you can eat buffet for £5.99.
(
Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:48,
Reply)
Ooh lovely.Hang on, is that its beak?
(
Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:52,
Reply)
Get [female b3tan of choice] to break into their flat and sleep with them, proper hard core style, like on top of the washing machine with it switched on....... they might have to pull it out from under the shelf. And then, when they leave, get them to leave a christmas card that says "Thanks for a lovely time, I rate you 5/10 for what you just did to me on top of the washing machine" and the shame of only being a 5 out of 10 might cause them to hang themselves with tinsle.
(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:31,
Reply)
Is "on top of the washing machine" your new "stockings and catapila cake" ?(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:40,
Reply)
You know what? I think it just might be, we'll set it to a 40 degree spincycle and see where we go from there.I might have to get a little step lader as I'm a little bit short and the machine is off the ground.
(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:43,
Reply)
your washing machince can levitate?fucking hell.
(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:44,
Reply)
Well, I met you.that was quite good.
alt: fake christmas tree shoved slowly all the way up their shitter, and then pulled out really fast. That should do it. Extra points for using one in a "high-class" colour like red or gold.
(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:35,
Reply)
A pipe cleaner, if you will(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:37,
Reply)
I didn't read any other answersthere is a bit of a common theme in christmas-tree-shitpipery, isn't there?
(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:37,
Reply)
back in the day, wasn't it? Small boys, in the park, bollocks for baubles. Enduring image, isn't it?(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:39,
Reply)
Small boys on remand, car stereos for goal posts(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:40,
Reply)
steady, I wouldn't want to make you all bigheaded.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:56,
Reply)
you know what?even i baulked at what my fingers were about to type there!
suffice it to say it was something about her making you bigheaded.
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:57,
Reply)
top work there.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 12:07,
Reply)
this is quite funnya2.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/301064_303426659686794_205344452828349_1165292_1871398660_n.jpg
(, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:42, Reply)
I just wondered what it was he was holding*wipes brow*
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:47,
Reply)
I thought'that bloke looks like a right cunt'
DOES THIS MEAN I AM GAE OR NOT??????
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:49,
Reply)
Frightfully so, I'm afraid.(
Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:50,
Reply)
Sorry, I looked again and it wasn't what I thought it was.I think. I hoped I'd gotten away with it.
(
Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:52,
Reply)
I would have done as well if it hadn't been for that pesky Ape.(
Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Nov 2011, 12:00,
Reply)
The fact that your dirt box has seen more pump action than a shotgun makes you gay(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:51,
Reply)
I met youand since then all my wildest dreams have come true.
Killing people is wrong, how would they learn. Causing perpetual suffering however!
(
Peej, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:45,
Reply)
You could always do what Liam Neeson does with the nail in TakenThat'd take a little while to kill them, and would be very painful?
(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:47,
Reply)
I have no idea who you are but still replied.Thanks,
mmps
xxxxx
(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:50,
Reply)
She's one of those people who are popular on b3ta not because of what they do on b3tabut by constantly meeting up with b3tan in pubs.
Hope that helps.
(, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:52, Reply)
Ah. Not having gone to, nor likely to go to a b4sh, she means nothing to me then.But being a she I've got a semi while I type this.
(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:53,
Reply)
I really don't get why people keep mentioning their genitals on here.I really don't give a shit and find it pathetically creepy.
(, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:55, Reply)
Please don't leave us Quintin(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:57,
Reply)
Yeah he keeps mentioning that he's leaving soon, like the littlest hobo he's saved b3ta and now he's needed elsewhere(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 12:01,
Reply)
i'm off out of this place, job done like in that film where the angel keeps moving on after helping peoplecrocodile dundee plays the angel
(, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 12:03, Reply)
That's just a rip off of 'Highway to Heaven' with that dead bloke(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 12:06,
Reply)
it was wasn't it?think it might have even been called freeway to heaven or summat, i liked highway to heaven though, that man had nice hair and his mate was cuddly
(, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 12:09, Reply)
The writing was somewhat slapdash I feel, there'd always be some kid with a head dobber who'd need Michael Landons help every second or third week(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 12:13,
Reply)
Oh dear. He must have read some stuff on /talk and gone:This is quite funny. I should copy this for OT and do it there. It'll make me dead popular with all the bigger kids. LOL.
(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 12:03,
Reply)
Quentin should meet his adoring fans at a bash, he'd like thatHe might even get to finger some monster if he plays his cards right
(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 12:08,
Reply)
I think IRL he might be shy and the cock monsters here would probably break him.I bet he looks like SikRick, only perhaps a shade more geekugly.
(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 12:11,
Reply)
(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 12:14,
Reply)
someone said something really mean to me in that other thread, i'm off pallaters
(, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 12:00, Reply)
I, like most people on b3ta, have no filter between brain and hands.Whatever shite comes into my head gets written down, like a crap blog.
I'm going to go buy some paint soon. I may or may not dip my knob in it and dab it on the walls before painting.
(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:57,
Reply)
If it were any more chilled we'd be listening to Bob Marley and drinking vodka martinis.(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:54,
Reply)
It wasn't phrased as a question. EAT IT!!!(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 12:01,
Reply)
Good afternoon, 'Mark Morrisons Prison Shoes'.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 12:00,
Reply)
It is a great nameI wish to know its origins
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 12:01,
Reply)
One time singing sensation Mark Morrison got sent to prison for being a cunt.(
Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Nov 2011, 12:03,
Reply)
he stabbed someone because they wouldn't let him have his long coat back.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 12:07,
Reply)
I am a huge fan of Morrison's comical escapades.Tazering a policeman was merely one. Sending his mate to do his community service was even better.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 12:08,
Reply)
Pull up a cock, have a seat and I'll let you know.....(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 12:04,
Reply)
Honestly, do you really give a fuck? Before I waste my time typing.(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 12:08,
Reply)
I'll take that as a no :'((
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 12:15,
Reply)
In other news - spotted earlier today in London. i think this explains how emo he was being earlier
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 12:07,
Reply)
At £400 they should beSlightly NSFW
www.transformation.co.uk/en/shopping?page=shop.product_details&flypage=flypage.tpl&product_id=1004&category_id=5
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 12:26,
Reply)
Bahahahahahaha!(
Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Nov 2011, 12:10,
Reply)
Are yow looking at my tits, like?(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 12:14,
Reply)
It's a shame the name Big Girl's Blouse is already taken.(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 12:15,
Reply)
Don't you like my new hair, though?(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 12:16,
Reply)
It's unusually angular.(
Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Nov 2011, 12:17,
Reply)
Done in powerpoint. I don't have photoshop.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 12:18,
Reply)
It kind of works.(
Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Nov 2011, 12:24,
Reply)
Needs more alice bands and weave.(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 12:18,
Reply)
Noted, thanks.Superdrug in North Finchley is where I shall spend my lunchtime.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 12:20,
Reply)
That reads like an unused line from the Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme.
(
Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Nov 2011, 12:24,
Reply)
I'm cracking one off right now.(
Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 8 Nov 2011, 12:16,
Reply)
You're not alone, I suspect.I look damn sexy.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 12:21,
Reply)
oh goddammitquentin has killed OT.
just when i needed help deciding what to have for lunch...
falafel wrap and salad from the deli OR
lentil salad and feta or houmous from the lebanese OR
pasta from the italian deli OR
a giant burrito with either vegetable chilli or roasted veg and haloumi from the mexican
i can't make this kind of decision all by myself
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 12:59,
Reply)
falafel is goodlentil salad is a bit hippy
burrito sounds good but needs MOAR MEET
(
The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 13:04,
Reply)
this is brown lentils and ricewith fried crispy onions and garlic sauce that can blow a vampire's head off at 157 yards...
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 13:11,
Reply)
Are you going to ask this in every thread?Also the answer is clearly meat
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 13:12,
Reply)
« Go Back | Reply To This »